Returning to England - The Joy and the Pain..
Discussion
Well, the holiday's over. The incipient and implacable primeval requirement to anually join several hundred noisy, smelly muppets on a plane to go somewhere that every brand of beer tastes the same and the sea has shite floating in it has been appeased for another year.
The last day of sangria-dodging spent dreaming of a blast in the Tiv and a cup of tea with proper milk
The pain. Gatwick Airport. Bear in mind that I've been though a lot of UK and European airport in the last few years, as I'm sure many of you have. At Gatwick, the departure area is not all bad, in the same marginal way as most airports, but the arrivals 'experience' was for me one of the most utterly depressing episodes possible.
It is distressing to think that this is the first impression of England that many thousands of people are given every year. You're sure to get plenty of time to comtemplate this whilst you're stood in the pre-arrivals hall which resembles an unkept wash-house. This is becase you can expect to wait over 30 minutes, for the info-screens to tell you where your luggage has a reasonable chance of appearing.
You'll have time to do much pondering as you wait for over half an hour in this crowded, dank, ill-lit, un-clean room for them to make with the god damned luggage.
Having trapsed practically a mile from the plane which was docked at the far end of probably the only gangway in Europe not to have a moving walkway to get this far, look on in wonder at the moving walkways after the baggage area that are out of service and roped off, allowing numpties to walk four abreast at 'gentle stroll on the prom' pace in the remaining gangway.
Snigger as CarZee rolls up behind them and by way of light relief of the compounded misery, loudly annouces that 'Some of us would like to get a fcuking move on!'
The first folling roadblock of four wide loads collects on the right, the second on the left. Looks like rain, dear. I wonder if they'll still switch the illuminations on. Eeee, it 'an't half changed round here. No progress.
A lot of people giving my furtive glances though. 
It was my final error before boarding my outbound flight a week previously that I'd failed to phone the taxi company and tell them that if they sent the same taxi driver to collect us as had dropped us off I'd kill them all and introduce Scruff to their daughters. The taxi driver had been utterly dreadful. Bad routes, car in doubtless need of attention, lane discipline non existant, attention to the road non-existant, speed of progress readily calculable by how many milk floats went past us each minute. I wanted to beat this fcuker to death by the time we got to Gatwick.
So you'll be mildly unsurprised that the same former husband of Dierdre on Coronation Street did indeed turn up for us. Less surprising still is the fact that once again I was besides myself by the time we reached our destination. Can anyone tell me why you need to whittle your way through the back streets of Brighton to get to Hove from the M23 on a Saturday night? Or indeed any other time of day or sodding night?
To his credit, I think he'd sensed my tense mumblings and took me as some kind of witch doctor uttering incantations, so he came in at a fiver under the quoted price.
To my discredit, I still haven't phoned the taxi company to tell them what a shower of shit he is and the moment has now passed. The guy should not be on the road, let alone taking fare-paying passengers.
Anyway, what the hell is up with the water and milk in Europe? And why does Amstel taste the same as Heineken taste the same as San Miguel taste the same as Budweiser??
Today, however, I had a great blast in the Tiv, got a wave from a blue Chimaera owner (Don?) on the Alton road, my first subscription copy of Evo arrived while I was away, so I'm reading that now... oh and Dreemteam starts again on Sky One tonight..
Job's a goodun - glad to be home..
The last day of sangria-dodging spent dreaming of a blast in the Tiv and a cup of tea with proper milk
The pain. Gatwick Airport. Bear in mind that I've been though a lot of UK and European airport in the last few years, as I'm sure many of you have. At Gatwick, the departure area is not all bad, in the same marginal way as most airports, but the arrivals 'experience' was for me one of the most utterly depressing episodes possible.
It is distressing to think that this is the first impression of England that many thousands of people are given every year. You're sure to get plenty of time to comtemplate this whilst you're stood in the pre-arrivals hall which resembles an unkept wash-house. This is becase you can expect to wait over 30 minutes, for the info-screens to tell you where your luggage has a reasonable chance of appearing.
You'll have time to do much pondering as you wait for over half an hour in this crowded, dank, ill-lit, un-clean room for them to make with the god damned luggage.
Having trapsed practically a mile from the plane which was docked at the far end of probably the only gangway in Europe not to have a moving walkway to get this far, look on in wonder at the moving walkways after the baggage area that are out of service and roped off, allowing numpties to walk four abreast at 'gentle stroll on the prom' pace in the remaining gangway.
Snigger as CarZee rolls up behind them and by way of light relief of the compounded misery, loudly annouces that 'Some of us would like to get a fcuking move on!'
The first folling roadblock of four wide loads collects on the right, the second on the left. Looks like rain, dear. I wonder if they'll still switch the illuminations on. Eeee, it 'an't half changed round here. No progress.
A lot of people giving my furtive glances though. It was my final error before boarding my outbound flight a week previously that I'd failed to phone the taxi company and tell them that if they sent the same taxi driver to collect us as had dropped us off I'd kill them all and introduce Scruff to their daughters. The taxi driver had been utterly dreadful. Bad routes, car in doubtless need of attention, lane discipline non existant, attention to the road non-existant, speed of progress readily calculable by how many milk floats went past us each minute. I wanted to beat this fcuker to death by the time we got to Gatwick.
So you'll be mildly unsurprised that the same former husband of Dierdre on Coronation Street did indeed turn up for us. Less surprising still is the fact that once again I was besides myself by the time we reached our destination. Can anyone tell me why you need to whittle your way through the back streets of Brighton to get to Hove from the M23 on a Saturday night? Or indeed any other time of day or sodding night?
To his credit, I think he'd sensed my tense mumblings and took me as some kind of witch doctor uttering incantations, so he came in at a fiver under the quoted price.
To my discredit, I still haven't phoned the taxi company to tell them what a shower of shit he is and the moment has now passed. The guy should not be on the road, let alone taking fare-paying passengers.
Anyway, what the hell is up with the water and milk in Europe? And why does Amstel taste the same as Heineken taste the same as San Miguel taste the same as Budweiser??
Today, however, I had a great blast in the Tiv, got a wave from a blue Chimaera owner (Don?) on the Alton road, my first subscription copy of Evo arrived while I was away, so I'm reading that now... oh and Dreemteam starts again on Sky One tonight..
Job's a goodun - glad to be home..
You're happy to be back then, CarZee??
Try Heraklion
. Or Luton, for that matter. These make Gatwick look like a well-sorted, state-of-the-art facility. Heathrow's good, though (I always fly from there if I can, mainly because it's only 15 minutes from home!). And Schiphol will be great when they've finished it. (How many years now??)
You sure they weren't just having a laugh and actually landed at Stansted then made you walk to baggage reclaim at Gatwick?
Look on the bright side, mate. Now at least you can spend the rest of this year and half of next looking forward to the next annual jaunt to parts foreign!
Welcome back, place hasn't been the same without you...
quote:
The pain. Gatwick Airport. Bear in mind that I've been though a lot of UK and European airport in the last few years, as I'm sure many of you have. At Gatwick, the departure area is not all bad, in the same marginal way as most airports, but the arrivals 'experience' was for me one of the most utterly depressing episodes possible.
Try Heraklion
. Or Luton, for that matter. These make Gatwick look like a well-sorted, state-of-the-art facility. Heathrow's good, though (I always fly from there if I can, mainly because it's only 15 minutes from home!). And Schiphol will be great when they've finished it. (How many years now??) quote:
Having trapsed practically a mile from the plane which was docked at the far end of probably the only gangway in Europe not to have a moving walkway to get this far
You sure they weren't just having a laugh and actually landed at Stansted then made you walk to baggage reclaim at Gatwick?
quote:
...and introduce Scruff to their daughters.
Look on the bright side, mate. Now at least you can spend the rest of this year and half of next looking forward to the next annual jaunt to parts foreign!
Welcome back, place hasn't been the same without you...
quote:
Well, the holiday's over. The incipient and implacable primeval requirement to anually join several hundred noisy, smelly muppets on a plane to go somewhere that every brand of beer tastes the same and the sea has shite floating in it has been appeased for another year.
It's like that when you go to the popular spots.
Next time, try for someplace off the beaten track. My usual
is to try someplace where English isn't spoken.
Certain to get someplace unusual then.
quote:
This is becase you can expect to wait over 30 minutes, for the info-screens to tell you where your luggage has a reasonable chance of appearing.
Experienced travellers never have luggage for the hold.
If you can't carry it onto the plane yourself, it ain't worth taking.
quote:
It was my final error before boarding my outbound flight a week previously that I'd failed to phone the taxi company and tell them that if they sent the same taxi driver to collect us as had dropped us off I'd kill them all and introduce Scruff to their daughters.
Public transport from Gatters to Hove not an option ?
