Is this typical of the Yoof of today?
Discussion
Well, I say yoof but I mean 22.
Two years ago, I loaned the boy (related by marriage, not blud) 5K to buy a tidy little VW Polo. No complaints on the repayments but the attitude to vehicle ownership.
6 months ago, the small matter of bald (and I mean smooth in places) front tyres, which took him nearly 2 weeks to sort.
3 months ago, the rears where heading the same way (inevitably) but more "reminding" required to act.
Last week, I notice a headlight was out - 3 days to fix this. I suggested that it bight be an idea to get a spare, plus an indicator lamp & side light lamp.
"Yeah, but neither of them went wrong".
This morning on my way to the office, I notice that the OS front tyre was flat. Back inside to interrupt his game of Arsenal Manager of whatever is is they really aspire to these days.
After relaying the news:
"I'll go down the garage later"
Oh yes, & how are you going to do that, your tyre is flat?
"I'll put some air in then"
Oh yes, & how are you going to do that?
"mumble mumble pump mumble"
At no point has he:
a - looked at me whilst talking
b - stopped playing the game
OK, well make sure you phone the local tyre place & see if they can do a repair & check to see if they have a tyre of your size in case they can't. Also, you might need mum to drop you down with the wheel if it is a bad puncture.
"mumble mumble Kevin & Perry"
I go outside & have another look, then go to the garage to get a foot pump. Back in the house, see the mrs & enquire what her revised plan might be as she was off shopping for sofas.
"What revised plans?"
Back into the lounge - the boy still in front of the telly playing Ajax or whatever.
Have you called the garage, have you spoken to your mum?
"or-right, or-right, it's not on fire is it? Anyway she's going shopping first"
Blood pressure jumps 20 points. Are you going to fix your car?
"I do it later"
I point out that the garage shuts in a little over 2 hours.
Cue a 'debate' on the sound principle of dealing with the issue whilst there are people available to assist in the 2-hour window.
I go out & pump up the tyre. Out shuffles the boy. What condition is the spare in?
"Spare?"
FFS. If this plays out in the usual way, the end result will be everyone else's day is messed up.
Off I go to work. And breath.
Now, I appreciate that there are many other ways to resolve this problem - but that is for a certain type of person, not the sort you would want in your lifeboat purely as shark bait.
I'm not sure I could trust him to make a cup of tea.
Which brings me to my rant & the original question. It is my honest belief that this attitude has pervaded every aspect of society today to some degree.
And to add, it is not meant as a character assassination, there are far worse out there but I am simply lost as to how to deal with this attitude which just seems to not be bothered irrespective of the consequences.
That is all.
[Mods, wasn't sure where this belongs]
Two years ago, I loaned the boy (related by marriage, not blud) 5K to buy a tidy little VW Polo. No complaints on the repayments but the attitude to vehicle ownership.
6 months ago, the small matter of bald (and I mean smooth in places) front tyres, which took him nearly 2 weeks to sort.
3 months ago, the rears where heading the same way (inevitably) but more "reminding" required to act.
Last week, I notice a headlight was out - 3 days to fix this. I suggested that it bight be an idea to get a spare, plus an indicator lamp & side light lamp.
"Yeah, but neither of them went wrong".
This morning on my way to the office, I notice that the OS front tyre was flat. Back inside to interrupt his game of Arsenal Manager of whatever is is they really aspire to these days.
After relaying the news:
"I'll go down the garage later"
Oh yes, & how are you going to do that, your tyre is flat?
"I'll put some air in then"
Oh yes, & how are you going to do that?
"mumble mumble pump mumble"
At no point has he:
a - looked at me whilst talking
b - stopped playing the game
OK, well make sure you phone the local tyre place & see if they can do a repair & check to see if they have a tyre of your size in case they can't. Also, you might need mum to drop you down with the wheel if it is a bad puncture.
"mumble mumble Kevin & Perry"
I go outside & have another look, then go to the garage to get a foot pump. Back in the house, see the mrs & enquire what her revised plan might be as she was off shopping for sofas.
"What revised plans?"
Back into the lounge - the boy still in front of the telly playing Ajax or whatever.
Have you called the garage, have you spoken to your mum?
"or-right, or-right, it's not on fire is it? Anyway she's going shopping first"
Blood pressure jumps 20 points. Are you going to fix your car?
"I do it later"
I point out that the garage shuts in a little over 2 hours.
Cue a 'debate' on the sound principle of dealing with the issue whilst there are people available to assist in the 2-hour window.
I go out & pump up the tyre. Out shuffles the boy. What condition is the spare in?
"Spare?"
FFS. If this plays out in the usual way, the end result will be everyone else's day is messed up.
Off I go to work. And breath.
Now, I appreciate that there are many other ways to resolve this problem - but that is for a certain type of person, not the sort you would want in your lifeboat purely as shark bait.
I'm not sure I could trust him to make a cup of tea.
Which brings me to my rant & the original question. It is my honest belief that this attitude has pervaded every aspect of society today to some degree.
And to add, it is not meant as a character assassination, there are far worse out there but I am simply lost as to how to deal with this attitude which just seems to not be bothered irrespective of the consequences.
That is all.
[Mods, wasn't sure where this belongs]
Leave him to it. If he comes a cropper and ends up in front of the Magistrates for multiple faults on the car, that's his fault. He's an adult. Let him make his own mistakes. You've done more than enough already (pumping up his tyre was going too far - why not let him do it himself?)
some people will never grow out of it. my brother is 56 , and he needs nagging to get him to do the most basic things. he had a tyre with a big bulge on it and it took months of nagging to sort out. i even suggested that i would take the car and have the tyre changed for him, but he needed the car.
trouble is most of us cannot take the attitude that it is his problem , i hated the idea of him driving around with his children in the car with a tyre that could let go anytime
trouble is most of us cannot take the attitude that it is his problem , i hated the idea of him driving around with his children in the car with a tyre that could let go anytime
Woah, get off the guys back!
