Help me figure out 'me' and my mind - help appreciated
Discussion
Apologies if this is more suited to the Lounge, but although I'm a long-term PH member, I've signed up with a new name to post the below - and PH won't allow access to the Lounge for 2 weeks!
I've been a member of PH for about 3 years now and reluctant to post this using my usual username.
I've seen a few posts like this in the past and this has been a difficult - and lengthy one - to write. So thank you in advance to anyone who takes the time to read it and respond. Really, I'm just after somebody to listen (well read) what I've got to say, let me know their thoughts and pass on any advice they might think useful. I don't mind if this is critical, so long as it's ultimately helpful.
I won't go into everything in explicit detail because you'd be here all day reading it - and I've not year worked everything out in my head so there'll be other stuff which I haven't mentioned.
I'm 28, single, have a decent education, a job paying very good money - especially for my age - but I'm facing possible redundancy in the near-ish future. I have no mortgage commitments because I'm renting as part of a flat share. I'm attractive, so I'm told, and I don't really have any debt worries. So on the face of it, everything would seem peachy.
The problem is I am seriously down, depressed and at a seriously low ebb. In all honesty, I cannot remember the last time I felt 'happy' and content. It must be a good few years at least. I know happiness is difficult to define and it's all relative - but I haven't felt 'good' or positive about myself or almost anything for a long, long time.
In brief, a background summary...
I'd had a difficult time growing up. Suffering from bullying on and off all the way through school and being very transient with friends, often spending a lot of time on my own. Or alternatively hanging out with what were the real social outcasts.
Home life was no better. I was brought up by my parents, who divorced 4 years ago, in a fairly loveless marriage. My dad had a particularly nasty upbringing himself, witnessing and experiencing physical and emotional neglect daily. My parents were completely unsuited, married very young and as the time they spent together grew the less they had in commmon. I have a brother and sister, but by my parents' own admission I wasn't given any real attention for a good number of years due to my sister and her behaviour. She fell in with the wrong sorts, got involved in all sorts and fell pregnant young. Life was a constant source of rows, anger, upset and emotional neglect. I was left to make my own way in a lot of respects. For years I became socially isolated and extremely withdrawn.
There's still a massive family rift and I haven't spoken to my younger sister in years and don't intend to, she continues to go down the wrong path big time - I really don't want to give specifics. I drifted from my older brother years ago and find it difficult to talk to him, almost like he's a stranger. I don't dislike him but it's just difficult. I have a reasonable relationship with my parents but still find it hard to confide and trust them not to repeat anything private I tell them, as they've done this in the past. They certainly don't know how I'm about to tell you how I feel, though they do know I'm not exactly happy, but don't know the extent.
University went pretty well, with some personal ups and downs, and I made some fairly good friends there at the time, though we've really drifted and aren't really in contact.
I've moved a few different places for work over the past few years. I now live in a big city in the south. Every time I've moved I've ended up completely alone, isolated and cut off. I never developed a social circle or did anything to meet people other than from work, and even then it was limited.
I've also had pretty lousy skin for years which had a big impact on me not wanting to socialise or sometimes even leave the house. My dad was particularly insensitive about this. However, over the past year or so it is much much better.
Finally, I came out of a relationship a few months ago with a girl I'd known for a couple of years. We both had strong feelings for each other, but never ever acted on them. Adultery isn't my thing, or hers. She's the first girl I've truly felt love for. Tragically her husband committed suicide. She was unhappily married and even now I still don't know the full reasons in and around why he did what he did. We got together around 5 months after this happened. In hindsight this was completely the wrong thing to do. We both still had feelings for each other but this was far too soon to act on them. The relationship ended badly between us quite recently. I feel extremely hurt and used. She played on my weaknesses and insecurities constantly and tortured me with mind games. And for some reason or other, I keep convincing myself she's pregnant - although it's been almost 3 months, I saw her take the morning after pill that morning, plus she's told me a million times she isn't pregnant. But for some reason I continue to torture myself with this to the point I'm having anxiety attacks. It's a relationship I'm struggling to get over, especially since she now tells me she's with somebody else - a person who I dislike as it was always clear he had feelings for her when we were together - though again I think this is another mind game.
So, as it is now, I'm pretty much at my lowest point. To describe how I'd feel I'd say I'm incredibly lonely - I still don't know anyone other than workplace acquaintances - and even then there's nothing ever social that happens. I've lived here for just under a year now. Other than work, I spend almost all of my time alone. This is how I often feel:
Incredibly negative thinking, the glass is certainly half empty
Suspicious
Often very anxious
Angry
Nothing gives me pleasure
Lack of confidence, other than in work-related situations.
Cannot concentrate
Sometimes I struggle to eat
Frustrated (some of this is probably sexual)
Distant
Find it hard to form relationships with people
Look for something not to like in a person and a reason not to get to know them
Upset and tearful
Isolated
Unhappy
Bitter
Sometimes I live in a complete pig-sty, take away boxes left on the floor for weeks, moldy cups, bathroom never clean etc. But ironically I'm always extremely well turned out, wearing nice clothes and taking decent care of my appearance. I suppose that's because I don't want to outwardly project my feelings.
Essentially the ending of the relationship has brought everything to a head. I feel like I'm really on the edge and at my lowest point. I wouldn't ever self-harm or commit suicide, despite how low I feel, as I'm able to rationalise it as being too selfish an act. Though I do get particularly nasty and haunting images in my head thinking about it.
I'm self-aware enough to know I cannot continue my life this way as it's a total waste. I am scared to death that maybe 10 years from now I'll look back and things will be exactly the same. I know things have to change. I want them to change. I do not want to jeopardize future happiness, the chance of meeting somebody good, the chance of a family, the possibility of having good friends. These are the things I want dearly.
I decided I needed some outside help. I purposely didn't go to my GP as I don't want any record of this staying with me and haunting me in the future. I also want to avoid taking any medication. So I've just started to see a counsellor privately, who seems pretty well qualified and I quite like her. After 3 false starts with other therapists - either they couldn't work evenings, there was no rapport or I really didn't feel at ease with the surroundings - I hope this latest one can help. As with all the others, she recognises that I'm clearly depressed. However, unlike the others, she isn't so keen on pushing CBT just yet until she works out what's best.
I also re-joined a gym last week and signed up to a circuits class deliberately as a good way to meet people because you've got to work in a group of 3. I'm also about to apply to be part of the local Junior Chamber of Commerce as a way of meeting people and to help with some of the work they do with schools - hopefully after the application and interview they'll accept me. I've also always wanted to learn French properly, I did it at GCSE level but didn't take it seriously, but I'm holding off on this at the minute as I don't want to take on too much. I've also started to read again, spending a good few hours on a Saturday afternoon in a really nice cafe with a book and also to do some people watching and I enjoy this.
I have a holiday in 4 weeks time that we'd booked as a couple, taking in a few European cities. I think depending how the therapy goes, I'm not sure whether I'll go. I think it would lead to more loneliness.
I genuinely do not want this to come over as a 'poor me story, it's everyones fault but mine'. So please don't take it that way. And I guess you're probably wondering what point I'm trying to make with all this...
So what I'm asking is for your thoughts on what I've said. Maybe you've been through something similar or witnessed something similar with other people. What more do you think I could be doing? What else do you think might help? What do you actually think is 'wrong' with me?
Perhaps there's a book I could buy which would help me?
Again, many thanks for reading.
I've been a member of PH for about 3 years now and reluctant to post this using my usual username.
I've seen a few posts like this in the past and this has been a difficult - and lengthy one - to write. So thank you in advance to anyone who takes the time to read it and respond. Really, I'm just after somebody to listen (well read) what I've got to say, let me know their thoughts and pass on any advice they might think useful. I don't mind if this is critical, so long as it's ultimately helpful.
I won't go into everything in explicit detail because you'd be here all day reading it - and I've not year worked everything out in my head so there'll be other stuff which I haven't mentioned.
I'm 28, single, have a decent education, a job paying very good money - especially for my age - but I'm facing possible redundancy in the near-ish future. I have no mortgage commitments because I'm renting as part of a flat share. I'm attractive, so I'm told, and I don't really have any debt worries. So on the face of it, everything would seem peachy.
