Alien feelings of anxiety
Discussion
Afternoon all
Hope this is the correct section for this.
I have yesterday and today felt some odd unpleasant feelings. Before lockdown a good friend (female) stayed over for a couple of weekends, we were getting on really well and were intimate etc. Both really enjoying each other's company and literally just seeing how things pan out, which is my attitude to relationships past and in the foreseeable.
On her third visit we locked down and she stayed with me for 14 weeks until moving home yesterday. AS she went I literally bawled my eyes out - not necessarily because she was going home (she is about 90 mins drive away) but because it was the end of something good. We have said we love each other but she is not ready for a relationship - even though the 14 weeks has felt like one (to our mutual admission).
I couldnt stop crying. I'm a 39 year old 6'1 sticky ex rugby player with a shaved head and tattoos. I have an excellent job, big home and decent cars that I've always wanted, so apart from the usual anxieities around work and random drama I'm doing well.
What the hell has happened to me though? Its like that feeling when you are packing your bags to come home from a holiday - you are almost 'jealous of yourself' a few weeks ago when we were waking up together, going on bike rides to the beach, laughing etc. But I've never been reduced to tears and anguish over a trip coming to an end.
I've had my fair share of tragedy in the past - mum and dad died when I was 22, and in 2016 my dog attacked both my nephews, killing the 4 month old and leaving the 14 month old with severe scars both mentally and physically. I'm also at the final stage of an amicable divorce and am looking forward, genuinely, to the next chapter of my life.
I feel ridiculous. The girl in question is quite spiritual and actually said me crying like a baby made me appear stronger. I dont know what the hell has happened here and I absolutely hate it.
Can anyone relate? Sorry to rant
Hope this is the correct section for this.
I have yesterday and today felt some odd unpleasant feelings. Before lockdown a good friend (female) stayed over for a couple of weekends, we were getting on really well and were intimate etc. Both really enjoying each other's company and literally just seeing how things pan out, which is my attitude to relationships past and in the foreseeable.
On her third visit we locked down and she stayed with me for 14 weeks until moving home yesterday. AS she went I literally bawled my eyes out - not necessarily because she was going home (she is about 90 mins drive away) but because it was the end of something good. We have said we love each other but she is not ready for a relationship - even though the 14 weeks has felt like one (to our mutual admission).
I couldnt stop crying. I'm a 39 year old 6'1 sticky ex rugby player with a shaved head and tattoos. I have an excellent job, big home and decent cars that I've always wanted, so apart from the usual anxieities around work and random drama I'm doing well.
What the hell has happened to me though? Its like that feeling when you are packing your bags to come home from a holiday - you are almost 'jealous of yourself' a few weeks ago when we were waking up together, going on bike rides to the beach, laughing etc. But I've never been reduced to tears and anguish over a trip coming to an end.
I've had my fair share of tragedy in the past - mum and dad died when I was 22, and in 2016 my dog attacked both my nephews, killing the 4 month old and leaving the 14 month old with severe scars both mentally and physically. I'm also at the final stage of an amicable divorce and am looking forward, genuinely, to the next chapter of my life.
I feel ridiculous. The girl in question is quite spiritual and actually said me crying like a baby made me appear stronger. I dont know what the hell has happened here and I absolutely hate it.
Can anyone relate? Sorry to rant
Miskiligade said:
Afternoon all
Hope this is the correct section for this.
I have yesterday and today felt some odd unpleasant feelings. Before lockdown a good friend (female) stayed over for a couple of weekends, we were getting on really well and were intimate etc. Both really enjoying each other's company and literally just seeing how things pan out, which is my attitude to relationships past and in the foreseeable.
On her third visit we locked down and she stayed with me for 14 weeks until moving home yesterday. AS she went I literally bawled my eyes out - not necessarily because she was going home (she is about 90 mins drive away) but because it was the end of something good. We have said we love each other but she is not ready for a relationship - even though the 14 weeks has felt like one (to our mutual admission).
I couldnt stop crying. I'm a 39 year old 6'1 sticky ex rugby player with a shaved head and tattoos. I have an excellent job, big home and decent cars that I've always wanted, so apart from the usual anxieities around work and random drama I'm doing well.
What the hell has happened to me though? Its like that feeling when you are packing your bags to come home from a holiday - you are almost 'jealous of yourself' a few weeks ago when we were waking up together, going on bike rides to the beach, laughing etc. But I've never been reduced to tears and anguish over a trip coming to an end.
I've had my fair share of tragedy in the past - mum and dad died when I was 22, and in 2016 my dog attacked both my nephews, killing the 4 month old and leaving the 14 month old with severe scars both mentally and physically. I'm also at the final stage of an amicable divorce and am looking forward, genuinely, to the next chapter of my life.
I feel ridiculous. The girl in question is quite spiritual and actually said me crying like a baby made me appear stronger. I dont know what the hell has happened here and I absolutely hate it.
