At 60 I raised I m autistic - so what?
Discussion
I’ve always been "not like other people", with personality traits that I could see were characteristic of autism, but figured my ability to function in social environments clearly meant that label did not apply to me.
Going through life as a miserable loner who could never deal with having more than one friend at a time was just my personality.
Dealing with a with colleague who is clearly 'on the spectrum', but actually quite similar to me, lead me to do some research into undiagnosed autism in late life.
I'm not just 'on the spectrum'. I'm almost a textbook example.
I mentioned to my mate who has known me 30 years that I was thinking about getting tested. "You don’t need a diagnosis, you’re autistic as F." Apparently my autism is obvious, but no one has told me.
I was reluctant to raise this with my octogenarian mother, but I wanted to know more about my childhood. I asked if I was slow to develop socially.
"No, why?"
"I’m sure I’m autistic."
Well, then came a flood of information I was not prepared for. My behaviour as a small child was so bad she pleaded repeatedly with dad to have me tested by psychiatrists. Violence, isolation, intolerance of normal social noise. She would cry when she watch me around other kids.
So, yeah. I'm autistic. Without the self awareness to realise it for six decades.
But so what? I which I’d known 40 years ago. But I don’t see any benefit from a formal diagnosis at this stage of my life.
TL;DR
Does anyone here think the is any reason for an old man to get tested for autism?
Going through life as a miserable loner who could never deal with having more than one friend at a time was just my personality.
Dealing with a with colleague who is clearly 'on the spectrum', but actually quite similar to me, lead me to do some research into undiagnosed autism in late life.
I'm not just 'on the spectrum'. I'm almost a textbook example.
I mentioned to my mate who has known me 30 years that I was thinking about getting tested. "You don’t need a diagnosis, you’re autistic as F." Apparently my autism is obvious, but no one has told me.
I was reluctant to raise this with my octogenarian mother, but I wanted to know more about my childhood. I asked if I was slow to develop socially.
"No, why?"
"I’m sure I’m autistic."
Well, then came a flood of information I was not prepared for. My behaviour as a small child was so bad she pleaded repeatedly with dad to have me tested by psychiatrists. Violence, isolation, intolerance of normal social noise. She would cry when she watch me around other kids.
So, yeah. I'm autistic. Without the self awareness to realise it for six decades.
But so what? I which I’d known 40 years ago. But I don’t see any benefit from a formal diagnosis at this stage of my life.
TL;DR
Does anyone here think the is any reason for an old man to get tested for autism?
I persuaded a friend to get diagnosed quite recently because they were completely dismissive of the idea that they might be autistic, and because they were going through some therapy which was using methods which clearly were not appropriate - asking them to imagine things in a way that they are just not capable of. In that case, a diagnosis has been helpful.
Otherwise, as a functioning adult, I don't really see the benefit of a diagnosis now unless is would help you get access to something you don't have.
Otherwise, as a functioning adult, I don't really see the benefit of a diagnosis now unless is would help you get access to something you don't have.
No need for a test if you know.
My eldest son suffers from a form of dyspraxia. I sensed it might be something when he was aged around 6/7; it became quite apparent when he hit teenage years.
It was never easy to know whether to get it out in the open but my approach was to focus on the things he was good at, and as much as I thought it might affect his love of football, he achieved good things representing the county and continues to play at a good level at the age of 17 (soon to be 18). We once had a subtle chat about it when he was 14 and he was very head strong about being okay and I have never really had any cause to talk about it again.
I can see he's coping and where he struggles, he asks for help. We are okay with that, and more to the point so is he.
My eldest son suffers from a form of dyspraxia. I sensed it might be something when he was aged around 6/7; it became quite apparent when he hit teenage years.
It was never easy to know whether to get it out in the open but my approach was to focus on the things he was good at, and as much as I thought it might affect his love of football, he achieved good things representing the county and continues to play at a good level at the age of 17 (soon to be 18). We once had a subtle chat about it when he was 14 and he was very head strong about being okay and I have never really had any cause to talk about it again.
I can see he's coping and where he struggles, he asks for help. We are okay with that, and more to the point so is he.
We had a somewhat troublesome child and my wife wanted to get her tested her for this, that and any other. She happened upon some NHS documents that help (presumably) parents identify character traits that can help define whether a person might be on the spectrum*. I read it, I thought about it, and I told her I could not recall ever meeting any person ever in my lifetime that did not have multiple traits on the list to some degree or another.
We’re human beings - we are all clearly identifiably different and each and every one of us has had and will experience life in many different ways and process it in many different ways - we just learn to rub along together or we don’t. We are all on the spectrum as we are all different and not perfect clones.
We also read an article over 25 years ago in a newspaper with a questionnaire attached - she identified me as strongly autistic back then.
We’re human beings - we are all clearly identifiably different and each and every one of us has had and will experience life in many different ways and process it in many different ways - we just learn to rub along together or we don’t. We are all on the spectrum as we are all different and not perfect clones.
We also read an article over 25 years ago in a newspaper with a questionnaire attached - she identified me as strongly autistic back then.
Thanks for the replies.
But looking back and viewing my own actions as those of an autistic adult has made things a lot clearer.
So now, I don’t see any benefit in a diagnosis.
I guess the reason for this thread is the realisation that I have a history of making wrong decisions in the belief that I know best and don’t need advice from others. But maybe someone would have a convincing reason that I didn’t see.
WH16 said:
In what way would a diagnosis help or hinder you at this stage?
If I hadn’t figured this out for myself, I would have benefited from a diagnosis. I’ve never been able to make sense of much of my life, or my interaction with others. But looking back and viewing my own actions as those of an autistic adult has made things a lot clearer.
So now, I don’t see any benefit in a diagnosis.
I guess the reason for this thread is the realisation that I have a history of making wrong decisions in the belief that I know best and don’t need advice from others. But maybe someone would have a convincing reason that I didn’t see.
SpudLink said:
TL;DR
Does anyone here think the is any reason for an old man to get tested for autism?
"To know people is wisdom, but to know yourself is enlightenment."Does anyone here think the is any reason for an old man to get tested for autism?
I think anything that helps you understand yourself, what you like and don't like and why, it helps you recognise and give significance to your feelings and emotions.
Its a very powerful part of the human condition, not only should you test, I would advise you to explore it more in counselling.
I suspect I have autistic traits. I am aware of them which allows me to stop when im about to do or say something and think "is this normal" It is tough though as after almost any social event I replay the entire thing in my head and work out if ive said something stupid or innappropriate then massively regret it for days afterwards.
I figured out I was "on the spectrum" about 10 years ago, but as it largely doesn't affect me (sure, some social interactions can be awkward on reflection) I don't see the point in having a formal diagnosis. Personally, I have come to accept who I am, my strengths and my weaknesses, and know where I best thrive and where I am more likely to fail. So for you, if it's affecting you in some way that's detrimental to the enjoyment of your life, then sure, go ahead.
Richard-D said:
I believe the accepted process is to get diagnosed as autistic and then immediately start using that as an excuse to act in a way that you didn't up until that point. At least that's what the two people I know that have been diagnosed autistic as an adult have done.
The way I ve been acting up until this point has been a problem. I have a very long history of actions that have damaged me and limited my life chances. My actions have been inexplicable to me. None of them influenced by alcohol or substance abuse. I would brush them off with a light hearted seemed like a good idea at the time .These actions all fit the pattern of what I ve been reading about autism. If I d known, I think I would have had the intellectual capacity to step back and question those actions. I certainly hope that going forward I will be able to make more sense of what is going on in my head.
Edited by SpudLink on Tuesday 18th August 13:19
I found out a few years ago when I was about 40 that I’m autistic, it all came to a head because my daughter was diagnosed, I’m not going to go into the ins and outs because I’ve posted about it before if anyone is really bothered to read it.
Ultimately though I’ve never done anything about it, I hold down a job successfully and I’ve not got that long to retirement so I don’t see much point.
It does explain a lot about my childhood and me asking my parents whilst in my early teens to get me help because I knew something wasn’t right (they didn’t).
It does help me and my daughter understand each other better.
Ultimately though I’ve never done anything about it, I hold down a job successfully and I’ve not got that long to retirement so I don’t see much point.
It does explain a lot about my childhood and me asking my parents whilst in my early teens to get me help because I knew something wasn’t right (they didn’t).
It does help me and my daughter understand each other better.
I have always felt that I have some aspects, poor social skills, preference for own company, dislike social events, etc.
My early life was great, school was fine, loads of friends, as a teenager it all went a bit off, real bad acne, poor self-image, withdrawn into music, books, films.
Since found out you are born with Autism, so I don't know, I've no interest in a diagnosis at my age.
My early life was great, school was fine, loads of friends, as a teenager it all went a bit off, real bad acne, poor self-image, withdrawn into music, books, films.
Since found out you are born with Autism, so I don't know, I've no interest in a diagnosis at my age.
Hoofy said:
unzippy said:
We are all on the spectrum and we all have traits.
Some are further along the spectrum/have more traits than others.
Is that really true? We ALL are on the spectrum?Some are further along the spectrum/have more traits than others.
Just because you do some things on that questionnaire some of the time does not make you 'on the spectrum' or be someone 'with an autistic spectrum disorder', any more than someone who occasionally forgets things has dementia.
OP: whether or not you get a formal diagnosis is a personal choice. It sounds like it would actually give you a lot of reassurance - no matter how much you are convinced now that you are autistic, having someone else confirm it may well be a pressure release valve going off like no other!
The other thing I would say is that while in some respects autism is regarded as a negative thing (usually because it means you don't interact with others in the way they expect, causing things to go "wrong"), it does come with some remarkable positive traits that can be extremely beneficial in certain circumstances; exploring these and seeing if there are things that you can put these 'superpowers' to use in, in your current situation, might be very rewarding.
Lotobear said:
I imagine the majority of posters on PH are likely to be autistic to some degree
When I started the thread, I was aware that we are not a representative sample of the population.Spending my working life in IT and only socialising with car people has helped me get away without seeming too odd.
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