Another strange ebay listing!
Discussion
For a Volvo...
http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&am...
http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&am...
ebay listing said:
FIRST THINGS SHOULD BE FIRST, SO LET ME START BY ANNOUNCING I AM A GIRL, MY BOYFRIEND HAS RATHER STUPIDLY ASKED ME TO LIST THIS GREEN CAR HE RECENTLY PURCHASED. HE IS NOT HERE SO ILL DO MY BEST TO BE COMPLETEY ACCURATE ABOUT THIS BUT BE WARNED I AM NOT A CAR KINDA GAL AND I GET EASILY DISTRACTED, ESPECIALLY BY SHOES, NOT LIKE WORK BOOTS BUT LIKE HIGH HEELS AND FLIP FLOPS, ILL GET TO THAT LATER. OK, HERE GOES..
AS YOU SHOULD KNOW, GIRLS NEED TO KNOW WHAT THE COLOUR OF THE CAR IS BEFORE ANYTHING ELSE-IT IS A GREEN COLOUR, ID SAY ITS A PINE TREE GREEN, I WOULD ALSO SAY ITS A HORRIBLE COLOUR IN MY OPINION & MOST GIRLS WONT LIKE IT SO YOU WONT PULL ANY LADIES WHILST CRUISING DOWN SUNSET BOULEVARD IN IT. I THINK IT WOULD MAKE A GOOD CAR FOR A GARDENER BECAUSE GARDENERS LIKE GREEN THINGS OR FOR PEOPLE THAT LIKE TO REPELL LADIES, I KNOW LOTS OF BOYS WHO DO THIS SO THIS CAR COULD SELL QUITE QUICKLY.
AS YOU SHOULD KNOW, GIRLS NEED TO KNOW WHAT THE COLOUR OF THE CAR IS BEFORE ANYTHING ELSE-IT IS A GREEN COLOUR, ID SAY ITS A PINE TREE GREEN, I WOULD ALSO SAY ITS A HORRIBLE COLOUR IN MY OPINION & MOST GIRLS WONT LIKE IT SO YOU WONT PULL ANY LADIES WHILST CRUISING DOWN SUNSET BOULEVARD IN IT. I THINK IT WOULD MAKE A GOOD CAR FOR A GARDENER BECAUSE GARDENERS LIKE GREEN THINGS OR FOR PEOPLE THAT LIKE TO REPELL LADIES, I KNOW LOTS OF BOYS WHO DO THIS SO THIS CAR COULD SELL QUITE QUICKLY.
Oh, hell, let's have the whole lot before it gets away...
FIRST THINGS SHOULD BE FIRST, SO LET ME START BY ANNOUNCING I AM A GIRL, MY BOYFRIEND HAS RATHER STUPIDLY ASKED ME TO LIST THIS GREEN CAR HE RECENTLY PURCHASED. HE IS NOT HERE SO ILL DO MY BEST TO BE COMPLETEY ACCURATE ABOUT THIS BUT BE WARNED I AM NOT A CAR KINDA GAL AND I GET EASILY DISTRACTED, ESPECIALLY BY SHOES, NOT LIKE WORK BOOTS BUT LIKE HIGH HEELS AND FLIP FLOPS, ILL GET TO THAT LATER. OK, HERE GOES..
AS YOU SHOULD KNOW, GIRLS NEED TO KNOW WHAT THE COLOUR OF THE CAR IS BEFORE ANYTHING ELSE-IT IS A GREEN COLOUR, ID SAY ITS A PINE TREE GREEN, I WOULD ALSO SAY ITS A HORRIBLE COLOUR IN MY OPINION & MOST GIRLS WONT LIKE IT SO YOU WONT PULL ANY LADIES WHILST CRUISING DOWN SUNSET BOULEVARD IN IT. I THINK IT WOULD MAKE A GOOD CAR FOR A GARDENER BECAUSE GARDENERS LIKE GREEN THINGS OR FOR PEOPLE THAT LIKE TO REPELL LADIES, I KNOW LOTS OF BOYS WHO DO THIS SO THIS CAR COULD SELL QUITE QUICKLY.
ITS OLD, WHILST TOUCHING ALL THE DUSTY PAPERWORK I HAVE FOUND OUT THAT IT WAS 'BORN' IN 1994, THIS MAKES IT AN M REG APPARENTLY, THATS A WEIRD COINCIDENCE BECAUSE THE NUMBER PLATE STARTS WITH AN M TOO.