Can anyone relate? Sorry to rant
I can't, but when anxious I found the relaxation techniques taught by a hypnotherapist very helpful. Hope this is the correct section for this.
I have yesterday and today felt some odd unpleasant feelings. Before lockdown a good friend (female) stayed over for a couple of weekends, we were getting on really well and were intimate etc. Both really enjoying each other's company and literally just seeing how things pan out, which is my attitude to relationships past and in the foreseeable.
On her third visit we locked down and she stayed with me for 14 weeks until moving home yesterday. AS she went I literally bawled my eyes out - not necessarily because she was going home (she is about 90 mins drive away) but because it was the end of something good. We have said we love each other but she is not ready for a relationship - even though the 14 weeks has felt like one (to our mutual admission).
I couldnt stop crying. I'm a 39 year old 6'1 sticky ex rugby player with a shaved head and tattoos. I have an excellent job, big home and decent cars that I've always wanted, so apart from the usual anxieities around work and random drama I'm doing well.
What the hell has happened to me though? Its like that feeling when you are packing your bags to come home from a holiday - you are almost 'jealous of yourself' a few weeks ago when we were waking up together, going on bike rides to the beach, laughing etc. But I've never been reduced to tears and anguish over a trip coming to an end.
I've had my fair share of tragedy in the past - mum and dad died when I was 22, and in 2016 my dog attacked both my nephews, killing the 4 month old and leaving the 14 month old with severe scars both mentally and physically. I'm also at the final stage of an amicable divorce and am looking forward, genuinely, to the next chapter of my life.
I feel ridiculous. The girl in question is quite spiritual and actually said me crying like a baby made me appear stronger. I dont know what the hell has happened here and I absolutely hate it.
Can anyone relate? Sorry to rant
It sounds like a number of issues coming to a head.
By the sounds of it you are suffering from a form of PTSD, and this has manifested itself as anxiety, I had something similar happened to me when I was young, a very traumatic event, convinced I had dealt with it, then last year some 35yrs after it happened and literally in the space of 20 minutes I had a massive breakdown, my life turned on it’s head in minutes.
Sorry to hear of your trauma and breakdown.
Maybe this was a kind of breakdown? I’m 90% better today, just feels like I miss having someone around and the house is quiet which is causing me, I guess, some kind of depression?
I’ve seen friends go through what they determine as depression and get help for it, I’ve always not understood it and tried not to judge, maybe It’s my turn now.
Hopefully better tomorrow, thanks for the comments.
Maybe this was a kind of breakdown? I’m 90% better today, just feels like I miss having someone around and the house is quiet which is causing me, I guess, some kind of depression?
I’ve seen friends go through what they determine as depression and get help for it, I’ve always not understood it and tried not to judge, maybe It’s my turn now.
Hopefully better tomorrow, thanks for the comments.
Miskiligade said:
Sorry to hear of your trauma and breakdown.
Maybe this was a kind of breakdown? I’m 90% better today, just feels like I miss having someone around and the house is quiet which is causing me, I guess, some kind of depression?
I’ve seen friends go through what they determine as depression and get help for it, I’ve always not understood it and tried not to judge, maybe It’s my turn now.
Hopefully better tomorrow, thanks for the comments.
Two things spring to mind.Maybe this was a kind of breakdown? I’m 90% better today, just feels like I miss having someone around and the house is quiet which is causing me, I guess, some kind of depression?
I’ve seen friends go through what they determine as depression and get help for it, I’ve always not understood it and tried not to judge, maybe It’s my turn now.
Hopefully better tomorrow, thanks for the comments.
1. For the first time in a long time you found happiness in lockdown so your feelings let go and why not!!
2. You fell in love with someone who has now gone. Does she not see a future with you together?
Sounds like it’s been an intense 14 weeks & you are now grieving the loss of the relationship. A new lockdown relationship for many probably would feel like this as it’s not the normal way a relationship would evolve. Eg together constantly, different working patterns/ not working, not going out & seeing friends doing regular daily activities etc.
Miskiligade said:
and in 2016 my dog attacked both my nephews, killing the 4 month old and leaving the 14 month old with severe scars both mentally and physically. (
i think that is the crux you must have had a difficult time with your family and it something you really should seek counselling for, there are loads online. We can end using people as crutches when there are real deep rooting feelings.What dog was it?
My dog was a staffie/boxer cross. Search Colchester Dog attack if you wanted details, harrowing reading though.
Was indeed a terrible time and was the beginning of the end for my marriage. Maybe I have bottled things up for too long.
I just need to fathom whether this is me missing “somebody” or “her specifically”.
She said she wants this to continue and her moving home is just “visiting home” and that my place is her happy place. Just doesn’t want to have the burden of a relationship at the moment. Whether that means she wants to see other chaps I don’t know although she assured me that’s not the case. I’m not naive though, and normally such a thing wouldn’t bother me.
