Irongym Ruined My Life

[whythem]

After buying my Irongym doorbar on ebay (£12,80 deliverd) I awaited its delivery with eager anticipation. Two days later postie knocks, I take delivery, I build the thing, mount it on the door, put on my gym clothing, hop on the bike to warm up for 10 minutes, dismount, grab the bars, deep breath, heave, and nothing...... except a grunting noise, a red face, uncontrollable flatulence, and a crushing realisation that at the age of 45, I am well over the hill.

Not one of the 122 fecking "customer reviews" of Amazon, or youtube etc ever mentioned that some fat people may not be able to do even one actual pull-up. There's nothing in the manual about it either. Which obviously means, I am now the only person in the world who cannot do a single pull-up. People will kick sand in my face at, hoodies will use me for happy slapping, the wife will buy more shoes without fear, and my mates will call me a 7st weakling. (i'm 16St)

They should put a warning on the box or the JML advert, Not Suitable For GETTING fit, only suitable for those all ready fit, under 45, built like a brick st house, or just a better person than me cos Im old an fat. Im sick of excercise.

[ShadownINja]

Yes, you know those TV ads where people with 6 packs are using Slendertone or Crunch Bars? They didn't get that way using them. They were already like that.

[loltolhurst]

keep at it you can do it eventually - im on 3 now! if not just use it to hang washing on

[y2blade]

hang the washing on it


edit ^^ beat me to it

Edited by y2blade on Thursday 11th February 15:12

[grumbledoak]

Beautifully put.

[loltolhurst]

ps you dont need your gym clothing on for it!

[LordGrover]

Nice one. Post of the week.

[anonymous-user]

Brilliant!

[Matt Evans]

Brilliant! This is one of those things that you read and then start laughing to yourself in the gym later on whilst everyone else looks at you in curiosity and gives you a wide berth!

[ChrisMCoupe]

Awesome post. Get the missus to give you a foot up , just careful of ur apparent flatuence which is likely to be at face height

[y2blade]

ChrisMCoupe said:

Awesome post. Get the missus to give you a foot up , just careful of ur apparent flatuence which is likely to be at face height

this thread gets better

[cheadle hulme]

HeeHee you fat bloater.

Use a chair to get up, then hold on and lower yourself down as slowly as possible. Or get some resistance bands for assistance.

[Pickled Piper]

LordGrover said:

Nice one. Post of the week.

No. Post of the month or possibly even the year.

Thanks that really amused me. mainly because like many other people i can really relate to it.

pp

[Lost soul]

grumbledoak said:

Beautifully put.

Funniest post this month

[ShadownINja]

cheadle hulme said:

HeeHee you fat bloater.

Use a chair to get up, then hold on and lower yourself down as slowly as possible. Or get some resistance bands for assistance.

Yep, assisted pull ups with a chair or just on tip-toes.

[MPowerMark]

Brilliant!

[71notout]

Are you confident the doorframe will withstand the pressure?

[clonmult]

dibbers006 said:

Have you tried a run up?

I'd hope thats only attempted with a video camera rolling.

The possibilities are endless.

[missdiane]

71notout said:

Are you confident the doorframe will withstand the pressure?

I thought that's how the story would pan out

Nicely worded OP

[ShadownINja]

clonmult said:

dibbers006 said:

Have you tried a run up?

I'd hope thats only attempted with a video camera rolling.

The possibilities are endless.

There's only one possibility that springs to mind, tbh.