Sudden anxiety
Discussion
Hi all,
I appreciate there have been some other threads on this topic but a) I didn't want to 'hijack' those as some are very specific to the OP and their circumstances, and b) some haven't been posted in for a long time so I don't feel too bad starting a new one! I'm not sure what I'm hoping for from this, but if nothing else typing it all out might help in some small way and I appreciate anyone reading it and even making the effort to offer personal experiences and advice.
For context I'm mid-30's, single and for the last few years have been working from home full time. Up until now, I actually felt like I was enjoying it and finding it far less stressful and taxing. I have been noticing lately that I've become a bit of a hermit and have let some friendships slip as I don't feel like going out etc. I also basically live in my bedroom as I never felt the need to move the desk out and sort a space elsewhere, but of course this means I spend 90% of my day in one room; I sleep there, work there, then relax there in the evening before going to bed. Despite this, I've been happy enough in myself and not really had any motivation to fix any of that. I would still go out and meet up with friends and do things occasionally, but for the bulk of the week I would just be at home. I also do some exercise, not as much as I should but I have an exercise bike, do body weight exercises and so on most days (I do appreciate this is all at home stuff too!).
However, earlier this week I struggled to sleep (for unrelated reasons) then struggled to sleep properly ever since because I was stressing about not getting enough sleep the nights before! Then, over the past few days I've been feeling what I can only imagine is strong anxiety. As best I can describe, it's a tense and unsettled mental state and feeling vaguely trapped and unsure how to 'escape'. Nothing that I'd enjoy or find comfort in before works as everything feels a little alien and I'm too anxious to concentrate on it (reading, tv shows, video games, craft hobbies etc.). I also have vague thoughts about how other people I know are out there in the world living their lives, having kids, spending time with a partner, having a day to day routine and so on whilst I sit in isolation. Finally, I've started having the digestive symptoms of anxiety with less appetite and that's stressing me out too!
As far as I can work out, not getting enough sleep has stripped away my ability to regulate some of my emotions and laid bare something that maybe has been a genuine problem brewing. That problem, as some of you may have concluded for yourselves, seems to be the working from home and and becoming something of a 'hermit' for a long period of time (hence the 'trapped' feelings and thoughts of others living their lives whilst I'm isolated). As mentioned, I did always consider this to be unhealthy but was comfortable enough to live that way for nearly 3 years. Suddenly, instead of avoiding social interaction, I feel like I'm craving it.
I've taken some steps which have helped ease my mind slightly already, namely booking an appointment for Tuesday with a therapist/counsellor I'd worked with earlier this year on feeling a bit 'stuck' with my career path and also some self-esteem problems. I'm probably also going to try and book an appointment with my GP (but I'm sure that will be a several week wait!). Longer term, I'm going to make an effort to get into a routine with visiting our company office space. It's 1h20 from home and a 'hot desking' setup with no guarantees of who'll be in etc. so I've used that as an excuse not to bother, but there's usually somebody in and I think getting back into a routine where I know I'll be out the house and in a proper work setting might help. I also have friends who live near the office I could arrange to visit after work, and colleagues I could try and arrange to catch up with. Socially, I'll be more pro-active with trying to see local friends, even if it's just for lunch or something. Finally, I'll try to sort some space outside of my bedroom for a desk.
In the meantime, I'd love to hear any similar experiences and advice for how to deal with the anxiety that seems to come and go. I try to think about the steps I'm going to take, appointments I've made with friends, recent times I've seen friends and had a good time and so on as ways of calming my mind and giving it something positive to think about, but it is tough. As mentioned, I'm also finding it tough to get into a book or any other hobby to distract me as I feel too anxious to concentrate. I've bought some Kalms and some 'rescue pastilles' from Boots but not tried them yet, I think it was more to make me feel productive than believing they might help! Talking helps too, I spoke to my Mum this morning and opened up and felt better, and typing this out has helped organise my thoughts a little too.
Thanks again to anyone who's stuck with all this and made it this far. And if anyone wants an excuse to meet up for a chat at a car meet/show I'm up for that too! It's been a struggle finding anyone to go to shows with lately so I just haven't gone.
