The Dumbest Co-driver (you wont beat this)
Discussion
Well, Le Mans for me was great, a few hitches on the way, but far the biggest mistake I made was to take a 19yr old co-driver, and I say that in the loosest term (never actually got to drive my Lotus Esprit) come passenger.
I have met some stupid people before but 'Ross' yep that is his name, I am holding nothing back here has to be one of the dumbest, hair brained morons I have ever had the misfortune to travel with.
What follows is a list of shortcomings and mindless antics which left most of our group shaking there heads in amazement, and embarassement. (excuse the spelling)
On the days leading up to Le Mans, Ross could hardly contain his excitement, blabbing constantly about the trip. Being a mechanic he was particually keen on seeing the cars. My instuction to him was to be ready by 6.00am Thursday leaving us 90 mins to reach Dover from Southend, for the 07.55 P&O ferry.
Thurs 14/06/07
06.10am Rob arrives in his TVR, not a good start, luckly Ross lives just around the corner, we scoot of to pick him up and his mate Pete.
06.15am Arrive at Ross's house, no answer finally get Ross to open the door, the time is now 06.25, turns out Ross went to bed at 04.30. (That should had given ame a clue)
07.15am just cleared the Dartford Crossing stuck in major congestion, suddenly as we are finally starting to head of to the M20, the brakes completely fail on the Esprit. After minor heart attack and mini conference with Ross we decide to soldier on, keeping well clear of the traffic ahead.
07.30am On the M20, speed at 70mph thankfully traffic was really light, Rob dosent know of our predictament.
07.40am Brakes back on, must be an air lock some where in the system, f**k it I have been planning all year for this trip, we carry on, speed 90mph.
08.15am bo
ocks have missed the ferry refuelling at Dover.
09.30am Board ferry, all parked Ross takes this oppertunity to completely unpack the Lotus and fit a flamer to the exhuast. I kidd you not, we had already started it, but Ross was not to be deterred.
09.40am Ross nearly gets chucked of the ferry, packs the Lotus and joins us all upstairs.
10.40am Land at France ferry was an hour quicker then the one booked, we scoot down to the services to meet up with the WRR.
11.00am Meet up with WRR and wait to convey off. Ross takes this oppertunity to again completely unpack the Lotus and continue with the flamer. (By this time I denie knowing him)
11.15am Convoy leaving, Rob is in his TVR with Pete and another TVR mate, Phil. Ross is in the boot amid a strangle of spanners and wires, I am going bonkers telling him to leave it untill we reach the campsite.
11.20am Convey has left, we are the only ones left in the carpark, gear all over the place, the others are going completely mad at Ross, we decide to either kill him and leave, or just leave.
11.25am under the weight of arguement Ross concedes and we pack the Lotus.
12.15pm have joined the convoy, Rob and Phil in there judgement have taken there roofs of, thunderstorms are in the distance.
12.30pm Massive rain storms, have completly lost the others, 40mph top speed.
1.00pm Have been driving now for 2 hours ask Ross to phone Rob on his mobile to find out where they are. Ross says he cant do that. I must add, a specific instruction to Ross was to bring his phone so we could keep in touch with the others.
The following conversation is a accuarate record of events:
Me,,, Ross phone Rob he has given you his number
Ross, I cant ring him
Me,,, why not?
Ross, my phone wont work
Me,,, what do you mean your phone isnt working, it was working earlier wasnt it?
Ross, err says it was
Me,,, well why is it not working now?
Ross, well its not working now
Me,,, what,.... what do you mean its not working now?
Ross, I have run out of credit
Me,,, What....... what the f**k do you mean run out of credit?
Ross, I have run out of credit, I cant ring anyone one
Me,,, You have run out of credit and you cant ring anyone, why didnt you get credit before we left, I told you the phone was important.
Ross, err I forgot
Me,,, What do you mean you forgot, how the f**k can you forget that.
Ross, I dont know
Me,,, Well, ok then what about texting them then?
Ross, no cant do that either, no credit, I told you.
Me,,, OK then we will have to wait for them to ring us then?
Ross, eeerrr no that wont work either
Me,,, FFS why not?
