I have a problem.
Discussion
Dear all,
My mother is soon to be left by my stepdad. He has decided that he wants something else from life and will in all likelihood leave the country on a more or less permanent basis.
They have been together 25 years, and have a 16 yr old daughter. This is not the problem, but l would like some advice as to what my mother can do with the rest of her life.
She is nearly 50, funny, intelligent and highly literate but has not 'worked' for some 20 plus years. Instead she has been a home-maker bringing me and my sister up as well as looking after numerous elderly, dying grandparents. She has just lost her mother so in all reckoning has about 40K in inheritance coming.
The shared house is in both names and is worth about £350K with a £70K mortgage. My stepdad has a business which he has built up from scratch worth maybe £2-300K in goodwill and reputation (no hard assets). Also several cars and a large farmhouse in France (bought in my stepdads name) worth about £150K.
The problem is that my stepdad is intending to give £150K clear to my mother full stop (no house), and walk. Obviously this isn't quite down the middle is it? Also my mother will be looking after my 16 yr old sister who's response to this turn of events is to go rapidly off the rails. My mother despite her numerous qualities has a rather sparse CV as you can imagine. Coupled with her age the future looks somewhat bleak and l would like to know what others on this forum would suggest she could do with this money and what jobs she might consider etc...
Cheers all.
My mother is soon to be left by my stepdad. He has decided that he wants something else from life and will in all likelihood leave the country on a more or less permanent basis.
They have been together 25 years, and have a 16 yr old daughter. This is not the problem, but l would like some advice as to what my mother can do with the rest of her life.
She is nearly 50, funny, intelligent and highly literate but has not 'worked' for some 20 plus years. Instead she has been a home-maker bringing me and my sister up as well as looking after numerous elderly, dying grandparents. She has just lost her mother so in all reckoning has about 40K in inheritance coming.
The shared house is in both names and is worth about £350K with a £70K mortgage. My stepdad has a business which he has built up from scratch worth maybe £2-300K in goodwill and reputation (no hard assets). Also several cars and a large farmhouse in France (bought in my stepdads name) worth about £150K.
The problem is that my stepdad is intending to give £150K clear to my mother full stop (no house), and walk. Obviously this isn't quite down the middle is it? Also my mother will be looking after my 16 yr old sister who's response to this turn of events is to go rapidly off the rails. My mother despite her numerous qualities has a rather sparse CV as you can imagine. Coupled with her age the future looks somewhat bleak and l would like to know what others on this forum would suggest she could do with this money and what jobs she might consider etc...
Cheers all.
Hi, I don't know a thing about law so I might just be giving you total speculation, but this happened to a friend of mine a few years ago and as he was in full time education and 18 years old, somehow his father wasn't allowed to sell the house until he finished his degree. Is your sister in education?
If I was in that situation I'd use the £40K inheritance to start-up a small business (hobby-related) to help make some money, and take-up the time. In all likely hood your mother will be unable to start a new career and may have to do administration work/become a PA (this is what happened to my friend's mum). Atleast if the business takes off she can rub your step-fathers nose in it.
Might be some help, might not, just make sure you ask someone with lots of knowledge in these things to see all your options. It can be suprising how little differences in a situation can completely reverse a persons position in the eyes of the law. G
If I was in that situation I'd use the £40K inheritance to start-up a small business (hobby-related) to help make some money, and take-up the time. In all likely hood your mother will be unable to start a new career and may have to do administration work/become a PA (this is what happened to my friend's mum). Atleast if the business takes off she can rub your step-fathers nose in it.
Might be some help, might not, just make sure you ask someone with lots of knowledge in these things to see all your options. It can be suprising how little differences in a situation can completely reverse a persons position in the eyes of the law. G
My Mum gave up being a nurse for a good 27 years after I was born. Last year she decided to go back doing it, she had to do a refresher course etc. and kept up her nurses club (or whatever it is) membership while she wasn't working, but she now works 3-4 times a week doing what she likes doing (She 60's BTW)
Once all the nasties have finished, she should hopefully have enough cash to take her time deciding what she wants to do!
Once all the nasties have finished, she should hopefully have enough cash to take her time deciding what she wants to do!
Get legal advice.
Are they married? I think it will make a big difference.
If so then she could probably get half. She needs to get a solicitor as the stepfather isn't going to want to just hand it over.
Be nice if it was done before she inherits
Also since the house is in joint names, he has no
chance of getting more than half of that. p.s. I sympathise as my parents divorced last year, and whilst my father is now with another woman, my mother only seems to meet tossers. Its rough being a divorced woman at that age
p.p.s. He also needs to get legal advice. You can't just say here have this house etc, it needs to be done properly.
You and your family have my deepest sympathies I was in a similar position to your younger sister, and from experience I can tell you there will be some very difficult times ahead. My best advise is get the solicitors in and get it all sorted as quick as possible as the trauma and strain only increase the longer it all drags on
Second the PA idea. The best Admin person I've ever had was 62 and started to train in Admin after her kids had grown up and left home. Best route is HND in business administration and an ECDL. This can be done part-time(ish) over the space of a year. Admin isn't as age biased as many jobs, indeed older people are sometimes favoured over younger ones who have a nasty tendency to inconsideratly get pregnant and leave 
The pay isn't as dire as popularly believed either.
She also needs to get a solicitor as a matter of urgency and not do anything that may be seen as accepting a deal, such as moving out of the family home, if at all poss.
The pay isn't as dire as popularly believed either.
She also needs to get a solicitor as a matter of urgency and not do anything that may be seen as accepting a deal, such as moving out of the family home, if at all poss.
Well they are unmarried. My stepdad is moving out in weeks and renting until things are sorted. If they can't be happy together then l have no probs with them going their seperate ways but l worry that my mum will hit a deadend. £150k plus 40k just like that, seems like a lot in one go but there's no way this is a retirable sum, unless you intend dying within 5 years!
It is worth remembering that if your mother has no pension provision of her own, she may be entitled to some of your stepdads. I also remember a case where a woman took no role in her husbands business, but the fact that she looked after the kids and the house meant that she had supported the business (by allowing him more time to run it) and was therefore entitled to some of the proceeds of the sale.
I think you mother is in a very strong position and he is in the shit.
I think you mother is in a very strong position and he is in the shit.
As usual, mrsd's bang on the money. My mum was in a similar position 8 years ago (in her mid 40's). Bought her first house soon after, worked like mad to renovate it herself (learnt to do everything from stripping doors to wiring in lights) and became PA to the Chairman of a major manufacturing company. She had v. few formal qualifications, and only secretarial experience.
mrsd said: Second the PA idea. The best Admin person I've ever had was 62 and started to train in Admin after her kids had grown up and left home. Best route is HND in business administration and an ECDL. This can be done part-time(ish) over the space of a year. Admin isn't as age biased as many jobs, indeed older people are sometimes favoured over younger ones who have a nasty tendency to inconsideratly get pregnant and leave
The pay isn't as dire as popularly believed either.
She also needs to get a solicitor as a matter of urgency and not do anything that may be seen as accepting a deal, such as moving out of the family home, if at all poss.
If she doesn't fancy the PA route, is she interested in 'alternative' therapy - reflexology/homeopathy, that kind of thing? Relatively quick/easy to qualify & I'm sure could be a nice earner if she doesn't fancy 9-5.
It doesn't have to be doom and gloom - sadly this sort of situation is the norm nowadays - I went off the rails big time as a teenager, but ultimately I learnt a huge amount about relationships, and became closer to my mum than ever.
Chin up. And tell her to see a solicitor
Funkihamsta,
My mum found herself in a similar position a few years back. She went back to teaching, part time at first, and now full time, developed a passion for Opera and Photography and has never been happier. As everybody here has said, a good solicitor is essential, especially where pensions and maintenance are concerned. I was pretty upset at the time, and it has taken me many years to come to terms with what happened, but by the sound of it you are a much more mature person than I was then, I hope things turn out well for you.
