Managing grieving without counselling...
Discussion
Mindfulness like headspace works really well for this and loads of other aspects of life.
https://www.headspace.com/
https://www.headspace.com/meditation/grief
https://www.headspace.com/
https://www.headspace.com/meditation/grief
El stovey said:
Mindfulness like headspace works really well for this and loads of other aspects of life.
https://www.headspace.com/
https://www.headspace.com/meditation/grief
Bookmarked that for later this evening, thank you.https://www.headspace.com/
https://www.headspace.com/meditation/grief
Mindfulness (for me) works great, you can just do 10 minutes each day or whenever and it really sets you up.
On headspace you do an introductory Course then you can continue into other areas like grief or stress or anxiety or loads of other topics.
It’s basically about mental visualisations without all the spiritual stuff. I find it really clears your mind, like physio for your brain.
Often you can get it free through your employer it’s very popular and great for your wellbeing.
On headspace you do an introductory Course then you can continue into other areas like grief or stress or anxiety or loads of other topics.
It’s basically about mental visualisations without all the spiritual stuff. I find it really clears your mind, like physio for your brain.
Often you can get it free through your employer it’s very popular and great for your wellbeing.
V1nce Fox said:
I'll ask about it at work. They're supposed to be pretty hot on this sort of thing in my profession so it's worth a shout.
You can easily try it out for free first though to see if it’s for you, without having to pay or ask anyone at work. Mines just a phone app, it all works really well.
TheMal28 said:
I found just talking about his emotions and anger really helpful.
When my dad passed away me and wife would go on walks and just talk about what was going on inside my head.
Really helped.
Yes talking is a big one, of course this is itself a type of therapy/counselling!When my dad passed away me and wife would go on walks and just talk about what was going on inside my head.
Really helped.
I’ve learned to accept that some things (death especially) are completely out of my control, grief is of course completely natural IMO but when you realise that we’re all destined to die and that people you love live on in the memories they have left with you it gets easier IMO.
If you're not comfortable talking through your thoughts / feelings with someone (even close friends or family) just talk to yourself and have conversations out loud to discuss and talk it through. Sometimes 'inner' conversations don't work as well. Sounds strange but it can really help.
Hi. Grieving is a natural process that can take many months or even years for a person to come to terms with. Eventually the feeling of loss will wane as the bereaved creates a new normal /reality carrying the memory of the person they've lost with them mentally - as if they've not really parted, if you like. I don't think there is any way to 'manage' grief, as that is the process of grief itself, but it will pass.
popeyewhite said:
Hi. Grieving is a natural process that can take many months or even years for a person to come to terms with. Eventually the feeling of loss will wane as the bereaved creates a new normal /reality carrying the memory of the person they've lost with them mentally - as if they've not really parted, if you like. I don't think there is any way to 'manage' grief, as that is the process of grief itself, but it will pass.
i'd agree with that except for the "managing grief" bit. i think we all have different coping mechanisms and finding the one that works for you helps to "manage" it. Some people find it easy to compartmentalise grief, others find that having a really good cry helps, or talking about it (internally or with others). It really does depend on the type of person you are
Countdown said:
i'd agree with that except for the "managing grief" bit. i think we all have different coping mechanisms and finding the one that works for you helps to "manage" it.
Some people find it easy to compartmentalise grief, others find that having a really good cry helps, or talking about it (internally or with others). It really does depend on the type of person you are
Respectfully, and from experience, I don't think it does. I've found it impossible to tell and often very surprising how people live with grief. Very often those whose behavioural traits might indicate predisposition to process grief better than others actually take more time in the long term to adapt to their loss. I'm a BACP/BPS accredited Bereavement Counsellor (Rogerian) BTW. Some people find it easy to compartmentalise grief, others find that having a really good cry helps, or talking about it (internally or with others). It really does depend on the type of person you are
popeyewhite said:
Countdown said:
i'd agree with that except for the "managing grief" bit. i think we all have different coping mechanisms and finding the one that works for you helps to "manage" it.
