"Wouldnt pull the skin off a Rice Pudding"
Discussion
Just mentioned the Granada Scorpio on another thread, got me thinking, my dad used to service and maintain one for a local chap called Mike who was in the rag trade, he used to do huge mileages in his base spec Granada, it had a 90 bhp version of the Pinto engine and weighed 1400 plus kilos. I remember my dad remarking on its lack of ability to remove skin from a rice based dessert at the time, see also "greasy sticks"... I got loads of samples and cheap clothes as part of the deal, lots of paisley patterned shirts back then for some reason.
I dont think we get these nowadays, I dont mean Granadas obviously, more the really slow versions of cars that were a thing back when I was a kid. I worked with a chap who bought himself a fairly new E34 5 series in the mid nineties, he took us to a site in it, four blokes, two being of average dimensions, Derek and Steve being of more generous dimensions and the thing seemed to be having a little bit of a hard time, turns out it was a 518i with no badge on the back, also seem to remember it being an auto. So a 1500 kilos car with 117 bhp, 122 lb/ft of torque and an extra half ton of passengers and bootfull of kit.
Dont think these exist nowadays, the total wooden spoon versions, then you get electric motors to fill in the gaps, turbos and 8 plus speed autos to mitigate the lack of power to a degree, not that anything at 1500 kilos would come with 117 bhp and not much torque.
Other notables are things like Merc W123 N/A diesels, taxi spec ones were liek 60 bhp, VW's SDi versions of Golfs and the like in the nineties, even when turbos came on some models you could still get the N/A version, couple of mates had them, did the job but so painful.
What other cars do you remember that were big gutless lumps ? Are there any in todays market that are unacceptable ?
I dont think we get these nowadays, I dont mean Granadas obviously, more the really slow versions of cars that were a thing back when I was a kid. I worked with a chap who bought himself a fairly new E34 5 series in the mid nineties, he took us to a site in it, four blokes, two being of average dimensions, Derek and Steve being of more generous dimensions and the thing seemed to be having a little bit of a hard time, turns out it was a 518i with no badge on the back, also seem to remember it being an auto. So a 1500 kilos car with 117 bhp, 122 lb/ft of torque and an extra half ton of passengers and bootfull of kit.
Dont think these exist nowadays, the total wooden spoon versions, then you get electric motors to fill in the gaps, turbos and 8 plus speed autos to mitigate the lack of power to a degree, not that anything at 1500 kilos would come with 117 bhp and not much torque.
Other notables are things like Merc W123 N/A diesels, taxi spec ones were liek 60 bhp, VW's SDi versions of Golfs and the like in the nineties, even when turbos came on some models you could still get the N/A version, couple of mates had them, did the job but so painful.
What other cars do you remember that were big gutless lumps ? Are there any in todays market that are unacceptable ?
MK1 one diesel Discovery, mind you it could barely handle a corner at any speed so perhaps that was a safety feature, all those entry level 1 litre 40-45hp hatchbacks like the Polo fox, Nova, Fiesta etc...back in those days you'd judge a car on its ability to go up a steep hill in 2nd rather than acceleration so low were expectations at that end of the market.
The wifes Skoda fabia has 59hp, you really have to rev it out to get anywhere. But it's been super reliable, and is generally used as a shopping trolley.
The worst car I've driven was a 1.2 meriva, was dropping down to 3rd on some of the hills on the A38; truly awful. Closely followed by a fiat Tipo. Both hire cars.
The worst car I've driven was a 1.2 meriva, was dropping down to 3rd on some of the hills on the A38; truly awful. Closely followed by a fiat Tipo. Both hire cars.
A friend's dad had a 1986ish Escort 1.6D three door estate. 54bhp and 0-60 in 19 seconds. He towed a caravan with it too.
He's still with us and currently has a Renault Captur (but ditched the caravan years ago).
He's a lovely fella but tighter than two coats of paint. He and his equally lovely wife are about to celebrate their 60th wedding anniversary.
He's still with us and currently has a Renault Captur (but ditched the caravan years ago).
He's a lovely fella but tighter than two coats of paint. He and his equally lovely wife are about to celebrate their 60th wedding anniversary.
Edited by Mabosh on Wednesday 18th June 09:16
Edited by Mabosh on Wednesday 18th June 09:16
My Wife's parents had a Golf diesel (no turbo) from the early 80s. It was a good looking car, in black, sunroof, nice interior etc. but it was woefully underpowered - it couldn't pull a greasy string out of a dog's arse.
However, it was a good thing that it was so slow as the brakes were also massively underpowered...
However, it was a good thing that it was so slow as the brakes were also massively underpowered...
Freakuk said:
My late MIL had a Kia Picanto that she occasionally asked me to take it for a long run, I used to thrash it everywhere but when I mean thrash it was foot to the floor and took and age to cover any ground in reality.
Years I ago I had to deliver a Kia Picanto from Hayle to Ripon, up and back in a day. It was a 3 speed auto Picanto part exchange and probably the only car I've driven where you could drive foot flat to the floor at all times. It wouldn't go faster than about 85 so flat out all the way back with nary a thought about losing my licence. Dreadful cars. Gen 1/2 TD Discos - I'm of a generation to remember a lot of friend's parents having these and my abiding memory is a lot roar and turbo whoosh but sfa in the way of acceleration. One friend's mother had a lwb Patrol with the 2.8d (~120hp) and that was no better.
Dad's 2.0t XM (not much more power, but slippery and half the weight) was a relative bullet!
Another friend, from a very tight farming family, was carted in an ancient 2.3 NA diesel 505 estate (65hp brand-new) which wasn't exactly quick!
Dad's 2.0t XM (not much more power, but slippery and half the weight) was a relative bullet!
Another friend, from a very tight farming family, was carted in an ancient 2.3 NA diesel 505 estate (65hp brand-new) which wasn't exactly quick!
Mabosh said:
A friend's dad had a 1986ish Escort 1.6D three door estate. 54bhp and 0-60 in 19 seconds. He towed a caravan with it too.
He's still with us and currently has a Renault Captur (but ditched the caravan years ago).
He's a lovely fella but tighter than two coats of paint. He and his equally lovely wife are about to celebrate their 60th wedding anniversary.
The company I was working for in about 1984 , changed the escort vans we used to have from 1.3 petrols to the 1.6 Diesel.He's still with us and currently has a Renault Captur (but ditched the caravan years ago).
He's a lovely fella but tighter than two coats of paint. He and his equally lovely wife are about to celebrate their 60th wedding anniversary.
Edited by Mabosh on Wednesday 18th June 09:16
Edited by Mabosh on Wednesday 18th June 09:16
We use to carry a lot of tools, big old welding sets ( before inverter tech) argon bottles etc.
The diesels were horrendous, almost dangerous they were so slow to accelerate and couldn’t get going in the motorway!
catso said:
it couldn't pull a greasy string out of a dog's arse.
Due to a poor quality dog toy from Home Bargains unravelling and being ingested, I have actually had to do that, was more difficult than anticipated and the phrase implies....Requires some care as you arent sure what its wrapped around and not wanting to turn said hound inside out means you proceed with caution, poor fella wouldnt look me in the eye for a week.
Kia Ceed 1.6 Manual Estate - I think it was a 73 plate.
Absolutely dreadful car. Would stall pulling away unless you gave it so many revs onlookers thought it was your very first time behind the wheel of a car.
Taking the scenic route back to London from Barnstable (not sure exactly why I decided to do this in this particular car), lots of hairpin bends on steep uphills. Despite the fact that I was moving and not pulling away it needed 1st gear, loads of revs and a slipped clutch to make each and every bend.
It was used as a replacement car for taxi drivers (some people insisted on their replacement car being a manual). More than one person asked to return the car before theirs was repaired as it was pretty much undriveable.
Absolutely dreadful car. Would stall pulling away unless you gave it so many revs onlookers thought it was your very first time behind the wheel of a car.
Taking the scenic route back to London from Barnstable (not sure exactly why I decided to do this in this particular car), lots of hairpin bends on steep uphills. Despite the fact that I was moving and not pulling away it needed 1st gear, loads of revs and a slipped clutch to make each and every bend.
It was used as a replacement car for taxi drivers (some people insisted on their replacement car being a manual). More than one person asked to return the car before theirs was repaired as it was pretty much undriveable.
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