Clarkson in The Times
Clarkson in The Times
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GingerNinja

Original Poster:

3,983 posts

281 months

Sunday 6th March 2005
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....most of article about the new Boxster, then he ends it with this:

"I came home after a five-day marathon filming session to find a new TVR Tuscan in the drive. “Ooh,” I thought, “I have a dinner in Oxford tonight. I’ll take that.” Big mistake.

As is the way with all TVRs, you open the door by pushing a small button underneath the door mirror. Then you’re inside, where you’re presented with an interior that is exactly the same as nothing on earth. For instance, there’s nowhere to put the key, so you stab away at every button on the dash causing nothing to happen until you lose your temper.

Then, in the calm after the storm, you breathe deeply and go through the process logically. It is a car. It has an engine. There must be a way of making that engine start, so let’s work the problem.

What you do, I discovered, is push a button on the key fob and then, within 10 seconds, push a button on the dash that’s disguised as a cigarette lighter. Then the big straight six shudders into life. But hold on a minute. There’s a beeping descant to the big bass roar. What could it be? Further investigation reveals that while pressing everything in a search for the starter button, you have pressed something that has activated the hazard warning lights. But what was it? It’s hard to tell, especially in the dark, so you look for the light switch. Naturally, this is found underneath the steering wheel alongside another knob that turns but does nothing. And now somehow you have turned on the high intensity rear lights. Or have you? You need to get out and check. But there are no door handles. So you stab more buttons and turn more knobs, to no avail.

I’m not kidding. I was a full 20 minutes in that car before I finally set off, with the fog lamps and the hazard warning lights still on. And then, when I reached the restaurant, I had to ring my host and ask if they’d come out to open the door.

And this is supposed to be the first of the new breed of post-Russian takeover sensible TVRs. It’s supposed to be the one-cal, everyday sports machine your granny could handle. It’s not. It’s like the Mir space station in there and it costs about £7,000 more than the Porsche. And yet . . .

On the son et lumière trip into Oxford, it was a sensation, especially when you take the revs into the red zone and the whole dash lights up like a baboon’s arse. This was a loud, bad, spine-tingling, vicious, difficult, bastard of a car. But after a week with that clinical Boxster, I know which I’d rather have."

PetrolTed

34,464 posts

326 months

Sunday 6th March 2005
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Clarkson is getting too good at playing the old fogey and he's forgetting what he's about.

nervous

24,050 posts

253 months

Sunday 6th March 2005
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unless i read the article wrong, wasnt clarkson suggesting that it was these very TVR 'characteristics' that made it worth owning? indeed he was arguing that the porsche was so perfect as to be soulless, and thats why he'd pick the 'difficult bastard' of a car over the porsche. i think he's for it, not agin it.

so, doesnt that make him a good ambassador for modern motoring journaism? after all, dont we all secretly think these things of our cars? how many times have i seen on here 'if i didnt love my car so much id have gotten rid of it years ago cos of all the trouble ive had'? Like us, he seems to think thats its not all about rock solid engineering and bomb proof reliability, its about heart and its about excitment (maybe even the excitement of 'will it start?' 'will i make it?').

i think its great to see that 'other' people can relate to the motivation for what everyone i know seems to be a purchase little short of lunacy.

that said, i reckon id be better at his job. and id do it for half the money.

PetrolTed

34,464 posts

326 months

Sunday 6th March 2005
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I was left with the impression that he was advocating the Boxster because the Tuscan was too quirky, although he hinted at it being a good car.

I think some of the criticism is just a bit unimaginative and lazy. Why not mention the good points of the car too as well as just picking on the quirkyness?

nervous

24,050 posts

253 months

Sunday 6th March 2005
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i dunno, i thought that was he was doing was extolling the virtues of these so called bad points, as very-real good points for very-real car folk. after all, without them, a TVR just wouldnt be a TVR would it?

in fact, now i think about it, its quite a well balanced article, the porsche bit is all about how good it is,and the TVR bit is all about how bad it is without even hinting at the good. and yet, the bad triumphs, seemingly despite it all.

i agree, on the surface, to tread the same path as evryone else and only focus on the stuff that doesnt work or wont last seems lazy, but sureley using this as the reason to buy, without even factoring in the power, the looks etc means he 'gets it' just as much, if not more than most. i know that none of my friends or family can see past the points that he mentions, less so even as justification to buy. That said, i never let them drive it, or in it.. they might mess it up ;D

shadowninja

79,325 posts

305 months

Sunday 6th March 2005
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yep, sounded like he much preferred the tvr!

MarkoTVR

1,139 posts

257 months

Sunday 6th March 2005
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GingerNinja said:
And yet . . . On the son et lumière trip into Oxford, it was a sensation.....



Sounds good to me!

And after listing a few difficult points of the Tuscan's nature.........

GingerNinja said:
But after a week with that clinical Boxster, I know which I’d rather have.


My money's on it being the best of Blackpool. Anyone remember the 575 v. Vanquish S test on TG? The 575 came out as technically better, but the AM won due to its character.

>> Edited by MarkoTVR on Sunday 6th March 17:34

2 Smokin Barrels

31,776 posts

258 months

Sunday 6th March 2005
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The only interesting article Clarkson has been involved with in the last five years was about the Kilner Jar!

powerlord

771 posts

264 months

Sunday 6th March 2005
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The key thing appears in nearly all reviews. In the old tuscan they always used to moan on about having to press the engine demobilizer fob into the slot to the left of the wheel and how this was hideously difficult.

OK, I can see how one journalist could have not been told about the key fob remote deactivator procedure or not have a manual in the car... but surely after the first one the factory stuck a 'cheat sheet' aka 'muppets guide' to the tuscan in each car given to journalists after that... but again and again I read the same moan. I mean the manual is only 40 pages or so and only takes 10 mins to read through... you don't sit down in from of a plane and expect to be able to fly it. ok, a car you might.. but it's not a car is it... it's a TVR. :-)

'course maybe they can't read. As LA says, they certainly can't write :-)

Clarkson is a hypocrite, but it's all tongue and cheek. He loves trevors. He does the MPH show every year which is basically a TVR circus.. complete with jumping through hoops. And his reviews of trevors --though he always has a moan -- usually have him with a big grin on his face.

stu

egoboss

838 posts

253 months

Sunday 6th March 2005
quotequote all
PetrolTed said:
Clarkson is getting too good at playing the old fogey and he's forgetting what he's about.


he's become a parody of himself. his sunday times writings - especially the news review column - are rather awash with tired cliches nowadays.

i find james may in the saturday daily telegraph a much better read.

brentstevens

952 posts

282 months

Sunday 6th March 2005
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Looks like another Tuscan 2 delivered with no hand book
Otherwise, Big C would have known how to open the door from the inside
Either that, or he wanted to impress the Maitre D at the Oxford restaurant

Flash19

65 posts

252 months

Tuesday 15th March 2005
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It is implicit from the last line that he prefers the Tuscan to the Boxster.

"clinical" is not usually a compliment. In fact the word itself is derived from the German word Klinical which directly translated means boring <--- that was my attempt at a Clarksonesque joke BTW.

During the article he takes the piss out of the TVR for the most part BEFORE he drives it, then after driving it he loves it. In this article he's saying that for all it's faults he would rather drive the TVR than something as clinical as a Porsche.

It's well know that Clarkson is a TVR fan. On several occasions he's cited TVRs in contrast to what he's meant to be testing... even though the comparison is wholly inappropriate. For instance £20K buys you this Ford Focus RS, or alternatively you could pick up a secondhand Cerebra like this one *cue doughnut and lots of sideways action*. <--- this was also just a stereotypical made up example.

Remember when he raced umpteen supercars down a mile long runway and how exicited he got when the Cerebra annihilated the others???

Clarkson loves TVRs.

Now on the otherhand, does anyone recall how Clarkson feels about foriengers, specifically Germans? Precisely!

2 Smokin Barrels

31,776 posts

258 months

Tuesday 15th March 2005
quotequote all
Flash19 said:
It is implicit from the last line that he prefers the Tuscan to the Boxster.

"clinical" is not usually a compliment. In fact the word itself is derived from the German word Klinical which directly translated means boring <--- that was my attempt at a Clarksonesque joke BTW.

During the article he takes the piss out of the TVR for the most part BEFORE he drives it, then after driving it he loves it. In this article he's saying that for all it's faults he would rather drive the TVR than something as clinical as a Porsche.

It's well know that Clarkson is a TVR fan. On several occasions he's cited TVRs in contrast to what he's meant to be testing... even though the comparison is wholly inappropriate. For instance £20K buys you this Ford Focus RS, or alternatively you could pick up a secondhand Cerebra like this one *cue doughnut and lots of sideways action*. <--- this was also just a stereotypical made up example.

Remember when he raced umpteen supercars down a mile long runway and how exicited he got when the Cerebra annihilated the others???

Clarkson loves TVRs.

Now on the otherhand, does anyone recall how Clarkson feels about foriengers, specifically Germans? Precisely!



Well "Flash", been thinking about that for nine days have you?

Dookie

334 posts

276 months

Wednesday 16th March 2005
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[quote=nervous]its about heart and its about excitment (maybe even the excitement of 'will it start?' 'will i make it?').

And at the end of the day, will I still have my licence?

Flash19

65 posts

252 months

Wednesday 16th March 2005
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2 Smokin Barrels said:
Well "Flash", been thinking about that for nine days have you?


They don't call me Flash for nothing.

rico

7,917 posts

278 months

Wednesday 16th March 2005
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To be fair to Clarkson, he's been doing this for decades.

How many motoring journalists have been able to make people laugh and still give pretty good reviews of a car, yet STILL after all these years be given the number one slot on both the biggest motoring show in the UK and prominent positions in the press.

Whether you like him or loathe him, he's bl**dy successful at what he does.

I quite enjoyed his Boxster review. I think he clearly showed that the Tuscan had the passion, the Boxster the mechanical genius that is associated with the Stuttgart company.

lady topaz

3,855 posts

277 months

Wednesday 16th March 2005
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Having got a Tusc S and a Boxster S in the drive I really cant see how the two are comparable. They are IMHO completely different animals, both with plus and minus points. But there again what can you compare a Tusc to? Its one of a kind. This is where journo's fall down trying to find something with the looks, performance and price tag of a Tusc or any TVR to put up against it. Not too many cars I can think of. Noble?? great car but very few if any similarities. Morgan?? dont think so. Lotus, yeah right.
Not knocking these cars at all, but they just aint TVR's

Pies

13,116 posts

279 months

Wednesday 16th March 2005
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Oi Clarkson,read the handbook before attempting to drive any car

lady topaz

3,855 posts

277 months

Wednesday 16th March 2005
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Pies said:
Oi Clarkson,read the handbook before attempting to drive any car



He probably would Colin but they aint been bloody issued yet !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PS are you coming Sunday to explore London? Long time no see.

Di

>> Edited by lady topaz on Wednesday 16th March 23:33

Pies

13,116 posts

279 months

Wednesday 16th March 2005
quotequote all
Oi Ruski issue the handbook,

Only TVR would sell a car without the handbook its one of the most important "extras"