SHOUTY! Car ads & misinformation

[static2010]

Browsing the trader & came across an ad for a nice looking S5. Now I'm sure most would know what they were looking for when specifically looking for an S5, but these ads just wind me up & put me off even going for a look. Am I the only one?

Apart from being written in in capitals, it's full of bull.

BLACK, BRAND NEW SHAPE, XENONS, L.E.D'S, SAT NAV, TWO TONE LEATHER, H/SEATS, 20" WHEELS & NEW 3.0 TURBO ENGINE!!!!!, DO NOT BE MISTAKEN THIS IS THE NEW SHAPE!!, IF YOUR LOOKING FOR A VERY SPECIAL S5 CONVERTIBLE WITH EVERY CONCEIVABLE EXTRA THEN YOUR SEARCH IS TRULY OVER!,
STAGGERING SPEC INCLUDES FULLY COLOUR CODED FACTORY S5 BODY KIT (LOOKS SUPERB), No such thing
VERY RARE 20" FACTORY ALLOY WHEELS UPGRADE WITH 4 NEARLY NEW TYRES Not so rare, factory option
FULL SOFT FINE TWO TONE NAPPA LEATHER SEATS, All leather as standard
S5 WING BACK RACING STYLE SEATS IN RED & BLACK WITH RED OUTER STITCH (LOOKS SUPERB),
BUILT IN WIDE SCREEN PROFESSIONAL COMMAND SAT NAV (MASSIVE EXTRA), Where else would it be? Its not a tomtom.
ADAPTIVE BI XENON HEADLAMPS WITH FOLLOW ME HOME LIGHTS & NEW STYLE L.E.D'S (ONLY ON NEW SHAPE), Follow me home? WTF?
FRONT AND REAR PARKING SENSORS, UPGRADED 3.0 TURBO NEW STYLE ENGINE PRODUCING 333 BHP AND RETURNONG 38 MPG!!, The engine is actually supercharged.
HEATED SEATS, ELECTRIC SEATS, ELECTRIC MEMORY SEATS (BIG EXTRA), Nope! Pretty standard these days. Obviously a case of I’ll just tick every box I can see when placing the ad.
KEYLESS ENTRY AND KEYLESS START (BIG EXTRA), NEW S TRONIC GEARBOX WITH F1 STEERING WHEEL PADDLES OPTION & SPORTS MODE, S-tronic standard in all S5’s
CARBON FIBRE INTERIOR INSERTS (LOOKS SUPERB), SOFT NAPPA LEATHER INTERIOR In case you missed that bit before?
CENTRE ARM REST, BANG AND OLUFSON HI FI UPGRADE WITH CD PLAYER, AUXILIARY CONNECTION & IPOD FACILITES, CROSS STITCHED PERFORATED LEATHER FLAT BOTTOM STYLE S5 RACING STEERING WHEEL, MULTI FUNCTIONAL LEATHER STEERING WHEEL, It has 2 steering wheels? That is rare!
BUILT IN VOICE ACTIVATED BLUETOOTH PHONE CONNECTIVITY WITH STEERING WHEEL CONTROLS, S5 UPGRADED BRAKES WITH BIGGER CALLIPERS, Again, standard brakes for the S5
ESP TRACTION CONTROL, QUATTRO PERMANENT 4WD SPEC (BIG EXTRA), Standard
ELECTRONIC PARK BRAKE, POWER FOLDING MIRRORS, ELECTRIC HEATED MIRRORS, STAINLESS S5 FACTORY MIRRORS WITH L.E.D INDICATORS BUILT IN, Stainless? Really?
MEDIA INTERFACE, MP3 PLAYER, AUTO STOP START TECHNOLOGY (CAR CUTS OUT AT TRAFFIC LIGHTS TO SAVE FUEL (MASSIVE EXTRA), Standard
AUTO DIMMING REAR VIEW MIRROR, INTERIOR AMBIENT L.E.D LIGHTING PACK, <- The MASSIVE extra they missed.
CATEGORY 1 ALARM & IMMOBILISER WITH INTERIOR PROTECTION, FRONT AND REAR FOG LAMPS, Rear as required by law
FULL POWER HOOD IN NEW CONDITION WITH HEATED REAR GLASS, TWO TONE LEATHER S5 DOOR CARDS FINISHED IN BLACK & RED (LOOKS SUPERB),
ONBOARD COLOUR COMPUTER WITH OUTSIDE TEMP GAUGE & AVERAGE FUEL ECONOMY ETC, L.E.D REAR LIGHTS, ALL ORIGINAL S5 PRESENT AND ORIGINAL MANUAL BOOKS ETC, SUPERB PERFORMANCE FROM THIS BRAND NEWLY DESIGNED 3.0 TURBO CHAGED ENGINE PRODUCING OVER 330 BHP AND RETURNING A SUPERB 35+ MPG!!!. IF YOUR Spelling! LOOKING FOR A STUNNING NEW MACHINE YET YOU DONT WANT TO PAY THE DEALER PRICES COME AND ASTONISH YOURSELF WITH THIS VERY RARE SPEC'D CAR!!!! COME AND BUY IN TOTAL CONFIDENCE FROM A SPECIALIST GERMAN SPORTS CAR DEALER, OVER 2 YEARS MAIN DEALER WARRANTY REMAINING ON THIS SUPERB EXAMPLE, PART EXCHANGE ALWAYS WELCOMED, SUPERB LOW RATE FINANCE PACKAGES TO SUIT YOUR PERSONAL NEEDS, FREE DRIVE AWAY INSURANCE, ALL OUR CARS ARE PREPARED TO THE HIGHEST STANDARDS, COME AND VIEW IN OUR SHOWCASE INDOOR SHOWROOM, SUPERB LOW RATE FINANCE, PART EXCHANGE WELCOMED, £38,990 p/x welcome


