Shed's guide to selling your car
Don't put your missus in the picture for starters...
Ownership issues
First, own your car. Seems obvious, but you'd be amazed how many sellers don't. For some, the phrase 'outstanding finance' means an awesomely cheap line of credit. It also means they're selling a carthey don't own. It's all a bit odd, really, because despite rumours to the contrary, it is perfectly possible to sell a car with unpaid HP instalments as long as you sort it out with the finance providers first.
But the presence of outstanding finance is something that some vendors prefer you to find out for yourself, ideally when they've had plenty of time to get far away after the 'sale'.
Assuming you do own the car, do you also have its V5C vehicle registration certificate? Again, many don't. Nor, it would seem, do they have the time to get one. Which is extraordinary.
There may be a perfectly good reason why you don't have the V5C. You may have left it in your pants for washing, it spontaneously combusted, the ink fell off it, etc. These are all entirely plausible excuses. But excuses butter no parsnips. If you saw an ad with the phrase 'V5C missing, you just need to contact Swansea', would you carry on looking at that ad? If your own answer is 'no', chances are quite a few other folk will take the same view. Reducing the size of your potential marketplace is not a good idea.
Go through all your car's papers in advance so you don't get surprised by any untoward appearances during the paperwork reveal, ie. a four-page notification of MoT advisories, or your recent results from the unusual diseases clinic. Probably best not to photograph that paperwork in the TV room where your well-used copy of Grand Theft Auto is on show.
If the potential buyer wants to take pictures of your docs, introduce him to your grandad, the one who likes telling war stories.
Online in this case being respectable outlets like, well, the one you're on now. I don't count those outfits who buy any car off you. They had their chance to do something good, but instead chose the dark side.
Shed has no problems with online auction selling, but that's because I take the time to (a) advertise correctly and (b) firebomb those who cross me. Only one of those being true of course. Thanks to features like the one you are reading now, and others which are (hard to believe I know) even more authoritative, everyone and his aunt knows how to drive a hard bargain nowadays, so the gulf between dealer and private prices is less evident than it once was.
Having said that, if you've got the time, patience and mental fortitude to deal with members of the public, some of whom shouldn't be members of anything up to and including the human race, then private must still be the way to go, especially when you have such a fine selling resource as PistonHeads at your disposal. Whichever method you choose, you need to be prepared to put some effort in. Do that and you'll sell your car quickly and at the right price. Don't bother and buyers won't either.
Choose your market
Your advertising options range from chucking a hastily-scribbled ad in your car's window to taking out a half-time ad during the next Super Bowl. Fortunately you can get a decent result at the bottom end of that spread. This may seem like shameless plugging, but advertising on a forum-based website like PistonHeads is actually a good idea because you're addressing like-minded people who appreciate honesty and who will deal fairly with you. Peer scrutiny will quickly weed out the wasters.
Alright, we're going to assume you do have all the paperwork and you've wisely chosen PistonHeads as your selling medium. Now it's time to tell people about the car.
Potential buyers might be coming from a long way away, and may well be bigger than you. So, unless you get some sort of kick from the idea of confronting a tattooed hulk who is on medication or day release, describe your car as accurately as possible.
Stick to the facts. Quote the year, the number plate suffix, how many months are left on the MoT and how much tax there is. And the mileage. Put in the mileage. What is the point of 'forgetting' to include the mileage? It's going to come out eventually, so why not at the beginning? If a mileage box isn't filled in on any ad I'm looking at, the default assumptions are (a) that the number is big and (b) that the vendor is a cheery chappy called Gaz who fancies his chances of breezing me through this small detail.
Be as honest about the bad stuff on your car as you are about the good stuff. Under-describing a car will pique a buyer's curiosity much more than one that spouts meaningless gibberish like 'first to see will buy'.
Don't use the phrase 'easy fix' to describe a job that clearly isn't easy, eg. 'tiny rust patch on sill, easy fix' or 'bottom end a bit grumbly, easy fix' or 'only goes into third on alternate Tuesdays, easy fix'. If those fixes really were that easy, you'd have easily fixed them yourself by now.
If you're advertising online, for pity's sake don't use flashing rainbow text in 48pt Geezer Bold. This does not lure in buyers, it gives them a headache.
Rather than 14 subtle angles of the outside and nothing else, take some interior pics - that's the part of the car we like to look at. Shots down the side of the car are actually quite useful for showing the absence of dents, but contrary to popular myth, they do not demonstrate to potential buyers that you are a used car pro and therefore not to be messed with.
