I got pulled today
Discussion
It went like this 
While I was "flying" down the road yesterday (i.e. 4 mph over the
limit),
I passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other
side laying in wait. The cop pulled me over, walked up to the car, and
with
That classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, "What's your
hurry?"
To which I replied, "I'm late for work."
Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?"
"I'm a rectum stretcher," I responded.
The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a
rectum stretcher do?"
"Well," I said, "I start by inserting one finger, then I work my way
up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in I
work
side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely
stretch, until it's about 6 foot wide."
"And just what on earth do you do with a 6 foot asshole?"
To which I politely replied, "You give him a radar gun and park him
Behind a bridge....."
While I was "flying" down the road yesterday (i.e. 4 mph over the
limit),
I passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other
side laying in wait. The cop pulled me over, walked up to the car, and
with
That classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, "What's your
hurry?"
To which I replied, "I'm late for work."
Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?"
"I'm a rectum stretcher," I responded.
The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a
rectum stretcher do?"
"Well," I said, "I start by inserting one finger, then I work my way
up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in I
work
side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely
stretch, until it's about 6 foot wide."
"And just what on earth do you do with a 6 foot asshole?"
To which I politely replied, "You give him a radar gun and park him
Behind a bridge....."
ROFL 
Heard this one: Guy got pulled for exceeding the speed limit.
Copper (USA) gives him the usual, license and registration, and then proceeds to lecture the guy on speed, telling him why he's an asshole basically.
After mucho patronising chit chat, the guy eventually snaps, and barks back," Hey look, you got the right to book me, not fcuking bore me"
Needless to say he got booked.
Copper (USA) gives him the usual, license and registration, and then proceeds to lecture the guy on speed, telling him why he's an asshole basically.
After mucho patronising chit chat, the guy eventually snaps, and barks back," Hey look, you got the right to book me, not fcuking bore me"
Needless to say he got booked.
This one did actually happen to a friend of mine and knowing him I believe every word (he's a gobby IT salesman so you know the type
) anyway he gets pulled for a bit of a dodgy overtake in his company M3, Copper walks up to car with the opening line of "Are you a complete idiot?" response was "Why are you recruiting?" kerrching 3 points and £40 but he still swears it was worth it just to get the one liner in.
) anyway he gets pulled for a bit of a dodgy overtake in his company M3, Copper walks up to car with the opening line of "Are you a complete idiot?" response was "Why are you recruiting?" kerrching 3 points and £40 but he still swears it was worth it just to get the one liner in.Copper: I've been waiting all day for you
Speeder: I got here as fast as I could
My favourite story is about a bloke who sees the flashing lightt in the rear view mirror...
He thinks f
k it and guns it
After about half a mile he realises that trying to outrun a copper is really fg stupid so he pulls over and waits for the book to be well and truly thrown at him
The humility obviously has an effect
copper: It's been a bloody long day, I was on my way home, if you can come up wit a decent excuse, I'll let you go
So the bloke thinks for a bit and says
"My wife ran off with a copper last week, I thought you might be bringing her back"
Speeder: I got here as fast as I could
My favourite story is about a bloke who sees the flashing lightt in the rear view mirror...
He thinks f
k it and guns it After about half a mile he realises that trying to outrun a copper is really f
g stupid so he pulls over and waits for the book to be well and truly thrown at him The humility obviously has an effect
copper: It's been a bloody long day, I was on my way home, if you can come up wit a decent excuse, I'll let you go
So the bloke thinks for a bit and says
"My wife ran off with a copper last week, I thought you might be bringing her back"
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