Sorry I forgot, they stop running at 10:30 pm.
quote:
And why does Amstel taste the same as Heineken taste the same as San Miguel taste the same as Budweiser??
To appeal to the mass market, where the money is.
You don't have to drink bland drink, you know.
www.camra.org.uk
Mines a pint of rauchbier - like sticking your tongue
in an ashtray.
quote:
And Schiphol will be great when they've finished it. (How many years now??)
Thay have. Or at least I think they have. Flew through there to the USA a month or so ago, and had advance visions of walking the five miles or so from gate to gate with all my luggage.
But no... my luggage was checked end to end, and there are moving walkways everywhere which, wait for it, actually move. Eeee by 'eck, heaven.
Amsterdam Shithole Airport no longer.
quote:
quote:
And Schiphol will be great when they've finished it. (How many years now??)
Thay have. Or at least I think they have. Flew through there to the USA a month or so ago, and had advance visions of walking the five miles or so from gate to gate with all my luggage.
But no... my luggage was checked end to end, and there are moving walkways everywhere which, wait for it, actually move. Eeee by 'eck, heaven.
Amsterdam Shithole Airport no longer.
Really?? Good grief, whatever is the world coming to. Schiphol finished. No more building site! No more walks halfway to Heathrow to get to the right gate!
I'm in shock. Have to go to Schiphol now to check it out for myself!!
That'll be one cool airport if it is finished... 
Edited to say: I don't believe I just posted waxing lyrical about an airport. At almost 01:30. Life is a weird place sometimes...
>> Edited by SGirl on Monday 7th October 01:26
quote:In all fairness I am much more relaxed than when I left last weekend, and last night's outburst was wonderfully cathartic..
Welcome back to the great British malaise of actually being more wound up by your return than you were before you left. Why do we do it to ourselves?
And I am glad to be back..
Part of the point I was making is that for most of my life I can avoid entirely such unfavourable situations as Gatwick airport and ripoff frightening taxi drivers.. but when engaging on one's annual solar suckling, you cannot avoid these appaling side-servings.
I'm quite sure now that I'd choose touring (driving) holidays over this relatively modern tradition of the beach/pool/airports/hire-car pursuit.
quote:
...last night's outburst was wonderfully cathartic..
I'm quite sure now that I'd choose touring (driving) holidays over this relatively modern tradition of the beach/pool/airports/hire-car pursuit.
The Master returns!
Quick; scurry into the shadows, you meek apprentices, lest you are dealt a tongue lashing by the Dark Lord of Verbotic Constriction Himself...
The Northern Hoardes salute thee.
(And yes, ferry, sleep and vast speed will always supplant the horror of pilchard class packagism c/o aerial bus battery travel.)
Well, I've just returned to England too after spending a week in land of slumber that is Norway. Slumber in this case is certainly not a derogatory term, quite the opposite in fact.
Whilst their taxes are extortionately high, their standard of living easily surpasses anything we currently experience in the UK. Stunning countryside with equally impressive roads tempt the adventurous driver, but the speed limits are a little on the conservative side.
The houses are spacious and welcoming, several times larger than their English contemporaries. The people are relaxed and friendly - very few 'scrotes' to speak of and even then only in the countryside where the rednecks tend to dwell.
All in all a bit foa culture shock coming back to crowded, stressed England. But then beer isn't 5 quid a pint here though
Whilst their taxes are extortionately high, their standard of living easily surpasses anything we currently experience in the UK. Stunning countryside with equally impressive roads tempt the adventurous driver, but the speed limits are a little on the conservative side.
The houses are spacious and welcoming, several times larger than their English contemporaries. The people are relaxed and friendly - very few 'scrotes' to speak of and even then only in the countryside where the rednecks tend to dwell.
All in all a bit foa culture shock coming back to crowded, stressed England. But then beer isn't 5 quid a pint here though
quote:
Can anyone tell me why you need to whittle your way through the back streets of Brighton to get to Hove from the M23 on a Saturday night? Or indeed any other time of day or sodding night? [quote/]
I didnt realise that you lived in my neck of the woods1
Perhaps the cab driver isnt aware of the by-pass that was built about 9 years ago
quote:
To my discredit, I still haven't phoned the taxi company to tell them what a shower of shit he is and the moment has now passed. The guy should not be on the road, let alone taking fare-paying passengers.
Which company - 1 to avoid?
quote:
Whilst their taxes are extortionately high, their standard of living easily surpasses anything we currently experience in the UK. Stunning countryside with equally impressive roads tempt the adventurous driver, but the speed limits are a little on the conservative side.
