More motorway matrix moron muppetry madness
Discussion
Picture the scene.
Eastbound M4 between Hungerford and Newbury this morning. All of a sudden had to jam on the anchors as all traffic has slowed quickly to ~50mph. I think we are coming upon an accident and sure enough there is the overhead matrix flashing 'accident' in large warning letters.
Anyone care to guess where this accident was?
Half a mile down the road?
Perhaps a mile?
Two miles?
Five miles?
Twenty miles?
Fifty f
king miles?
.
.
.
.
fking A1(M) J8-9!!!! A1 fking M!!
Who the fk employs these fking muppets!
Eastbound M4 between Hungerford and Newbury this morning. All of a sudden had to jam on the anchors as all traffic has slowed quickly to ~50mph. I think we are coming upon an accident and sure enough there is the overhead matrix flashing 'accident' in large warning letters.
Anyone care to guess where this accident was?
Half a mile down the road?
Perhaps a mile?
Two miles?
Five miles?
Twenty miles?
Fifty f
king miles?.
.
.
.
f
king A1(M) J8-9!!!! A1 fking M!!Who the f
k employs these fking muppets!
Hitch78 said:
Congestion makes you st yourself?!
It does my mate. He was stuck in traffic on the M25 with his wife. He thought he'd be funny by farting really loudly as she finds it disgusting. Unfortunately, as in most "Watch This" moments, it wasn't wind that came out it was solid - and an awful lot of it. They then had to spend the next 40 minutes with both windows open, him sat on his home made mole-hill feeling very sorry for himself, his wife with her head out of the window gasping for fresh air. Funnily enough she totally failed to see the funny side of his little prank.t yourself?!rhinochopig said:
Hitch78 said:
Congestion makes you st yourself?!
It does my mate. He was stuck in traffic on the M25 with his wife. He thought he'd be funny by farting really loudly as she finds it disgusting. Unfortunately, as in most "Watch This" moments, it wasn't wind that came out it was solid - and an awful lot of it. They then had to spend the next 40 minutes with both windows open, him sat on his home made mole-hill feeling very sorry for himself, his wife with her head out of the window gasping for fresh air. Funnily enough she totally failed to see the funny side of his little prank.t yourself?!
rhinochopig said:
Hitch78 said:
Congestion makes you st yourself?!
It does my mate. He was stuck in traffic on the M25 with his wife. He thought he'd be funny by farting really loudly as she finds it disgusting. Unfortunately, as in most "Watch This" moments, it wasn't wind that came out it was solid - and an awful lot of it. They then had to spend the next 40 minutes with both windows open, him sat on his home made mole-hill feeling very sorry for himself, his wife with her head out of the window gasping for fresh air. Funnily enough she totally failed to see the funny side of his little prank.t yourself?!k!! I got stuck on the M62 this morning due to an accident at Rishworth. I had around 6 pints of real ale yesterday afternoon & a chicken tikka kebab plus a portion of bhajis last night. Believe Me, I was very very close to being like your mate this morning and was trying very hard to keep the farts in whilst sat there with the fear that they would'nt really be farts!! 
TommyBuoy said:
rhinochopig said:
Hitch78 said:
Congestion makes you st yourself?!
It does my mate. He was stuck in traffic on the M25 with his wife. He thought he'd be funny by farting really loudly as she finds it disgusting. Unfortunately, as in most "Watch This" moments, it wasn't wind that came out it was solid - and an awful lot of it. They then had to spend the next 40 minutes with both windows open, him sat on his home made mole-hill feeling very sorry for himself, his wife with her head out of the window gasping for fresh air. Funnily enough she totally failed to see the funny side of his little prank.t yourself?!I was travelling down from my Brother-in-Law's who lives just south of Edinburgh. Approaching Newcastle on the A1 we started getting signs for lane closures and a diversion........
On the M1 South! Not that bad you may think? But it was at Junction 26! That's near Nottingham if I'm not mistaken.
EH!
Who pays these people? Are they just thoroughly bored, so just like kids at school they start messing about?
On the M1 South! Not that bad you may think? But it was at Junction 26! That's near Nottingham if I'm not mistaken.
EH!
Who pays these people? Are they just thoroughly bored, so just like kids at school they start messing about?
hesnotthemessiah said:
EH!
Who pays these people? Are they just thoroughly bored, so just like kids at school they start messing about?
The motorway message boards are in my view soWho pays these people? Are they just thoroughly bored, so just like kids at school they start messing about?
bad they should be a textbook example of how *not*
to do it.
I've lost count of the number of times they have
informed me about something over 100 miles away,
and so at least 90 minutes away.
M1 info while I am on the M20, M11 info while I
am on the M23 etc etc.
What a waste of money, brains and time (WOMBAT).
The signs have been set by the National Traffic Control Centre. They are (allegedly!!) set to allow you to plot a diversion passed the incident if that is where you are going. In reality, when I'm just south of Gretna on the M6 and I see the signs set for a problem on the M1, I usually go WTF!!! 
I have never, once, seen one of these signs display something useful. Ever.
"Don't drink and drive" - well, it's a bit bloody late for you to tell me now that I'm halfway down the M6, isn't it! Why didn't you put the gantry outside the Hungry Horse, or better still, assume that those who don't drink and drive will resent the patronisation, and those who do, won't give two hoots?
How about this - turn the bloody lot of them off, and see if we have an increased accident rate. I've got a very safe tenner to say that it wouldn't.
"Don't drink and drive" - well, it's a bit bloody late for you to tell me now that I'm halfway down the M6, isn't it! Why didn't you put the gantry outside the Hungry Horse, or better still, assume that those who don't drink and drive will resent the patronisation, and those who do, won't give two hoots?
How about this - turn the bloody lot of them off, and see if we have an increased accident rate. I've got a very safe tenner to say that it wouldn't.
Thing I've never understood is that the one place that they would be the most useful is at the TOP of a motorway slip road so you can see what's going on BEFORE you get on.
The amount of times I've joined the M1 to get half way down the slip and see the massive tailback and the matrix with "40" on it......
The amount of times I've joined the M1 to get half way down the slip and see the massive tailback and the matrix with "40" on it......
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