Miami Judge Uses Opera for Punishment

[Road_Terrorist]

United Press International - 11 February 2004



MIAMI, Feb 09, 2004 (United Press International via COMTEX) — A Miami judge has devised a plan to punish offenders who play their car stereos too loudly by insisting they join him in his chambers and listen to opera.

Judge Jeffrey Swartz's philosophy is simple: "You impose your music on me, and I'm going to impose my music on you."

This week, Gene Tary and Joseph Puerto will join the judge for opera in exchange for having their cases dismissed and to avoid a $460 fine.

"You're a lucky man, you're going to be listening to La traviata." Swartz said to Tary, as reported by The Times of London Monday.

"Never heard of it," said Tary, "but it sounds good."

Puerto, who admitted he is no opera fan, figures listening to a little opera beats a fine. "The only time I heard opera before was in a James Bond movie," Puerto said, "and that was only for about two seconds."

Swartz came up with the unique punishment for noise violations after stopping at a red light next to a car playing music so loud that "my car windows were rattling, I could hear the bolts loosening in the engine well," Swartz said.

[getcarter]

For a second offence it'd surely be country and western.

[streaky]

getcarter said:

For a second offence it'd surely be country and western.

Not if they beat the rap!

[Derek Smith]

I can't think of a worse punishment than to make them listen to the music that they were listening to at the time of the offence.

I once arrested a man who sprayed his nether regions with typewriter cleaning fluid in the gents toilets in the Bank Underground. He was in agony and his bits had gone all red. He ran around in the booking hall naked from the waist down till you got to his socks. I arrested him and took him to court the next day. The Magistrate said he could not think of a punishment that approached the offence for deterence.

[Don]

Derek Smith said:

I can't think of a worse punishment than to make them listen to the music that they were listening to at the time of the offence. I once arrested a man who sprayed his nether regions with typewriter cleaning fluid in the gents toilets in the Bank Underground. He was in agony and his bits had gone all red. He ran around in the booking hall naked from the waist down till you got to his socks. I arrested him and took him to court the next day. The Magistrate said he could not think of a punishment that approached the offence for deterence.

[TheLemming]

Derek Smith said:

I can't think of a worse punishment than to make them listen to the music that they were listening to at the time of the offence. I once arrested a man who sprayed his nether regions with typewriter cleaning fluid in the gents toilets in the Bank Underground. He was in agony and his bits had gone all red. He ran around in the booking hall naked from the waist down till you got to his socks. I arrested him and took him to court the next day. The Magistrate said he could not think of a punishment that approached the offence for deterence.

Did you ever find out WHY the guy had done that?

Or does that fall into the category of things that we just DONT want to know?

[Derek Smith]

It was, of course, the first thing I asked him. His reply explaind why he was a typewriter cleaner rather than a scientist. It seems that he had just started to work as a typewriter cleaner and one of his colleagues had suggested that, for the ultimate sexual experience, the fluid that his new employers had supplied, could be used for purposes not explained on the tin.

This chap then went into the toilet and, once 'excited', sprayed his bits expecting ecstasy. It wasn't even a near miss.

The chap wasn't too happy with me when I laughed after he told me this. At the court I told the clerk that it would be best if his worship - who was the Lord Mayor - didn't ask me for the chap's explanation as I could not guarantee to keep a straight face.

Just think, you could have used a typewriter that had been 'cleaned' by this chap.

[ZR1427]

Derek Smith said:

It was, of course, the first thing I asked him. His reply explaind why he was a typewriter cleaner rather than a scientist. It seems that he had just started to work as a typewriter cleaner and one of his colleagues had suggested that, for the ultimate sexual experience, the fluid that his new employers had supplied, could be used for purposes not explained on the tin. This chap then went into the toilet and, once 'excited', sprayed his bits expecting ecstasy. It wasn't even a near miss. The chap wasn't too happy with me when I laughed after he told me this. At the court I told the clerk that it would be best if his worship - who was the Lord Mayor - didn't ask me for the chap's explanation as I could not guarantee to keep a straight face. Just think, you could have used a typewriter that had been 'cleaned' by this chap.

Would of been worth it just to see the Judges face.