How did you find out Santa wasn't real…
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Vicar Slays Santa, Shocks Children 1 hour, 5 minutes ago
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LONDON (Reuters) - A British vicar reduced young children to tears and stunned their parents when he said Santa Claus and his reindeer would burn to a crisp while delivering presents at supersonic speed.
Stand-in vicar Lee Rayfield shattered the illusions of dozens of kids when he joked in his carol service sermon that Santa and his reindeer would burn up doing 3,000 times the speed of sound as they delivered gifts to 91.8 million homes.
"I am mortified and appreciate that I have put some parents in a difficult position with a lot of explaining to do," Rayfield told Wednesday's Daily Telegraph. "I love Christmas."
Newspapers said many children at the school service at St Mary's Church in Maidenhead, west of London, were distraught when Rayfield pointed out that it was logically impossible for one man and his sleigh to deliver 378 million presents in just 31 hours.
"There were a lot of children there who still believe in Santa Claus, or did so until last night," Sue Smee, who attended the service with her five- and nine-year-old sons, told the Daily Mirror. "It has left us parents with a lot of explaining to do today," she added. edited to replace smiley with a frown
>>> Edited by Mrs Fish on Wednesday 11th December 16:35
There, there, Mungo old bean. Don't listen to her. Of course he's real!! 
[whisper]Mrs Fish, don't tell him the truth or he'll be inconsolable![/whisper]
Edited to add: We can but speculate on what Mungo wants for Christmas. Bet it involves stockings, though.
>> Edited by SGirl on Wednesday 11th December 16:42
[whisper]Mrs Fish, don't tell him the truth or he'll be inconsolable![/whisper]
Edited to add: We can but speculate on what Mungo wants for Christmas. Bet it involves stockings, though.
>> Edited by SGirl on Wednesday 11th December 16:42
He's got to be real. Take a look at how Norad will track his progress on the night of the 24th...
www.noradsanta.org/english/home/index.html
www.noradsanta.org/english/home/index.html
ds 
Don't worry people the nasty vicar was only joking.
'Stand-in vicar Lee Rayfield shattered the illusions of dozens of kids when he JOKED in his carol service sermon that Santa and his reindeer would burn up doing 3,000 times the speed of sound as they delivered gifts to 91.8 million homes'.
But he does have a point
'Stand-in vicar Lee Rayfield shattered the illusions of dozens of kids when he JOKED in his carol service sermon that Santa and his reindeer would burn up doing 3,000 times the speed of sound as they delivered gifts to 91.8 million homes'.
But he does have a point
Mrs Fish said: Don't worry people the nasty vicar was only joking.
'Stand-in vicar Lee Rayfield shattered the illusions of dozens of kids when he JOKED in his carol service sermon that Santa and his reindeer would burn up doing 3,000 times the speed of sound as they delivered gifts to 91.8 million homes'.
But he does have a point
No he doesn't.
Not everyone believes in Santa and his reindeer - in some countries they have Christmas gnomes (you know who you are!!), for instance. So Santa only has to deliver to people who believe in him. That should make life easier for the old fella!! The class bloody know it all told me when I was about 7. I was so fcuking angry thinking that now I knew he wouldn't come I chucked his Tonka truck out the window narrowly missing a teacher (second floor) and promptly got caned. Boy did I make him pay for that. Still don't like him to this day but that is for, admitedly, completely different and thoroughly unsavoury reasons.
All this stuff about him burnign up from travelling so fast ... Santa is in fact a (rather large) quantum particle.
This means that he can exist in 91.8 million different states simultaneously, and just like Schrodinger's cat, as long as no-one sees him he is equally valid in any one of those states (ie he can be in every child's home at the same time).
The upshot of this, of course, is that if one child stays awake to see Santa, all his alternate states instantly collapse into just the one. This means that not only does the child who sees Santa not get any presents, but no-one else does either.
You could of course point out that when all the potential-Santas coalesce into just the one, the kid who saw him would get the lot. However, Santa would obviosly be so pi$$ed off that he'd take 'em all back to Lapland.
So it's really, really bad to stay awake when Santa's coming!
PS Santa is an anagram of Satan
This means that he can exist in 91.8 million different states simultaneously, and just like Schrodinger's cat, as long as no-one sees him he is equally valid in any one of those states (ie he can be in every child's home at the same time).
The upshot of this, of course, is that if one child stays awake to see Santa, all his alternate states instantly collapse into just the one. This means that not only does the child who sees Santa not get any presents, but no-one else does either.
You could of course point out that when all the potential-Santas coalesce into just the one, the kid who saw him would get the lot. However, Santa would obviosly be so pi$$ed off that he'd take 'em all back to Lapland.
So it's really, really bad to stay awake when Santa's coming!
PS Santa is an anagram of Satan
SBD said: The class bloody know it all told me when I was about 7. I was so fcuking angry thinking that now I knew he wouldn't come I chucked his Tonka truck out the window narrowly missing a teacher (second floor) and promptly got caned. Boy did I make him pay for that. Still don't like him to this day but that is for, admitedly, completely different and thoroughly unsavoury reasons.
Our class little bastard told me when I was 6 so I hit him. Then he went and told the teacher so she hit him. life was so much simpler then
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