Ross, This phone wont work in france
Me,,, WHAT..........F**king hell, are you telling me you have bought a phone with you, that one doesnt work because you havent bought credit for it, we cant text on it, Rob cant ring us because it wont accept his calls?
Ross, eeerr yes
Me,,, what happens if he rings us then?
Ross, The phone actually rings to tell us, he is ringing us and directs him to my mailbox
Me,,, dont f**king tell me you cant reach it because you dont have any f**king credit?
Ross, eerr thats it in one
Me,,, So let me get this straight, we cant ring out, we cant text, he cant text us, and he cant ring us then?
Ross, eer yes
Me,,, so what the F**k did you bring it for you dickhead.
Thats a taster further instalement to come and exciting adventures with the one and only Ross and that was only the first day.................
I have met some stupid people before but 'Ross' yep that is his name, I am holding nothing back here has to be one of the dumbest, hair brained morons I have ever had the misfortune to travel with.
What follows is a list of shortcomings and mindless antics which left most of our group shaking there heads in amazement, and embarassement. (excuse the spelling)
On the days leading up to Le Mans, Ross could hardly contain his excitement, blabbing constantly about the trip. Being a mechanic he was particually keen on seeing the cars. My instuction to him was to be ready by 6.00am Thursday leaving us 90 mins to reach Dover from Southend, for the 07.55 P&O ferry.
Thurs 14/06/07
06.10am Rob arrives in his TVR, not a good start, luckly Ross lives just around the corner, we scoot of to pick him up and his mate Pete.
06.15am Arrive at Ross's house, no answer finally get Ross to open the door, the time is now 06.25, turns out Ross went to bed at 04.30. (That should had given ame a clue)
07.15am just cleared the Dartford Crossing stuck in major congestion, suddenly as we are finally starting to head of to the M20, the brakes completely fail on the Esprit. After minor heart attack and mini conference with Ross we decide to soldier on, keeping well clear of the traffic ahead.
07.30am On the M20, speed at 70mph thankfully traffic was really light, Rob dosent know of our predictament.
07.40am Brakes back on, must be an air lock some where in the system, f**k it I have been planning all year for this trip, we carry on, speed 90mph.
08.15am bo
ocks have missed the ferry refuelling at Dover.09.30am Board ferry, all parked Ross takes this oppertunity to completely unpack the Lotus and fit a flamer to the exhuast. I kidd you not, we had already started it, but Ross was not to be deterred.
09.40am Ross nearly gets chucked of the ferry, packs the Lotus and joins us all upstairs.
10.40am Land at France ferry was an hour quicker then the one booked, we scoot down to the services to meet up with the WRR.
11.00am Meet up with WRR and wait to convey off. Ross takes this oppertunity to again completely unpack the Lotus and continue with the flamer. (By this time I denie knowing him)
11.15am Convoy leaving, Rob is in his TVR with Pete and another TVR mate, Phil. Ross is in the boot amid a strangle of spanners and wires, I am going bonkers telling him to leave it untill we reach the campsite.
11.20am Convey has left, we are the only ones left in the carpark, gear all over the place, the others are going completely mad at Ross, we decide to either kill him and leave, or just leave.
11.25am under the weight of arguement Ross concedes and we pack the Lotus.
12.15pm have joined the convoy, Rob and Phil in there judgement have taken there roofs of, thunderstorms are in the distance.
12.30pm Massive rain storms, have completly lost the others, 40mph top speed.
1.00pm Have been driving now for 2 hours ask Ross to phone Rob on his mobile to find out where they are. Ross says he cant do that. I must add, a specific instruction to Ross was to bring his phone so we could keep in touch with the others.
The following conversation is a accuarate record of events:
Me,,, Ross phone Rob he has given you his number
Ross, I cant ring him
Me,,, why not?
Ross, my phone wont work
Me,,, what do you mean your phone isnt working, it was working earlier wasnt it?
Ross, err says it was
Me,,, well why is it not working now?
Ross, well its not working now
Me,,, what,.... what do you mean its not working now?
Ross, I have run out of credit
Me,,, What....... what the f**k do you mean run out of credit?
Ross, I have run out of credit, I cant ring anyone one
Me,,, You have run out of credit and you cant ring anyone, why didnt you get credit before we left, I told you the phone was important.
Ross, err I forgot
Me,,, What do you mean you forgot, how the f**k can you forget that.
Ross, I dont know
Me,,, Well, ok then what about texting them then?
Ross, no cant do that either, no credit, I told you.
Me,,, OK then we will have to wait for them to ring us then?
Ross, eeerrr no that wont work either
Me,,, FFS why not?
Ross, This phone wont work in france
Me,,, WHAT..........F**king hell, are you telling me you have bought a phone with you, that one doesnt work because you havent bought credit for it, we cant text on it, Rob cant ring us because it wont accept his calls?
Ross, eeerr yes
Me,,, what happens if he rings us then?
Ross, The phone actually rings to tell us, he is ringing us and directs him to my mailbox
Me,,, dont f**king tell me you cant reach it because you dont have any f**king credit?
Ross, eerr thats it in one
Me,,, So let me get this straight, we cant ring out, we cant text, he cant text us, and he cant ring us then?
Ross, eer yes
Me,,, so what the F**k did you bring it for you dickhead.
Thats a taster further instalement to come and exciting adventures with the one and only Ross and that was only the first day.................
Series said:
07.15am just cleared the Dartford Crossing stuck in major congestion, suddenly as we are finally starting to head of to the M20, the brakes completely fail on the Esprit. After minor heart attack and mini conference with Ross we decide to soldier on, keeping well clear of the traffic ahead.
takes a brave person to risk continuing to drive with no brakes....bennno
melhook said:
I would have vetted anyone that I was travelling with for any long distances.
To be honest thats why I ran solo. Made the tolls interesting. If you can sit on your hand brake and lean over your fine. If your convoy does not wait outside the tolls that just adds to the exitement.
2nd instalement
I must admit, I have known Ross a long time and he is pretty harmless but god is he hairbrained.
ok we are past Reoun and have passed many small French villages on our journey, Ross is fast asleep for most of the time, with a sleeping bag wrapped around him. I have asked him to stay alert due to the others overtaking, but keeping him awake is like waking the dead.
On the rare occasions when he wasnt asleep, we were passing a another tiny French village, which consisted of no more then half a dozen houses and a shop. Here is a snippet of the conversation we had at that point:
Ross, what is this then?
Me,,, a french village Ross
Ross, hhmmm wonder what the night life is around here then?
Me,,, well didnt you see the All Night Disco we just passed?
Ross, No, where was that then?
Me,,, What you didnt see that and the Pole Dancing Club?
Ross, No......
Something clicks at that point that I might just be winding him up................
I must admit, I have known Ross a long time and he is pretty harmless but god is he hairbrained.
ok we are past Reoun and have passed many small French villages on our journey, Ross is fast asleep for most of the time, with a sleeping bag wrapped around him. I have asked him to stay alert due to the others overtaking, but keeping him awake is like waking the dead.
On the rare occasions when he wasnt asleep, we were passing a another tiny French village, which consisted of no more then half a dozen houses and a shop. Here is a snippet of the conversation we had at that point:
Ross, what is this then?
Me,,, a french village Ross
Ross, hhmmm wonder what the night life is around here then?
Me,,, well didnt you see the All Night Disco we just passed?
Ross, No, where was that then?
Me,,, What you didnt see that and the Pole Dancing Club?
Ross, No......
Something clicks at that point that I might just be winding him up................
3rd installment
I have to give Ross credit on the rare occasions and say that he is a very accomplished mechanic, so I had no problem in letting him fit the flamer, the fact that it wasnt wired up was most probally a godsend in hindsight.
We are now 5 hours into the journey and about 100 kilometres from Le Mans, when we arrive in a small village and stop for refueling at a local garage. I take the oppertunity to top up..... and you guessed it Ross decides to unpack the Lotus once again. I have to physically hold back Rob from attacking him, and finally Ross gets the message to leave the flamer untill we reach the campsite, but not before he has knocked out all my lights. Rob then has to hold me back from killing him.
Ross quickly restores my lights under threat of having a spanner stuck up his arse, and quickly retreats to take pictures of the passing cars.
