30 Comandments....
Discussion
I know this is a bad habit, but I've been sent some fitting ones for PH over the last few days...
...this one especially so
leasedon'tbeatmeupifyou'veseenitbefore:
The 30 commandments
1. Any Man who brings a camera to a stag night may
be legally killed and
eaten by his fellow partygoers.
2. Under no circumstances may two men share an
umbrella.
3. It is OK for a man to cry under the following
circumstances: a. When a
heroic dog dies to save its master. b. The moment
Angelina Jolie starts
unbuttoning her blouse. c. After wrecking your boss'
car. d. One hour, 12
minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game". e. When
she is using her teeth.
4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you
must bail a friend out of
jail within 12 hours.
5. If you've known a bloke for more than 24 hours,
his sister is off limits
forever, unless you actually marry her.
6. Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's
fridge is forbidden.
Complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
7. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday
present for another man.
In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is
strictly optional.
8. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines
pit stops, not the
weakest.
9. When stumbling upon other blokes watching a
sporting event, you may ask
the score of the game in progress, but you may never
ask who's playing.
10. You may flatulate in front of a woman only after
you have brought her to
climax. If you trap her head under the covers for
the purpose of flatulent
entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
11. It is permissible to quaff a fruity alcopop
drink only when you're
sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by
a topless
supermodel...and it's free.
12. Only in situations of moral and/or physical
peril are you allowed to
kick another bloke in the nuts.
13. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
14. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever.
Issue closed.
15. If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you
didn't see anything.
16. Women who claim to "love watching sports" must
be treated as spies until
they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the
ability to drink as much as
the other sports watchers.
17. You must offer heartfelt and public condolences over the death of a
girlfriend's cat, even if it was you who secretly
set it on fire and threw
it into a ceiling fan.
18. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively
dressed woman must remain
sober enough to fight.
19. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the
last slice of pizza,
but not both - that's just mean.
20. If you compliment a bloke on his six-pack, you'd
better be talking about
his choice of beer.
21. Never join your girlfriend or wife in
criticising a mate of yours,
except if she's withholding a shag pending your
response.
22. Phrases that may not be uttered to another man
while lifting weights: a.
Yeah, Baby, Push it! b. C'mon, give me one more!
Harder! c. Another set and
we can hit the showers!
23. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are
on equal footing: both
urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other
situations, an almost
imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
24. Never allow a conversation with a woman to go on
longer than you are
able to have a shag with her. Keep a stopwatch by
the phone; hang up if
necessary.
25. You cannot grass on a colleague who shows up at
work with a massive
hangover. You may however, hide the aspirin, smear
his chair with cheese,
turn the brightness dial all the way down so he
thinks his monitor is
broken, and have him paged over the loud speaker
every seven minutes.
26. The morning after you and a girl (who was
formerly "just a friend") have
carnal drunken monkey sex, and the fact that you're
feeling weird and
guilty, is no reason not to nail her again before
the discussion about what
a big mistake it was.
27. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is
not acceptable for her
to drive yours.
28. Thou shalt not buy a car with an engine capacity
of less than 1.5litres.
Thou shall not really buy a car with less than 2
litres, 16 valves, and a
turbo.(D'oh!)
29. Thou shalt not buy a car in the colours of
brown, pink, lime green,
orange or sky blue.
30. The girl who replies to the question "What do
you want for Christmas?"
with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets a playstaion.
...this one especially so
leasedon'tbeatmeupifyou'veseenitbefore: The 30 commandments
1. Any Man who brings a camera to a stag night may
be legally killed and
eaten by his fellow partygoers.
2. Under no circumstances may two men share an
umbrella.
3. It is OK for a man to cry under the following
circumstances: a. When a
heroic dog dies to save its master. b. The moment
Angelina Jolie starts
unbuttoning her blouse. c. After wrecking your boss'
car. d. One hour, 12
minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game". e. When
she is using her teeth.
4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you
must bail a friend out of
jail within 12 hours.
5. If you've known a bloke for more than 24 hours,
his sister is off limits
forever, unless you actually marry her.
6. Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's
fridge is forbidden.
Complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
7. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday
present for another man.
In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is
strictly optional.
8. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines
pit stops, not the
weakest.
9. When stumbling upon other blokes watching a
sporting event, you may ask
the score of the game in progress, but you may never
ask who's playing.
10. You may flatulate in front of a woman only after
you have brought her to
climax. If you trap her head under the covers for
the purpose of flatulent
entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
11. It is permissible to quaff a fruity alcopop
drink only when you're
sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by
a topless
supermodel...and it's free.
12. Only in situations of moral and/or physical
peril are you allowed to
kick another bloke in the nuts.
13. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
14. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever.
Issue closed.
15. If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you
didn't see anything.
16. Women who claim to "love watching sports" must
be treated as spies until
they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the
ability to drink as much as
the other sports watchers.
17. You must offer heartfelt and public condolences over the death of a
girlfriend's cat, even if it was you who secretly
set it on fire and threw
it into a ceiling fan.
18. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively
dressed woman must remain
sober enough to fight.
19. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the
last slice of pizza,
but not both - that's just mean.
20. If you compliment a bloke on his six-pack, you'd
better be talking about
his choice of beer.
21. Never join your girlfriend or wife in
criticising a mate of yours,
except if she's withholding a shag pending your
response.
22. Phrases that may not be uttered to another man
while lifting weights: a.
Yeah, Baby, Push it! b. C'mon, give me one more!
Harder! c. Another set and
we can hit the showers!
23. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are
on equal footing: both
urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other
situations, an almost
imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
24. Never allow a conversation with a woman to go on
longer than you are
able to have a shag with her. Keep a stopwatch by
the phone; hang up if
necessary.
25. You cannot grass on a colleague who shows up at
work with a massive
hangover. You may however, hide the aspirin, smear
his chair with cheese,
turn the brightness dial all the way down so he
thinks his monitor is
broken, and have him paged over the loud speaker
every seven minutes.
26. The morning after you and a girl (who was
formerly "just a friend") have
carnal drunken monkey sex, and the fact that you're
feeling weird and
guilty, is no reason not to nail her again before
the discussion about what
a big mistake it was.
27. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is
not acceptable for her
to drive yours.
28. Thou shalt not buy a car with an engine capacity
of less than 1.5litres.
Thou shall not really buy a car with less than 2
litres, 16 valves, and a
turbo.(D'oh!)
29. Thou shalt not buy a car in the colours of
brown, pink, lime green,
orange or sky blue.
30. The girl who replies to the question "What do
you want for Christmas?"
with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets a playstaion.
29. Thou shalt not buy a car in the colours of
brown, pink, lime green,
orange or sky blue.
I disagree www.pistonheads.com/members/showprofile.asp?name=JeremyC
looks great.
????????
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