I HAVE FOUND OUT A FEW THINGS ABOUT 1994 FOR YOU WHICH MAY ENTICE YOU INTO BUYING THIS CAR - IN 1994 ALOT OF BORING STUFF HAPPENED THAT IM NOT INTERESTED IN BUT ONE THING IS THAT MICHAEL SCHUMACHER WON HIS FIRST FORMULA ONE CHAMPIONSHIP IN AUSTRALIA- APPARENTLY IT WAS IN CONTRAVERSIAL CIRCUMSTANCES - IM GUESSING THIS MEANS HE RAMMED EVERYONE ELSE OFF THE TRACK AND STOLE A 5 YEAR OLDS BALLOON & MADE THEM CRY AND THEN HE BANGED NIGEL MANSELLS WIFE.
JOHN CANDY DIED IN 1994 WHICH, I THINK IS GOOD BECAUSE HE DIDNT MAKE ANYMORE FILMS THAT WOULD BE REPEATED 10 BILLION TIMES, IN A WAY IT WAS BAD BECAUSE IT MEANT THAT THEY SHOWED ALL HIS FILMS EVEN MORE THAN NORMAL. I DONT HATE JOHN CANDY LETS MAKE THAT CLEAR BUT I DONT WANT TO SEE UNCLE BUCK EVER AGAIN.
IM BORED OF RESEARCHING 1994 NOW BUT I WILL ADD THAT SHERYL CROWS HIT 'ALL I WANNA DO' WAS QUITE GOOD AND THAT WAS RELEASED IN 1994 ACCORDING TO SOME WEBSITE THAT HAS NOW PUT STUPID SMILEY FACES ON MY SCREEN.
THIS IS A VOLVO (I USED TO HAVE A VOLVO FOR A WHILE BUT I WOULD GET CONFUSED AND SAY IT WAS A ROVER, MINE WAS A 1.6 SO MY BOYFRIEND TOLD ME - I TOLD HIM IT WAS A 1.S**T) THIS VOLVO IS A 440 SI, NOW I ACTUALLY ASKED MY BOYFRIEND WHAT SI STANDS FOR AND HE WAS QUITE CONDESCENDING AND SAID I WOULDNT UNDERSTAND. SO ILL TELL YOU WHAT I THINK SI STANDS FOR - SERIOUS IMPACT - NOW YOU COULD CAUSE A SERIOUS IMPACT IN THIS CAR, SAY IF YOU WENT AT 30MPH INTO A HAY BALE YOU WOULD CAUSE A SERIOUS IMPACT ON THAT. IT ALSO CAUSES SERIOUS IMPACT ON YOUR STREET CRED HENSE WHY IVE REFUSED TO DRIVE IT & MY BOYFRIEND IS SELLING IT.
ITS A BIT TATTY, THATS WHAT MY BOYFRIEND HAS WRITTEN DOWN FOR ME TO TELL YOU AND I AGREE WITH HIM. THERES RUST AROUND SOME OF THE WHEEL ARCHES AND I TOOK A PHOTO OF THEM SO YOU CAN SEE FOR YOURSELF AND NOT CALL US LIARS WHEN YOU COME TO COLLECT IT. ITS NOT LEATHER INSIDE, ITS MATERIAL WHICH REMINDS ME OF TRAIN SEAT MATERIAL.
THERES ALSO SOME SCRATCHES ON THE PASSENGER SIDE, IVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT HOW THIS COULD OF HAPPENED BECAUSE I DO LIKE TO BE A DETECTIVE SOMETIMES (I SHOWED THE POLICE MY SHERRIFS BADGE ONCE AND THEY HAVE ALOT OF RESPECT FOR ME ROUND HERE NOW) I THINK THE PREVIOUS OWNER WAS OLD, IT SAYS HIS NAME WAS GILBERT ON THE DOCUMENTS AND GILBERT IS AN OLD MAN NAME, I DONT KNOW ANYONE CALLED GILBERT BUT I BET MY GRANDAD DOES. I THINK GILBERT ROBBED THE LOCAL POST OFFICE IN THIS GREEN CAR AND ON THE 500 YARD GETAWAY DRIVE, HE SCUFFED MRS.POTTERS HAWTHORN BUSH WHILE TRYING TO GET THE CAR IN THE GARAGE. GILBERT THEN GOT ARRESTED BECAUSE HE WASNT QUICK ENOUGH TO HIDE THE GETAWAY CAR AND THIS IS WHY MY BOYFRIEND HAS IT, HE PROBABLY BOUGHT IT FROM HIS MATE DAVE WHO HAS BLACK HAIR LIKE A LEGO MAN. I DONT LIKE DAVE, HE WINKS AT ME WHEN MY BOYFRIEND ISNT LOOKING.