The houses are spacious and welcoming, several times larger than their English contemporaries. The people are relaxed and friendly - very few 'scrotes' to speak of and even then only in the countryside where the rednecks tend to dwell.
All in all a bit foa culture shock coming back to crowded, stressed England. But then beer isn't 5 quid a pint here though
Well observed, Sir!
The oft noted dilemma for many back from a Western Euro jaunt; however, I think it is not a matter of higher taxation supporting a better infrastructural mechanism for individual advancement, rather, a case of the scrotial disposition of nations' populae.
The Euro boys are basically a bunch of naiive, post war hippies; a lifestyle that their massive person per square mile advantage affords them; Blighty is blighted by a pathetic beer culture and our warrior breed has never found fulfillment since 1945 and the steady erosion of worthwhile industrial and military complexes.
Derestrictor, have you read "The English" by Paxman?
To a history novice like myself it provides a remarkable insight into the fabric of our culture and our shared, and indeed differing experiences of England and Englishness.
Obviously, Paxman has a tendency to be just a little bit precious with some of the PC commentary, but factually the book is a remarkable drawing together of observations from hundreds of diverse sources. It represents an enormous body of work.
The thing that has struck me most strongly is not any sense of 'shamefulness' or absurdity about Englishness, but that as a nation (Britain), in cultural and social terms we stand to lose more by engaging in further European integration than any nation on the continental landmass.
Reading the book whilst ensconced in foreign climes this last week made this point all the more lucid to me.
What I would disagree with is your assertion that we are a warrior breed. IMO we are not. We are an insular, private, generally reflective culture who really do like a nice cup of tea and a sit down in our own homes and to shut the world out of our personal lives.
We are also a culture which has suffered more than the majority of Europe from the perils of what one might call liberalism (or might equally call idealism or utopianism) since the second world war, because for several hundred years we have had a different intellectual tradition from most of Europe.
Also, our geographical isolation has always allowed more peculiar and eccentric views to blossom. If the truth be told, only us and Benelux have been responsible for the liberal ideals in the ECHR, Social Charter etc - France, Germany, Spain, Italy all have more pressing national issues to deal with and have historically been more prone to pressures from extremism of church and state, hence have been more prepared to be shall we say expedient to get where they were going as nations.
As for our 'lager culture' and our scrotes, well I ascribe this to fallout from the 60's and 70's which affected UK and USA, but really not to the same extent in continental (non English speaking) Europe. The outcome has been 'hippy' ethics in the areas of child-rearing, discipline and education. Which is why we have now a couple of generations, most of whom wouldn't give a flying fark for anyone and have no faculties or compulsion to intellectually analise or modify thier demeanour.
As to the merits or otherwise of the Scandinavian approach... well, it's not for me.. the idea of Eugenics has a certain merit, but some of the other concomitant control-freakery just goes too far for. And there's no selling a cold place to me anyway..
The outcome is that we truely do live in what has historically been the most free and equitable society in Europe, where the state cannot trample the common man underfoot. To give an example of this, whilst we shout and moan that our state machinery makes us look foolish compated to (even) the French in our inability to get our highspeed link to the Channel tunnel sorted out.
The other side of the coin is as I believe one of the French PHers pointed out - we *could* rejoice in the fact that the reason we won't have got our side of the link completed ten years after France finished theirs is that in this country, the government cannot and will not raise taxes and bulldoze people out of their homes to achieve their grand design without due and lengthy process.
The more integrated with Europe we become, the more we can expect our Government to behave like the French or German state in bulldozing us and our wishes in the pursuit of their grand goals. We are starting to see it and it is my hope that we will stop it before it's too late.
>> Edited by CarZee on Monday 7th October 12:20
To a history novice like myself it provides a remarkable insight into the fabric of our culture and our shared, and indeed differing experiences of England and Englishness.
Obviously, Paxman has a tendency to be just a little bit precious with some of the PC commentary, but factually the book is a remarkable drawing together of observations from hundreds of diverse sources. It represents an enormous body of work.
The thing that has struck me most strongly is not any sense of 'shamefulness' or absurdity about Englishness, but that as a nation (Britain), in cultural and social terms we stand to lose more by engaging in further European integration than any nation on the continental landmass.
Reading the book whilst ensconced in foreign climes this last week made this point all the more lucid to me.
What I would disagree with is your assertion that we are a warrior breed. IMO we are not. We are an insular, private, generally reflective culture who really do like a nice cup of tea and a sit down in our own homes and to shut the world out of our personal lives.
We are also a culture which has suffered more than the majority of Europe from the perils of what one might call liberalism (or might equally call idealism or utopianism) since the second world war, because for several hundred years we have had a different intellectual tradition from most of Europe.
Also, our geographical isolation has always allowed more peculiar and eccentric views to blossom. If the truth be told, only us and Benelux have been responsible for the liberal ideals in the ECHR, Social Charter etc - France, Germany, Spain, Italy all have more pressing national issues to deal with and have historically been more prone to pressures from extremism of church and state, hence have been more prepared to be shall we say expedient to get where they were going as nations.
As for our 'lager culture' and our scrotes, well I ascribe this to fallout from the 60's and 70's which affected UK and USA, but really not to the same extent in continental (non English speaking) Europe. The outcome has been 'hippy' ethics in the areas of child-rearing, discipline and education. Which is why we have now a couple of generations, most of whom wouldn't give a flying fark for anyone and have no faculties or compulsion to intellectually analise or modify thier demeanour.
As to the merits or otherwise of the Scandinavian approach... well, it's not for me.. the idea of Eugenics has a certain merit, but some of the other concomitant control-freakery just goes too far for. And there's no selling a cold place to me anyway..
The outcome is that we truely do live in what has historically been the most free and equitable society in Europe, where the state cannot trample the common man underfoot. To give an example of this, whilst we shout and moan that our state machinery makes us look foolish compated to (even) the French in our inability to get our highspeed link to the Channel tunnel sorted out.
The other side of the coin is as I believe one of the French PHers pointed out - we *could* rejoice in the fact that the reason we won't have got our side of the link completed ten years after France finished theirs is that in this country, the government cannot and will not raise taxes and bulldoze people out of their homes to achieve their grand design without due and lengthy process.
The more integrated with Europe we become, the more we can expect our Government to behave like the French or German state in bulldozing us and our wishes in the pursuit of their grand goals. We are starting to see it and it is my hope that we will stop it before it's too late.
>> Edited by CarZee on Monday 7th October 12:20
Tremendous stuff, CarZee. It really is good to have 'that mind' back on line...
Superb observations, as ever and no, I haven't read it but I will. Sounds fascinating.
I say warrior breed because despite the progression of non-militarism generally, for some decades now, I think we are a bunch of scrappers. Perhaps more by leadership than individual design but nonetheless part of our heritage and whether you take it from Poitiers, Crecy or 1415s most famous Anglo-French tete a tete, the Civil War years, days of empire or the World Wars, I think underneath it all, there is a kind of associated pride - however foolish or misplaced, comtemporarily such might be - with this tendancy.
Of course, the benefit gang are quite the antithesis of this right now but if you scrape away the limescale the heart of the lion beats, however meekly.
It needs Arthur Pendragon...it needs, Excalibur!
{BTW, I thought you had an Audi TT? Which TVR d'ya have?}
Superb observations, as ever and no, I haven't read it but I will. Sounds fascinating.
I say warrior breed because despite the progression of non-militarism generally, for some decades now, I think we are a bunch of scrappers. Perhaps more by leadership than individual design but nonetheless part of our heritage and whether you take it from Poitiers, Crecy or 1415s most famous Anglo-French tete a tete, the Civil War years, days of empire or the World Wars, I think underneath it all, there is a kind of associated pride - however foolish or misplaced, comtemporarily such might be - with this tendancy.
Of course, the benefit gang are quite the antithesis of this right now but if you scrape away the limescale the heart of the lion beats, however meekly.
It needs Arthur Pendragon...it needs, Excalibur!
{BTW, I thought you had an Audi TT? Which TVR d'ya have?}
Yeah - I had a TT. It had to go a couple of months back for financial reaons.. so I bought an S2 (see my profile. )
More insight here:
Oh, and you may have heard this tale before, but on the subject of our arguable righteousness toward the French, Wooodrow Wyatt, when asked to spell his name at the reception of a French Hotel, declared "Waterloo, Ypres, Agincourt, Trafalgar, Trafalgar."
>> Edited by CarZee on Monday 7th October 12:44
More insight here:
Oh, and you may have heard this tale before, but on the subject of our arguable righteousness toward the French, Wooodrow Wyatt, when asked to spell his name at the reception of a French Hotel, declared "Waterloo, Ypres, Agincourt, Trafalgar, Trafalgar."
>> Edited by CarZee on Monday 7th October 12:44
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