If you live on Britain's most dangerous sink estate, drive to a less daunting background. If you're going to photograph the engine, take the top layer of dirt off it first. If you're going to cover up your numberplate, make an effort to make it look like you spent more than ten seconds doing it. If your pics 'come out blurry', take some more that aren't. If it's dark and raining, wait until it isn't.
Animals can add some harmless fun to the pics. If you're flogging a Land Rover, a pot-bellied pig or some kind of flightless bird wandering about in the foreground reassures buyers of your Landie eccentricity. Dogs are a mixed bag. Not all breeds should be shown in ads. If you only have a pit bull with half an ear missing, keep it indoors and borrow someone else's Jack Russell or spoodle for the photographs, ideally one wearing an amusing flying helmet or goggles.
The absolute rule with photos, one that must never be broken, is never, ever put your missus in there, even if she did come second in a Butlins beauty contest a few years ago.
Never, ever include your missus or girlfriend. Just don't.
Set the price
Some folk will attach a daft online price to their car, like £1, to make sure it comes up first in a 'by price' search. Great idea! Shame a hundred other thickos are doing the same thing, granting you instant entry to their Numpty Club.
The psychology of pricing is interesting. £12,995 sounds a lot lower than £13,000. I've noticed some people using very odd numbers, like £4819. I avoid these people like the plague, as they are clearly mentalists.
Price your car realistically with a bit of haggle room built in. Always have an absolute lowest price in mind, and stick to it. Be strong and make yourself believe that you don't really need or even want to sell your car. Don't put 'or best offer' or some equally needy-sounding rider on there. You will only get abused by a succession of ludicrous offers that will tax your patience.
Most of us clean the car at least once a year, whether it needs it or not. You'd think cleaning a car before displaying it to the buying massive would be a given, but judging by some of the festering heaps you see advertised, this message clearly hasn't made it through to all areas yet.
Check out some car detailing websites to see what's possible, then prepare your usual bowl of warm water and washing-up liquid and do your own thing. Anything is better than nothing. At least pretend you care.
Once you've reached that point where most of the ming is off and you've caught yourself wondering why you're selling such a superb car, take it easy with the after-wash embellishment. By all means have a go with the Henry vac, bearing in mind that the average human sheds 1.5 pounds of dead skin every year, but don't try that lawn-striping thing on the carpets or people will think you're a dealer. Go steady with the tyre blacking too, for the same reason.
All human senses are involved in car viewings, including smell, so keep the dog out of the car and avoid MaccyD drive-throughs for a decent period leading up to the sale. Invest a quid or two in one of the less poisonous pong-removers too. Don't hang it on the mirror, though: one Feu Orange is not a desirable, value-adding modification. It should be smelled, but never seen.
Test drive
Ask for the bod's contact details well in advance if you're planning to let them test drive your car. That should include a landline number as well as their name and address so you can call him back on the landline number to confirm the arrangements.
By way of conversation, ask him what car he's driving at the moment. A pukka buyer will be happy to come to your house with a driving licence in their pocket and evidence of insurance, if your own doesn't cover it.
Needless to say, you should always go with them on a test drive. When you swap seats, take the keys with you until you've got back in the car.
Right. All your elbow grease and advertising honesty has paid off. Your car has been bought.
Cash is king - or is it? If your Waitrose carrier bag of dirty tenners is large enough, many crims won't baulk at old-fashioned robbery - and some of them are psychos. An electronic transfer can often be made between cooperating banks as quickly as handing over that bag. It's generally a lot safer too.
If you don't like the sound of internet banking, a bank or building cheque is your next option. Obviously that's a lot slower, as only a fool would release a car before the cheque has cleared.
How to not get paid
The number of ways in which you can be relieved of your car without payment is beaten only by the number of people who even now fall for these scams on a daily basis, despite all the warnings. Here's a selection of today's most popular tried and tested scameroos lying in wait for the green seller.
Overpayment: You're given a dodgy cheque or bank transfer for more than the agreed amount. The buyer then asks you for a refund of the difference, which (like a mug) you hand over. A couple of days later the bank tells you it's all bogus, takes the money back out of your account - and you've lost the 'refund'.
PayPal overpayment: Same as the last one, but electrified for extra sophistication and speed. Buyer agrees to buy your car without even viewing it or expressing any sort of interest in the details. He wants to pay the full amount, but only via PayPal. He will then arrange to collect the car. Once you've given him your PayPal details, you're notified that you've been overpaid for your car. You're then asked to return the difference via some other online payment method. As you do that, the original PayPal transaction is reversed. You lose the money you've 'returned'.
PayPal dispute: Buyer secures your car via PayPal and picks it up, but then tells PayPal you haven't given him the car. PayPal can then take back the money from your account.
"PayPal is holding the money": Generally speaking, no they're not. The buyer is.
Fake escrow : An escrow service is a safe third-party fundholder for distance sales. In car transactions, escrow reassures you as a seller that money has been lodged in a safe, impartial place, and also reassures buyers that they can view a car before they authorise release of the funds. A good thing, then. But bent escrow sites run by dishonest buyers can trick you into handing over your car by sending an official-looking escrow service email (often also visually associating itself with the selling site, 'for extra peace of mind'). The email says that funds have been received. You hand over your car and wait for your escrow payment. Don't hold your breath on that one.
"Buyer waiting": You get a phone call from someone claiming to have a buyer for your car, but first you have to pay them a £5 fee over the phone. Once they got your card details... well, you can guess the rest.
"Overseas buyer": 'Foreign buyer' or 'agent' - usually from Africa, but also from Europe or possibly an oil rig in the South China Sea - sends you a fulsome email offering to buy your car at the asking price. They seem strangely interested in your personal details. They might apply any of the other scams mentioned above. Just avoid. If it smells like a fish, chances are it is a fish.
Do a receipt
Putting 'sold as seen' on it doesn't hurt, though you can't use that wording as some sort of magical get out of jail free card to cover you for flogging an unroadworthy car (assuming you're not selling it on a clearly stated 'spares or repairs' basis). You might want to print a seller's contract off the internet, one copy for you and one for the buyer, signed and dated by both of you. Again, the jury's out on the real-world value of such a document. If the buyer is decent, he'll abide by the 'buyer beware' rules of the game anyway. If he isn't, a bit of paper won't stop him trying to ruin your life.
Right, there you have it, Shed's Instant Easy Guide To Selling Your Car Checklist. Off you go now to meet that chap and his mates on the garage forecourt.
Some other things to not do.
DONT put "best colour combination". You bell end, that's your opinion, I'll decide on that.
DONT put "every possible extra". Except the head up display. Oh and the lumbar support. Oh and the rear camera. But apart from that.
DONT put "first to see will buy". If you could predict the future you wouldnt be selling a nasty second hand car privately.
DONT put "viewing highly recommended". People generally do that when buying cars.
DONT put "110" in the mileage. If I am looking for cars with under 40k on the clock, your 110k car isnt going to interest me.
Hendon Way Motors - yes youJoking aside - Shed, can you not talk to your colleagues about putting a stop to this, especially for the serial offenders?
Hendon Way Motors - yes youJoking aside - Shed, can you not talk to your colleagues about putting a stop to this, especially for the serial offenders?
Agree on POA. F*cking waste of everyone's time and nearly always means it isnt a good price.
So guys,
1) Don't 'forget' to wash it.
2) Don't take a pic of it with your wife/girlfriend bending provocatively over the bonnet. (Although................
)3) Don't accept an iffy personal cheque.
JESUS!
Hendon Way Motors - yes youJoking aside - Shed, can you not talk to your colleagues about putting a stop to this, especially for the serial offenders?
Agree on POA. F*cking waste of everyone's time and nearly always means it isnt a good price.
2. Don't say there's nothing wrong when everything is wrong
3. Don't warm it up before I arrive
4. Don't tell me it's be the least expensive problem when you know its the most expensive
5. Don't tell me your wife just didn't like it as your explanation for the sale. We both know its because you don't like a dud as much as the next guy
Hendon Way Motors - yes youJoking aside - Shed, can you not talk to your colleagues about putting a stop to this, especially for the serial offenders?
Agree on POA. F*cking waste of everyone's time and nearly always means it isnt a good price.
HWMV5C comment - Always avoided cars where they've "misplaced" the log book, service history, etc. If it's that easy to just apply for it from the DVLA - why haven't YOU done it?
Selling online - Yes, you do get a LOT of idiots, but it's worth it for the £500-£1000+ extra you'd get from using a dealer / webuyanycar (who seem to always knock more off than they say they will).
Test drive - People turning up without insurance, I refuse them, too risky. BUT, on the other hand, I've gone to view a car, asked the seller about test drives to be told yes, turned up with insurance proof for their vehicle, to be told no, I can't drive, only they will? It's not the same, and I wouldn't buy a (used) car without being able to test drive it first - too risky.
Payment - Normally have done cash myself, once was in a buyer's house and used his internet to transfer the funds to his account. Not stupid enough to fall for these obvious scams, can't understand how anyone does? (Unless elderly?)
With regards to Pistonheads classifieds, they are infinitely better than those on Gumtree. If you are ever looking a laugh, have a look on there. Unbelievable.
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