Wednesday 13th July 2011

If Dr Frankenstein Made Cars...

...It would have the engine of an MG, the gearbox of a Freelander and the electrics of a Renault. And the suspension of an M3, apparently...

---

We all know that, by and large, most modern cars are pretty fault-free. While two or three decades ago it was pretty much accepted that cars would break down from time to time, these days we expect our vehicles to act pretty much faultlessly.

But things still do go wrong, it seems, and the folks at Warranty Direct have decided to name and shame the worst bits of the worst offenders in its 'reliability index' and have come up with a mongrel 'nightmare car'. Which is a bit silly.

But buried beneath the PR fluff about a "horror vehicle that would break down every other month and cost an average of £2050 to fix each year" (made up of an MG TF engine, the suspension of a BMW M3, the electric workings of the Renault Megane, the gearbox of a Land Rover Freelander and the braking ability of the Audi A8) there are some genuinely interesting points.

It's perhaps no surprise that the MG TF engine is a bit wet, that the electrics in a Megane are prone to hissy fits or that the gearbox in a Land Rover Freelander gearbox isn't bulletproof (though we don't know whether they're talking about Mk1, Mk2 or both).

But how come the Audi A8 has such flaky brakes? And why do fully 40 per cent of M3s need repairs to axle and suspension components each year (methinks the words 'hoon' and 'circuit' might feature somewhere in the answer to that one)?

Also, wouldn't you have thought that cars created under the searing Spanish sun (the Seat Alhambra and Toledo) would be rubbish for air-con reliability and cooling issues...

We've printed a more detailed list of what goes wrong on what (and how this bizarre image above has been created) in the table below.

Make and Model	Car part
Audi A8	Brakes
BMW M3	Suspension
MG TF	Engine
Land Rover Freelander	Gearbox
Mercedes-Benz V-Class	Ignition
Renault Megane	Electrics
SEAT Alhambra	Air-conditioning
SEAT Toledo	Heating & Cooling systems
Volvo C70	Steering system

[Pushi]

OK I can't say I'm any kind of expert on this subject but exactly how do Warranty Direct develop there list? I have no idea of the market share they have for providing warranty cover for used cars?
Up to what age of vehicles do they cover? Do they underwrite manufacturers new warranties too? Do they only cover cars in the UK? And how do they weight their findings to take account of the
actual proportion of the total vehicle parc that any individual model accounts for? Lecture over.

[Whitean3]

Is it me, or does the photoshop of the most unreliable bits come together and look like a typical Nissan or Toyota, middle-of-the-road, ultra reliable and boring softroader?

[crostonian]

It looks a bit like a Ssangyong Rodius, surely it should have Merc bodywork...

[ArosaMike]

The Freelander gearbox is the same as that found in a TF isn't it? Both were K-Series engined! And what age are all these cars? Are we talking E30 M3 here? Judging by the types that drive those these days, I wouldn't be surprised they need new suspension!

[mat205125]

What is their best Frankenstein's monster? Everything from the Honda Jazz?

I wonder whether their data is from the number of claims that people have made for repairs under their warranties, or based on those they couldn't find a loop hole to sleeze out of paying

[JimboM3]

E46 M3 I reckon if my experience is anything to go by. I consider suspension components (especially rear springs) consumable items.

[GTEYE]

Hmm nice photoshop. Actually there are worse looking cars on sale.

[MarJay]

if you kind of squint a bit it looks a bit like an Evo...

[Snoop Bagg]

You've built a Toyota Picnic!

[Nigel_O]

Interesting - not one Italian car in the list, and several Germans - things have come a long way...

Perhaps its simply because of the sheer volume sold

I also agree that the collage of car bits still manages to look better than the awful Ssanyong Rodius



... and this (apparently) is the facelifted model - what are they smoking over there?

[kambites]

ArosaMike said:

The Freelander gearbox is the same as that found in a TF isn't it? Both were K-Series engined! And what age are all these cars? Are we talking E30 M3 here? Judging by the types that drive those these days, I wouldn't be surprised they need new suspension!

The TF is a FWD transaxle, and the Freelander is 4WD. There's no way they could use the same gearbox or even the same gearbox casing - they need a different number of output shafts.

[R500POP]

BUT WHAT WOULD THE ANTI-FRANKENSTEIN LOOK LIKE?

[Robbie B]

How many people are currently waiting for someone to say "But Frankenstein can't make anything, he's a monster"?

Just me then

[chunkymonkey71]

I'm sure all of those things broke on my first car! (Mk 2 Fiesta)

Apart from the electrics (it didnt really have any).

The air conditioning broke once too- I couldnt get the window to shut.

[E21_Ross]

Nigel_O said:

Interesting - not one Italian car in the list, and several Germans - things have come a long way...

either that or there are a hell of a lot more german cars on the road, so even with a 1% fail rate for the germans, and a 30% fail rate for italians, would probably see more germans going wrong....no?

[KrazyIvan]

MarJay said:

if you kind of squint a bit it looks a bit like an Evo...

Dear god man, get your eyes checked ASAP

[mat205125]

JimboM3 said:

E46 M3 I reckon if my experience is anything to go by. I consider suspension components (especially rear springs) consumable items.

[Oilchange]

not being overly biassed then...

E21_Ross said:

Nigel_O said:

Interesting - not one Italian car in the list, and several Germans - things have come a long way...

either that or there are a hell of a lot more german cars on the road, so even with a 1% fail rate for the germans, and a 30% fail rate for italians, would probably see more germans going wrong....no?

[anonymous-user]

Not a single Alfa in there, but plenty of German "prestige" metal...

[E21_Ross]

Oilchange said:

not being overly biassed then...

E21_Ross said:

Nigel_O said:

Interesting - not one Italian car in the list, and several Germans - things have come a long way...

either that or there are a hell of a lot more german cars on the road, so even with a 1% fail rate for the germans, and a 30% fail rate for italians, would probably see more germans going wrong....no?

no, but it's a fair point though isn't it....? if they say "we have 5,000 electrics failures on meganes, but only 50 failures of 458 italias setting on fire, the ferrari is much more reliable".

we don't really know how they got their figures so can't really jump to conclusions to be honest, but agree, a few german bits in there!