Monkeys with driving licences
Discussion
After 13 years of sales rep miles, and 2 years of driving Lorries, I honestly thought I'd seen it all... and indeed I thought all the retards have migrated out of BMWs into other stuff. But, today, I was treated to a full on display of Neanderthal driving the like of which I've not seen for many years;
Leaving Bracknell towards Bagshot on the dual Carriageway, and an 09 plated 3er hoves up behind me. I'm tailing another Volvo, which in turn is behind many other cars in the second lane.
BMW dives for to undertake me once, but is too far behind to make it. Get to the lights/roundabout combo and I note it's a Coupe, with three small children aboard, and a middle aged guy at the wheel.
As we approach a set of crossroads, he dives up the inside honking the horn, shouting, and making various gestures - despite heavy traffic and him not being able to make decent progress had he got past me.
As I myself was passing slower traffic and doing the limit there was no compulsion to move over - indeed, he'd made no attempt with headlights or anything to signal his desire to be in front. As he does this, the Passat behind him dives into the space he's left, so monkey starts on him as well.
We get to the lights and he chooses the wrong lane to get to the front of the queue. Lights go green and he's away with not one, not two, but SIX handsignals before we get to the motorway junction - whereupon he dives onto the M3 and straight into 9 miles of 50mph limit roadworks. Progress made - none whatsoever.
So kids, can you guess what badge adorned the rump of this Monkey's BMW? What thundering powerhouse would compel him to carve in and out of traffic with small children aboard so he could make 30 feet of progress?
I'll grant Monkeyman this, I've not seen driving quite so idiotic or irresponsible for a long long time - and that's saying something.
I felt a pang of sympathy for the Coppers, Firemen, and Paramedics which may one day have to cut the remains of his children out of his wrecked car after he picks a fight with the wrong individual.
However, it was reassuring to know that halfwits are still allowed to breed and charge around in underpowered cars in the vain attempt at proving something.
Leaving Bracknell towards Bagshot on the dual Carriageway, and an 09 plated 3er hoves up behind me. I'm tailing another Volvo, which in turn is behind many other cars in the second lane.
BMW dives for to undertake me once, but is too far behind to make it. Get to the lights/roundabout combo and I note it's a Coupe, with three small children aboard, and a middle aged guy at the wheel.
As we approach a set of crossroads, he dives up the inside honking the horn, shouting, and making various gestures - despite heavy traffic and him not being able to make decent progress had he got past me.
As I myself was passing slower traffic and doing the limit there was no compulsion to move over - indeed, he'd made no attempt with headlights or anything to signal his desire to be in front. As he does this, the Passat behind him dives into the space he's left, so monkey starts on him as well.
We get to the lights and he chooses the wrong lane to get to the front of the queue. Lights go green and he's away with not one, not two, but SIX handsignals before we get to the motorway junction - whereupon he dives onto the M3 and straight into 9 miles of 50mph limit roadworks. Progress made - none whatsoever.
So kids, can you guess what badge adorned the rump of this Monkey's BMW? What thundering powerhouse would compel him to carve in and out of traffic with small children aboard so he could make 30 feet of progress?
I'll grant Monkeyman this, I've not seen driving quite so idiotic or irresponsible for a long long time - and that's saying something.
I felt a pang of sympathy for the Coppers, Firemen, and Paramedics which may one day have to cut the remains of his children out of his wrecked car after he picks a fight with the wrong individual.
However, it was reassuring to know that halfwits are still allowed to breed and charge around in underpowered cars in the vain attempt at proving something.
Yes indeed Gents, the correct answer was 320d Coupe... complete with go much faster 19" alloys and all sorts of factory M bits. It also had some very white Halo sidelights (well lighter than the 09 3er which was behind me later in the drive).
The Alpina used to ward off these sort of idiots, seemingly garnering respect from the 4 cylinder warriors. The Volvo is normally ignored or given a wide berth by everyone, presumably working on assumption I'm a geriatric biker mangling middle class copper.
I was impressed by the variety of handsignals - one of which I'd never seen before, and had to guess as to it's meaning.
The Alpina used to ward off these sort of idiots, seemingly garnering respect from the 4 cylinder warriors. The Volvo is normally ignored or given a wide berth by everyone, presumably working on assumption I'm a geriatric biker mangling middle class copper.
I was impressed by the variety of handsignals - one of which I'd never seen before, and had to guess as to it's meaning.
Had one on Sunday - '08 diesel 3 or 5 series BMW estate man decides he's too important to queue and tries to use the wrong and empty lane to jump it, except I was at the front of the queue at the traffic light in my old '99 E38 4.4 740 sport. Needless to say despite giving it his all and me giving less than 50% of the throttle, he wasn't getting his wish.
He wobbled and gave me some hand signal. Why he couldn't just indicate instead of having to play at Mr. sports car I don't know. Feckin hate
s like that.
He wobbled and gave me some hand signal. Why he couldn't just indicate instead of having to play at Mr. sports car I don't know. Feckin hate
s like that.Best one I've seen recently - queueing on a dual carriageway city centre ring road that has numerous sets of lights. The lanes are quite wide and generally cars sit at the extremities of the lanes to allow bikers free access to the front of the queue as you can be sitting at this set for several rotations. Next thing I see is a 3 series coupe (old shape) squeezing down the centre of the queue to get to the front. Everyone just sat there absolutley gobsmaked as he then had to sit at the front for a couple of minutes. He was obviously far more important than the rest of us.
Big E 118 said:
cheadle hulme said:
320d perchance?
^^^ThisAs a 3 coupe driver can I point out the difference between 4 pot and 6 pot BMW drivers, or am I clutching at straws?
Given similar means, some prefer to sacrifice one third of the engine in preference for numberplate numerals ...... I prefer to have a complete engine, and any old numerals.
my recognizable numerals were half present and half hard earned! True i could have used that money for my next car, but i preferred the now and forever of specialized numbers and letters, and even if i bought a bigger engine car insurance is the main issue! 
But yeah, i usually find some underpowered cars going frantic when other cars in front of them are making steady progress... But one thing which grind my gears are people all the way up your ass at 70-80mph, trying to get past, and when you let them past they zoom off doing god knows what speed, then once you hit the next roundabout you're behind them, yet they are so underpowered they cant even get good speed off the roundabout! THAT grinds my gears!
Animal said:
What a st topic. ... Not a single suggestion about which car has the best rake/reach adjustment for those of the orang-utan persuasion...
Tell me about it - I was hoping to get some tips on how to get comfortable, or whether there was some sort of support group for me...t topic. ... Not a single suggestion about which car has the best rake/reach adjustment for those of the orang-utan persuasion...Very disappointed.
Gassing Station | General Gassing [Archive] | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff