Bereavement Counselling.
Discussion
If I'd known it was going to take so long to be seen by the NHS then I'd have looked elsewhere. At the time I was referred I told my Doctor I was willing to go 'private' so I'm surprised he wasn't aware of how long it would take or suggest Cruse.
I'd like to query why the waiting list is so long - is it because there isn't a target time attached to bereavement counselling? A large proportion of spouses die within 6 months of each other so I would have thought it was imperative to see them as soon as possible... or is the idea that they have to last 6 months, and then they'll get seen?
On the form I had to fill in, it asked if you would be available to take an appointment at short notice...so not only are you waiting for a letter every day, but phone calls at home and work any time of the day. Doesn't anyone in the NHS think that's a little bit cruel?
I'd like to query why the waiting list is so long - is it because there isn't a target time attached to bereavement counselling? A large proportion of spouses die within 6 months of each other so I would have thought it was imperative to see them as soon as possible... or is the idea that they have to last 6 months, and then they'll get seen?
On the form I had to fill in, it asked if you would be available to take an appointment at short notice...so not only are you waiting for a letter every day, but phone calls at home and work any time of the day. Doesn't anyone in the NHS think that's a little bit cruel?
Nothing specific about bereavement counselling - simply lack of resources and high demand for psychological therapies.
There is something about allowing some time to go by in bereavement though - it is a "normal", healthy process and shouldn't need to be pathologised by seeing a professional except in cases where the grieving is stuck or "abnormal".
Your point about mortality rates amongst spouses is very well made.
There's nothing rocket science about bereavement counselling at its basic level - it's just about allowing someone to talk - and it doesn't matter too much who you are talking to - a good friend who is willing to lend an ear will chances are do you as much good.
There is something about allowing some time to go by in bereavement though - it is a "normal", healthy process and shouldn't need to be pathologised by seeing a professional except in cases where the grieving is stuck or "abnormal".
Your point about mortality rates amongst spouses is very well made.
There's nothing rocket science about bereavement counselling at its basic level - it's just about allowing someone to talk - and it doesn't matter too much who you are talking to - a good friend who is willing to lend an ear will chances are do you as much good.
There was a particular reason why I was referred to a counsellor, mainly because I wanted an impartial view rather than speaking to a religious person.
When you have certainty of the afterlife, for a short time it drives you a little crazy...and very vulnerable to organised religions.
I had so many paranormal happennings that eventually I went to a Roman Catholic Priest ( I'm a lapsed catholic) who knew us both socially. He said it was my mind that was responsible for these happennings - nearly every electrical appliance in the house had broken and needed to be replaced. Poltergeist activity, similarly put down to me. It was also deemed I had hallucinations, when the events were so clear and life-like to me.
I know these things happenned, and this 'message from beyond the grave' stuff happens to other people to. If you're in a close relationship and suddenly died, it would be normal to try and say goodbye ( and there is an afterlife) to the one you left behind.
When you have certainty of the afterlife, for a short time it drives you a little crazy...and very vulnerable to organised religions.
I had so many paranormal happennings that eventually I went to a Roman Catholic Priest ( I'm a lapsed catholic) who knew us both socially. He said it was my mind that was responsible for these happennings - nearly every electrical appliance in the house had broken and needed to be replaced. Poltergeist activity, similarly put down to me. It was also deemed I had hallucinations, when the events were so clear and life-like to me.
I know these things happenned, and this 'message from beyond the grave' stuff happens to other people to. If you're in a close relationship and suddenly died, it would be normal to try and say goodbye ( and there is an afterlife) to the one you left behind.
Edited by condor on Monday 10th August 21:52
It would be nice to get a bit of guidance though...I don't know if I'm right, it just seems logical to me. Likewise people who have not had much contact with bereavement might consider 'paranormal experiences' as being nutter territory...and be scared by it.
The priest suggested it was 'wishful thinking' on my part, but I know inside myself that it all happenned, it's just it can't seem to be acknowledged by others as having happenned.
If this is what grief is like for the majority of people then it's appalling that it is so neglected within the NHS system.
The priest suggested it was 'wishful thinking' on my part, but I know inside myself that it all happenned, it's just it can't seem to be acknowledged by others as having happenned.
If this is what grief is like for the majority of people then it's appalling that it is so neglected within the NHS system.
I don't think anyone in the NHS is likely to validate your experiences any more than your priest and GP have - unfortunately looking for validation could take you down some very dodgy roads (psychics and spiritualists etc).
Best to take your own meaning from it.
Try and think about what your partner would be wanting for you now.
Best to take your own meaning from it.
Try and think about what your partner would be wanting for you now.
The priest and GP didn't validate it - nor do I expect anyone else to... and I certainly wouldn't go down the charlatan, spiritualist route.
I've not returned to the catholic faith but now consider myself to be a Deist ( one that believes in a God but not organised religion).
Bereavement care is inadequate, I feel a need to do something to change that situation. Haven't quite thought how I'll go about that yet.
I've not returned to the catholic faith but now consider myself to be a Deist ( one that believes in a God but not organised religion).
Bereavement care is inadequate, I feel a need to do something to change that situation. Haven't quite thought how I'll go about that yet.
I recall you posting when it happened.
Perhaps I am odd, but I find now that my father is gone, I have got over it. Mourning would not honour his memory. Almost his last words to me were "have a wonderful life" and I intend to do what he asked.
Move on, mate. There are no solutions to be foind by talking to someone in sandals.
Soovy...that is the point.
Waiting every day for 6 months for an appointment which has failed to materialise, is just bad. I'm now at the stage where I can move on - it's just I think I should do something to challenge the lack of bereavement care available when the shock/stress of it kills so many people.
Waiting every day for 6 months for an appointment which has failed to materialise, is just bad. I'm now at the stage where I can move on - it's just I think I should do something to challenge the lack of bereavement care available when the shock/stress of it kills so many people.
condor said:
There was a particular reason why I was referred to a counsellor, mainly because I wanted an impartial view rather than speaking to a religious person.
When you have certainty of the afterlife, for a short time it drives you a little crazy...and very vulnerable to organised religions.
I had so many paranormal happennings that eventually I went to a Roman Catholic Priest ( I'm a lapsed catholic) who knew us both socially. He said it was my mind that was responsible for these happennings - nearly every electrical appliance in the house had broken and needed to be replaced. Poltergeist activity, similarly put down to me. It was also deemed I had hallucinations, when the events were so clear and life-like to me.
I know these things happenned, and this 'message from beyond the grave' stuff happens to other people to. If you're in a close relationship and suddenly died, it would be normal to try and say goodbye ( and there is an afterlife) to the one you left behind.
send me a mail Caroline...When you have certainty of the afterlife, for a short time it drives you a little crazy...and very vulnerable to organised religions.
I had so many paranormal happennings that eventually I went to a Roman Catholic Priest ( I'm a lapsed catholic) who knew us both socially. He said it was my mind that was responsible for these happennings - nearly every electrical appliance in the house had broken and needed to be replaced. Poltergeist activity, similarly put down to me. It was also deemed I had hallucinations, when the events were so clear and life-like to me.
I know these things happenned, and this 'message from beyond the grave' stuff happens to other people to. If you're in a close relationship and suddenly died, it would be normal to try and say goodbye ( and there is an afterlife) to the one you left behind.
Edited by condor on Monday 10th August 21:52
sounds like someone has unfinished business..
jessxxx
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