Traffic Light Vultures!
Discussion
You know the ones, the type that try and sell you things or services while you're stuck at the lights.
Now I've got on group in mind.
Windows washers!
The ones on the A406 north at Hanger Lane if you've just come up from Chiswick.
For one reason or another in the last week I've been up and down the A406 more times than I care to remember.
And every day, without fail, in the bloody cold.
Lieing in wait on the central reservation by the traffic lights like some sort of press gang.
For those of you who know the Hanger Lane junction to stay on the north Circular going north it's best to be in lanes 3 or 4 at the lights. Anyway....
Heading north on Saturday afternoon I pull up to the lights in lane 4 and the members of the great unwashed move out. Walking out into the stationary traffic with bottles of, what I assume is, water and washing up liquid and a squeegee. Like vultures from the sky they descend upon your helpless and trapped vehicle.
"No, NOT ME!" I gesture through the (clean!) windscreen of my car in the vain hope that they will leave me the f
k alone.
No such luck.
Over saunters this awful excuse for a woman (wearing sandles, brave move) and smears a heart with a smilie face on my windscreen right in front of my face. After which she proceeds to do the rest of the windscreen while her mate does the passenger side. Ok fair enough.
"Have a quid and fk off?"
Still no such luck...
She demands another quid and I throw some change out the window and give it the beans onto the roundabout as the car in front has moved off.
Roll around to Sunday and I'm making the same journey, still in lane 4 on the approach, but I'm expecting their brand of marketing this time.
So I hang back and hope that there's enough traffic in front of me that they won't get as far down the queue before the lights change, but not so much that I get caught at the front of the queue when the lights go back to red.
I'm trapped at the front of the queue.
"ARSE!"
Now admittedly my windscreen is caked in salt outside of the sweep of the wipers so I'm expecting them to ignore my now frantic gesticulating that they should in no uncertain terms go and fornicate themselves with a fence post.
This gets nothing. Infact what this inspires instead is the bloke who seems to play enforcer for the two 'women' who ply their trade at the lights comes over and does my window. fk. Now I've got no money on me after a public house relieved me of my walking around money last night. He makes his way round to my window as the orange light comes on "fk it" and drop the clutch and we're off. Escaped. Freedom. But with the knowledge that I've got to make the same trip on Monday morning too....
Monday rolls around and I'v decided to try the risky game of being in Lane 2 at the roundabout and try to merge back into the outer lanes once on the roundabout (copious amounts of throttle may be needed to avoid Mr Luxo Barge, who seems to live on this particular roundabout, merging me into the central island)
They've seen me coming, so out they come. So down goes the window, it's like watching a sinking ship as my hopes dwindle "No, I don't need my window done, fk off"
Apparently English is not their strong suit and suddenly my window is covered in suds. ARSE COCK wk fk fk fk!!!!
Still no money in my pocket.
"Have a Geobar?"
"No, two please"
I proffer two to the hag who is now resting her bangled arm on the roof of my car.
"No, twoo plessssss"
"Go away"
"TWO please"
Lights change and I'm away with a well aimed kick to the rear bumper. Fortunately It's plastic and I don't give a fk as it's getting cut up in a few weeks.
Sorry, Rant over.
I must not be the only one who hates these flea ridden gutter snipes!
ETA: Yes, could do with more swearing, I know...
Now I've got on group in mind.
Windows washers!
The ones on the A406 north at Hanger Lane if you've just come up from Chiswick.
For one reason or another in the last week I've been up and down the A406 more times than I care to remember.
And every day, without fail, in the bloody cold.
Lieing in wait on the central reservation by the traffic lights like some sort of press gang.
For those of you who know the Hanger Lane junction to stay on the north Circular going north it's best to be in lanes 3 or 4 at the lights. Anyway....
Heading north on Saturday afternoon I pull up to the lights in lane 4 and the members of the great unwashed move out. Walking out into the stationary traffic with bottles of, what I assume is, water and washing up liquid and a squeegee. Like vultures from the sky they descend upon your helpless and trapped vehicle.
"No, NOT ME!" I gesture through the (clean!) windscreen of my car in the vain hope that they will leave me the f
k alone.No such luck.
Over saunters this awful excuse for a woman (wearing sandles, brave move) and smears a heart with a smilie face on my windscreen right in front of my face. After which she proceeds to do the rest of the windscreen while her mate does the passenger side. Ok fair enough.
"Have a quid and f
k off?"Still no such luck...
She demands another quid and I throw some change out the window and give it the beans onto the roundabout as the car in front has moved off.
Roll around to Sunday and I'm making the same journey, still in lane 4 on the approach, but I'm expecting their brand of marketing this time.
So I hang back and hope that there's enough traffic in front of me that they won't get as far down the queue before the lights change, but not so much that I get caught at the front of the queue when the lights go back to red.
I'm trapped at the front of the queue.
"ARSE!"