My mum found herself in a similar position a few years back. She went back to teaching, part time at first, and now full time, developed a passion for Opera and Photography and has never been happier. As everybody here has said, a good solicitor is essential, especially where pensions and maintenance are concerned. I was pretty upset at the time, and it has taken me many years to come to terms with what happened, but by the sound of it you are a much more mature person than I was then, I hope things turn out well for you.
funkihamsta said: Well they are unmarried. My stepdad is moving out in weeks and renting until things are sorted. If they can't be happy together then l have no probs with them going their seperate ways but l worry that my mum will hit a deadend. £150k plus 40k just like that, seems like a lot in one go but there's no way this is a retirable sum, unless you intend dying within 5 years!
Firstly, as they are unmarried then pretty much all she could expect is half the profit on the house. Technically he's offering to buy her out of her half, rather than sell the property. She will almost certainly have no claim to his business or any property not in hers or joint names, unless she has proof that she put any capital into either. That goes for his pension too.
Secondly, if your sister is still at school, then she is under no obligation to vacate the house. With house prices rising as they are, she would be better off staying put, he would have to offer a fair price to buy her out, or sell and split the proceeds, when your sister leaves education. He would also be responsible for the mortgage payments until that time (depending on your Mum's earnings of course)
Thirdly, if she accepts the offer of £150K, then she would have to leave the house and find alternative accommodation, this may not leave much of the 150 to invest at all. She would be classed as making herself voluntarily homeless too, so not much help from the local council on that front. The 40K inheritance is equally no concern of his and is safe.
A lot is down to how long your sister is likely to remain in education. If she leaves this year, then your mother will be left with about £150K to buy another house. If she stays to degree level, then there's another 5 or 6 years that she can stay put and recieve maintenance for your sister, and benefit from increased values come sale time.
Inevitably though your Mum will have to find work to put food on the table etc. There is currently a drive by the Govt. to get 50 to 80 year olds back into work (seriously), I'll see if I can find some info on it for you.
As your sister probably will be in education until this summer at the earliest, use the time wisely, don't make any rash decisions. Get her to see a good family law solicitor to clarify her position. The good thing is that your Mum has her name on the mortgage, a friend of mine didn't.
All the best
Andy
First thing would be to get legal representation.
Secondly, in no circumstances should your mother give up residence in the house.
If your stepfather leaves and cannot cite reasons such as your mother being unreasonable etc then this constitutes abandonment.
Your mother will probably be entitled top remain in the house and receive the house in settlement as your sister is still 16 years old and i assume still in full time education and living at home. Any court will try to minimise the stressful effects on your sister and provide continuity before considering the parents.
YOur mother should be entitled to at least half the house, business, and other assets such as the house in France if she can show she acted as homebuilder thus enabling your stepfather to carry on and earn.
It would be madness to accept 150K
Some posts have suggested not being married will go against your mother. I do not beleive this to be the case anymore.
YOur mother needs to demonstrate she actively supported your stepfather, typically by providing and maintaining a home.
A court will put a value on this contribution and this will be considered as a financial interest in your stepfathers businesses.
Also the fact your mother gave up her career to bring up his child will go in her favour.
Apart from the obvious sadness of an relationship ending, your mother would appear to be in a good position to achieve a fair settlement, in excess of half the joint assets.
All imho.
>> Edited by swilly on Tuesday 25th March 13:05
Secondly, in no circumstances should your mother give up residence in the house.
If your stepfather leaves and cannot cite reasons such as your mother being unreasonable etc then this constitutes abandonment.
Your mother will probably be entitled top remain in the house and receive the house in settlement as your sister is still 16 years old and i assume still in full time education and living at home. Any court will try to minimise the stressful effects on your sister and provide continuity before considering the parents.
YOur mother should be entitled to at least half the house, business, and other assets such as the house in France if she can show she acted as homebuilder thus enabling your stepfather to carry on and earn.