Woke up this morning feeling a bit more positive, got a busy work day so that should take me mind off her/it. I think we need to give each other the gift of missing each other.
Thanks for your comment about crying. It doesn’t feel fortuitous while it’s happening but after it is a definite feeling of release. Thanks for your support all.
Was indeed a terrible time and was the beginning of the end for my marriage. Maybe I have bottled things up for too long.
I just need to fathom whether this is me missing “somebody” or “her specifically”.
She said she wants this to continue and her moving home is just “visiting home” and that my place is her happy place. Just doesn’t want to have the burden of a relationship at the moment. Whether that means she wants to see other chaps I don’t know although she assured me that’s not the case. I’m not naive though, and normally such a thing wouldn’t bother me.
Woke up this morning feeling a bit more positive, got a busy work day so that should take me mind off her/it. I think we need to give each other the gift of missing each other.
Thanks for your comment about crying. It doesn’t feel fortuitous while it’s happening but after it is a definite feeling of release. Thanks for your support all.
I wouldn't worry, it sounds to me like you were caught in a perfect storm: something you really wanted that was going well, underlying anxiety about lockdown, and being deprived of social contact and how that contrasted with really intimate and fulfilling social contact. A good number of people have been placed in an emotionally vulnerable position by lockdown, so it's not surprising that feelings that would normally be easily contained could mount up and not be. Straws on camels backs etc.
RobM77 said:
I wouldn't worry, it sounds to me like you were caught in a perfect storm: something you really wanted that was going well, underlying anxiety about lockdown, and being deprived of social contact and how that contrasted with really intimate and fulfilling social contact. A good number of people have been placed in an emotionally vulnerable position by lockdown, so it's not surprising that feelings that would normally be easily contained could mount up and not be. Straws on camels backs etc.
Well put. Im thinking it must be that. Weird thing is we both know it was a good thing her going home, as my life started coming back (bootcamp, seeing mates, running, pubs etc) she was sort of trapped 90 mins away from hers. Distance has been a factor here without a doubt.Have to respect what she said re relationship and let her miss me, if she does. Time will tell I suppose.
Just had another moment.
Doorbell rang, chap there delivering a huge box of posh ready meals, from this girl, worried about me eating crumpets and crakerbreads moving forward (shes a foodie and amazing chef)
Why did that make me cry hysterically? Text to say thanks and she replied that she misses me.
I didnt say I miss you back.
I think Im going mad. Lovely gesture and I get upset by it, what is up with this
Doorbell rang, chap there delivering a huge box of posh ready meals, from this girl, worried about me eating crumpets and crakerbreads moving forward (shes a foodie and amazing chef)
Why did that make me cry hysterically? Text to say thanks and she replied that she misses me.
I didnt say I miss you back.
I think Im going mad. Lovely gesture and I get upset by it, what is up with this
Miskiligade said:
Just had another moment.
Doorbell rang, chap there delivering a huge box of posh ready meals, from this girl, worried about me eating crumpets and crakerbreads moving forward (shes a foodie and amazing chef)
Why did that make me cry hysterically? Text to say thanks and she replied that she misses me.
I didnt say I miss you back.
I think Im going mad. Lovely gesture and I get upset by it, what is up with this
Yep you need to tell her how you feel, what do you have to lose? I have been there - feel free to pm me if it helps. I tried to mail you but it didn’t work. Doorbell rang, chap there delivering a huge box of posh ready meals, from this girl, worried about me eating crumpets and crakerbreads moving forward (shes a foodie and amazing chef)
Why did that make me cry hysterically? Text to say thanks and she replied that she misses me.
I didnt say I miss you back.
I think Im going mad. Lovely gesture and I get upset by it, what is up with this
Thanks Guys
She knows how I feel, had "the talk" on Sunday before she left. Laid it all on the line, which in itself breaks all my rules, I'm no oil painting but the being mysterious thing and letting them chase has served me well over the years, I've basically told her everything.
Hence holding back on the miss you reply. We need to miss each other, I know that, and its only two days in.
Did some breathing exercises this afternoon and some anxiety meditiation, it really worked and something I've always shunned before. AS this episode has scared me a bit I'll try anything.
Now I'm torn whjat to say back - feel like I'm at school again
She knows how I feel, had "the talk" on Sunday before she left. Laid it all on the line, which in itself breaks all my rules, I'm no oil painting but the being mysterious thing and letting them chase has served me well over the years, I've basically told her everything.
Hence holding back on the miss you reply. We need to miss each other, I know that, and its only two days in.
Did some breathing exercises this afternoon and some anxiety meditiation, it really worked and something I've always shunned before. AS this episode has scared me a bit I'll try anything.
Now I'm torn whjat to say back - feel like I'm at school again
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