Now admittedly my windscreen is caked in salt outside of the sweep of the wipers so I'm expecting them to ignore my now frantic gesticulating that they should in no uncertain terms go and fornicate themselves with a fence post.
This gets nothing. Infact what this inspires instead is the bloke who seems to play enforcer for the two 'women' who ply their trade at the lights comes over and does my window. f
k. Now I've got no money on me after a public house relieved me of my walking around money last night. He makes his way round to my window as the orange light comes on "fk it" and drop the clutch and we're off. Escaped. Freedom. But with the knowledge that I've got to make the same trip on Monday morning too....Monday rolls around and I'v decided to try the risky game of being in Lane 2 at the roundabout and try to merge back into the outer lanes once on the roundabout (copious amounts of throttle may be needed to avoid Mr Luxo Barge, who seems to live on this particular roundabout, merging me into the central island)
They've seen me coming, so out they come. So down goes the window, it's like watching a sinking ship as my hopes dwindle "No, I don't need my window done, f
k off"Apparently English is not their strong suit and suddenly my window is covered in suds. ARSE COCK w
k fk fk fk!!!!Still no money in my pocket.
"Have a Geobar?"
"No, two please"
I proffer two to the hag who is now resting her bangled arm on the roof of my car.
"No, twoo plessssss"
"Go away"
"TWO please"
Lights change and I'm away with a well aimed kick to the rear bumper. Fortunately It's plastic and I don't give a f
k as it's getting cut up in a few weeks.Sorry, Rant over.
I must not be the only one who hates these flea ridden gutter snipes!
ETA: Yes, could do with more swearing, I know...
Hit the windscreen washers as soon as they get near. I thought that was the internationally recognized sign that you don't want your windows washed.
Whatever you do, don't let them clean it and then refuse to pay, I know someone who got a face full of that soapy swill they use when he thought he was clever and get a free wash. He wasn't clever enough to put his window up first though.
Whatever you do, don't let them clean it and then refuse to pay, I know someone who got a face full of that soapy swill they use when he thought he was clever and get a free wash. He wasn't clever enough to put his window up first though.
I had an encounter with possibly this exact group a few weeks ago, driving towards Vauxhall over the bridge (not sure the name of the bridge/road, but by the MI5 building).
Being a bit of a newcomer to driving in London I just thought it was a group of people standing by the lights so I stopped at the amber light as my girlfriend was telling me to run it. It then dawned on me why she wanted me to run the light, as a straggly looking woman came over and proceeded to do the love heart thing on my (also clean) windscreen, give it a 10 second clean and then walk around and hold out her hand.
I gave her whatever change I had, which was about 30p, and then she said to me "What the fk do I do with this? Put it up my bum?!". I wasn't really expecting that, and started to explain to her that she was getting 30p for 10 seconds' work, which was more than I get paid, before my girlfriend interrupted and shouted at her to "GO AWAY!"!
Luckily that seemed to do the trick
Being a bit of a newcomer to driving in London I just thought it was a group of people standing by the lights so I stopped at the amber light as my girlfriend was telling me to run it. It then dawned on me why she wanted me to run the light, as a straggly looking woman came over and proceeded to do the love heart thing on my (also clean) windscreen, give it a 10 second clean and then walk around and hold out her hand.
I gave her whatever change I had, which was about 30p, and then she said to me "What the f
k do I do with this? Put it up my bum?!". I wasn't really expecting that, and started to explain to her that she was getting 30p for 10 seconds' work, which was more than I get paid, before my girlfriend interrupted and shouted at her to "GO AWAY!"!Luckily that seemed to do the trick
StottyZr said:
She kicked your bumper? 
Brakes on, out of the car scream in her face moment for me there. Where the hell do you live? If anybody tried this st around Leeds I think they'd last around 2minutes before somebody planted a well deserved right hook. drove over them repeatidly until dead
EFA!Brakes on, out of the car scream in her face moment for me there. Where the hell do you live? If anybody tried this s
t around Leeds I think they'd last around 2minutes before somebody KrazyIvan said:
Why do you just not wind your window down, look straight ahead and ignore them. Or if you want more fun aim one of you washers over the bonnet to where they approach and give them a taste of there own medicine, dont forget to ask for £2 for washing the smelly bhes.
hes.Both elaborate and excellent.
not saying that this is a good thing... but do you prefer this?
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-16812185
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-16812185
I know exactly where you mean and the last time I came across them they even did the heart thing to the car behind me. My car is filthy most of the time but for some reason they always ignore me 
Never seen one kick a car though - hopefully they'll attack a cabbie and they'll finish each other off.
Do wonder what happened to the little blokes patrolling embankment with free newspapers for the traffic though. Found them quite useful.
Never seen one kick a car though - hopefully they'll attack a cabbie and they'll finish each other off.Do wonder what happened to the little blokes patrolling embankment with free newspapers for the traffic though. Found them quite useful.
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