A little lost with life
Discussion
I’ve hit a bit of a brick wall with life or so it seems. I’ve turned 40 this year and I’ve not really achieved much. Or what you expect a 40 year old to have achieved.
I’ve been saving for a few years but, for the budget I can afford based on my salary and savings it’s bleak to say the least. I’ve always had the type of parents that will always question why you want to do something. I mentioned to them about buying my own property only to be met with why? It’s the same with cars etc. I know they probably mean well it’s just a little condescending being questioned at 40.
I’ve not really much of a social circle either. All my friends are either married or have moved away. I just feel trapped and it’s Groundhog Day every weekend. I don’t really do much or anything you consider a great weekend.
Being someone an introvert and someone who enjoys their own time and company I don’t mind being alone. I am not an outgoing person and I do find social situations a little awkward. I also tend to worry a lot, even when I should not.
I feel as though at 40 I’ve failed at life. I’ve feel so far behind. I should have things that others have.
Both parents are nearing retirement. So I sort of feel like, I have to be there to support them. With the other siblings moved out and renting. I would just like something I can call mine. I’m not fond of either neighbour where my parents are. My parents also because I’m single don’t see why I want my own place .
I’m looking to advice or like minded people.
I’ve been saving for a few years but, for the budget I can afford based on my salary and savings it’s bleak to say the least. I’ve always had the type of parents that will always question why you want to do something. I mentioned to them about buying my own property only to be met with why? It’s the same with cars etc. I know they probably mean well it’s just a little condescending being questioned at 40.
I’ve not really much of a social circle either. All my friends are either married or have moved away. I just feel trapped and it’s Groundhog Day every weekend. I don’t really do much or anything you consider a great weekend.
Being someone an introvert and someone who enjoys their own time and company I don’t mind being alone. I am not an outgoing person and I do find social situations a little awkward. I also tend to worry a lot, even when I should not.
I feel as though at 40 I’ve failed at life. I’ve feel so far behind. I should have things that others have.
Both parents are nearing retirement. So I sort of feel like, I have to be there to support them. With the other siblings moved out and renting. I would just like something I can call mine. I’m not fond of either neighbour where my parents are. My parents also because I’m single don’t see why I want my own place .
I’m looking to advice or like minded people.
Ignore your parents and live the life you want to live, just as your parents have.
Stop listening to their opinions of things you want to buy and do.
If they are about to retire they must still be young enough not to need you as a helper, after all your siblings have happily moved out.
Get on with living your own life.
Stop listening to their opinions of things you want to buy and do.
If they are about to retire they must still be young enough not to need you as a helper, after all your siblings have happily moved out.
Get on with living your own life.
First and the most important thing is do what you want to do, do not feel obliged to do what you think others expect of you. The others around you will do what they want to do without a thought to you if it's what they want, you need to be the same.
Do not compare yourself to others social media profiles, chances are they are picking the best bits of their lives and not showing you the tough bits we all have.
Get your own place even if it's tiny and rented, it will make a difference.
Do not compare yourself to others social media profiles, chances are they are picking the best bits of their lives and not showing you the tough bits we all have.
Get your own place even if it's tiny and rented, it will make a difference.
This is not being nasty but you really need to push yourself get out and get on with life whatever it might bring.
When you're young, 16-40 you feel you have for ever to do things but I found once I hit forty life went on to fast forward and in the blink of an eye I was 50 same again even more so for 60
Buy a house or rent or failing that get a motorhome and put yourself out there.
Live Your life. It's precious and very short.
As someone once said to me.
Regret your mistakes don't regret not making mistakes.
When you're young, 16-40 you feel you have for ever to do things but I found once I hit forty life went on to fast forward and in the blink of an eye I was 50 same again even more so for 60
Buy a house or rent or failing that get a motorhome and put yourself out there.
Live Your life. It's precious and very short.
As someone once said to me.
Regret your mistakes don't regret not making mistakes.
Bluevanman said:
Don't compare yourself to others, that's a recipe for disappointment.
Just do the things you enjoy, maybe join some groups who do the same stuff.
This 100%Just do the things you enjoy, maybe join some groups who do the same stuff.
Life is short, I'm a similar age to the OP and I don't want to get to a point in life where I feel too old to do something or I don't want to do something because none of my friends want to do it with me (this was a big thing for me in my late teens/early 20s).
Plenty that I'm sure everyone can write on this topic, but years ago I was reading someone's tribute and obituary to his father, who didn't have the easiest life and often fell on hard times or struggle.
He wrote something like: 'despite the cards he was dealt in life, he always played his best hand.'
OP, as advice, whilst every one of us is dictated by our circumstances (and sometimes we have the benefit of taking control of our destiny), ultimately - and in particular if we are going to maintain a status quo - we all ought to play our best hands with the cards we are dealt.
It helps, however, to not try and not always compare yourself to others and what they have or have not achieved or been through in their lives:
- 'Comparison is the thief of joy.'
Alternatively, as others have said, if you can and you know it is for the better, then it is necessary to take the plunge and shape your life / quality of life to at least bear some modicum of resemblance to how you want it to be and what it can be. There will be plenty of nay-sayers, of course.
At least you will have tried, but again, beware of human nature and the risk of constantly comparing yourself to others, or it will be endless self-torture. Everyone, even those whom you may deem to epitomise success and an ideal utopian life, are likely either going to be comparing themselves with others or competing against other people. It is never-ending.
Anything you can change for the better: do it or at least try. Anything you know you cannot: be the best version of that.
He wrote something like: 'despite the cards he was dealt in life, he always played his best hand.'
OP, as advice, whilst every one of us is dictated by our circumstances (and sometimes we have the benefit of taking control of our destiny), ultimately - and in particular if we are going to maintain a status quo - we all ought to play our best hands with the cards we are dealt.
It helps, however, to not try and not always compare yourself to others and what they have or have not achieved or been through in their lives:
- 'Comparison is the thief of joy.'
Alternatively, as others have said, if you can and you know it is for the better, then it is necessary to take the plunge and shape your life / quality of life to at least bear some modicum of resemblance to how you want it to be and what it can be. There will be plenty of nay-sayers, of course.
At least you will have tried, but again, beware of human nature and the risk of constantly comparing yourself to others, or it will be endless self-torture. Everyone, even those whom you may deem to epitomise success and an ideal utopian life, are likely either going to be comparing themselves with others or competing against other people. It is never-ending.
Anything you can change for the better: do it or at least try. Anything you know you cannot: be the best version of that.
Edited by CaptainScarlet1967 on Saturday 4th April 14:46
I have similar parents, every day was an energy drain they are like vampires,
the constant questioning why you want to do anything is frustrating and gives no encouragement whatever.
Best thing you can do is move out and live your life. I can't imagine how depressed I'd be still living with them at 40.
use whatever time you are there as a means to save money to move out
the constant questioning why you want to do anything is frustrating and gives no encouragement whatever.
Best thing you can do is move out and live your life. I can't imagine how depressed I'd be still living with them at 40.
use whatever time you are there as a means to save money to move out
Easternlight said:
This is not being nasty but you really need to push yourself get out and get on with life whatever it might bring.
When you're young, 16-40 you feel you have for ever to do things but I found once I hit forty life went on to fast forward and in the blink of an eye I was 50 same again even more so for 60
Buy a house or rent or failing that get a motorhome and put yourself out there.
Live Your life. It's precious and very short.
As someone once said to me.
Regret your mistakes don't regret not making mistakes.
I think this is sound advice. It sounds like it might be hard for you to follow, OP, but as above you have to push yourself, even if only a tiny bit, if you want some change. Good luck. When you're young, 16-40 you feel you have for ever to do things but I found once I hit forty life went on to fast forward and in the blink of an eye I was 50 same again even more so for 60
Buy a house or rent or failing that get a motorhome and put yourself out there.
Live Your life. It's precious and very short.
As someone once said to me.
Regret your mistakes don't regret not making mistakes.
My parents are exactly the same, its a pain in the ass. I even posted in the parents topic in this forum and was quite nice to get some encouragement. It helps when i dont share my ideas with them but just get on with things.
I think its a good idea to focus on the positives in your life when you can. Is there something preventing you from maximising your financial situation atm? Or perhaps health one? This has been helpful to me in the past.
I think its a good idea to focus on the positives in your life when you can. Is there something preventing you from maximising your financial situation atm? Or perhaps health one? This has been helpful to me in the past.
Comparison is the thief of joy.
You're 40, lots of time left to live a full life, but you must start living it first.
Start with cutting the umbilical cord, getting some separation and finding some hobbies, travel, whatever else appeals. Consider it a blank slate.
I was stuck in a rut and piss miserable a few years ago. Totally etch-a-sketched my life at 39 and started over. Best thing I ever did and I couldn't be more happy.
You're 40, lots of time left to live a full life, but you must start living it first.
Start with cutting the umbilical cord, getting some separation and finding some hobbies, travel, whatever else appeals. Consider it a blank slate.
I was stuck in a rut and piss miserable a few years ago. Totally etch-a-sketched my life at 39 and started over. Best thing I ever did and I couldn't be more happy.
I have also just turned 40 and it's been the catalyst to me sticking the finger up to anyone who is a drain on my time and energy. I'm done with absorbing anyone else's negativity.
That and a few people who have always just 'been there' suddenly aren't so my time and efforts are now on myself and those that I want to be there but I know one day they won't be.
Go and try out some new sports, or clubs, find what makes you happy, do something different. Forget comparing yourself to others. There are plenty in a better position and plenty in worse, even that is subjective and those people may not agree with my appraisal of their situations.
That and a few people who have always just 'been there' suddenly aren't so my time and efforts are now on myself and those that I want to be there but I know one day they won't be.
Go and try out some new sports, or clubs, find what makes you happy, do something different. Forget comparing yourself to others. There are plenty in a better position and plenty in worse, even that is subjective and those people may not agree with my appraisal of their situations.
I highly recommend taking up Padel. You'll end up with more of a social life, but you can take that as far as you want. It uses an app to pair you with other players, you can choose if you want to be friends with them outside of padel or not. You'll get fitter, and have a new interest and a wider social circle. Give it a try!
You mention having things as a measure of progress or success.
We're the same age but I tend to have the opposite feeling. I quite enjoy the feeling of throwing things out and having less stuff. I do have a house but beyond a TVR I don't use my next most valuable things are a book on the SR71 Blackbird and my phone.
The thought of having more things gives me a burdensome feeling.
What I'm trying to say is I wouldn't necessarily have any of that stuff as a goal.
Experiences are a different kettle of fish.
We're the same age but I tend to have the opposite feeling. I quite enjoy the feeling of throwing things out and having less stuff. I do have a house but beyond a TVR I don't use my next most valuable things are a book on the SR71 Blackbird and my phone.
The thought of having more things gives me a burdensome feeling.
What I'm trying to say is I wouldn't necessarily have any of that stuff as a goal.
Experiences are a different kettle of fish.
Justadreamer said:
I feel as though at 40 I ve failed at life. I ve feel so far behind. I should have things that others have.
Making it to 40 is in itself not failure.Life is only a competition if you're a dick. Everyone is born and everyone dies, so we start and end equal. Find stuff you enjoy and enjoy it.
It's odd reading this because this sounds like me, I'm a year older than you and always thought touching 40 wouldn't bother me, after all if we are lucky enough to reach an old age then obviously these milestone birthdays are going to come to all of us whether we like it or not, like you I'm not one for socialising, always feel awkward or like I'm being judged, constantly compare myself to others and oddly this forum is one of the places i compare myself to, seeing people with lovely homes, nice jobs and cars that i could only ever dream of and then seeing people talk of cars for the weekend that cost more than every asset i own put together just demoralises me.
For reference I'm a bus driver, and have worked every single day of my life since leaving school, I had such high aspirations but my health had other plans and those dreams got shattered at a young age but i naively put all my eggs in one basket regardless and was shot down when i was told i couldn't be what i wanted to be, instead i have a s
t job, live in social housing, multiple debts which i admit is my own fault for wanting to have some of the things I'd hoped for when i was younger, and live in a crap area of the UK, I've often when sat in silence said to myself "is this it" is this my lot now and I'm destined for no more? And as much as people's advice etc is all well intended with no malice I've come to the conclusion that some people's dreams aren't meant to happen and that sometimes you've to look at the things you do have in life and to make the best of the hand you are dealt.
It is true what others have said on here that comparison is the thief of joy, but in a world full of social media where it's hard to keep away from comparing then there's no wonder why depression etc is as bad as it is.
Sorry my post isn't of any help, but if you can take anything from it then know you are not alone.
For reference I'm a bus driver, and have worked every single day of my life since leaving school, I had such high aspirations but my health had other plans and those dreams got shattered at a young age but i naively put all my eggs in one basket regardless and was shot down when i was told i couldn't be what i wanted to be, instead i have a s
t job, live in social housing, multiple debts which i admit is my own fault for wanting to have some of the things I'd hoped for when i was younger, and live in a crap area of the UK, I've often when sat in silence said to myself "is this it" is this my lot now and I'm destined for no more? And as much as people's advice etc is all well intended with no malice I've come to the conclusion that some people's dreams aren't meant to happen and that sometimes you've to look at the things you do have in life and to make the best of the hand you are dealt.It is true what others have said on here that comparison is the thief of joy, but in a world full of social media where it's hard to keep away from comparing then there's no wonder why depression etc is as bad as it is.
Sorry my post isn't of any help, but if you can take anything from it then know you are not alone.
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