Day 2 tomorrow
I have to give Ross credit on the rare occasions and say that he is a very accomplished mechanic, so I had no problem in letting him fit the flamer, the fact that it wasnt wired up was most probally a godsend in hindsight.
We are now 5 hours into the journey and about 100 kilometres from Le Mans, when we arrive in a small village and stop for refueling at a local garage. I take the oppertunity to top up..... and you guessed it Ross decides to unpack the Lotus once again. I have to physically hold back Rob from attacking him, and finally Ross gets the message to leave the flamer untill we reach the campsite, but not before he has knocked out all my lights. Rob then has to hold me back from killing him.
Ross quickly restores my lights under threat of having a spanner stuck up his arse, and quickly retreats to take pictures of the passing cars.
Day 2 tomorrow
You're not coming out of this looking so great yourself either though, are you? Driving at 70/90 when your brakes just failed? I'm struggling to think of a word for that, but stupid is fairly high on the list. Or mental perhaps? 
And as for his multiple attempts to unpack the car and fit a flamer - didn't you have the keys? Why didn't you just lock it? And tbh, why didn't the conversation just go like this.. "I'm going to fit a flamer to your car"... "No you're not".
And as for his multiple attempts to unpack the car and fit a flamer - didn't you have the keys? Why didn't you just lock it? And tbh, why didn't the conversation just go like this.. "I'm going to fit a flamer to your car"... "No you're not".
The Esprit looked fantastic when I saw it in Arnage on Sunday 
No flames or scorch marks thankfully but the windows were steamed up, musta been just after a 'heated' discussion with your co-driver!
What was the prob with the brakes, fixed now?
No flames or scorch marks thankfully but the windows were steamed up, musta been just after a 'heated' discussion with your co-driver!
What was the prob with the brakes, fixed now?
Edited by Lotusespritforum on Tuesday 19th June 10:42
pikey said:
What's a flamer?
isnt it a flame that comes out of the exhaust? http://www.in-car-stuff.com/shop/fire-dragon-exhau...
Yep you are right, the decision to carry on driving with the brakes having failed is not a course of action that I would readily agree to. The normal actions of a right minded person would be to pull over and wait for recovery. But this was not a normal situation. One when it happened we were stuck in heavy congestion, our speed at the time was approx' 25/30mph. Therefore leaving a sizable gap from the car in front allowed me to use the gears to slow down when I had to. Other factors were also present in that the hard shoulder on the M25 was cordoned off, and the motorway was down to 2 lanes. If I had stopped mayhem would had erupted, my thinking at the time was to get to the M20 and then stop on the hard shoulder.
I must add that I have had the Lotus for 2 years and never had a single problem with the brakes, it was serviced shortly before this trip and passed with flying colours. I also must mention that I had a hyper active 19yr old qualified and accomplished mechanic on board, with a full set of tools in the back. So the decision to continue was not taken lightly.
Once we had joined the M20 the motorway was virtually deserted except for the odd petrol head making there way to the ferry at dover. Therefore we were able to increase our speed safely without putting other motorist at risk.
Call me mental for the course of action we took may well be an accurate description, but within 10 mins of joining the M20 our brakes came back on and working as normal, I might even say that they were absolutely rock hard and worked better then they were before. So call me mad yep, I cant explain why it happened, it just did.........
I must add that I have had the Lotus for 2 years and never had a single problem with the brakes, it was serviced shortly before this trip and passed with flying colours. I also must mention that I had a hyper active 19yr old qualified and accomplished mechanic on board, with a full set of tools in the back. So the decision to continue was not taken lightly.
Once we had joined the M20 the motorway was virtually deserted except for the odd petrol head making there way to the ferry at dover. Therefore we were able to increase our speed safely without putting other motorist at risk.
Call me mental for the course of action we took may well be an accurate description, but within 10 mins of joining the M20 our brakes came back on and working as normal, I might even say that they were absolutely rock hard and worked better then they were before. So call me mad yep, I cant explain why it happened, it just did.........
Cotty said:
melhook said:
I would have vetted anyone that I was travelling with for any long distances.
To be honest thats why I ran solo. Made the tolls interesting. If you can sit on your hand brake and lean over your fine. If your convoy does not wait outside the tolls that just adds to the exitement.Gassing Station | Le Mans | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff