Filling up with fuel makes you look like a berk.

[Funk]

I decided this today whilst trying a variety of poses. There is simply no 'cool' way to stand whilst filling up. Here are the positions I've identified this evening:

1) The 'lean' position

You lean back against the car with the pump held nonchalantly in either hand (depends on which side your fuel goes in). Carries risk of 'slippage' as you may slide round the back of your car if it has an abrupt rear end like mine.

2) The 'porn star' position

You stand with one hand on hip, the other on the nozzle whilst you place one foot on the kerb upon which the pump is sited. This is akin to the stance a male porn star takes whilst being 'seen to' in a standing position.

3) The 'cheeky piss' position

Much like the position you adopt whilst very drunk and having a wazz up a wall in a side alley; you stand with one hand on the roof of the car and your feet well back whilst looking down - wouldn't do to splash the filthy liquid on your nice shoes now. Applies to both urine and petrol/diesel.

4) The 'cheery butcher' position

We've all seen those pics of the hearty-looking butchers - hand on hip, broad, upright stance and a grin on their face. This seems to be the most common position from my furtive glances around the forecourt at fellow 'fillers'.

5) The 'pretend-that-the-nozzle-is-your-penis' position

Fun, but I got some dubious glances and a 'tut' from one lady. I like to think I piss the equivalent of 99RON fuel.

If anyone has any other particular stances, I'd appreciate the input. And yes, I think this is a weird thread too, but what the heck.

[ewenm]

You worry too much

[Mobile Chicane]

Jesus. I just put petrol in, pay and leave. Maybe that's just me.

[drivin_me_nuts]

The reverse taxman.

stand legs slightly apart with a strained look on your face, eyes slightly bulging as you realise you're been taken roughly from behind ... how was it for you Darling?

[svm]

Does the 'poking your tongue out at your kids in the car whilst shaking your head like an alien' face make you look silly?

I do hope not.

[gib6933]

drivin_me_nuts said:

The reverse taxman.

stand legs slightly apart with a strained look on your face, eyes slightly bulging as you realise you're been taken roughly from behind ... how was it for you Darling?

[Cotty]

You missed

6) Im a Little Tea Pot

Left hand filling, other on your hip. I think Clarkson mastered this when they tried to find the best road in Europe.

[mechsympathy]

Funk said:

I decided this today whilst trying a variety of poses. There is simply no 'cool' way to stand whilst filling up. Here are the positions I've identified this evening:

Making different poses whilst filling up with fuel makes you look like a berk.

HTH

[jimmyb]

Go to south africa you wouldnt have this problem. You can stay in the car and someone else puts the fuel in for you.

[eltax91]

Put a large paperclip in the pump nozzle and leave it to run itself. Stand looking bored with arms crossed and laugh at all those who stare at you wondering how the hell you are doing it!!

[dave_s13]

I solved this with my old MX5.

The fuel filler cap screwed out completely (no tether) and was the perfect size to wedge into the pump handle. You could then set it going and fill up with no hands until the click.

The dilema you find yourself in then is trying to look "cool" no handed given you can't smoke or use the phone.

[cazzer]

Why have the taken off the autofil pin in britain?
All US garages have it

[useyourdellusion]

I reckon I'm guilty of no.2. With a slight squint for added effect as I watch the pump count up.

Unsurprisingly, I'm single at the moment.

[pinchmeimdreamin]

Try filling a TVR up you have no choice but look stupid

the T350 with its minute bolf ball style filler so you had no choice but to hold some tissue under the nozzle everytime you filled up

The Chim.. open the boot try and get the nozzle to it without spilling the petrol left in the nozzle down the side then start filling up only to find its pouring down into the boot itself because of the blowback


Mind you when it is full starting it up makes up for it

[Funk]

useyourdellusion said:

I reckon I'm guilty of no.2. With a slight squint for added effect as I watch the pump count up.

Unsurprisingly, I'm single at the moment.

If this is your favoured pose, it's optional for you to pull the nozzle out at the last minute and spray some all over the car.

[car.chic]

OMG my filling habits are akin to a male porn star... and I'm a girl

[jackregan]

cazzer said:

Why have the taken off the autofil pin in britain?
All US garages have it

Good question, that was a few years ago, and then after that only diesal pumps had it, they had a vertical shut off, i.e. if you lifted the nozzle more than so many degrees it clicked off, I hate the whole filling up thing grrrr

[LuS1fer]

Unlike Zac Efron who clearly gets his bird to do it for him so he can look cool, I tend to adopt this stance and hold the pump in reverse:


But it depends on whether you're cool to start with. It seems you have to begin by being female...:




Though having a low slung car allows you to hold the pump like a handgun and shoot it into the car repeatedly:


This guy clearly likes to wait in the car while the pump does the work:


But ultimately, you need to dress the part so it looks like this is your craft:


Slow night tonight....

Edited by LuS1fer on Monday 22 June 20:57

Edited by LuS1fer on Monday 22 June 20:58

[collateral]

Mine's a number 1, normally accompanied by a questioning frown at the people behind the counter wondering why they aren't bothering to enable the pump...what's that all about?

[Funk]

Is it sad that I'm trying to identify the cars in those pics? I'm not American, so I'm off to a poor start.