It would be madness to accept 150K
Some posts have suggested not being married will go against your mother. I do not beleive this to be the case anymore.
YOur mother needs to demonstrate she actively supported your stepfather, typically by providing and maintaining a home.
A court will put a value on this contribution and this will be considered as a financial interest in your stepfathers businesses.
Also the fact your mother gave up her career to bring up his child will go in her favour.
Apart from the obvious sadness of an relationship ending, your mother would appear to be in a good position to achieve a fair settlement, in excess of half the joint assets.
All imho.
>> Edited by swilly on Tuesday 25th March 13:05
Hi fht did the divorce bit a while ago so am quite current!!
First, sorry they are not married so your Mother has no claim against the assets of your stepfather, nor any right to maintenance.
You say she owns half the house so she is entitled to 50% of any sale proceeds less any mortgage and costs. Depending on the type of freehold your stepfather may or may not be able to sell without your Mother’s permission. It is certainly best if she sits tight for now.
Is your sister your sister or step sister, if she is your stepfathers daughter he must provide financial support up until she is 18 or leaves full time education, which ever is sooner.
Your Mother really does need to take legal advise, and listen to what is said. I am afraid separation whether married or not is really all about settling financial matters.
On what she should do, leave her to sort it out, she is a mature woman with likely more experience of the world than you have, so she will decide what she wants to do and when. She might make mistakes but don’t we all I doubt she will appreciate you interfering.
First, sorry they are not married so your Mother has no claim against the assets of your stepfather, nor any right to maintenance.
You say she owns half the house so she is entitled to 50% of any sale proceeds less any mortgage and costs. Depending on the type of freehold your stepfather may or may not be able to sell without your Mother’s permission. It is certainly best if she sits tight for now.
Is your sister your sister or step sister, if she is your stepfathers daughter he must provide financial support up until she is 18 or leaves full time education, which ever is sooner.
Your Mother really does need to take legal advise, and listen to what is said. I am afraid separation whether married or not is really all about settling financial matters.
On what she should do, leave her to sort it out, she is a mature woman with likely more experience of the world than you have, so she will decide what she wants to do and when. She might make mistakes but don’t we all I doubt she will appreciate you interfering.
Career-wise, your mum should get herself to the local employment office. Apart from possibly assisting in terms of regular basic income, they should be able to direct her in terms of relevant courses. As mentioned the ECDL ("European Computer Driving Licence" - shite name but gives basic training in modern computers... essential to get any office job I'd say) would be a good start. Then she could move onto learn more about MS Office or even do a computerised accounting course (pay isnt bad for a book-keeper who can use sage), all for free.
All the best to your family.
-Darren
Tonybav:
She might make mistakes but don’t we all I doubt she will appreciate you interfering.
Slightly unfair TB! I don't intend to interfere, but if she asks me for suggestions l'd rather have something constructive to offer!
It seems there is some disagreement over the part about whether she is entitled to any more than the £150K. Perhaps the answer is entirely dependent on the quality of the solicitor.
She might make mistakes but don’t we all I doubt she will appreciate you interfering.
Slightly unfair TB! I don't intend to interfere, but if she asks me for suggestions l'd rather have something constructive to offer!
It seems there is some disagreement over the part about whether she is entitled to any more than the £150K. Perhaps the answer is entirely dependent on the quality of the solicitor.
I printed this lot out to form a nice starting point for our 'discussions' this mothering weekend.
She said she was amazed that so many people would spend their own time and effort giving advice to help a stranger. She asked me to pass on her thanks and to say she was touched by your attentions.
I expect that her first move would be to get some advice to see where she stands with regard to the settlemet and what's on the table.
Thanks all.
She said she was amazed that so many people would spend their own time and effort giving advice to help a stranger. She asked me to pass on her thanks and to say she was touched by your attentions.
I expect that her first move would be to get some advice to see where she stands with regard to the settlemet and what's on the table.
Thanks all.
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