Car Stories That Make You Groan...
Discussion
Okay, I thought this could be a bit of light-hearted humor about those stories where it's almost painful what people did wrong/silly/funny...to their cars
My mother got a call from one of her friends a long time ago, early nineties if memory serves. It went something like this:
Friend: Hey, I've been trying to get my car to start for over half an hour, can you help?
Mother: Sure, it's pretty cold out, have you tried using the choke?
F: The what?
M: The choke... (Describes location and look)
F: Oh, you mean the handbag-holder!! Well hows that going to help me start my car?!?
Edited for Grammaticalness
My mother got a call from one of her friends a long time ago, early nineties if memory serves. It went something like this:
Friend: Hey, I've been trying to get my car to start for over half an hour, can you help?
Mother: Sure, it's pretty cold out, have you tried using the choke?
F: The what?
M: The choke... (Describes location and look)
F: Oh, you mean the handbag-holder!! Well hows that going to help me start my car?!?
Edited for Grammaticalness
Edited by dase1ats on Monday 21st June 08:38
Oh man, it must be really embarrassing for these guys, as they have probably been doing such things for quite some time now
I've got one from my own experiences, when I was still quite young my Dad taught me to drive in car parks and things, but I operated for quite some time under the illusion that in order to get moving I had to release the clutch first, to get rolling, and then give some throttle to keep it going. Suffice to say, I had many a year of great respect for the precision that driver's feet must be endowed with
I've got one from my own experiences, when I was still quite young my Dad taught me to drive in car parks and things, but I operated for quite some time under the illusion that in order to get moving I had to release the clutch first, to get rolling, and then give some throttle to keep it going. Suffice to say, I had many a year of great respect for the precision that driver's feet must be endowed with
dase1ats said:
Okay, I thought this could be a bit of light-hearted humor about those stories where it's almost painful what people did wrong/silly/funny...to their cars
My mother got a call from one of her friends a long time ago, early nineties if memory serves. It went something like this:
Friend: Hey, I've been trying to get my car to start for over half an hour, can you help?
Mother: Sure, it's pretty cold out, have you tried using the choke?
F: The what?
M: The choke... (Describes location and look)
F: Oh, you mean the handbag-holder!! Well hows that going to help me start my car?!?
Edited for Grammaticalness
I think you'll find that story is years old and nothing to do with your mother's friend.My mother got a call from one of her friends a long time ago, early nineties if memory serves. It went something like this:
Friend: Hey, I've been trying to get my car to start for over half an hour, can you help?
Mother: Sure, it's pretty cold out, have you tried using the choke?
F: The what?
M: The choke... (Describes location and look)
F: Oh, you mean the handbag-holder!! Well hows that going to help me start my car?!?
Edited for Grammaticalness
Edited by dase1ats on Monday 21st June 08:38
spitfire-ian said:
dase1ats said:
Okay, I thought this could be a bit of light-hearted humor about those stories where it's almost painful what people did wrong/silly/funny...to their cars
My mother got a call from one of her friends a long time ago, early nineties if memory serves. It went something like this:
Friend: Hey, I've been trying to get my car to start for over half an hour, can you help?
Mother: Sure, it's pretty cold out, have you tried using the choke?
F: The what?
M: The choke... (Describes location and look)
F: Oh, you mean the handbag-holder!! Well hows that going to help me start my car?!?
Edited for Grammaticalness
I think you'll find that story is years old and nothing to do with your mother's friend.My mother got a call from one of her friends a long time ago, early nineties if memory serves. It went something like this:
Friend: Hey, I've been trying to get my car to start for over half an hour, can you help?
Mother: Sure, it's pretty cold out, have you tried using the choke?
F: The what?
M: The choke... (Describes location and look)
F: Oh, you mean the handbag-holder!! Well hows that going to help me start my car?!?
Edited for Grammaticalness
Edited by dase1ats on Monday 21st June 08:38
Try reading the post first before coming out with smart ass remarks that innevitably backfire as this one has.
An acquaintance years ago knew very little about cars but had a fancy for Alfas. One day out in the sticks the car started to go slower and slower until it stopped. Then he noticed the temperature gauge was in the red. Engine too hot? Easy. Go to nearby house and ask for a bucket of water to cool it down. Cold water in the radiator would have been bad enough but instead he just threw it over the engine and split the block.
To his credit, however, he learned the lesson and established a business as an Alfa breaker.
To his credit, however, he learned the lesson and established a business as an Alfa breaker.
jesta1865 said:
a few years back i had to help a guy (and i am no mechanic by any stretch of the imagination) as he had just serviced it and now it wouldn't start.
unsurprising really when you open the oil filler and see that he has filled the engine to the brim with oil. oops.
I did that on my first car. On my way up to London from Reading in my shiny MG Metro Turbo and the oil light came on, so I stopped at Heston.unsurprising really when you open the oil filler and see that he has filled the engine to the brim with oil. oops.
I was quite shocked with how low it was given it took *ages* to fill it up to the brim.
Turned the ignition key and promptly disappeared in a cloud of white smoke.
(AA came out, drained it, and I drove around in circles for half an hour in the lorry park burning off the remnants in the engine bay)
DickyC said:
An acquaintance years ago knew very little about cars but had a fancy for Alfas. One day out in the sticks the car started to go slower and slower until it stopped. Then he noticed the temperature gauge was in the red. Engine too hot? Easy. Go to nearby house and ask for a bucket of water to cool it down. Cold water in the radiator would have been bad enough but instead he just threw it over the engine and split the block.
To his credit, however, he learned the lesson and established a business as an Alfa breaker.
After nearly overheating in traffic on the M3 i watched my mate trying to fill up the radiator on his dying 3-series, after 5 minutes he admitted he had put the last water he had in the car into the windscreen washer fluid bottle and off he popped to Fleet services at a jog while i stayed with the car. He has never lived it down. To his credit, however, he learned the lesson and established a business as an Alfa breaker.
I worked at a garage for a bit, not a sefvicing type one, more a sales pitch but the boss got us servicing cars before they went out, cheap filer, 20/50 slops and a stamp in the book.
Guy I was working with was doing an Escort we had sold previously and the owner asked us to service it, he has the radio blasting and is singing along, mainly due to the boss being away (just me and him) and partly due to the huge spliff in his mouth, I was cleaning cars, I heard him revving this poor escort in time with the music and the terrible singing, nipped in for some more water, oil all over floor, the stoned prick had taken the old out and put the clean stuff in without putting the sump plug back and was mashing the throttle, it was starting to knock.
We cleared up the oil, filled it again, bugger, still knocking, new engine it is then, we neglected to mention it to the boss and it was claimed under her warranty apparently.
Guy I was working with was doing an Escort we had sold previously and the owner asked us to service it, he has the radio blasting and is singing along, mainly due to the boss being away (just me and him) and partly due to the huge spliff in his mouth, I was cleaning cars, I heard him revving this poor escort in time with the music and the terrible singing, nipped in for some more water, oil all over floor, the stoned prick had taken the old out and put the clean stuff in without putting the sump plug back and was mashing the throttle, it was starting to knock.
We cleared up the oil, filled it again, bugger, still knocking, new engine it is then, we neglected to mention it to the boss and it was claimed under her warranty apparently.
During the restoration of a LHD TR2 years ago, a friend converted it to RHD. It was a long process done completely under cover. When he proudly wheeled it out for the first time he turned right and the car turned left.
The original LHD steering rack the other way up looked the same as a RHD rack. It doesn't work like that though. When asked what he did next, he said that because the rack was one of the first things to be fitted into the engine bay, he pushed the car back into the garage and couldn't look at it again for months.
The original LHD steering rack the other way up looked the same as a RHD rack. It doesn't work like that though. When asked what he did next, he said that because the rack was one of the first things to be fitted into the engine bay, he pushed the car back into the garage and couldn't look at it again for months.
Whilst having my hair cut a while ago, the young girl who works there was having a bit of trouble with her car. The manageress, who was cutting my hair (and is a bit of a petrol-head) mentioned something about the accelerator pedal.
Young girl says "What's that?"
Manageress: "You know, the pedal you push to make the car go."
Young girl: "Oh, you mean the go-go pedal?"
Young girl says "What's that?"
Manageress: "You know, the pedal you push to make the car go."
Young girl: "Oh, you mean the go-go pedal?"
spitfire-ian said:
dase1ats said:
Okay, I thought this could be a bit of light-hearted humor about those stories where it's almost painful what people did wrong/silly/funny...to their cars
My mother got a call from one of her friends a long time ago, early nineties if memory serves. It went something like this:
Friend: Hey, I've been trying to get my car to start for over half an hour, can you help?
