HonestGuv: Marryin' Motors
Need wheels for your own big day? Look no further, Sir...
The Bentley boys had a deathlock on most of the non-Dobbin transport. First there was the Queen's twin-turbo Bentley state limo, four tons of bulletproof vileness; Wills's Jag XJ, which C4's Jon Snow said was a Bentley; and of course the VW vans for the Conference League liggers, which if you do a spot of origami on the company organogram are also sort of Bentleys. Not the sort that lot wanted to be seen in on the big day of course. Creased meself laughing at the sight of toffs pretending they'd never been near a van before. Butter wouldn't melt etc, but I bet a lot of that posh totty could describe the inside of an SWB Transit roof in some detail. I also bet there were a few sneakily stashed crates of light ale by the back doors of them VWs.
When the first Mrs Guv and I tied the knot at the now defunct Morden Registry Office we took the No 93 bus from Raynes Park. That makes me a cheapskate, but the fact is I still remember these trivial facts all these many, many years later. Memorable is what you want for the most important day of your life.
With that and the newly-turbocharged wedding season in mind, I've been scouting round for wedding car stock additions. Not the regular muck of honking great stretch Lincolns or £2k Shadows in white and red oxide that are no good to man nor beast. I'm talking about self-drive motors that you could buy yourselves and rent out to mugs, sorry, young lovers looking for classy nuptial/honeymoon transport.
Here's my Top Five Wedding Tackle list of cheap, tradeable and best of all money-earning marriage motors:
| Audi A8 Who says Germans don't do romance? Just make sure the stereo's working so you can't hear the slightly less romantic sound of the gearbox exploding. Stick a private plate on this quattro 4.2 and, mechanical disasters willing, you'll get your stake money back after three weddings. |
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| BMW 740 650 notes for this E32 V8 makes it a must-have for any wedding hire fleet, especially one based in Essex. The electrics might be a bit dodgy, but vicars aren't doing night fixtures yet so who cares if the lights go out unexpectedly? Just make sure you're somewhere else on the big day. |
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| Lexus LS400 For an extra hundred you can put this on your fleet. She's in the right colour, plus you've got leather and a properly banging stereo. Early LS suspension is easily as structurally sound as a five-tier wedding cake, so maybe best to put a speed limiter on it for your love-struck clients. If you don't fancy this one, maybe Garlick will sell you his: he's spent all the money so you don't have to. |
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| Mercedes S420 The W140 S-Class was without question the last proper Merc. You can pick 'em up for about a grand now, incredible considering what you get. Haggle the owner | of this one down to something sensible and you've got no worries about it not being returned from hire. After all, who's going to want to keep something that looks like a Geneva taxi? Once the tyres have worn out (which won't take long) fit some ChengNa remoulds, strip out the toys and eBay all your dough back home. Nice. |
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| The Mystery Motor Here's my own ultimate wedding car, should the present Mrs Guv decide for tax reasons that she wants to renew our vows: Do the church run in it, then turn it upside down at the reception and spin it to decide who gets first shot at the bridesmaids before finishing off your happy day in fine style by replacing the floor with chicken wire, lining the body with Bacofoil, filling it with lumpwood and having a right royal BBQ. Job's a good 'un. |
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Last year we managed to get wedding wheels for free (well, for a case of wine/beer).
The wife and I both volunteer at motorsport events (timekeeping / marshaling) and found a chap with a modified Morgan 4/4 that he uses for trials and was willing to help out. Use of a Morgan made sense as we live in Malvern, their home town.
It was a good car, nice condition, had a 2 litre Vauxhall engine rather than standard which gave much more power (which he used). Felt a bit exposed perched in the back, especially when, his enthusiastic driving back down the Malvern hills included some wheels locking up on the approach to bends.
Guy who owned it was a really nice chap, brought it over from Texas 2 years before. He was almost not going to bring it out when it has been raining that day. Oh and it was a 2+2. Me and the best man sat in the back and the "seats" were pretty much on the floor, not very comfortable.
It did inspire me to think about setting up an "unusual" wedding car company, somewhere between the classic stuff like Bentleys and Daimlers and the tacky gypsy wedding stuff of Hummers and Lincolns. I don't think I'd do it as I would be very choosy about who I would hire out to so it'll very probably never happen.
I'm not sure I'd offer it up to a groom to drive, unless i knew him or had a significant security deposit.
But main reason for the reply if to warn fellow ph'ers of the need to check insurance. Its not a part of standard policies and i'm sure plod etc will be keen to throw the book at you if something bad happens. Remember that it might cost you more as i'm sure you might be expected to compensate if the bride or groom miss their wedding due to a trip to A&E.
If anyone has any good contacts for this though i'd be keen to know what you know.
Then my best man went and bought a V8 Vantage this week. Knew there was a reason I picked him!
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