Never say to cop

[R&J]

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?

4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!

5. Are You Andy or Barney?

6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.

7. You're not gonna check the Boot, are you?

8. I pay your salary!

9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!

10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.


>>> Edited by R&J on Saturday 7th June 22:23

[jmorgan]

Are your chips cold?

[cortinaman]

1.no officer the tyres arnt bald,they are just recieding.
2.there is no tax in the window 'cos it goes faster without it.
3.do i know the speed limit?....no,but if you hum the first few bars i might remember it!
4.what?,90?,my speedo said 120!
5.your mother is a hamster and your father smelt of elderberrys.
6.come on...use the pepper spray,I DARE YA!
7.no i didnt see you,i was too busy rolling a joint.
8.come on,if you let me off i'll be your bestest mate!!

[Avocet]

..."Well go on them Mr. smartarse, YOU try driving that quick after 7 pints and see how well YOU can do it!"

[cortinaman]

1.no officer the tyres arnt bald,they are just recieding.
2.there is no tax in the window 'cos it goes faster without it.
3.do i know the speed limit?....no,but if you hum the first few bars i might remember it!
4.what?,90?,my speedo said 120!
5.your mother is a hamster and your father smelt of elderberrys.
6.come on...use the pepper spray,I DARE YA!
7.no i didnt see you,i was too busy rolling a joint.
8.come on,if you let me off i'll be your bestest mate!!

[inmate]

Good evening officer, my name is Curly Watts.

[wedg1e'sdaughter]

Didn't I see you at tarts and vicars last week?

[wedg1e'sdaughter]

Is that a truncheon in your pocket...

[lx993]

Sorry officer, I thought you wanted a race

[cazzo]

fcuk off I'm having a bad day!

[kanes]

but i was in the BMW lane

[v8 westy]

are you a special constable? ask that?

[mybrainhurts]

Are you madcop?

[rjo]

I think this came from Stevie Wright and goes something like.....
After the cop asks you to walk a straight line and says.
You call that a straight line?
reply....
Pardon me officer Pythagorus, but the nearest you would get to a straight line would be if I took an encephalogram of your brainwaves.

[monsieur_x]

"Hey gimp boy, you ever heard of diplomatic immunity?"

[SB666]

"Hi Mr ...hey, didn't I see you in the Dunkin' Doughnut shop last week you fat b@stard ?" then floor it....

[martin hunt]

Officer:- What's your name?

Me:- Scott?

Officer:- Scott What?

Me:- Scott F*ck all to do with you copper!!!!!

[oggs]

" Hello Bacon.............. How's the wife"
Tell her I said hi

[madcop]

I had some horrible yoof tell me a few years ago that " I fcuked your Mum "

reply, "You were brave, my Dad hasn't done for many years"

[smeagol]

nice one madcop!

I had "you'll never take me alive copper" wispered in my ear whilst I was talking to the bib outside a pub. (thanks pal)