Mother: Sure, it's pretty cold out, have you tried using the choke?
F: The what?
M: The choke... (Describes location and look)
F: Oh, you mean the handbag-holder!! Well hows that going to help me start my car?!?
Edited for Grammaticalness
I think you'll find that story is years old and nothing to do with your mother's friend.My mother got a call from one of her friends a long time ago, early nineties if memory serves. It went something like this:
Friend: Hey, I've been trying to get my car to start for over half an hour, can you help?
Mother: Sure, it's pretty cold out, have you tried using the choke?
F: The what?
M: The choke... (Describes location and look)
F: Oh, you mean the handbag-holder!! Well hows that going to help me start my car?!?
Edited for Grammaticalness
Edited by dase1ats on Monday 21st June 08:38
Back in the early 1980's my cousin took a Summer job working as a petrol station attendant at the local motorway services.
In drives an ancient VW Camper.
The owner lifts the engine cover and checks the oil level, before wandering off, having instructed my cousin to fill it up.
My cousin, in a moment of madness, takes the cap off the top of the engine and starts filling the sump with 2 Star.
After a moment (and after the best part of a gallon of petrol), he realises the error of his ways. He stops, and then proceeds to fill up the petrol tank.
Regrettably he was too ashamed of himself to mention it to the unfortunate owner, who presently returned, closed his engine cover, paid for his petrol (including the gallon that was now in his sump) and rattled off down the sliproad and onto the M61.
He was never seen again.
Soon afterwards, my cousin handed in his notice and returned to university to complete his degree.
In drives an ancient VW Camper.
The owner lifts the engine cover and checks the oil level, before wandering off, having instructed my cousin to fill it up.
My cousin, in a moment of madness, takes the cap off the top of the engine and starts filling the sump with 2 Star.
After a moment (and after the best part of a gallon of petrol), he realises the error of his ways. He stops, and then proceeds to fill up the petrol tank.
Regrettably he was too ashamed of himself to mention it to the unfortunate owner, who presently returned, closed his engine cover, paid for his petrol (including the gallon that was now in his sump) and rattled off down the sliproad and onto the M61.
He was never seen again.
Soon afterwards, my cousin handed in his notice and returned to university to complete his degree.
I was told a story about a stupid 
who was complaining about his car making a wierd whooshing noise when it got near to 70mph just on the East Lancs road. He took the mechanic out to to show him where the whooshing noise started, turned out to be traffic bollards (quite possibly like the story!)
who was complaining about his car making a wierd whooshing noise when it got near to 70mph just on the East Lancs road. He took the mechanic out to to show him where the whooshing noise started, turned out to be traffic bollards (quite possibly like the story!)Pat H said:
Back in the early 1980's my cousin took a Summer job working as a petrol station attendant at the local motorway services.
In drives an ancient VW Camper.
The owner lifts the engine cover and checks the oil level, before wandering off, having instructed my cousin to fill it up.
My cousin, in a moment of madness, takes the cap off the top of the engine and starts filling the sump with 2 Star.
After a moment (and after the best part of a gallon of petrol), he realises the error of his ways. He stops, and then proceeds to fill up the petrol tank.
Regrettably he was too ashamed of himself to mention it to the unfortunate owner, who presently returned, closed his engine cover, paid for his petrol (including the gallon that was now in his sump) and rattled off down the sliproad and onto the M61.
He was never seen again.
Soon afterwards, my cousin handed in his notice and returned to university to complete his degree.
just a bit of direct fuel injection, the petrols gonna end up there anyway. he just saved it the journey.In drives an ancient VW Camper.
The owner lifts the engine cover and checks the oil level, before wandering off, having instructed my cousin to fill it up.
My cousin, in a moment of madness, takes the cap off the top of the engine and starts filling the sump with 2 Star.
After a moment (and after the best part of a gallon of petrol), he realises the error of his ways. He stops, and then proceeds to fill up the petrol tank.
Regrettably he was too ashamed of himself to mention it to the unfortunate owner, who presently returned, closed his engine cover, paid for his petrol (including the gallon that was now in his sump) and rattled off down the sliproad and onto the M61.
He was never seen again.
Soon afterwards, my cousin handed in his notice and returned to university to complete his degree.
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