Au revoir, M5: what have we here? A C5!
Discussion
Aka 'the loaner,' this inexcusable collection of scarcely fabricated, apparently deliberate collection of rolling socialism, mercilessly winged it's miserable way hither yesterday whilst Captain Muchen went in for a spot of tlc.
Where to begin?
The utterly pig arsed styling?
The non-existant sense of internal solidity?
The gallic interpretation of ergonomics which were clearly signed off after 35 hours when rather more time spent not wanting to live the life of the eternally subsidised might have been beneficial?
The first gear bite point which engendered a reorganised pre-mediaeval sense of unsubtle accleration from the off?
Of course, I say acceleration in the technical sense: a more appropriate a term might be slugtraileration; and, I know what slow means, having suffered a Fiat 127 as Brother Hippy then an XJ-S but this...this was something entirely new. Never in the field of automotive experience had asthma on this level been attributable to the process of internal combustion.
My daughter has plastic animals which will outdrag this turgid offence to life per se.
But hark, what about the handling? Well, what of it? I might tell you but there's nothing to detail, it simply doesn't. Indeed, I never thought a substantially proportioned Lexus might feel similar in set-up to an Aerial Atom but in this comparison, the lardy Jap is a serial nomex inducer...
Frankly, I cannot even begin to imagine how or why any breathing organism would spend their own hard earned on something so cataclysmic to the rudiments of motoring dynamics.
It is without a shadow of doubt the most unfortunate vehicle I have ever driven and that includes the offerings gloriusly hooned about the mudflats some time ago thanks to Mssrs JCB at Diggerland.
Vile, puke & vomit. If you see one, kill it.
Where to begin?
The utterly pig arsed styling?
The non-existant sense of internal solidity?
The gallic interpretation of ergonomics which were clearly signed off after 35 hours when rather more time spent not wanting to live the life of the eternally subsidised might have been beneficial?
The first gear bite point which engendered a reorganised pre-mediaeval sense of unsubtle accleration from the off?
Of course, I say acceleration in the technical sense: a more appropriate a term might be slugtraileration; and, I know what slow means, having suffered a Fiat 127 as Brother Hippy then an XJ-S but this...this was something entirely new. Never in the field of automotive experience had asthma on this level been attributable to the process of internal combustion.
My daughter has plastic animals which will outdrag this turgid offence to life per se.
But hark, what about the handling? Well, what of it? I might tell you but there's nothing to detail, it simply doesn't. Indeed, I never thought a substantially proportioned Lexus might feel similar in set-up to an Aerial Atom but in this comparison, the lardy Jap is a serial nomex inducer...
Frankly, I cannot even begin to imagine how or why any breathing organism would spend their own hard earned on something so cataclysmic to the rudiments of motoring dynamics.
It is without a shadow of doubt the most unfortunate vehicle I have ever driven and that includes the offerings gloriusly hooned about the mudflats some time ago thanks to Mssrs JCB at Diggerland.
Vile, puke & vomit. If you see one, kill it.
Think yourself luck i got lumbered with a seat thingy on tuesday when the disco was in for a service ( and a new afm as it turned out).
THe seat has a big s on the steering wheel. presumerably to remind you the car your in is sh1t !!!.
nasty plastic interior, noisy engine with no power ( couldnt even get it to drift wide on a damp roundabout ????) loads of road noise
etc etc yuck.....
on the plus side i spent the whole day without using the clutch other than when i needed to stop
and i did quite a lot of hand brake turns.... and did manage to get the back end to step out a few times ( ok i cheated... lifted off mid bend and pulled the hand brake)
other than that the handling was totaly benign... so neutral is this what drivingis to become in bliars britain... devoid of any character so a numpty can't crash it?
G
THe seat has a big s on the steering wheel. presumerably to remind you the car your in is sh1t !!!.
nasty plastic interior, noisy engine with no power ( couldnt even get it to drift wide on a damp roundabout ????) loads of road noise
etc etc yuck.....
on the plus side i spent the whole day without using the clutch other than when i needed to stop
and i did quite a lot of hand brake turns.... and did manage to get the back end to step out a few times ( ok i cheated... lifted off mid bend and pulled the hand brake)
other than that the handling was totaly benign... so neutral is this what drivingis to become in bliars britain... devoid of any character so a numpty can't crash it?
G
redleicester said:
Been hooning again Graham! Long time no see - come hoon this way - I'm dying to see your new car!
(I'll show you mine if you show me yours!)
funny you should say that the chim emerged from the garage the other day... its down at dom's trying to sort an mot.... we're going to try and tune the ecu for the emissions
Tuscan is comming along slowly...
G
Wonderful car........
........your M5 I mean.
Personally I can't wait for my Wife's Renault "Shake yo ass" Scenic to turn up. All 80 bhp of it's 1.5 dci tarmac ripping capabilities....fantastic. My question is will it have enough power to drag it's ass to the tip, if I put half a bag of unused cement in it. Well we'll soon find out, the beauty arrives at the end of March. Hurrah!
........your M5 I mean. Personally I can't wait for my Wife's Renault "Shake yo ass" Scenic to turn up. All 80 bhp of it's 1.5 dci tarmac ripping capabilities....fantastic. My question is will it have enough power to drag it's ass to the tip, if I put half a bag of unused cement in it. Well we'll soon find out, the beauty arrives at the end of March. Hurrah!
I avoid them at all costs for 2 reasons.
1) As a car designer I am reduced to a pool of vomit and over whelmed by a sense of "why do I bother?" It is second only to Fiat Multipla's.
2) I have had the misfortune to drive 2, both weekend rentals (the torture of having it more than one day is unbearable). On both Occasions Ferraris have written themselves off in front of me. The first an F40 on the way to the GFS in 2002, the second a 355 at the entrance to roadwork's on the M25.
Reason 2 is more than enough for me to burn them all in hell.
1) As a car designer I am reduced to a pool of vomit and over whelmed by a sense of "why do I bother?" It is second only to Fiat Multipla's.
2) I have had the misfortune to drive 2, both weekend rentals (the torture of having it more than one day is unbearable). On both Occasions Ferraris have written themselves off in front of me. The first an F40 on the way to the GFS in 2002, the second a 355 at the entrance to roadwork's on the M25.
Reason 2 is more than enough for me to burn them all in hell.
Hold on a minute, I've discovered a redeeming feature.
The wipers - they're actually quite good!
Later on, I'll mostly be attempting v-max, if indeed it has one.
Did I say I despise the cloth interior?
Well, it's despicable.
Does anyone know/care what the engine is on this thing and any claimed top speed? It seems hugely important somehow. (It's not an oil burner, btw.)
The wipers - they're actually quite good!
Later on, I'll mostly be attempting v-max, if indeed it has one.
Did I say I despise the cloth interior?
Well, it's despicable.
Does anyone know/care what the engine is on this thing and any claimed top speed? It seems hugely important somehow. (It's not an oil burner, btw.)
Graham said:
Think yourself luck i got lumbered with a seat thingy on tuesday when the disco was in for a service ( and a new afm as it turned out).
THe seat has a big s on the steering wheel. presumerably to remind you the car your in is sh1t !!!.
nasty plastic interior, noisy engine with no power ( couldnt even get it to drift wide on a damp roundabout ????) loads of road noise
etc etc yuck.....
on the plus side i spent the whole day without using the clutch other than when i needed to stop
and i did quite a lot of hand brake turns.... and did manage to get the back end to step out a few times ( ok i cheated... lifted off mid bend and pulled the hand brake)
other than that the handling was totaly benign... so neutral is this what drivingis to become in bliars britain... devoid of any character so a numpty can't crash it?
G
You've driven an Ibiza too? I have the misfortune to own one of the retched things. It just will not, under any provocation, oversteer. I even tried setting the rear tyres to 40PSI (they should be 29PSI) and it made no difference. I can snap the throttle shut in mid-roudabout, and I don't have to move the steering wheel. It's appalling
What is the engine in the C5? The 3.0 V6 Auto is actually quite sharp, with 210 bhp and claimed max of 143mph and 60 coming in 8.6 secs. The 1.8 sucks big hairy balls, with 117bhp, max 122, 60 in 11.3, and the 2 litre has 143bhp, max 131 and 60 in 9.1.
The oil burners are defo the way to go. The 2.0 HDi 16v has 138bhp, but loads of torque, so in gear is as quick as the V6
>> Edited by djmojo on Friday 11th February 14:21
The oil burners are defo the way to go. The 2.0 HDi 16v has 138bhp, but loads of torque, so in gear is as quick as the V6
>> Edited by djmojo on Friday 11th February 14:21
It must be the 1.8 litre.
Having wheezed a displayed mid-hundred & teens, the boite de stinky weed proceeded to fold it's arms and go on stirke.
When you consider how good contemporary cars from Germany and Japan are, this pile of rot is inexcusable.
I kid you not, a 1978 Chrysler Alpine GL was less insipid. The GLX had lectric front windows, btw.
Having wheezed a displayed mid-hundred & teens, the boite de stinky weed proceeded to fold it's arms and go on stirke.
When you consider how good contemporary cars from Germany and Japan are, this pile of rot is inexcusable.
I kid you not, a 1978 Chrysler Alpine GL was less insipid. The GLX had lectric front windows, btw.
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