Dealer speak?

[CrabDan]

Just flicking through Autotrader and trying to figure out what some of this stuff means. Some classic stuff if you look close enough. I may be wrong about these but so far I've got:

"Door to door illumination." - It has windows.
"Cornering brake control." - It has a handbrake.

Any others?

[Fartgalen]

Yeah. Right. OK.

[CrabDan]

Fartgalen said:

Yeah. Right. OK.

Excellent. Cheers for that.

[Fartgalen]

CrabDan said:

Just flicking through Autotrader and trying to figure out what some of this stuff means. Some classic stuff if you look close enough. I may be wrong about these but so far I've got:

"Door to door illumination." - It has windows.
"Cornering brake control." - It has a handbrake.

Any others?

You are a 'tard.
Door to door illumination means the lights stay on for a while after you turn off the car, so you can see to your door. Your front door. Your house door.
Cornering brake control - they probably mean ESP. That's to say anti-skid.
Anything else you need help with ?

[CrabDan]

Nope.

Please excuse me for trying to have a little fun.

Almost seems like I touched a nerve...

[Genelec]

CrabDan said:

Just flicking through Autotrader and trying to figure out what some of this stuff means. Some classic stuff if you look close enough. I may be wrong about these but so far I've got:

"Door to door illumination." - It has windows.
"Cornering brake control." - It has a handbrake.

Any others?

I'm fairly sure this was a Jasper Carrott sketch from circa early 1990's.

The only one I remember was "central locking, you can reach all the doors from the drivers seat".

[CrabDan]

Genelec said:

I'm fairly sure this was a Jasper Carrott sketch from circa early 1990's.

The only one I remember was "central locking, you can reach all the doors from the drivers seat".

See through windows was one, I believe.

[RWD cossie wil]

As found in lots of Cat D/C adverts , "mint condition pre-accident" , or "light roll"

Never fails to make me chuckle.

[PoleDriver]

Genelec said:

I'm fairly sure this was a Jasper Carrott sketch from circa early 1990's.

The only one I remember was "central locking, you can reach all the doors from the drivers seat".

I'm going to go out on a limb here and ask if Jasper Carrott actually made it to Finland?

[Fartgalen]

CrabDan said:

Nope.

Please excuse me for trying to have a little fun.

Almost seems like I touched a nerve...

So it was humour ? Ok. I missed it.

[CrabDan]

Fartgalen said:

So it was humour ? Ok. I missed it.

I perhaps could've worded it slightly more clearly.

That was my mistake.

You still came across like a d*ck though. Just so you know.

[Ray Luxury-Yacht]

I've actually read a real dealer advert (admittedly years ago) that has credited a car with having 'skin and wind' - meaning leather and aircon!

And once, in a classic car mag - admittedly a dealer that used to have fun with his listings - described a car as having 'twin Mother-in laws' which, after thinking about it, was describing two front air bags, lol etc.

[hidetheelephants]

With a thread title like that I was expecting something worthy of Carcoat Damphands himself. This thread are disappoint.

Noodly lifters, drippy looking and smithcovers. Twenty ponies round the houses but not rough; Minty.

[davepoth]

hidetheelephants said:

With a thread title like that I was expecting something worthy of Carcoat Damphands himself. This thread are disappoint.

Noodly lifters, drippy looking and smithcovers. Twenty ponies round the houses but not rough; Minty.

Just in case...

http://sniffpetrol.com/category/carcoat-damphands/

"Hasn’t even got ghost fart and moonboots."

[aw51 121565]

"Car has a bidet."

Any takers?

[CoolC]

aw51 121565 said:

"Car has a bidet."

Any takers?

Rear wash-wipe.

[danjama]

Ray Luxury-Yacht said:

I've actually read a real dealer advert (admittedly years ago) that has credited a car with having 'skin and wind' - meaning leather and aircon!

And once, in a classic car mag - admittedly a dealer that used to have fun with his listings - described a car as having 'twin Mother-in laws' which, after thinking about it, was describing two front air bags, lol etc.

Genuinely LOLd here.

[Shaw Tarse]

CoolC said:

aw51 121565 said:

"Car has a bidet."

Any takers?

Rear wash-wipe.

Ugly kid glass, (from a fellow PHer )

[jvr]

Solid paint?



must be well built

[iphonedyou]

Fartgalen said:

So it was humour ? Ok. I missed it.

Happier now? Your point is well and truly conveyed

Edited by iphonedyou on Tuesday 3rd July 12:17