Help! My son is ultra nasty to his mother....
Discussion
Long story short - my son (11) lives with his mother in Texas (I'm in the UK). The language and behaviour he's using towards her is mega unacceptable- what the hell can I do?? There's a few aspects that are our fault, obviously not being together and so far apart, but significantly we're sure his gaming time is affecting things too.
My ex is literally at her wits ends. If it makes any difference - he's a perfect pupil in school.
Critical comments are fine btw. Thanks.
My ex is literally at her wits ends. If it makes any difference - he's a perfect pupil in school.
Critical comments are fine btw. Thanks.
Next time you talk to him mention that you have witnessed it, explain that if someone spoke to him like that you'd likely or not knock the corners off them.
Ask how he'd feel if someone spoke to his friends that way.
A lot of the time people are beastly to their parents is because of the 'unconditional love' thing. No consequences emboldens the behaviour. 11 is still young enough that a fatherly word will sink in, and old enough to understand the impact.
Good luck, sounds a miserable bind to be in.
Ask how he'd feel if someone spoke to his friends that way.
A lot of the time people are beastly to their parents is because of the 'unconditional love' thing. No consequences emboldens the behaviour. 11 is still young enough that a fatherly word will sink in, and old enough to understand the impact.
Good luck, sounds a miserable bind to be in.
You can't intervene with your son, (a) coz you're not there (b) because ultimately this is about where the "power" sits in the relationship between mother and son. Even if you were present, if you had to keep intervening because of his behaviour towards his mother, it's still not conveying the message that SHE won't accept this behaviour and SHE can actually stop it.
From a distance I'd hazard a guess that all you can really do is offer her moral support, talk through exactly how the crap behaviour is triggered and manifested, and suggest any strategies that you can think of that may help her break out of the current cycle. And it may help for her to get a professional involved too who can observe and give her an insight into what is going on in the kid's head that motivates the bad behaviour.
From a distance I'd hazard a guess that all you can really do is offer her moral support, talk through exactly how the crap behaviour is triggered and manifested, and suggest any strategies that you can think of that may help her break out of the current cycle. And it may help for her to get a professional involved too who can observe and give her an insight into what is going on in the kid's head that motivates the bad behaviour.
Stick Legs said:
Next time you talk to him mention that you have witnessed it, explain that if someone spoke to him like that you'd likely or not knock the corners off them.
Ask how he'd feel if someone spoke to his friends that way.
A lot of the time people are beastly to their parents is because of the 'unconditional love' thing. No consequences emboldens the behaviour. 11 is still young enough that a fatherly word will sink in, and old enough to understand the impact.
Good luck, sounds a miserable bind to be in.
Very much the "unconditional love thing", particularly if the kid is perfectly capable of behaving well at school. The "behaving like a tAsk how he'd feel if someone spoke to his friends that way.
A lot of the time people are beastly to their parents is because of the 'unconditional love' thing. No consequences emboldens the behaviour. 11 is still young enough that a fatherly word will sink in, and old enough to understand the impact.
Good luck, sounds a miserable bind to be in.
t with Mum" thing can be a way of blowing off steam at home that's been bottled up all day at school, particularly if the kid feels a certain amount of social pressure, or is competitive and under-confident, etc Tell him that you're disappointed that his behaviour towards his mother has deteriorated and that until he sorts his act out, the Xbox/PS5 is being removed. Perhaps pass some apocryphal tale about how you went through something similar so you can understand his frustrations, but that he is expressing them in the wrong way. Maybe schedule a bit more Zoom/Facetime with him so you can give him an outlet to vent and maybe get to the bottom of the behaviour if it's something more than hormones and gaming.
Countdown said:
wyson said:
How often are you or another father figure present day to day in his life?
This.Not a lot you can do if you're not there to enforce it.
Maybe counselling?
It will only get worse as he becomes a teenager. My eldest has just turned 18, and for years has been telling us how grown up she is and she thinks she knows everything.
Except she knows nothing and expects us to either bale her out when it all goes wrong, or expects us to do everything for her. If we don't she will literally start screaming at us and calling us every name under the sun.
Her university application, she ignored all of the emails that were sent to her, and then weeks after the deadline started screaming at us for not doing it as "her friends parents do everything for them"
I fear we are raising a generation of super confident, entitled children who have zero skills to back anything up and are totally useless and expect everyone else to do everything for them.
Except she knows nothing and expects us to either bale her out when it all goes wrong, or expects us to do everything for her. If we don't she will literally start screaming at us and calling us every name under the sun.
Her university application, she ignored all of the emails that were sent to her, and then weeks after the deadline started screaming at us for not doing it as "her friends parents do everything for them"
I fear we are raising a generation of super confident, entitled children who have zero skills to back anything up and are totally useless and expect everyone else to do everything for them.
Gassing Station | Health Matters | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff