Hum-sodding-bug!
Discussion
I bloody hate Christmas shopping.
I always leave it too damn late which is obviously my fault but I'm just too busy helping Gordon fleece me.
I particularly loathe having to mix it with the plebs -and what a shower! As I said to an enlightened PHer whilst braving the massed ranks of proles in one God awful emporium, some of these people had clearly never sat on chairs.
I'm not sure what I find most dire about the whole process: the inevitable car jam into town? The hopelessly inadequate car parks that were designed by an Italian with a passion for Lambo scissor doors cos there's eff all room to open a door sideways without crushing a Micra? The scandalous price of Christmas cards (£8 for a couple of pieces of compressed sawdust that lobotomised toad spawn could have improved upon)? The female muppets who inevitably spend an age in front of the cashpoint discussing their next ear perming session instead of getting the hell on with business? Or the ridiculous woman on the 'Lancome' counter, determined to explain the joys of natural balmed exfoliating herbis coy carp sperm cream when it's quite obvious that I'm about to undergo a very violent embellism?
It's all garbage and Cromwell was bang on.
Watchtower, anyone?
Having said that, nothing beats the unadulterated joy of unwrapping multiple DVD movies and a plethora of car mags which 'er indoors has violently banned me from buying recently, first thing on Chrissie morn, suffusing that hopelessly gleeful feeling with one's first flaggon of ale and yard of Cadbury's finest!
Now I think I understand why Mungo wants to be the new Buddhist porn star.
Chin, chin.
I always leave it too damn late which is obviously my fault but I'm just too busy helping Gordon fleece me.
I particularly loathe having to mix it with the plebs -and what a shower! As I said to an enlightened PHer whilst braving the massed ranks of proles in one God awful emporium, some of these people had clearly never sat on chairs.
I'm not sure what I find most dire about the whole process: the inevitable car jam into town? The hopelessly inadequate car parks that were designed by an Italian with a passion for Lambo scissor doors cos there's eff all room to open a door sideways without crushing a Micra? The scandalous price of Christmas cards (£8 for a couple of pieces of compressed sawdust that lobotomised toad spawn could have improved upon)? The female muppets who inevitably spend an age in front of the cashpoint discussing their next ear perming session instead of getting the hell on with business? Or the ridiculous woman on the 'Lancome' counter, determined to explain the joys of natural balmed exfoliating herbis coy carp sperm cream when it's quite obvious that I'm about to undergo a very violent embellism?
It's all garbage and Cromwell was bang on.
Watchtower, anyone?
Having said that, nothing beats the unadulterated joy of unwrapping multiple DVD movies and a plethora of car mags which 'er indoors has violently banned me from buying recently, first thing on Chrissie morn, suffusing that hopelessly gleeful feeling with one's first flaggon of ale and yard of Cadbury's finest!
Now I think I understand why Mungo wants to be the new Buddhist porn star.
Chin, chin.
Entirely correct, old bean. Though surely you must retain some semblance of composure in the traffic jams whilst reposing in the Bentley to the strains of Mendelssohn or Tchaikovsky (or perhaps the energetic outpourings of Mr. Bongiovi?).
As for hoi polloi (not 'THE hoi polloi', I studied Greek, you know...), simply add extra Fava beans, and uncork another bottle of Chianti.
Pip pip
As for hoi polloi (not 'THE hoi polloi', I studied Greek, you know...), simply add extra Fava beans, and uncork another bottle of Chianti.
Pip pip
Suggs said:
Not sure about the reference to chairs though. Care to elucidate old chap?
>> Edited by Suggs on Friday 20th December 15:36
No problem Suggs. 'Twas I who called Our Man in the midst of his shopping nightmare, and we collectively agreed that most of the great unwashed out shopping clearly had never sat on chairs before.
This comment is not entirely original; it was originally uttered by our very own Mr Basil Fawlty. Imagine old Bas as Prime Minister - now THERE'S a thought.
Probably not far from the truth, didn't Mr F always do what his wife told him
GregE240 said:Imagine Mr Basil Fawlty as Prime Minister - now THERE'S a thought.
WMF "I'm in some trouble with an Australian con-man"
BL "I'll sort that right away dear" (under breath) "wand obviously in for servicing"
WMF "I heard that"
etc
) don't be afraid to post 
Ricardo - the empathy is indeed appreciated! Frankly, as I keep banging on about, I can't help feeling a return to a neo-fuedalistic system of societal order would be of immense benefit to the Realm of Arthur.
The ref to 'sitting on chairs' is shamelessly taken from my favourite comic creation of all time and John 'I vote liberal co I can afford to' Cleese's finest hour in Fawlty Towers, as the man, the myth, the legend that is/was, Basil de la Fawlt.
It typifies his hilarious snobbery and runs alongside such classics as 'you don't want the working class poking it's nose in' and references to their culinary dispostions during 'Gourmet Night' include such fabulous remarks as providing them 'with a trough full of baked beans, garnsihed with a couple of dead dogs!'
(Thanks for reminding me, Greg!)
Cheers Boss - have a goodie!
P.S. I shall still be here, ranting aimlessly away until 5PM on the eve of the coming of Big C.
The ref to 'sitting on chairs' is shamelessly taken from my favourite comic creation of all time and John 'I vote liberal co I can afford to' Cleese's finest hour in Fawlty Towers, as the man, the myth, the legend that is/was, Basil de la Fawlt.
It typifies his hilarious snobbery and runs alongside such classics as 'you don't want the working class poking it's nose in' and references to their culinary dispostions during 'Gourmet Night' include such fabulous remarks as providing them 'with a trough full of baked beans, garnsihed with a couple of dead dogs!'
(Thanks for reminding me, Greg!)
Cheers Boss - have a goodie!
P.S. I shall still be here, ranting aimlessly away until 5PM on the eve of the coming of Big C.
That's it. I've finished (almost)
I've taken most of today off mixing with the masses and having a blood pressure raising time buying prezzies for my loved ones. Next year I'll do christmas shopping on a dull monday morning in August and with the assistance of a certain site named after a Brazillian rain forest.
A question for you all. Why are things I want invariably out of stock?
Two things have particularly pissed me off. Richard Burns biography (for my petrolhead brother) and a Harry Potter DVD (encouraging satanism to my god daughter). Every bloody bookshop I've been into has sold out, and no ones bothered to order more. Meanwhile the biography section is full of non entities who've achieved bugger all such as Mel B and Ulrikakakaka. You'd think the bookshops would recognise that people who can afford to spend £15 on a book are intellegent enough to want to read about someone who has actually bloody achieved something. FFS. And now onto Harry Bloody Potter. All the record shops, WH Smiths all got a look in. Bloody useless, sold out. "WELL STOP PROMOTING IT THEN" eventually went into my local blockbuster video shop at 3pm today, we're sold out, but I'll make a call, 3 minutes later the DVD will be at the shop next monday. TOP MARKS BLOCKBUSTERS. THE REST OF YOU, GO BUST.
Of course I've gone through this knowing what I'm getting for christmas. Not really surprising as I ordered it, I paid for it, it arrived at my house in a big box and immediately got confiscated from the postman (Zymol kit for Ze Beast) HUM-SODDING-BUG indeed Mr DeR.
Still life is good. My younger brother is 30 on sunday and we're going to have the piss up of the year. You may notice a few more spelling mistakes than normal on monday if I post, don't blame me, blame the bordeaux region of France, Mr Smirnoff and Mr Redbull.
DAZ
soon to be
I've taken most of today off mixing with the masses and having a blood pressure raising time buying prezzies for my loved ones. Next year I'll do christmas shopping on a dull monday morning in August and with the assistance of a certain site named after a Brazillian rain forest.
A question for you all. Why are things I want invariably out of stock?
Two things have particularly pissed me off. Richard Burns biography (for my petrolhead brother) and a Harry Potter DVD (encouraging satanism to my god daughter
). Every bloody bookshop I've been into has sold out, and no ones bothered to order more. Meanwhile the biography section is full of non entities who've achieved bugger all such as Mel B and Ulrikakakaka. You'd think the bookshops would recognise that people who can afford to spend £15 on a book are intellegent enough to want to read about someone who has actually bloody achieved something. FFS. And now onto Harry Bloody Potter. All the record shops, WH Smiths all got a look in. Bloody useless, sold out. "WELL STOP PROMOTING IT THEN" eventually went into my local blockbuster video shop at 3pm today, we're sold out, but I'll make a call, 3 minutes later the DVD will be at the shop next monday. TOP MARKS BLOCKBUSTERS. THE REST OF YOU, GO BUST. Of course I've gone through this knowing what I'm getting for christmas. Not really surprising as I ordered it, I paid for it, it arrived at my house in a big box and immediately got confiscated from the postman (Zymol kit for Ze Beast) HUM-SODDING-BUG indeed Mr DeR.
Still life is good. My younger brother is 30 on sunday and we're going to have the piss up of the year. You may notice a few more spelling mistakes than normal on monday if I post, don't blame me, blame the bordeaux region of France, Mr Smirnoff and Mr Redbull.
DAZ
soon to be
Suggs said: Ah yes the unforgettable Fatty Owls. (Where did the WER go?)
How the mighty have fallen. Prunella Scales, degenerated from the guffawing, harridan Sybil Fawlty to some bewildered, irritating old tart in the Tescos ad.
Sad
An upside to the season of good will (not that I've seen much of that whilst fighting the collected masses) is that there are bound to be repeats of this golden era of televisual delights. Veal substitute anyone?
These are going straight on tonight! 
:sctachchin: This year the Podie and Mrs Podie households had pow-wow.
Decided that we were all pretty well off, and pretty lucky to be honest, so we've each spend a maximum of £10 on each other as a token gesture.
You know what? Christmas shopping was actually quite a laugh this year... and I think people will get things they'll actually use.
Real nice touch is that everyone has put their hand in their pocket and donated some money to suitable charities.
Have a good one people... know we will!
Decided that we were all pretty well off, and pretty lucky to be honest, so we've each spend a maximum of £10 on each other as a token gesture.
You know what? Christmas shopping was actually quite a laugh this year... and I think people will get things they'll actually use.
Real nice touch is that everyone has put their hand in their pocket and donated some money to suitable charities.
Have a good one people... know we will!
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