Essay/ short story help
Essay/ short story help
Author
Discussion

carmental

Original Poster:

71 posts

181 months

Saturday 26th October 2013
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The initial message was deleted from this topic on 12 November 2013 at 16:21

Ray Luxury-Yacht

8,918 posts

246 months

Saturday 26th October 2013
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I liked it - but there's a bit too much 'you' and 'your' in it? And then you keep flipping from the third person to the first person - i.e. you this and you that, quickly changes to I and me?

vx220

2,725 posts

264 months

Saturday 26th October 2013
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"ears clenched" ???

vx220

2,725 posts

264 months

Sunday 27th October 2013
quotequote all
No

I have seen Rammstein twice, and Nine Inch Nails twice and stood within touching distance of an old NASCAR starting up at Goodwood, never had my ears "clench"

vx220

2,725 posts

264 months

Sunday 27th October 2013
quotequote all
No

I have seen Rammstein twice, and Nine Inch Nails twice and stood within touching distance of an old NASCAR starting up at Goodwood, never had my ears "clench"