The problem is I am seriously down, depressed and at a seriously low ebb. In all honesty, I cannot remember the last time I felt 'happy' and content. It must be a good few years at least. I know happiness is difficult to define and it's all relative - but I haven't felt 'good' or positive about myself or almost anything for a long, long time.
In brief, a background summary...
I'd had a difficult time growing up. Suffering from bullying on and off all the way through school and being very transient with friends, often spending a lot of time on my own. Or alternatively hanging out with what were the real social outcasts.
Home life was no better. I was brought up by my parents, who divorced 4 years ago, in a fairly loveless marriage. My dad had a particularly nasty upbringing himself, witnessing and experiencing physical and emotional neglect daily. My parents were completely unsuited, married very young and as the time they spent together grew the less they had in commmon. I have a brother and sister, but by my parents' own admission I wasn't given any real attention for a good number of years due to my sister and her behaviour. She fell in with the wrong sorts, got involved in all sorts and fell pregnant young. Life was a constant source of rows, anger, upset and emotional neglect. I was left to make my own way in a lot of respects. For years I became socially isolated and extremely withdrawn.
There's still a massive family rift and I haven't spoken to my younger sister in years and don't intend to, she continues to go down the wrong path big time - I really don't want to give specifics. I drifted from my older brother years ago and find it difficult to talk to him, almost like he's a stranger. I don't dislike him but it's just difficult. I have a reasonable relationship with my parents but still find it hard to confide and trust them not to repeat anything private I tell them, as they've done this in the past. They certainly don't know how I'm about to tell you how I feel, though they do know I'm not exactly happy, but don't know the extent.
University went pretty well, with some personal ups and downs, and I made some fairly good friends there at the time, though we've really drifted and aren't really in contact.
I've moved a few different places for work over the past few years. I now live in a big city in the south. Every time I've moved I've ended up completely alone, isolated and cut off. I never developed a social circle or did anything to meet people other than from work, and even then it was limited.
I've also had pretty lousy skin for years which had a big impact on me not wanting to socialise or sometimes even leave the house. My dad was particularly insensitive about this. However, over the past year or so it is much much better.
Finally, I came out of a relationship a few months ago with a girl I'd known for a couple of years. We both had strong feelings for each other, but never ever acted on them. Adultery isn't my thing, or hers. She's the first girl I've truly felt love for. Tragically her husband committed suicide. She was unhappily married and even now I still don't know the full reasons in and around why he did what he did. We got together around 5 months after this happened. In hindsight this was completely the wrong thing to do. We both still had feelings for each other but this was far too soon to act on them. The relationship ended badly between us quite recently. I feel extremely hurt and used. She played on my weaknesses and insecurities constantly and tortured me with mind games. And for some reason or other, I keep convincing myself she's pregnant - although it's been almost 3 months, I saw her take the morning after pill that morning, plus she's told me a million times she isn't pregnant. But for some reason I continue to torture myself with this to the point I'm having anxiety attacks. It's a relationship I'm struggling to get over, especially since she now tells me she's with somebody else - a person who I dislike as it was always clear he had feelings for her when we were together - though again I think this is another mind game.
So, as it is now, I'm pretty much at my lowest point. To describe how I'd feel I'd say I'm incredibly lonely - I still don't know anyone other than workplace acquaintances - and even then there's nothing ever social that happens. I've lived here for just under a year now. Other than work, I spend almost all of my time alone. This is how I often feel:
Incredibly negative thinking, the glass is certainly half empty
Suspicious
Often very anxious
Angry
Nothing gives me pleasure
Lack of confidence, other than in work-related situations.
Cannot concentrate
Sometimes I struggle to eat
Frustrated (some of this is probably sexual)
Distant
Find it hard to form relationships with people
Look for something not to like in a person and a reason not to get to know them
Upset and tearful
Isolated
Unhappy
Bitter
Sometimes I live in a complete pig-sty, take away boxes left on the floor for weeks, moldy cups, bathroom never clean etc. But ironically I'm always extremely well turned out, wearing nice clothes and taking decent care of my appearance. I suppose that's because I don't want to outwardly project my feelings.
Essentially the ending of the relationship has brought everything to a head. I feel like I'm really on the edge and at my lowest point. I wouldn't ever self-harm or commit suicide, despite how low I feel, as I'm able to rationalise it as being too selfish an act. Though I do get particularly nasty and haunting images in my head thinking about it.