Some people find it easy to compartmentalise grief, others find that having a really good cry helps, or talking about it (internally or with others). It really does depend on the type of person you are
Respectfully, and from experience, I don't think it does. I've found it impossible to tell and often very surprising how people live with grief. Very often those whose behavioural traits might indicate predisposition to process grief better than others actually take more time in the long term to adapt to their loss. I'm a BACP/BPS accredited Bereavement Counsellor (Rogerian) BTW. Some people find it easy to compartmentalise grief, others find that having a really good cry helps, or talking about it (internally or with others). It really does depend on the type of person you are
Just to add that my intention is not to cause any offence to anybody and if I have I wholeheartedly apologise.
Sorry for the thread title if it's a bit vague, I think what I really mean is being able to work with/through it in a way that takes some of the peaks and troughs out a little, allowing normal but necessary things to be more possible such as working life, relationships with S/O, family, other friends and so on.
Very appreciative of all input here, thank you.
Very appreciative of all input here, thank you.
gottans said:
Everyone deals with it differently so what helps one person may not help another, talking about it I think helps everyone.
This was what I was going to post. We lost a best friend, guy I'd known since junior school and genuinely one of life's most amazing people totally out of the blue at 41 years old. Totally crushing.Talking about it and him helped a lot. My mate's a vicar and although I'm atheist we entertain each other. He was good, my wife was good-even some just unloading on people when they asked "how's it going?" were good (poor folk!).
If it was bad for me it was harrowing for his family who were very close (they all lived together). I found this and sent it to them and it's still the best way of explaining it to people...
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/stories-43227108/why...
I don't have the odd cry in the shower any more (any dad will understand that one), I do occasionally after a couple of drinks if I decide to re-read the speech I gave at his funeral. That was actually based around something someone posted on here when I mentioned it actually. I started a thread similar to yours OP and it did help.
V1nce Fox said:
Sorry for the thread title if it's a bit vague, I think what I really mean is being able to work with/through it in a way that takes some of the peaks and troughs out a little, allowing normal but necessary things to be more possible such as working life, relationships with S/O, family, other friends and so on.
Very appreciative of all input here, thank you.
Generally at the Hospice to which I'm attached we don't offer counselling to the bereaved until a certain time has elapsed since the loss. This is normally about four months. What I'm saying is that peaks and troughs are natural, and in the normal process of things they will level out. When they don't level out - and I'm trying to be cautious here because you have given no indication of timespan since your loss - then the normal process of grieving can turn into something that becomes all-consuming and problematic, possibly unhealthy, and this is when a person might seek someone professional to talk to.Very appreciative of all input here, thank you.
Noting the thread title...many people seek answers/understanding to their loss, and a good start if your grief isn't interfering with your everyday life too much might be to spend some time reading about a couple of the main theories concerning loss. I've noticed this has given some people a little comfort.
I have no knowledge of mindfulness, to me this just means being self-aware, perhaps someone else on here may be more helpful.
Good luck.
Birdwatching (which the person who told me to do it effectively is a form of mindfullnes).
Lost a relative in the last few months. As lockdown has come off, going sitting in parks and the couple of open nature reserves trying to learn what songs of birds you can hear really does drown out your mind any other thoughts. s does the "seen a bird" what colour was it..brown, what colour were the legs, yellow, size etc etc, there is a bit more skill and mental thought than you may think.
Digressing, I used to scoff at a fellow at work who did birdwatching, but he said it was pretty hard as a) birds move, b0 they hide, c) they are seasonal and d) it is never the same. Second hardest was trainwatching as you knew 99.9% of the time trains would be on a railway line (he got a couple of rare spots on low loaders on the motorway) and they were there all year round in the same place. Easiest was pylon spotting as not only are they fastened to the groud, but they have wires from pylon to pylon stopping them moving! https://www.pylonofthemonth.org/
Lost a relative in the last few months. As lockdown has come off, going sitting in parks and the couple of open nature reserves trying to learn what songs of birds you can hear really does drown out your mind any other thoughts. s does the "seen a bird" what colour was it..brown, what colour were the legs, yellow, size etc etc, there is a bit more skill and mental thought than you may think.
Digressing, I used to scoff at a fellow at work who did birdwatching, but he said it was pretty hard as a) birds move, b0 they hide, c) they are seasonal and d) it is never the same. Second hardest was trainwatching as you knew 99.9% of the time trains would be on a railway line (he got a couple of rare spots on low loaders on the motorway) and they were there all year round in the same place. Easiest was pylon spotting as not only are they fastened to the groud, but they have wires from pylon to pylon stopping them moving! https://www.pylonofthemonth.org/
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