What to do? Living alone? Family housing issues?

[Quattr04.]

I’ve never lived alone, I’m 32 and have lived at home and then moved in with my partner 10 years ago when we got together, always moved around for work and his job, now living near Bristol, but in a family oriented place, I have no friends around here and lack any hobbies to speak of.

OH has now decided he’s had enough and wants to live alone, and actually, I’m not shocked or upset, I feel exactly the same. But I’ve never done it before so just looking for some reassurance that life will be ok and living alone can be freeing. Not sure what that means for our relationship now but he’s currently blowing hot and cold on if we would live together again and also wants to take a break (I guess you can’t know until you’re apart) some parts of me want him to stay but others feel like it’s been bubbling so long that I just want him gone for a fresh start, I still love him but sometimes I look at him and feel nothing and have no desire to hug etc but I don’t know if that’s just from the hurting

The worst part is I feel like a option in it, like he’s thinking well we will see what happens if something better comes along, and we have arggued about him thinking I complicate things when looking for a new place to live for having requirements like some outside space, where as he will just charge in and deal with the problems later. I grew up in some bad houses and definitely have some anxiety about needing a safe and warm home

I am a massive creature of habit and find change very unsettling, I know it’s not bad but it does become overwhelming

I am quite excited of the thought of just doing my own thing, watching what I want, doing what I want etc but am worried about getting lonely, especially in winter when I get SAD very badly, I do get depressed now and then and have self harm thoughts but don’t tend to think on them for long and I’m generally a happy person, have always struggled with body image and self worth/ self sabotaging

But I’m excited to meet new people, how ever that’s done now, I imagine on the apps. Trying new things, maybe even get myself a tent box or something

I’ve recently started the gym which is going really well, helping my confidence (which is low) and my self asteem


I feel like starting over again, new area, or at least a new house, but the issue currently is I rent a house I own to my mum, we devised a plan where she would live in my house for 2 years until she become more eligible for a social house so she can retire, you need to have a local connection (family who have lived in a area for 5 years, I’ve been here 4.5 now) so I feel too much guilt to up and move to a new area yet, she herself has been though a messy break up and a 100 mile move from a area to where we live now, so I don’t feel I can just put myself and move out of the county this soon.

Currently I’m thinking about moving myself to a new rented place for a fresh start in a new town in the same county and seeing how I get on, meeting people will be harder here than in Bristol. I can always move again somewhere new when she gets a social place ( long boring story involving divorce, debt bringing up 3 kids on a low income etc)

I think the point of this thread is partly just to vent but also I need some re assurance life will be ok and that il be ok and can live a happy life even if its unknown, every chapter is the start of something new and it could be good for me.


TLDR - man feels guilty about relationship ending and can’t put himself first