I'm self-aware enough to know I cannot continue my life this way as it's a total waste. I am scared to death that maybe 10 years from now I'll look back and things will be exactly the same. I know things have to change. I want them to change. I do not want to jeopardize future happiness, the chance of meeting somebody good, the chance of a family, the possibility of having good friends. These are the things I want dearly.
I decided I needed some outside help. I purposely didn't go to my GP as I don't want any record of this staying with me and haunting me in the future. I also want to avoid taking any medication. So I've just started to see a counsellor privately, who seems pretty well qualified and I quite like her. After 3 false starts with other therapists - either they couldn't work evenings, there was no rapport or I really didn't feel at ease with the surroundings - I hope this latest one can help. As with all the others, she recognises that I'm clearly depressed. However, unlike the others, she isn't so keen on pushing CBT just yet until she works out what's best.
I also re-joined a gym last week and signed up to a circuits class deliberately as a good way to meet people because you've got to work in a group of 3. I'm also about to apply to be part of the local Junior Chamber of Commerce as a way of meeting people and to help with some of the work they do with schools - hopefully after the application and interview they'll accept me. I've also always wanted to learn French properly, I did it at GCSE level but didn't take it seriously, but I'm holding off on this at the minute as I don't want to take on too much. I've also started to read again, spending a good few hours on a Saturday afternoon in a really nice cafe with a book and also to do some people watching and I enjoy this.
I have a holiday in 4 weeks time that we'd booked as a couple, taking in a few European cities. I think depending how the therapy goes, I'm not sure whether I'll go. I think it would lead to more loneliness.
I genuinely do not want this to come over as a 'poor me story, it's everyones fault but mine'. So please don't take it that way. And I guess you're probably wondering what point I'm trying to make with all this...
So what I'm asking is for your thoughts on what I've said. Maybe you've been through something similar or witnessed something similar with other people. What more do you think I could be doing? What else do you think might help? What do you actually think is 'wrong' with me?
Perhaps there's a book I could buy which would help me?
Again, many thanks for reading.
If you're made redundant, you may get a bit of money. In your situation I would consider either looking at a long(ish) trip overseas - maybe on some sort of volunteer scheme (does VSO still exist?).
You'll mind it very challenging and fulfilling, and it will later leave you realising that however bad you think your life is, you've actually got it quite good.
You'll mind it very challenging and fulfilling, and it will later leave you realising that however bad you think your life is, you've actually got it quite good.
Feeling down is a fairly natural situation to be in after a relationship break-up and with the threat of redundancy hanging over you.
Thing is, everyone sees their job as important because it pays the bills, but not everyone realises the importance of their job as a series of goals and a feedback mechanism for those goals - it's a LOT more than just a paycheck.
Facing redundancy (or losing your job) pretty-much destroys that part of your life - it can affect your self-esteem and motivation and allsorts of other stuff.
What you should be looking for is direction and moving forward.
Direction is you having a plan - whether it be related to a relationship, a job, a place to live, a car or whatever. You need to wake-up everyday knowing that there's stuff which needs to be done and having some idea of how far towards your goals you're getting.
If I were you, I'd stop analysing everything else because it's mostly in the past and stuff you cannot change - simply file all that away as experience and start to work out what to do next.
Ask yourself what it is you want and then make up a plan of how to get it (be realistic, be practical but be ambitious too!) - we've not talking 'the moon on a stick' here either, just start small and build up...
Thing is, everyone sees their job as important because it pays the bills, but not everyone realises the importance of their job as a series of goals and a feedback mechanism for those goals - it's a LOT more than just a paycheck.
Facing redundancy (or losing your job) pretty-much destroys that part of your life - it can affect your self-esteem and motivation and allsorts of other stuff.
What you should be looking for is direction and moving forward.
Direction is you having a plan - whether it be related to a relationship, a job, a place to live, a car or whatever. You need to wake-up everyday knowing that there's stuff which needs to be done and having some idea of how far towards your goals you're getting.
If I were you, I'd stop analysing everything else because it's mostly in the past and stuff you cannot change - simply file all that away as experience and start to work out what to do next.
