Cars and wives
Discussion
My mrs is normally alright, but when it comes to cars, she is a 
.
Never had any points, and never ever had a crash in 30 years, never curbed a wheel so cant complain about her driving like she likes to remind me of, bit ffs trying to get her to have a bit of mechanical sympathy is a big cause of arguments.
My e38 740, ignored the binging and message on the dash saying coolant low,then stop coolant temperature, ignored the red light on the temp gauge then kept driving harder as it was losing power until the block and heads were a fking prezel.
Various other cars, asked her not to use full throttle when the engine is cold, she hasnt had less than 300hp for decades, it shouldnt require a bootful to pull out of a junction while the coolant gauge is still resting on the needle. Big argument.
Thought she would pay attention after that, but no. Any warning lights or dash messages go unheeded until I use her car. It always I didnt see it it must have just came on, or she says she thought it was something else minor.
Just jumped in today, screenwash light and engine light on. Plugged in scannner, engine light has been on 2 weeks, bad glowplug on number 6.
I said why didnt you tell me the engine light is on, she says its just screenwash. I reminded her how many thousands she has cost us over the years ignoring these things and its nothing but fking attitude.
Any tips on getting through to someone like that?
Is there anything that can plug into the obd port with a sim card or wifi that can alert me when the invisible yellow light comes on? Do i just need to make it part of my weekly routine that I check her basics like she is a child?
.Never had any points, and never ever had a crash in 30 years, never curbed a wheel so cant complain about her driving like she likes to remind me of, bit ffs trying to get her to have a bit of mechanical sympathy is a big cause of arguments.
My e38 740, ignored the binging and message on the dash saying coolant low,then stop coolant temperature, ignored the red light on the temp gauge then kept driving harder as it was losing power until the block and heads were a f
king prezel.Various other cars, asked her not to use full throttle when the engine is cold, she hasnt had less than 300hp for decades, it shouldnt require a bootful to pull out of a junction while the coolant gauge is still resting on the needle. Big argument.
Thought she would pay attention after that, but no. Any warning lights or dash messages go unheeded until I use her car. It always I didnt see it it must have just came on, or she says she thought it was something else minor.
Just jumped in today, screenwash light and engine light on. Plugged in scannner, engine light has been on 2 weeks, bad glowplug on number 6.
I said why didnt you tell me the engine light is on, she says its just screenwash. I reminded her how many thousands she has cost us over the years ignoring these things and its nothing but f
king attitude.Any tips on getting through to someone like that?
Is there anything that can plug into the obd port with a sim card or wifi that can alert me when the invisible yellow light comes on? Do i just need to make it part of my weekly routine that I check her basics like she is a child?
The simple answer is that you can't get through so why waste your time trying. If , like my wife she has absolutely no interest whatsoever then all it does is cause friction because you're being argumentative.
My wife passed her test 21 years ago, she was late in passing her test, in all that time she's emptied plenty of tanks of fuel but never once filled it back up again, never shown one itoa of interest even when the car's not working properly because that's something that's my job, has very little idea what any of the dashboard lights mean, has no clue as to how to top up oil, water, screen wash or anything else so after all these years I just don't bother, it's a waste of time.
My wife passed her test 21 years ago, she was late in passing her test, in all that time she's emptied plenty of tanks of fuel but never once filled it back up again, never shown one itoa of interest even when the car's not working properly because that's something that's my job, has very little idea what any of the dashboard lights mean, has no clue as to how to top up oil, water, screen wash or anything else so after all these years I just don't bother, it's a waste of time.
OldGermanHeaps said:
Any tips on getting through to someone like that?
In my experience (not with my wife, I hasten to add, but 'non-mechanically-minded' people through my life), the answer is 'it can't be done.'It's not something they will ever understand, conceive, care about or value.
It's like (trying to not be gendered, because ime it is not a gendered issue) my audiophile friends trying to get me to care deeply about sound quality and the audio and tactile qualities of vinyl records and special coax speaker cables. It's as fruitless as some passionate enthusiast trying to make me care about football or collectable trainers or watches that do the same as (or less than...) a Casio F91 but not as accurately and for 100x the price.
Does the car work - does it move forward and keep doing so? - when they rev it when it's cold? Yes. That's the end of it. Does the car still work when the warning light comes on? My sister once drove her Mini to the point of seizure after the bypass hose blew out on the M4. "It kept slowing down so I just made it go faster." "What was the temperature gauge showing?" "Which one's the temperature gauge?"
I remember my Dad and my Mum getting into a very similar blazing row the first time we took the new family wagon - a Land Rover Discovery Mk1 with the Tdi engine - on a holiday to Cornwall. Mum was complaining about how gutless the thing was going up and down steep West Country hills, and Dad innocently explained that it needed to be revved to get the turbo working, and it was better, and would be quicker, to let it rev in a low gear than labour uphill in high gear. Cue my Mum accusing Dad of having a go at her driving, a lot of shouting and then Mum performatively driving the Disco in 2nd gear/3500rpm for the next few miles (and Dad, presumably, being diplomatic enough not to point out that it was in fact making better progress...)
It's a futile meeting of different minds. Not worth the effort. And, despite my examples, I will insist that it's not a gendered matter.
Edited by 2xChevrons on Saturday 25th July 13:45
Yes, i suppose it is a losing battle. Just frustrating.
I dont want enthusiast levels of attention to detail, just the absolute basics of being informed of a light coming on or an unusual noise or smell to try to avoid thoudands in avoidable damage, but i guess that is asking too much.
I dont want enthusiast levels of attention to detail, just the absolute basics of being informed of a light coming on or an unusual noise or smell to try to avoid thoudands in avoidable damage, but i guess that is asking too much.
2xChevrons said:
....
It's a futile meeting of different minds. Not worth the effort. And, despite my examples, I will insist that it's not a gendered matter.
I dunno, speak for yourself, my mrs is an engine destroyer but my boyfriend is great with mechanicals.It's a futile meeting of different minds. Not worth the effort. And, despite my examples, I will insist that it's not a gendered matter.
Edited by 2xChevrons on Saturday 25th July 13:45
JK in case she ever reads this...
Considering her obvious driving competence i'd say be grateful for the many benefits.
Take it upon yourself to check the car weekly and before any long run she's about to embark on, i do this not because i don't trust her but because she doesn't hang about and i want her back in one piece not breaking down in a live lane, she does have sympathy with the mechanical parts whilst cold but once its warm she drives like the devil himself.
To be fair the cars and outside are my dept, ie she doesn't want me interfering in the kitchen or vacuuming.
Take it upon yourself to check the car weekly and before any long run she's about to embark on, i do this not because i don't trust her but because she doesn't hang about and i want her back in one piece not breaking down in a live lane, she does have sympathy with the mechanical parts whilst cold but once its warm she drives like the devil himself.
To be fair the cars and outside are my dept, ie she doesn't want me interfering in the kitchen or vacuuming.
OP, I reckon you missus could point out many shortcomings in your skillsets. Just accept that she doesn’t give a toss about motoring other than they exist to make her life easier to get to places.
I have the amazing ability to spill / drop food onto a newly washed shirt within the first couple of minutes of putting it on. My wife just rolls her eyes and laughs.
I have the amazing ability to spill / drop food onto a newly washed shirt within the first couple of minutes of putting it on. My wife just rolls her eyes and laughs.
Maybe being slightly more insightful -
There's the "simply don't care, won't care, can't begin to conceive of the whirly bits and wires under the bonnet" mind, where the car is basically a magic box akin to a smart phone or a fridge that exists to do a job.
But it might also be a defensive posture because it's something they don't understand, do not have expertise in and are dependant on others to fix. Therefore the reluctance to mention that a warning light has come on and the concocted excuse that they didn't see it or 'it's just come on'. Also, perhaps (and I mean this in general, no specific accusations aimed at anyone in particular), does reporting the warning light or funny noise turn into a blame game?
Taking your example (but in a hypothetical sense, to reiterate), if they've been told "don't rev the engine when it's cold" but do so anyway because they don't see the point in taking the effort to adapt their driving style ("what, I've got to look at this gauge and decide how high I can rev? What is this, the 1930s?") then a warning light comes on - maybe they actually wonder if it is their fault?
(Also, in something of an aside, it isn't the 1930s anymore. Modern road car engines will not be meaningfully damaged by using full throttle with a cold engine. In a purely practical sense, this is pointless petrolhead pedantry and 'connoisseur best practice'.)
A lot of these cases also smack of 'learned helpnessness'. I'm always gobsmacked at the proportion of Y-chromosome-having PHers who apparently always fill up their cars for their other halves, and by insinuation the number of other halves out there who are apparently happy to be coddled in such a way. Is it a social, cultural or class thing? No one in my family or social circle when I was growing up did that or would have stood for it. It would have been an absolute deal breaker for any would-be partners, akin to finding a (supposedly) grown adult who can't make an omelette or change a light bulb or buy their own underwear.
Cut that st out, make them pump their own fuel. Maybe that would be the start of a brave new life for them understanding what the little red watering can light on the dashboard means?
There's the "simply don't care, won't care, can't begin to conceive of the whirly bits and wires under the bonnet" mind, where the car is basically a magic box akin to a smart phone or a fridge that exists to do a job.
But it might also be a defensive posture because it's something they don't understand, do not have expertise in and are dependant on others to fix. Therefore the reluctance to mention that a warning light has come on and the concocted excuse that they didn't see it or 'it's just come on'. Also, perhaps (and I mean this in general, no specific accusations aimed at anyone in particular), does reporting the warning light or funny noise turn into a blame game?
Taking your example (but in a hypothetical sense, to reiterate), if they've been told "don't rev the engine when it's cold" but do so anyway because they don't see the point in taking the effort to adapt their driving style ("what, I've got to look at this gauge and decide how high I can rev? What is this, the 1930s?") then a warning light comes on - maybe they actually wonder if it is their fault?
(Also, in something of an aside, it isn't the 1930s anymore. Modern road car engines will not be meaningfully damaged by using full throttle with a cold engine. In a purely practical sense, this is pointless petrolhead pedantry and 'connoisseur best practice'.)
A lot of these cases also smack of 'learned helpnessness'. I'm always gobsmacked at the proportion of Y-chromosome-having PHers who apparently always fill up their cars for their other halves, and by insinuation the number of other halves out there who are apparently happy to be coddled in such a way. Is it a social, cultural or class thing? No one in my family or social circle when I was growing up did that or would have stood for it. It would have been an absolute deal breaker for any would-be partners, akin to finding a (supposedly) grown adult who can't make an omelette or change a light bulb or buy their own underwear.
Cut that s
t out, make them pump their own fuel. Maybe that would be the start of a brave new life for them understanding what the little red watering can light on the dashboard means? Edited by 2xChevrons on Saturday 25th July 14:15
My other half is a perfectly fine drive, doesn't mangle wheels or anything but has a terrible habit of procrastinating, especially when it comes to getting things done on the car.
Her last car was a 2011 Merc ML so by no means a new car but overall a solid reliable workhorse. Had a sensor playing up on the exhaust, didn't cause any bother but was on the, "I'll get it sorted" list. Then the boot latch stopped working so that went on the same list. Eventually the fan blower broke and needed replacing so she booked it all in to be done and it cost her about £1k to sort.
The sensor first played up 18 months before it got fixed but she put it off and put it off. Drives me utterly mad as I'm working full time, don't have time to always deal with it for her but it'll be left until it costs her more in one hit and she'll never learn.
She's just got a new car and I felt her wrath when I suggested that maybe she didn't fill it with unnecessary sh!te that she just carries around in the boot forever.
Just glad I don't share a car with her! haha
Her last car was a 2011 Merc ML so by no means a new car but overall a solid reliable workhorse. Had a sensor playing up on the exhaust, didn't cause any bother but was on the, "I'll get it sorted" list. Then the boot latch stopped working so that went on the same list. Eventually the fan blower broke and needed replacing so she booked it all in to be done and it cost her about £1k to sort.
The sensor first played up 18 months before it got fixed but she put it off and put it off. Drives me utterly mad as I'm working full time, don't have time to always deal with it for her but it'll be left until it costs her more in one hit and she'll never learn.
She's just got a new car and I felt her wrath when I suggested that maybe she didn't fill it with unnecessary sh!te that she just carries around in the boot forever.
Just glad I don't share a car with her! haha
Its just annoyed me a bit more than usual today, as we are going away in the caravan next week and towing with her car. Now i need to decide if its wort the risk of the glowplug snapping in the head and fking our holiday as i havent fitted a towbar to my car yet and the site wont let us on with my van.
king our holiday as i havent fitted a towbar to my car yet and the site wont let us on with my van.OldGermanHeaps said:
Its just annoyed me a bit more than usual today, as we are going away in the caravan next week and towing with her car. Now i need to decide if its wort the risk of the glowplug snapping in the head and fking our holiday as i havent fitted a towbar to my car yet and the site wont let us on with my van.
Does she like caravaning?king our holiday as i havent fitted a towbar to my car yet and the site wont let us on with my van.C69 said:
And an EV. Fewer opportunities to mechanically abuse it, surely? (Although I suspect that the OP's wife might completely ignore the range indicator and plead ignorance when it comes to charging the thing.)
Its on the roadmap. She had a cayenne phev and loved it, apart from its excessive size for supermarket parking.2xChevrons said:
Cut that st out, make them pump their own fuel.
My Mrs wants an EV, solely because she doesn't want to use petrol pumps any more.t out, make them pump their own fuel. Not an EV fan myself but (I'm told) it will be much cheaper to run and, although she drives every day she never goes far so we likely should never need to charge other than at home.
And any fuel saving leaves me a bigger budget for my own petrol vehicles.
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