Maybe its just me, but I feel this kind of ad is just patronising

& yes, I have too much time on my hands tonight

[carinaman]

Not a thread about Top Gear then?

[Alucidnation]

TLDR, although i do agree with the OP's complaint.

[theworx]

tldr

Follow me home headlights is just the lights staying on for a set time after you exit the vehicle to illuminate the path etc

[carinaman]

static2010 said:

CROSS STITCHED PERFORATED LEATHER FLAT BOTTOM STYLE S5 RACING STEERING WHEEL, MULTI FUNCTIONAL LEATHER STEERING WHEEL, It has 2 steering wheels? That is rare!

Ideal for back seat drivers then.

[lemonslap]

static2010 said:

NEW 3.0 TURBO ENGINE!!!!!

Didn't know they made a turbo vesion of S5... I'm going to ask for a piture of the turbo

Agree OP gets on my man boobs..

[Ari]

I find such adverts helpful. Makes it easy to spot sellers worth avoiding.

[LuS1fer]

The ones that get up my nose are "THIS CAR FOR £199 A MONTH!" then in tiny letters (£8 million pound deposit afdvance rental required, over 65s only blah blah).

[rj1986]

Whats annoying is when some ads list things as Additional Feats., like Xenons, Sat Nav, climate control etc. When they are standard.
Or vice versa, list these extras as standard features.
So when you start comparing, you have to trawl through all the faff like "3 point seatbelts" to find out if it's got the spec you want.

[static2010]

rj1986 said:

Whats annoying is when some ads list things as Additional Feats., like Xenons, Sat Nav, climate control etc. When they are standard.
Or vice versa, list these extras as standard features.
So when you start comparing, you have to trawl through all the faff like "3 point seatbelts" to find out if it's got the spec you want.

Exactly!

[RichwiththeS2000]

Any time I see an ad in all caps I immediately click away to the next one. Dealers reading, take note. It's a chore to read through and makes you look like a dumb . Most people don't want to buy a car from a dumb .