Ask yourself what it is you want and then make up a plan of how to get it (be realistic, be practical but be ambitious too!) - we've not talking 'the moon on a stick' here either, just start small and build up...
I have actually been through a lot of what has happened to you, & there isn't one answer to your problems. It is good you are having councilling & I am sure she will try & instill positive thinking in you, in time. It seems to me that you don't particularly like yourself, & it is essential that you learn how to do this as soon as you can. Again, easy to say, no so easy to put into practice.
I wont clog your head with stuff, but when I moved to a place where I knew no-one the best thing I did was buy a TVR! There are clubs all over the place with regular meetings & outings, indeed the social side of owning such a car is a massive benefit. If you don't fancy a Tiv, joining an owners club of any car will at least give you a starting point.
Good luck.
(I am happy to talk things through in private via messaging if you wish, but I don't think it would help on here)
Brook.
I wont clog your head with stuff, but when I moved to a place where I knew no-one the best thing I did was buy a TVR! There are clubs all over the place with regular meetings & outings, indeed the social side of owning such a car is a massive benefit. If you don't fancy a Tiv, joining an owners club of any car will at least give you a starting point.
Good luck.
(I am happy to talk things through in private via messaging if you wish, but I don't think it would help on here)
Brook.
Thanks.
Goal wise, well I suppose what I want is quite cliched. I want a partner who's not just a partner, but a best friend. And everything that goes with that. A house, children, holidays etc. And that's why I'm working hard now to get the root cause of why I feel the way I do, and why I've felt it so long.
Career-wise, I've done well and will work hard to continue to do so. If I get made redundant, I'm flexible in terms of location and will work my a*se off until I get another job. Though it would be nice to secure something and then allow myself 4-6 weeks to volunteer / travel.
Goal wise, well I suppose what I want is quite cliched. I want a partner who's not just a partner, but a best friend. And everything that goes with that. A house, children, holidays etc. And that's why I'm working hard now to get the root cause of why I feel the way I do, and why I've felt it so long.
Career-wise, I've done well and will work hard to continue to do so. If I get made redundant, I'm flexible in terms of location and will work my a*se off until I get another job. Though it would be nice to secure something and then allow myself 4-6 weeks to volunteer / travel.
Speedracer329 said:
I have actually been through a lot of what has happened to you, & there isn't one answer to your problems. It is good you are having councilling & I am sure she will try & instill positive thinking in you, in time. It seems to me that you don't particularly like yourself, & it is essential that you learn how to do this as soon as you can. Again, easy to say, no so easy to put into practice.
I wont clog your head with stuff, but when I moved to a place where I knew no-one the best thing I did was buy a TVR! There are clubs all over the place with regular meetings & outings, indeed the social side of owning such a car is a massive benefit. If you don't fancy a Tiv, joining an owners club of any car will at least give you a starting point.
Good luck.
(I am happy to talk things through in private via messaging if you wish, but I don't think it would help on here)
Brook.
Cheers. I might take you up on the offer of a few private messages.I wont clog your head with stuff, but when I moved to a place where I knew no-one the best thing I did was buy a TVR! There are clubs all over the place with regular meetings & outings, indeed the social side of owning such a car is a massive benefit. If you don't fancy a Tiv, joining an owners club of any car will at least give you a starting point.
Good luck.
(I am happy to talk things through in private via messaging if you wish, but I don't think it would help on here)
Brook.
I really am putting a lot of faith in the counseling and hope it will help me identify why I'm so down, but also change my outlook, approach and attitude for the better.
Good work with the TVR club. But I'm hoping to meet people through the classes at the gym and hopefully through successful application to the Youth Chambers of Commerce. If they don't work, then I'll find something that does.
I stopped smoking a week ago. I think feeling and looking physically fit will help me too.
lookingforhelp said:
Goal wise, well I suppose what I want is quite cliched. I want a partner who's not just a partner, but a best friend. And everything that goes with that. A house, children, holidays etc.
That's easy - there's really only 2 possible ways to get that1 - hope that you randomly bump into someone who just happens to want the same and likes you for the job
2 - go somewhere which is designed to facilitate that goal without the random bulls
tThe number of people who rely on 1 is staggering - you wouldn't find a job by anything like as random or chaotic a mechanism and yet people are happy to have the rest of their lives organised in that exact way.
The stigma behind 2 is large - people will laugh and say "I don't need to use a dating website/agency" as they continue hoping to bump into someone by complete chance...
You sound like the sort of person who'd not think like that - so there's a thing...
johnpeat said:
lookingforhelp said:
Goal wise, well I suppose what I want is quite cliched. I want a partner who's not just a partner, but a best friend. And everything that goes with that. A house, children, holidays etc.
That's easy - there's really only 2 possible ways to get that1 - hope that you randomly bump into someone who just happens to want the same and likes you for the job
2 - go somewhere which is designed to facilitate that goal without the random bulls
tThe number of people who rely on 1 is staggering - you wouldn't find a job by anything like as random or chaotic a mechanism and yet people are happy to have the rest of their lives organised in that exact way.
The stigma behind 2 is large - people will laugh and say "I don't need to use a dating website/agency" as they continue hoping to bump into someone by complete chance...
You sound like the sort of person who'd not think like that - so there's a thing...
I'm just hoping the help I'm getting from counseling etc will help me think more positively and change my outlook. And therefore at least not let the way things are now and how I feel cause things off to a bad start. It's not fair on the other person either.
But in all honesty, I think a new, better relationship would soon help me get over the old one.
Hi nameless one 
You are doing the right thing, both with the therapist and with the exercise. I completely understand why you would not want to take medication or have a mental illness on your medical record. Fact of the matter is, it sounds like you have had a rough time of it and the depression is almost expected.
However, there is always, always a way out of the way you are feeling, and you are taking the correct steps to dig yourself out. Once you are comfortable with yourself (it will take some time) then you can enter a relationship stronger, and not rely on your partner to make yourself feel good.
Exercise is a great way of helping you out of the hole, firstly because of the short term rush of endorphins (blah blah) but also long term because you will look and feel better. Diet is also important in beating mild depression IMO - seriously. Cutting down on crap food and alcohol will keep you alert and on a more even keel emotionally (i.e. not so much ups and downs).
Good luck, and chin up - things can and will improve
J
You are doing the right thing, both with the therapist and with the exercise. I completely understand why you would not want to take medication or have a mental illness on your medical record. Fact of the matter is, it sounds like you have had a rough time of it and the depression is almost expected.
However, there is always, always a way out of the way you are feeling, and you are taking the correct steps to dig yourself out. Once you are comfortable with yourself (it will take some time) then you can enter a relationship stronger, and not rely on your partner to make yourself feel good.
Exercise is a great way of helping you out of the hole, firstly because of the short term rush of endorphins (blah blah) but also long term because you will look and feel better. Diet is also important in beating mild depression IMO - seriously. Cutting down on crap food and alcohol will keep you alert and on a more even keel emotionally (i.e. not so much ups and downs).
Good luck, and chin up - things can and will improve
J
JFReturns said:
Hi nameless one
You are doing the right thing, both with the therapist and with the exercise. I completely understand why you would not want to take medication or have a mental illness on your medical record. Fact of the matter is, it sounds like you have had a rough time of it and the depression is almost expected.
However, there is always, always a way out of the way you are feeling, and you are taking the correct steps to dig yourself out. Once you are comfortable with yourself (it will take some time) then you can enter a relationship stronger, and not rely on your partner to make yourself feel good.
Exercise is a great way of helping you out of the hole, firstly because of the short term rush of endorphins (blah blah) but also long term because you will look and feel better. Diet is also important in beating mild depression IMO - seriously. Cutting down on crap food and alcohol will keep you alert and on a more even keel emotionally (i.e. not so much ups and downs).
Good luck, and chin up - things can and will improve
J
Thank you.You are doing the right thing, both with the therapist and with the exercise. I completely understand why you would not want to take medication or have a mental illness on your medical record. Fact of the matter is, it sounds like you have had a rough time of it and the depression is almost expected.
However, there is always, always a way out of the way you are feeling, and you are taking the correct steps to dig yourself out. Once you are comfortable with yourself (it will take some time) then you can enter a relationship stronger, and not rely on your partner to make yourself feel good.