I JUST HAD TO GO FOR A WEE BREAK AND IT REMINDED ME THAT I NEED TO MENTION THAT THIS CAR HAS HEATED SEATS, IM NOT SURE IF I LIKE HEATED SEATS, THEY ALWAYS MAKE ME FEELS LIKE IVE PEED MYSELF BUT IF YOU LIKE A WARM SENSATION IN YOUR UNDERCARRIDGE THEN THIS CAR WILL MAKE YOU HAPPY, IT WONT SOLVE YOUR REAL LIFE PROBLEMS THOUGH.
MY BOYFRIEND TOOK ME FOR A SPIN IN THIS CAR THIS AFTERNOON AFTER I TOOK MY AWARD WINNING PHOTO'S, WE DID DISCUSS SEEING HOW MUCH SPACE IS IN THE BACK AND WHAT WE COULD SAY PEOPLE COULD DO IN THERE, MY BOYFRIEND HAD A FEW SUGGESTIONS WHICH WERE SMUTTY AND I WASNT DRUNK SO IT DIDNT HAPPEN. HE IS STILL SULKING ABOUT THAT NOW. I IMAGINE IF YOU DONT HAVE ANYWHERE TO MAKE BABIES THEN THIS AREA WOULD SUFFICE.
THIS CAR IS A DIESEL, DIESEL IS APPARENTLY ECONIMALLY I CANT SPELL THAT WORD SO ILL EXPLAIN THAT IT MEANS BETTER FOR YOUR WALLET, I HAVE A DIESEL CAR AT THE MOMENT BUT IT DOESNT MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE TO MY WALLET BECAUSE I ALWAYS PUT A TENNER IN.
I HAVE A FEELING THAT MY BOYFRIEND MAY REGRET ASKING ME TO INFORM ALL YOU LOVLEY EBAYERS ABOUT THIS CAR.
NOW ANOTHER THING WRITTEN ON THE PEICE OF PAPER IS TO TELL YOU THAT THE FUEL GAUGE IS BROKEN, I THINK THIS IS A BAD POINT ALTHOUGH MY FUEL GAUGE WORKS AND I STILL IGNORE IT, I RECENTLY RAN OUT FUEL - I NEED TO INFORM YOU THAT I LIVE ABOUT 50 YARDS AWAY FROM A PETROL STATION SO I FEEL LIKE I CAN LEAVE PUTTING FUEL IN UNTIL THE LAST MINITE AND I WILL BE SAFE, TURNS OUT IM NOT AND THE BOYFRIEND WASNT IMPRESSED. HE ALSO WONT BE IMPRESSED WHEN HE NOTICES THAT I HIT THE WING MIRROR ON MY CAR (MY CAR NOT THIS LOVLEY GREEN CAR!) THIS MORNING AND THE GLASS IS BROKEN. I WILL HAVE TO THINK UP SOME ALLABORATE STORY AND CRY ALOT WHEN HE NOTICES. AN ANGRY DRUNK DWARF HIT IT WITH HIS HAMMER?
MY BOYFRIEND SAID HE WILL TRY TO FIX THE FUEL GAUGE, HE IS GOOD AT FIXING CARS WHICH IS USEFUL SEEING AS HE HAS HIS OWN GARAGE AND FIXES CARS FOR A LIVING.
NOW I NEED TO EXPLAIN SOME OF THE PHOTOS (I LIKE TAKING PHOTOS - I AM A BIT LIKE RAIN MAN FOR TAKING PHOTOS BUT I CANNOT COUNT COCKTAIL STICKS VERY QUICKLY)
PHOTO 1 - THE GREEN CAR AT A SLANT
PHOTO 2 - THE GREEN CAR FROM THE FRONT
PHOTO 3 - A RUSTY WHEEL ARCH
PHOTO 4 - PROOF THAT THE GREEN CAR HAS SEAT LIKE TRAIN SEATS
PHOTO 5 - IM NOT SURE IF THIS IS THE SAME RUSTY WHEEL ARCH & I NOW REGRET THAT ONE BECAUSE IT FEELS LIKE IM GOING ON ABOUT IT TOO MUCH REALLY.
PHOTO 6 - THE FUEL TANK OPENING THINGY WHERE YOU PUT THE DIESEL PUMP, SOMEONE HAS KINDLY LEFT SOME BLUE TISSUE IN THERE JUST IN CASE YOU SPILL ANY DIESEL, I THINK WE SHOULD LEAVE THAT IN THERE & CALL IT A FREEBIE!
PHOTO 7 - IS FOR STUPID & FORGETFUL PEOPLE, IT QUITE CLEARLY STATES IT IS A DIESEL SO PLEASE DONT PUT PETROL IN IT AS YOUR BOYFRIEND WILL GET SOOO CROSS IF YOU DO THAT. I WOULD NEVER DO THAT...
PHOTO 8 - THIS IS THE GREEN CAR WITH THE REFLECTION OF ME & MY BOYFRIEND, IM TAKING THE PHOTO AND HE WAS TELLING ME BORING STUFF ABOUT THE CAR WHICH I HAVE FORGOTTEN.
PHOTO 9 - IS BORING
PHOTO 10 - NOW THIS ONE SHOWS IT HAS A RADIO/CASSETE PLAYER, NO-ONE UNDER THE AGE OF 30 SHOULD BUY THIS CAR BECAUSE YOU WONT KNOW WHAT A CASSETTE PLAYER IS AND YOU WILL GET CROSS, AS CDS DONT FIT IN THERE AND YOU WONT BE ABLE TO LISTEN TO YOUR DRUMS & BASE MUSIC.
I THINK I SHOULD ALSO MENTION THAT THE STEREO LIES - IF YOU LOOK CLOSELY IT SAYS BAND ON THERE, THERE IS NO BAND ANYWHERE IN THIS CAR, I LOOKED, UNLESS THE BORROWERS HAVE MOVED INTO IT AND THEY HAVE STARTED A BAND BUT I DIDNT HEAR ANY MUSIC COMING FROM ANYWHERE WHEN I PRESSED THAT BUTTON.
PHOTO 11 - THIS IS A TOY DOG WE FOUND IN THE CAR, IT LOOKS LIKE A SHEEP DOG WANTING TO PLAY, IT WILL COME WITH THE CAR AND HAS ADDED VALUE TO THE GREEN CAR BUT WE WILL CALL IT ANOTHER FREEBIE.
PHOTO 12 - IS MY FAVORITE PHOTO, HAVE YOU NOTICED THAT THE NUMBER PLATE IS M151 NOD? WELL NOD IS SHORT FOR NODDY AND THIS SHOWS ME NODDING LIKE NODDY (NOT NODDY HOLDER, NODDY OF ENID BLIGHTON FAME, NODDY HOLDER IS A NOBBER) AND MY BOYFRIEND BEING BIG EARS. WHEN YOU GET INTO THIS CAR YOU CAN PRETEND YOU ARE NODDY AND BIG EARS TOO. OR IF YOU DONT LIKE NODDY THEN YOU COULD REVERSE THE NOD TO MAKE DON, YOU COULD BE THE DON NODDY IN THIS CAR. I FELT LIKE THE DON NODDY IN THIS CAR BUT THAT WAS BECAUSE I WAS IN THE CAR AND COULDNT SEE HOW STUPID I LOOKED FROM THE OUTSIDE.
PHOTO 13 - WELL THIS WAS GOING TO BE OF THE FLIP FLOPS I BOUGHT EARLIER TODAY BUT EBAY WONT LET ME PUT MORE THAT 12 PHOTOS ON, I REALLY LIKE MY NEW FLIP FLOPS & I FEEL A BIT CHEATED THAT I CANT SHARE WITH YOU HOW NICE THEY ARE SO I WILL EXPLAIN THEM TO YOU - THEY ARE NAUTICAL THEMED! THEY ARE BLUE AND WHITE STRIPES ON THE SOLE AND THE THONG BIT HAS BLUE BUTTONS, BEADS & GEMS ON THEM, I GOT THEM FROM PEACOCKS AND THEY WERE A FIVER. I MIGHT SLEEP WITH THEM ON TONIGHT BECAUSE THEY ARE CURRENTLY MY FAVORITE CHOICE OF FOOTWEAR.
SO THATS A RUN DOWN OF THE PHOTOS, IF YOU WANT MORE THEN YOU'LL HAVE TO GET OVER IT, I DID. I HAVE CHANGED MY BOYFRIENDS EBAY PROFILE PICTURE TO ONE OF ME EATING A GERKIN IN MY PJS THOUGH WHICH MAKES UP FOR ONLY THE 12 PHOTOS. IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE CAR, ITS TO DO WITH ME EATING A GERKIN. I LIKE GERKINS. I DONT LIKE PICKLED EGGS THOUGH.
THIS CAR WORKS, ITS GREEN, IT HAS MOT & TAX UNTIL MID AUGUST, IT DOESNT LOOK LIKE A FERRARI IT LOOKS LIKE A GREEN ROVER OR VOLVO (IM GETTING CONFUSED WITH ALL THIS THINKING NOW) IT HAS A BOOK WITH FULL BORING SERVICE HISTORY AND OILY RECEIPTS, ALSO A CASSETTE MANUAL IF YOU WANT SOMETHING TO READ WHILST GOING TO THE LOO. DONT GO FOR THE LOO IN CAR THOUGH, GO TO THE LOO, IM SURE YOU KNOW THAT DONT YOU. THIS PARAGRAPH IS PROBABLY ALL I SHOULD OF SAID.
IN THE BORING SERVICE BOOK IT APPEARS THAT 13 GARAGES HAVE STAMPED IN IT AND RUINED YOUR CHANCES OF MAKING A COLOURING BOOK OUT OF IT BUT THERE ARE FEW BLANK PAGES AT THE BACK IF YOU DO NEED SOMEWHERE TO WRITE YOUR WAXING APPOINTMENT TIME'S IN
IF YOUVE GOT ANY QUESTIONS I MAY ANSWER THEM IF IVE NOT GOT ANYTHING BETTER TO DO. DONT ASK ME ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED IN NEWQUAY THOUGH BECAUSE I DONT WANT TO TALK ABOUT MY EVIL TWIN.
WE WONT POST THIS CAR, YOU HAVE TO COME AND GET IT, IM SURE YOU KNOW THAT TOO. IM JUST MAKING IT CLEAR.
OO I FORGOT TO SAY THERE ARE CUP HOLDERS IN THIS CAR. THERE ARE CUP HOLDERS IN THIS CAR.
Beaut...
FIRST THINGS SHOULD BE FIRST, SO LET ME START BY ANNOUNCING I AM A GIRL, MY BOYFRIEND HAS RATHER STUPIDLY ASKED ME TO LIST THIS GREEN CAR HE RECENTLY PURCHASED. HE IS NOT HERE SO ILL DO MY BEST TO BE COMPLETEY ACCURATE ABOUT THIS BUT BE WARNED I AM NOT A CAR KINDA GAL AND I GET EASILY DISTRACTED, ESPECIALLY BY SHOES, NOT LIKE WORK BOOTS BUT LIKE HIGH HEELS AND FLIP FLOPS, ILL GET TO THAT LATER. OK, HERE GOES..
AS YOU SHOULD KNOW, GIRLS NEED TO KNOW WHAT THE COLOUR OF THE CAR IS BEFORE ANYTHING ELSE-IT IS A GREEN COLOUR, ID SAY ITS A PINE TREE GREEN, I WOULD ALSO SAY ITS A HORRIBLE COLOUR IN MY OPINION & MOST GIRLS WONT LIKE IT SO YOU WONT PULL ANY LADIES WHILST CRUISING DOWN SUNSET BOULEVARD IN IT. I THINK IT WOULD MAKE A GOOD CAR FOR A GARDENER BECAUSE GARDENERS LIKE GREEN THINGS OR FOR PEOPLE THAT LIKE TO REPELL LADIES, I KNOW LOTS OF BOYS WHO DO THIS SO THIS CAR COULD SELL QUITE QUICKLY.
ITS OLD, WHILST TOUCHING ALL THE DUSTY PAPERWORK I HAVE FOUND OUT THAT IT WAS 'BORN' IN 1994, THIS MAKES IT AN M REG APPARENTLY, THATS A WEIRD COINCIDENCE BECAUSE THE NUMBER PLATE STARTS WITH AN M TOO.
I HAVE FOUND OUT A FEW THINGS ABOUT 1994 FOR YOU WHICH MAY ENTICE YOU INTO BUYING THIS CAR - IN 1994 ALOT OF BORING STUFF HAPPENED THAT IM NOT INTERESTED IN BUT ONE THING IS THAT MICHAEL SCHUMACHER WON HIS FIRST FORMULA ONE CHAMPIONSHIP IN AUSTRALIA- APPARENTLY IT WAS IN CONTRAVERSIAL CIRCUMSTANCES - IM GUESSING THIS MEANS HE RAMMED EVERYONE ELSE OFF THE TRACK AND STOLE A 5 YEAR OLDS BALLOON & MADE THEM CRY AND THEN HE BANGED NIGEL MANSELLS WIFE.
JOHN CANDY DIED IN 1994 WHICH, I THINK IS GOOD BECAUSE HE DIDNT MAKE ANYMORE FILMS THAT WOULD BE REPEATED 10 BILLION TIMES, IN A WAY IT WAS BAD BECAUSE IT MEANT THAT THEY SHOWED ALL HIS FILMS EVEN MORE THAN NORMAL. I DONT HATE JOHN CANDY LETS MAKE THAT CLEAR BUT I DONT WANT TO SEE UNCLE BUCK EVER AGAIN.
IM BORED OF RESEARCHING 1994 NOW BUT I WILL ADD THAT SHERYL CROWS HIT 'ALL I WANNA DO' WAS QUITE GOOD AND THAT WAS RELEASED IN 1994 ACCORDING TO SOME WEBSITE THAT HAS NOW PUT STUPID SMILEY FACES ON MY SCREEN.
THIS IS A VOLVO (I USED TO HAVE A VOLVO FOR A WHILE BUT I WOULD GET CONFUSED AND SAY IT WAS A ROVER, MINE WAS A 1.6 SO MY BOYFRIEND TOLD ME - I TOLD HIM IT WAS A 1.S**T) THIS VOLVO IS A 440 SI, NOW I ACTUALLY ASKED MY BOYFRIEND WHAT SI STANDS FOR AND HE WAS QUITE CONDESCENDING AND SAID I WOULDNT UNDERSTAND. SO ILL TELL YOU WHAT I THINK SI STANDS FOR - SERIOUS IMPACT - NOW YOU COULD CAUSE A SERIOUS IMPACT IN THIS CAR, SAY IF YOU WENT AT 30MPH INTO A HAY BALE YOU WOULD CAUSE A SERIOUS IMPACT ON THAT. IT ALSO CAUSES SERIOUS IMPACT ON YOUR STREET CRED HENSE WHY IVE REFUSED TO DRIVE IT & MY BOYFRIEND IS SELLING IT.
ITS A BIT TATTY, THATS WHAT MY BOYFRIEND HAS WRITTEN DOWN FOR ME TO TELL YOU AND I AGREE WITH HIM. THERES RUST AROUND SOME OF THE WHEEL ARCHES AND I TOOK A PHOTO OF THEM SO YOU CAN SEE FOR YOURSELF AND NOT CALL US LIARS WHEN YOU COME TO COLLECT IT. ITS NOT LEATHER INSIDE, ITS MATERIAL WHICH REMINDS ME OF TRAIN SEAT MATERIAL.
THERES ALSO SOME SCRATCHES ON THE PASSENGER SIDE, IVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT HOW THIS COULD OF HAPPENED BECAUSE I DO LIKE TO BE A DETECTIVE SOMETIMES (I SHOWED THE POLICE MY SHERRIFS BADGE ONCE AND THEY HAVE ALOT OF RESPECT FOR ME ROUND HERE NOW) I THINK THE PREVIOUS OWNER WAS OLD, IT SAYS HIS NAME WAS GILBERT ON THE DOCUMENTS AND GILBERT IS AN OLD MAN NAME, I DONT KNOW ANYONE CALLED GILBERT BUT I BET MY GRANDAD DOES. I THINK GILBERT ROBBED THE LOCAL POST OFFICE IN THIS GREEN CAR AND ON THE 500 YARD GETAWAY DRIVE, HE SCUFFED MRS.POTTERS HAWTHORN BUSH WHILE TRYING TO GET THE CAR IN THE GARAGE. GILBERT THEN GOT ARRESTED BECAUSE HE WASNT QUICK ENOUGH TO HIDE THE GETAWAY CAR AND THIS IS WHY MY BOYFRIEND HAS IT, HE PROBABLY BOUGHT IT FROM HIS MATE DAVE WHO HAS BLACK HAIR LIKE A LEGO MAN. I DONT LIKE DAVE, HE WINKS AT ME WHEN MY BOYFRIEND ISNT LOOKING.
I JUST HAD TO GO FOR A WEE BREAK AND IT REMINDED ME THAT I NEED TO MENTION THAT THIS CAR HAS HEATED SEATS, IM NOT SURE IF I LIKE HEATED SEATS, THEY ALWAYS MAKE ME FEELS LIKE IVE PEED MYSELF BUT IF YOU LIKE A WARM SENSATION IN YOUR UNDERCARRIDGE THEN THIS CAR WILL MAKE YOU HAPPY, IT WONT SOLVE YOUR REAL LIFE PROBLEMS THOUGH.
MY BOYFRIEND TOOK ME FOR A SPIN IN THIS CAR THIS AFTERNOON AFTER I TOOK MY AWARD WINNING PHOTO'S, WE DID DISCUSS SEEING HOW MUCH SPACE IS IN THE BACK AND WHAT WE COULD SAY PEOPLE COULD DO IN THERE, MY BOYFRIEND HAD A FEW SUGGESTIONS WHICH WERE SMUTTY AND I WASNT DRUNK SO IT DIDNT HAPPEN. HE IS STILL SULKING ABOUT THAT NOW. I IMAGINE IF YOU DONT HAVE ANYWHERE TO MAKE BABIES THEN THIS AREA WOULD SUFFICE.
THIS CAR IS A DIESEL, DIESEL IS APPARENTLY ECONIMALLY I CANT SPELL THAT WORD SO ILL EXPLAIN THAT IT MEANS BETTER FOR YOUR WALLET, I HAVE A DIESEL CAR AT THE MOMENT BUT IT DOESNT MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE TO MY WALLET BECAUSE I ALWAYS PUT A TENNER IN.
I HAVE A FEELING THAT MY BOYFRIEND MAY REGRET ASKING ME TO INFORM ALL YOU LOVLEY EBAYERS ABOUT THIS CAR.
NOW ANOTHER THING WRITTEN ON THE PEICE OF PAPER IS TO TELL YOU THAT THE FUEL GAUGE IS BROKEN, I THINK THIS IS A BAD POINT ALTHOUGH MY FUEL GAUGE WORKS AND I STILL IGNORE IT, I RECENTLY RAN OUT FUEL - I NEED TO INFORM YOU THAT I LIVE ABOUT 50 YARDS AWAY FROM A PETROL STATION SO I FEEL LIKE I CAN LEAVE PUTTING FUEL IN UNTIL THE LAST MINITE AND I WILL BE SAFE, TURNS OUT IM NOT AND THE BOYFRIEND WASNT IMPRESSED. HE ALSO WONT BE IMPRESSED WHEN HE NOTICES THAT I HIT THE WING MIRROR ON MY CAR (MY CAR NOT THIS LOVLEY GREEN CAR!) THIS MORNING AND THE GLASS IS BROKEN. I WILL HAVE TO THINK UP SOME ALLABORATE STORY AND CRY ALOT WHEN HE NOTICES. AN ANGRY DRUNK DWARF HIT IT WITH HIS HAMMER?
MY BOYFRIEND SAID HE WILL TRY TO FIX THE FUEL GAUGE, HE IS GOOD AT FIXING CARS WHICH IS USEFUL SEEING AS HE HAS HIS OWN GARAGE AND FIXES CARS FOR A LIVING.
NOW I NEED TO EXPLAIN SOME OF THE PHOTOS (I LIKE TAKING PHOTOS - I AM A BIT LIKE RAIN MAN FOR TAKING PHOTOS BUT I CANNOT COUNT COCKTAIL STICKS VERY QUICKLY)
PHOTO 1 - THE GREEN CAR AT A SLANT
PHOTO 2 - THE GREEN CAR FROM THE FRONT
PHOTO 3 - A RUSTY WHEEL ARCH
PHOTO 4 - PROOF THAT THE GREEN CAR HAS SEAT LIKE TRAIN SEATS
PHOTO 5 - IM NOT SURE IF THIS IS THE SAME RUSTY WHEEL ARCH & I NOW REGRET THAT ONE BECAUSE IT FEELS LIKE IM GOING ON ABOUT IT TOO MUCH REALLY.
PHOTO 6 - THE FUEL TANK OPENING THINGY WHERE YOU PUT THE DIESEL PUMP, SOMEONE HAS KINDLY LEFT SOME BLUE TISSUE IN THERE JUST IN CASE YOU SPILL ANY DIESEL, I THINK WE SHOULD LEAVE THAT IN THERE & CALL IT A FREEBIE!
PHOTO 7 - IS FOR STUPID & FORGETFUL PEOPLE, IT QUITE CLEARLY STATES IT IS A DIESEL SO PLEASE DONT PUT PETROL IN IT AS YOUR BOYFRIEND WILL GET SOOO CROSS IF YOU DO THAT. I WOULD NEVER DO THAT...
PHOTO 8 - THIS IS THE GREEN CAR WITH THE REFLECTION OF ME & MY BOYFRIEND, IM TAKING THE PHOTO AND HE WAS TELLING ME BORING STUFF ABOUT THE CAR WHICH I HAVE FORGOTTEN.
PHOTO 9 - IS BORING
PHOTO 10 - NOW THIS ONE SHOWS IT HAS A RADIO/CASSETE PLAYER, NO-ONE UNDER THE AGE OF 30 SHOULD BUY THIS CAR BECAUSE YOU WONT KNOW WHAT A CASSETTE PLAYER IS AND YOU WILL GET CROSS, AS CDS DONT FIT IN THERE AND YOU WONT BE ABLE TO LISTEN TO YOUR DRUMS & BASE MUSIC.
I THINK I SHOULD ALSO MENTION THAT THE STEREO LIES - IF YOU LOOK CLOSELY IT SAYS BAND ON THERE, THERE IS NO BAND ANYWHERE IN THIS CAR, I LOOKED, UNLESS THE BORROWERS HAVE MOVED INTO IT AND THEY HAVE STARTED A BAND BUT I DIDNT HEAR ANY MUSIC COMING FROM ANYWHERE WHEN I PRESSED THAT BUTTON.
PHOTO 11 - THIS IS A TOY DOG WE FOUND IN THE CAR, IT LOOKS LIKE A SHEEP DOG WANTING TO PLAY, IT WILL COME WITH THE CAR AND HAS ADDED VALUE TO THE GREEN CAR BUT WE WILL CALL IT ANOTHER FREEBIE.
PHOTO 12 - IS MY FAVORITE PHOTO, HAVE YOU NOTICED THAT THE NUMBER PLATE IS M151 NOD? WELL NOD IS SHORT FOR NODDY AND THIS SHOWS ME NODDING LIKE NODDY (NOT NODDY HOLDER, NODDY OF ENID BLIGHTON FAME, NODDY HOLDER IS A NOBBER) AND MY BOYFRIEND BEING BIG EARS. WHEN YOU GET INTO THIS CAR YOU CAN PRETEND YOU ARE NODDY AND BIG EARS TOO. OR IF YOU DONT LIKE NODDY THEN YOU COULD REVERSE THE NOD TO MAKE DON, YOU COULD BE THE DON NODDY IN THIS CAR. I FELT LIKE THE DON NODDY IN THIS CAR BUT THAT WAS BECAUSE I WAS IN THE CAR AND COULDNT SEE HOW STUPID I LOOKED FROM THE OUTSIDE.
PHOTO 13 - WELL THIS WAS GOING TO BE OF THE FLIP FLOPS I BOUGHT EARLIER TODAY BUT EBAY WONT LET ME PUT MORE THAT 12 PHOTOS ON, I REALLY LIKE MY NEW FLIP FLOPS & I FEEL A BIT CHEATED THAT I CANT SHARE WITH YOU HOW NICE THEY ARE SO I WILL EXPLAIN THEM TO YOU - THEY ARE NAUTICAL THEMED! THEY ARE BLUE AND WHITE STRIPES ON THE SOLE AND THE THONG BIT HAS BLUE BUTTONS, BEADS & GEMS ON THEM, I GOT THEM FROM PEACOCKS AND THEY WERE A FIVER. I MIGHT SLEEP WITH THEM ON TONIGHT BECAUSE THEY ARE CURRENTLY MY FAVORITE CHOICE OF FOOTWEAR.
SO THATS A RUN DOWN OF THE PHOTOS, IF YOU WANT MORE THEN YOU'LL HAVE TO GET OVER IT, I DID. I HAVE CHANGED MY BOYFRIENDS EBAY PROFILE PICTURE TO ONE OF ME EATING A GERKIN IN MY PJS THOUGH WHICH MAKES UP FOR ONLY THE 12 PHOTOS. IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE CAR, ITS TO DO WITH ME EATING A GERKIN. I LIKE GERKINS. I DONT LIKE PICKLED EGGS THOUGH.
THIS CAR WORKS, ITS GREEN, IT HAS MOT & TAX UNTIL MID AUGUST, IT DOESNT LOOK LIKE A FERRARI IT LOOKS LIKE A GREEN ROVER OR VOLVO (IM GETTING CONFUSED WITH ALL THIS THINKING NOW) IT HAS A BOOK WITH FULL BORING SERVICE HISTORY AND OILY RECEIPTS, ALSO A CASSETTE MANUAL IF YOU WANT SOMETHING TO READ WHILST GOING TO THE LOO. DONT GO FOR THE LOO IN CAR THOUGH, GO TO THE LOO, IM SURE YOU KNOW THAT DONT YOU. THIS PARAGRAPH IS PROBABLY ALL I SHOULD OF SAID.
IN THE BORING SERVICE BOOK IT APPEARS THAT 13 GARAGES HAVE STAMPED IN IT AND RUINED YOUR CHANCES OF MAKING A COLOURING BOOK OUT OF IT BUT THERE ARE FEW BLANK PAGES AT THE BACK IF YOU DO NEED SOMEWHERE TO WRITE YOUR WAXING APPOINTMENT TIME'S IN
IF YOUVE GOT ANY QUESTIONS I MAY ANSWER THEM IF IVE NOT GOT ANYTHING BETTER TO DO. DONT ASK ME ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED IN NEWQUAY THOUGH BECAUSE I DONT WANT TO TALK ABOUT MY EVIL TWIN.
WE WONT POST THIS CAR, YOU HAVE TO COME AND GET IT, IM SURE YOU KNOW THAT TOO. IM JUST MAKING IT CLEAR.
OO I FORGOT TO SAY THERE ARE CUP HOLDERS IN THIS CAR. THERE ARE CUP HOLDERS IN THIS CAR.
Beaut...
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