I appreciate there have been some other threads on this topic but a) I didn't want to 'hijack' those as some are very specific to the OP and their circumstances, and b) some haven't been posted in for a long time so I don't feel too bad starting a new one! I'm not sure what I'm hoping for from this, but if nothing else typing it all out might help in some small way and I appreciate anyone reading it and even making the effort to offer personal experiences and advice.
For context I'm mid-30's, single and for the last few years have been working from home full time. Up until now, I actually felt like I was enjoying it and finding it far less stressful and taxing. I have been noticing lately that I've become a bit of a hermit and have let some friendships slip as I don't feel like going out etc. I also basically live in my bedroom as I never felt the need to move the desk out and sort a space elsewhere, but of course this means I spend 90% of my day in one room; I sleep there, work there, then relax there in the evening before going to bed. Despite this, I've been happy enough in myself and not really had any motivation to fix any of that. I would still go out and meet up with friends and do things occasionally, but for the bulk of the week I would just be at home. I also do some exercise, not as much as I should but I have an exercise bike, do body weight exercises and so on most days (I do appreciate this is all at home stuff too!).
However, earlier this week I struggled to sleep (for unrelated reasons) then struggled to sleep properly ever since because I was stressing about not getting enough sleep the nights before! Then, over the past few days I've been feeling what I can only imagine is strong anxiety. As best I can describe, it's a tense and unsettled mental state and feeling vaguely trapped and unsure how to 'escape'. Nothing that I'd enjoy or find comfort in before works as everything feels a little alien and I'm too anxious to concentrate on it (reading, tv shows, video games, craft hobbies etc.). I also have vague thoughts about how other people I know are out there in the world living their lives, having kids, spending time with a partner, having a day to day routine and so on whilst I sit in isolation. Finally, I've started having the digestive symptoms of anxiety with less appetite and that's stressing me out too!
As far as I can work out, not getting enough sleep has stripped away my ability to regulate some of my emotions and laid bare something that maybe has been a genuine problem brewing. That problem, as some of you may have concluded for yourselves, seems to be the working from home and and becoming something of a 'hermit' for a long period of time (hence the 'trapped' feelings and thoughts of others living their lives whilst I'm isolated). As mentioned, I did always consider this to be unhealthy but was comfortable enough to live that way for nearly 3 years. Suddenly, instead of avoiding social interaction, I feel like I'm craving it.
I've taken some steps which have helped ease my mind slightly already, namely booking an appointment for Tuesday with a therapist/counsellor I'd worked with earlier this year on feeling a bit 'stuck' with my career path and also some self-esteem problems. I'm probably also going to try and book an appointment with my GP (but I'm sure that will be a several week wait!). Longer term, I'm going to make an effort to get into a routine with visiting our company office space. It's 1h20 from home and a 'hot desking' setup with no guarantees of who'll be in etc. so I've used that as an excuse not to bother, but there's usually somebody in and I think getting back into a routine where I know I'll be out the house and in a proper work setting might help. I also have friends who live near the office I could arrange to visit after work, and colleagues I could try and arrange to catch up with. Socially, I'll be more pro-active with trying to see local friends, even if it's just for lunch or something. Finally, I'll try to sort some space outside of my bedroom for a desk.
In the meantime, I'd love to hear any similar experiences and advice for how to deal with the anxiety that seems to come and go. I try to think about the steps I'm going to take, appointments I've made with friends, recent times I've seen friends and had a good time and so on as ways of calming my mind and giving it something positive to think about, but it is tough. As mentioned, I'm also finding it tough to get into a book or any other hobby to distract me as I feel too anxious to concentrate. I've bought some Kalms and some 'rescue pastilles' from Boots but not tried them yet, I think it was more to make me feel productive than believing they might help! Talking helps too, I spoke to my Mum this morning and opened up and felt better, and typing this out has helped organise my thoughts a little too.
Thanks again to anyone who's stuck with all this and made it this far. And if anyone wants an excuse to meet up for a chat at a car meet/show I'm up for that too! It's been a struggle finding anyone to go to shows with lately so I just haven't gone.
Edited by ChrisRF1 on Sunday 29th June 17:42
Never underestimate the effect of a lack of sleep.
I am struggling. I have rheumatoid arthritis and the hot weather is hell for me as my joints swell up. I often need a cold bath before bed. Even then, I wake up at 3.00 am worrying about stuff that doesn't need worrying about.
Are you getting enough outdoor time? Perhaps a walk at lunchtime or early morning or evening. It is easy to hide up indoors when it is hot. I take vitamin D during the winter as I find this improves my mood (NHS actually recommends everyone takes vitamin D in winter).
An hour before bed, avoid screens. TV, phone. Read a book. If you wake up during the night, put on an audiobook. I can highly recommend Melvyn Bragg's "in our time" on BBC sounds.
It does sound like your anxiety is triggered by lack of sleep. The odd thing is I don't feel tired during the day despite surviving on 4-5 hours sleep a night. But I know that my mind is not processing in a rational way.
I am struggling. I have rheumatoid arthritis and the hot weather is hell for me as my joints swell up. I often need a cold bath before bed. Even then, I wake up at 3.00 am worrying about stuff that doesn't need worrying about.
Are you getting enough outdoor time? Perhaps a walk at lunchtime or early morning or evening. It is easy to hide up indoors when it is hot. I take vitamin D during the winter as I find this improves my mood (NHS actually recommends everyone takes vitamin D in winter).
An hour before bed, avoid screens. TV, phone. Read a book. If you wake up during the night, put on an audiobook. I can highly recommend Melvyn Bragg's "in our time" on BBC sounds.
It does sound like your anxiety is triggered by lack of sleep. The odd thing is I don't feel tired during the day despite surviving on 4-5 hours sleep a night. But I know that my mind is not processing in a rational way.
Perhaps a little simplistic here, but early morning activity helps my mental health and my sleep. I try to get up at 04.45 or 05.00 at the latest. I usually go to the gym at that point but when I dont, I just take the time to myself. I feel like I am beating the system when I do this. This is an hour and a half or so that nobody usually uses so I'm claiming it, and as a result of this, I'm meeting the day on my terms. I'm in charge of my day, it's not in charge of me. And because I am up early and have exercised, gym, walk, whatever, I am tired later when I'd be watching s
te television or sitting on my phone...so I get to sleep. I find Im OK with anywhere between 6 and 8 hours sleep so I dont stress if I dont get to sleep when I want, if my body doesn't take the rest, it doesn't need it, and I have confidence it will catch itself up.
te television or sitting on my phone...so I get to sleep. I find Im OK with anywhere between 6 and 8 hours sleep so I dont stress if I dont get to sleep when I want, if my body doesn't take the rest, it doesn't need it, and I have confidence it will catch itself up. That sounds exactly like how I imagine I'd react to working from home.
I bet there's 10's of thousands of people in similar situations.
Sounds like you've got the ball rolling taking some sensible steps.
Can you move the office somewhere else, having it in your bedroom doesn't feel healthy. Somewhere with easy access to outside maybe?
I bet there's 10's of thousands of people in similar situations.
Sounds like you've got the ball rolling taking some sensible steps.
Can you move the office somewhere else, having it in your bedroom doesn't feel healthy. Somewhere with easy access to outside maybe?
Anxiety can be caused by many different things, from childhood trauma to lack of sleep or poor diet, literally anything. I have suffered severe anxiety off and on for as long as I can remember brought on by events that I witnessed as a small boy, a few things that I have learnt, don't fight it, sounds weird but that just makes it worse, accept your anxiety ride out the feelings of impending doom, anxiety cannot kill you! avoid alcohol, puff and too much caffeine, really clean up your diet, you have a second brain in your gut, treat it well, fresh air and exercise even if you don't want to do it.