Exercise is a great way of helping you out of the hole, firstly because of the short term rush of endorphins (blah blah) but also long term because you will look and feel better. Diet is also important in beating mild depression IMO - seriously. Cutting down on crap food and alcohol will keep you alert and on a more even keel emotionally (i.e. not so much ups and downs).
Good luck, and chin up - things can and will improve
J
Again, really hoping both therapy and exercise will help, initially at least. I know this is the first step, but I'm self-aware enough to know things can't continue this way. Things have to change.
I really don't want any of that on my medical record. It could bite me in the arse in the future if anyone asks for disclosure, which isn't unheard of.
I've made an effort to eat better. Far fewer ready meals and take outs. I've knocked the fags on the head for a week and I never drank much anyway. So I'll just limit it to 3-4 pints over a weekend.
Thanks for the support.
lookingforhelp said:
I stopped smoking a week ago. I think feeling and looking physically fit will help me too.
Mate ... you are probably also going through some physical/psychological withdrawl to cigs and nicotine... are you on the patches (or the even the e-cigs)? Just give it a couple of days for the process to complete and see if your mood improves (it may well do).
I gave up smoking a long time ago.. but still miss them.
deaglecat said:
Mate ... you are probably also going through some physical/psychological withdrawl to cigs and nicotine... are you on the patches (or the even the e-cigs)?
Just give it a couple of days for the process to complete and see if your mood improves (it may well do).
I gave up smoking a long time ago.. but still miss them.
I'm not taking anything at the minute. I've gone cold turkey before and been OK.Just give it a couple of days for the process to complete and see if your mood improves (it may well do).
I gave up smoking a long time ago.. but still miss them.
I know the lack of cigs isn't helping, but this is a lot bigger issue than the withdrawal symptoms. I've felt low for an awful long time.
JFReturns said:
I completely understand why you would not want to take medication or have a mental illness on your medical record.
I'm a bit lost on the latter tbh...I believe talking to GPs about depression is a bit of a waste of time because they simply do not have the resources to offer proper help BUT I don't see this "mental illness on your record" thing at all...
Do you honestly think that people who've gone to their GP because they're depressed after relationship breakups, loss of friends of family members or whatever are being 'marked' in some way??
Do you think that pretending you're NOT ill is going to improve the chances of recovering from it???
"Mental illness" and "being a bit depressed" are not really the same thing - EVERYONE goes through periods of being down, almost everyone will be 'depressed' at times in their lives (even if they don't realise it) - having paranoid ideas about what it might mean if it's "on your record" is not helpful.
johnpeat said:
Relationships are about sharing problems and solving problems together - is my point - they also have a tendency to make you focus less on 'you' and more on 'us' or at least 'you' in the context of 'us'.
Ah, I get you now. When I'm in a relationship, I'm a genuinely loving, affectionate, giving and considerate guy. I've always listening to problems and helped where I can, because that's what being in a relationship is all about to me.
OP - I think you're doing all the right things.
The only extra piece of advice I would give is don't be in a rush to get into a new relationship.
I came out of a tough relationship a few years ago. Got into it too soon after the break-up of my marriage. It had lots of good bits but some very bad bits as well. The best thing I did when it was over was to deliberately decide I was going to take 6 months to sort me out before I made an effort to meet anyone new. When I met that person I was fitter, confident,happy with me and ready to share the good things in life.
Better to sort you first, the right person may help, but if you're not ready then it could put pressure on the relationship.
Just my humble opinion.
BTW - I'll second the comment on internet dating etc. Met my partner that way. Also attended the wedding of a good friend last week who met his partner through the net.
Feel free to PM me if I can help at all.
Gary
The only extra piece of advice I would give is don't be in a rush to get into a new relationship.
I came out of a tough relationship a few years ago. Got into it too soon after the break-up of my marriage. It had lots of good bits but some very bad bits as well. The best thing I did when it was over was to deliberately decide I was going to take 6 months to sort me out before I made an effort to meet anyone new. When I met that person I was fitter, confident,happy with me and ready to share the good things in life.
Better to sort you first, the right person may help, but if you're not ready then it could put pressure on the relationship.
Just my humble opinion.
BTW - I'll second the comment on internet dating etc. Met my partner that way. Also attended the wedding of a good friend last week who met his partner through the net.
Feel free to PM me if I can help at all.
Gary
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