His car, his problem, if he politely asks for your help then offer it, but otherwise leave it for him to take care of. Unless you share the car why does it bother you anyway? The guys 22 let him make his own mistakes! This will save you the stress and effort, his reactions to your offers to help have shown he would rather you leave it in his hands, so i would do just that.
His car, his problem, if he politely asks for your help then offer it, but otherwise leave it for him to take care of. Unless you share the car why does it bother you anyway? The guys 22 let him make his own mistakes! This will save you the stress and effort, his reactions to your offers to help have shown he would rather you leave it in his hands, so i would do just that.
I've two sons of 19 and 22. I can't and don't tell them what to do anymore as they are old enough now. But I do offer advice and my one key way of getting them to act is to get them to think about the implications of acting in a particular way or not. Ie the risks they run/reduce/abate/amplify by acting or not acting in a particular way.
This appears to work - up until now anyway.
This appears to work - up until now anyway.
Edited by clk55pete on Saturday 24th October 11:23
Smiler. said:
Is this typical of the Yoof of today?
Smiler. said:
Well, I say yoof but I mean 22.
No!! I'm 22 and I'm not that lazy and irresponsible! Yes, it is certainly a part of society these days, but leave him to it. As has been said, he'll learn when he gets stopped by the police for having bald tyres.
I'm not that mechanically minded (I do pop back home and ask my dad for help on some bits on my car; I can do plenty for myself though!
) but my car is certainly kept in a roadworthy condition and is very well looked after! 
Let him get points/banned, at 22 he should be looking after himself.
P155 boiler though it may be, let him waste his life, with an attitude like that he will be 30 and still the same, as I have learned from experience, at least he's not yours!
Just don't lend him money for the fines/legal costs!
P155 boiler though it may be, let him waste his life, with an attitude like that he will be 30 and still the same, as I have learned from experience, at least he's not yours!
Just don't lend him money for the fines/legal costs!
Jas - your view is similar to mine.
At the end of the day, a seemingly minor issue becomes a major one because it is not dealt with at the earliest instance.
I would like nothing more that for him to be taught a lesson, but that will result in some degree of inconvenience to me, usually ending in me or the mrs running around after him.
As I said earlier, I don't meant my post to be a character assassination. He has a job, but he has no get up & go.
His sister has fled the nest, has worked hard at her carer & has just obtained a vocational degree. She has shown a far greater amount of gumption & I applaud her for that.
A couple of months ago, I sorted her & her mum some flights for a week in Portugal. On her way around the M25, her piece of s
t car blew the engine. Did she have recovery? Did she bks.
I was roused at 05.30 on a Sunday to drive around the M25 to sort it out. 6 hours later, I got the car recovered. They went off for a week in the sun.
A week after their return, the mrs had sorted a new (used) car for her. We loaned her the money & she was away. A week later, I asker her if she'd sorted recovery cover - yep, she'd arranged that at the same time as changing the insurance. All happy.
On the day of the recovery, I ask the boy the same question about recovery. The usual mumbling followed by mum is going to arrange it.
No she's bloody not. Another 2 weeks before that was resolved.
It boils down to this - if you want something doing, you'd better do it yersel.
This however ends in resentment.
At the end of the day, a seemingly minor issue becomes a major one because it is not dealt with at the earliest instance.
I would like nothing more that for him to be taught a lesson, but that will result in some degree of inconvenience to me, usually ending in me or the mrs running around after him.
As I said earlier, I don't meant my post to be a character assassination. He has a job, but he has no get up & go.
His sister has fled the nest, has worked hard at her carer & has just obtained a vocational degree. She has shown a far greater amount of gumption & I applaud her for that.
A couple of months ago, I sorted her & her mum some flights for a week in Portugal. On her way around the M25, her piece of s
t car blew the engine. Did she have recovery? Did she bks.I was roused at 05.30 on a Sunday to drive around the M25 to sort it out. 6 hours later, I got the car recovered. They went off for a week in the sun.
A week after their return, the mrs had sorted a new (used) car for her. We loaned her the money & she was away. A week later, I asker her if she'd sorted recovery cover - yep, she'd arranged that at the same time as changing the insurance. All happy.
On the day of the recovery, I ask the boy the same question about recovery. The usual mumbling followed by mum is going to arrange it.
No she's bloody not. Another 2 weeks before that was resolved.
It boils down to this - if you want something doing, you'd better do it yersel.
This however ends in resentment.
Just leave him too it, you can point it out and try and help if required but as long as he pays you what he owes you, he's 22 he's old enough to sort it himself, he'll learn when he's faced with problems and bill wen his tyre blows out or he gets fined by the police. People learn best through experience.
TheArchitect said:
sounds like he needs tgo learn the hard way but my experience is that doesnt seem to teach people these days either, btw im 23 and would never drive around with a car with bald tyres and be that rude to a family member.
Completely right! I've just turned 23 myself last week.The thing is, the guys comfortable, he knows he has a safety net. While he lives with you guys I doubt that will change.
Neither my parents are able to work due to a number of reasons so I realised in my mid-teens thats I was to be the head of the household. If I wanted something I would have to work my ass off for it, sure I could go to them for some help but the onus is on me to create & shape my future as well as the rest of the family with the work/effort I put in now.
He knows if he doesnt do it, someone else will for him. Don't do it if you can help it!
Find a friend who is or knows a bobby that can have a quiet word with him in an authoritive way, maybe that will give him a little kick up the backside.
Edited by ironictwist on Saturday 24th October 13:15
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