You might find taking a magnesium pill before bed may help with your sleep, also something like a banana on awaking to settle the stomach can help, by the way gut issues are a classic symptom of anxiety so try not to stress that it maybe something more sinister, a set of blood tests is something you may want to do as well they will show if something is slightly amiss, also ask about the possibility of going on a course anti depressants, they really can help people in your situation.
Check out The Anxiety Guy on YouTube, some very helpful advice there.
You might find taking a magnesium pill before bed may help with your sleep, also something like a banana on awaking to settle the stomach can help, by the way gut issues are a classic symptom of anxiety so try not to stress that it maybe something more sinister, a set of blood tests is something you may want to do as well they will show if something is slightly amiss, also ask about the possibility of going on a course anti depressants, they really can help people in your situation.
Check out The Anxiety Guy on YouTube, some very helpful advice there.
Edited by mcelliott on Sunday 29th June 20:30
Can't help on the anxiety front as I'm the opposite of anxious. But, I too travel 1hr 20 mins to my office 2 to 3 times a week and although I don't have to, I enjoy the change in working environment and people. I'd recommend it.
Driving is also good as I get to listen to podcasts I wouldn't normally bother with if stuck in the house. Even if the drive is congested (which it always is) it's still enjoyable. Just sit down chil out and you get there when you get there.
Driving is also good as I get to listen to podcasts I wouldn't normally bother with if stuck in the house. Even if the drive is congested (which it always is) it's still enjoyable. Just sit down chil out and you get there when you get there.
The WFH, especially confining yourself and your life to 1 room, sounds like the worst possible thing you could do to yourself. It sounds like you're in jail.
Humans are social beings who need interaction. Start small? Head out on an hour walk while the sun is shining, stick some earphones in if you like. Just the very small act of being in another persons presence for a small moment of walking passed them and giving them a nod can be enough sometimes!
Are you in a position where you could join a gym? Getting into a routine of morning and/or evening gym routine could be a huge help. Some regular exercise and commitment to it will do no harm. You also tick off some social aspects with it too.
I'd recommend Yoga. I've no idea where you're based, but there will likely be many classes available close by, unless you're confined to a village? Most are beginner friendly and if you make the effort to go a few times, you'll find yourself making friends and sharing experiences in no time. There's the benefit of the mindfulness and the stretching/strengthening of your body too. All good things.
Someone above has mentioned no screen time before bed, and jumping into a book. Grand idea. As for a book recommendation; I would highly recommend "Tribe" by Sebastian Junger. Easy to read, fantastic book and very informative. Short by most books standards too!
Hope you can make the changes necessary to get you back on the right path dude
Humans are social beings who need interaction. Start small? Head out on an hour walk while the sun is shining, stick some earphones in if you like. Just the very small act of being in another persons presence for a small moment of walking passed them and giving them a nod can be enough sometimes!
Are you in a position where you could join a gym? Getting into a routine of morning and/or evening gym routine could be a huge help. Some regular exercise and commitment to it will do no harm. You also tick off some social aspects with it too.
I'd recommend Yoga. I've no idea where you're based, but there will likely be many classes available close by, unless you're confined to a village? Most are beginner friendly and if you make the effort to go a few times, you'll find yourself making friends and sharing experiences in no time. There's the benefit of the mindfulness and the stretching/strengthening of your body too. All good things.
Someone above has mentioned no screen time before bed, and jumping into a book. Grand idea. As for a book recommendation; I would highly recommend "Tribe" by Sebastian Junger. Easy to read, fantastic book and very informative. Short by most books standards too!
Hope you can make the changes necessary to get you back on the right path dude
Spare tyre said:
Try a walk before bed
I always feel fantastic and seem to nod off
This.I always feel fantastic and seem to nod off
It's very easy to try to distil it down to "just go outside" but whilst it's lovely out it sounds like you're spending most of your life inside.
I also think the "back to the office" thing is likely to help - ignoring the whole "political" side of wfh on a purely human level I'm not sure it's something we're designed to do from a social perspective.
Sounds like you know you need to address how you're feeling and the counsellor and GP appointment are positive moves as too many people just bury their head in the sand and either don't say anything or don't do anything about it.
Best of luck with it
It sounds like the lack of social interaction has contributed to the onset of anxiety.
In terms of living with it, as you have found, sleep can be a big issue. I find some lifestyle changes help greatly with that.
First of all I also suffer from IBS, which may be connected, so I make sure I eat really early in the evening. This can help in making sure food is more digested before going to bed. In terms of food and drink as well avoid caffeine after lunch.
Secondly you have to recognise that anything that creates stress, live sports where you are invested in the outcome, exciting movies or TV shows, can create major issues in sleeping. I deal with that by only watching things that might stress me out on a non-work night and I always make sure I start watching casual content on YouTube at least an hour before I might want to go to bed, preferably more. Find something that interests you but isn't going to create any issues.
You might still struggle to sleep if there is something that you are doing the next day that you are nervous about, but, if you create the ideal conditions for sleep, most of the time you will.
In terms of living with it, as you have found, sleep can be a big issue. I find some lifestyle changes help greatly with that.
First of all I also suffer from IBS, which may be connected, so I make sure I eat really early in the evening. This can help in making sure food is more digested before going to bed. In terms of food and drink as well avoid caffeine after lunch.
Secondly you have to recognise that anything that creates stress, live sports where you are invested in the outcome, exciting movies or TV shows, can create major issues in sleeping. I deal with that by only watching things that might stress me out on a non-work night and I always make sure I start watching casual content on YouTube at least an hour before I might want to go to bed, preferably more. Find something that interests you but isn't going to create any issues.
You might still struggle to sleep if there is something that you are doing the next day that you are nervous about, but, if you create the ideal conditions for sleep, most of the time you will.
I've not got much practical help to add (it seems like you're starting to do all the right things tbh) - but, just to say, your post is very relatable.
When I work from home all week, I find that small issues can easily escalate because I spend too much time in my own head. Messages from colleagues on Teams often feel more urgent than they probably are, and I end up stewing over them. It’s so much easier to just have a quick chat in the office and move on.
Personally, I’ve made a few lifestyle changes that help me manage things better: I’ve cut out caffeine, rarely drink, get outside for fresh air every day, have deleted social media apps from my phone, and really prioritise sleep. One thing I struggle with (which might not apply to you) is trying to do too much. My free time feels so precious that I tend to cram it full, which means rest and mundane tasks - like housework - often get neglected.
Yesterday, though, I went for a long bike ride in the morning, tackled all the boring chores in the afternoon, and caught up with a friend in the evening. So today, I’m sitting at a tidy desk with a stocked fridge, feeling unusually organised for the week ahead. It’s the most relaxed I’ve felt on a Monday morning in ages
I did a round of CBT a while back, which helped a bit. Just learning to recognise unhelpful thoughts and give them the attention they actually deserve was useful. Honestly, a lot of it can be self-taught - I’d recommend checking out some online resources or picking up a book on the topic.
When I work from home all week, I find that small issues can easily escalate because I spend too much time in my own head. Messages from colleagues on Teams often feel more urgent than they probably are, and I end up stewing over them. It’s so much easier to just have a quick chat in the office and move on.
Personally, I’ve made a few lifestyle changes that help me manage things better: I’ve cut out caffeine, rarely drink, get outside for fresh air every day, have deleted social media apps from my phone, and really prioritise sleep. One thing I struggle with (which might not apply to you) is trying to do too much. My free time feels so precious that I tend to cram it full, which means rest and mundane tasks - like housework - often get neglected.
Yesterday, though, I went for a long bike ride in the morning, tackled all the boring chores in the afternoon, and caught up with a friend in the evening. So today, I’m sitting at a tidy desk with a stocked fridge, feeling unusually organised for the week ahead. It’s the most relaxed I’ve felt on a Monday morning in ages
I did a round of CBT a while back, which helped a bit. Just learning to recognise unhelpful thoughts and give them the attention they actually deserve was useful. Honestly, a lot of it can be self-taught - I’d recommend checking out some online resources or picking up a book on the topic.
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