Police Investigation
Discussion
Your attention please:
A complaint has recently been received by myself regarding contraventions of a recently introduced law, to whit:
"The minorities and religious hatred act" of 2004.
As you may be aware this seeks to erradicate all forms of harrassment against minorities. It is enshrined in the law that ignorence of it is not a defence. It is my duty to inform you that this includes verbal harrassment.
It has been identified that considerable offence has been caused to members of our Cerbera S6 community, on this site. Before I bring prosecutions I think it right that I should clarify the law in this area, specifically the following terms may not be used when refering to S6 members:
"go bang"
"whilst its working"
"get a proper car"
"need 2 more cylinders"
"soft southern shandy drinking poofter"
These phrases are indicative only, for instance any reference to a shortfall in cylinders would be regarded as a breach of the law, as would any reference to "pop" "explode" "rebuild" etc.
A very dim view will be taken of any future breaches. Several of my officers have been descreatly registered on this forum in order to enforce the law. Any offenders will be prosecuted with the utmost vigour. Sentances imposed can include the following:
Enforced driving of an S6 Cerbera, for a period of up to 2 years.
Destruction of any V8 car that may be in the posession of the offender.
Lesser offences may be dealt with by enforced attendance of an approved S6 Cerbera re-education course.
The seriousness of this matter has been demonstrated to me my the recent suicide of a former member of this forum and an oppressed S6 owner, the cause of this death appears to have been repeated banging of the head against a hard surface, such as a computer screen.
A manslaughter investigation is ongoing. In the mean time I should be happy to answer questions regarding any points of law you may be unclear about.
Sgt Ploddy
Police S6 oppresion unit.
>>> Edited by Sgt Ploddy on Tuesday 1st February 11:07
>>> Edited by Sgt Ploddy on Tuesday 1st February 11:07
>>> Edited by Sgt Ploddy on Tuesday 1st February 11:32
A complaint has recently been received by myself regarding contraventions of a recently introduced law, to whit:
"The minorities and religious hatred act" of 2004.
As you may be aware this seeks to erradicate all forms of harrassment against minorities. It is enshrined in the law that ignorence of it is not a defence. It is my duty to inform you that this includes verbal harrassment.
It has been identified that considerable offence has been caused to members of our Cerbera S6 community, on this site. Before I bring prosecutions I think it right that I should clarify the law in this area, specifically the following terms may not be used when refering to S6 members:
"go bang"
"whilst its working"
"get a proper car"
"need 2 more cylinders"
"soft southern shandy drinking poofter"
These phrases are indicative only, for instance any reference to a shortfall in cylinders would be regarded as a breach of the law, as would any reference to "pop" "explode" "rebuild" etc.
A very dim view will be taken of any future breaches. Several of my officers have been descreatly registered on this forum in order to enforce the law. Any offenders will be prosecuted with the utmost vigour. Sentances imposed can include the following:
Enforced driving of an S6 Cerbera, for a period of up to 2 years.
Destruction of any V8 car that may be in the posession of the offender.
Lesser offences may be dealt with by enforced attendance of an approved S6 Cerbera re-education course.
The seriousness of this matter has been demonstrated to me my the recent suicide of a former member of this forum and an oppressed S6 owner, the cause of this death appears to have been repeated banging of the head against a hard surface, such as a computer screen.
A manslaughter investigation is ongoing. In the mean time I should be happy to answer questions regarding any points of law you may be unclear about.
Sgt Ploddy
Police S6 oppresion unit.
>>> Edited by Sgt Ploddy on Tuesday 1st February 11:07
>>> Edited by Sgt Ploddy on Tuesday 1st February 11:07
>>> Edited by Sgt Ploddy on Tuesday 1st February 11:32
J_S_G said:
Oh such shining wit!!
If I hated the S6, I wouldn't have a Tuscan, right?
Please take my earlier advice, though, and make sure you get it in writing before you sign on the dotted line what'll happen in the eventuality of a major engine failure...
I shant warn you again JSG. References to major engine failures in respect of S6 engines is regarded as S6ism, unless it is balanced by amusing stories of AJP failures. Perhaps during HighG cornering, as they lack the sophistication of a dry sump?
Sgt Ploddy
eezeegeezer said:Lets hope its a goodun, but what of their claim limit regarding time (3 months wear and tear would be tops, imho... was for me) and claim limit regarding money may be 2k (again check with them).
Took yer advice JS - cheers my friend - DM made the call for me and no rebulids - going to send me confirmation.
Only one more day to go
You'll have to pick me up tomorrow, so I can experience being a passenger for a change
Just for research purposes obviously!Sean
Regarding DM, they are top people there; I nearly bought my tuscan off them 2 years ago, but went privately in the end (preferred the car). Found their prices very reasonable and they also were giving me a no quibbles 12 months guarantee (inc. engine, etc...). So, I am sure they will do the same for you, just get it in writing.
Simon
Regarding DM, they are top people there; I nearly bought my tuscan off them 2 years ago, but went privately in the end (preferred the car). Found their prices very reasonable and they also were giving me a no quibbles 12 months guarantee (inc. engine, etc...). So, I am sure they will do the same for you, just get it in writing.
Simon
eezeegeezer said:
Took yer advice JS - cheers my friend - DM made the call for me and no rebulids - going to send me confirmation.
blutusc said:
they also were giving me a no quibbles 12 months guarantee (inc. engine, etc...). So, I am sure they will do the same for you, just get it in writing.
Agree. If it's an early car and hasn't had any upgraded parts, better to be safe than sorry for the sake of a request for a bit of paper.
S6ism balanced with: Once you do get it, feel content in the knowledge that your car won't sound like a tractor on the verge of an end-of-life failure every time you start it on a cold morning.
Maybe it would be a good idea if ALL S6's (Cerbs) were to have livery in large fluorescent letting
"THIS IS NOT A REAL CERBERA"
Similar to what "Porshite" did with their 924s & 944s
then identification issues and S6 bashing (bashing not as in engine noises) would become less frequent.
We can not have the General public confused, believing the S6 is a REAL Cerbera.
Quote: It looks bad in the news papers and upsets civilians and real AJPV8 owners at their breakfasts"
Kind Regards,
Cooky
Leader of the newly created TRCAS
(The Real Cerbera Appreciation Society)
Application forms can be obtained from the Exors of the Late O****n or Sgt Ploddy
"THIS IS NOT A REAL CERBERA"
Similar to what "Porshite" did with their 924s & 944s
then identification issues and S6 bashing (bashing not as in engine noises) would become less frequent.
We can not have the General public confused, believing the S6 is a REAL Cerbera.
Quote: It looks bad in the news papers and upsets civilians and real AJPV8 owners at their breakfasts"
Kind Regards,
Cooky
Leader of the newly created TRCAS
(The Real Cerbera Appreciation Society)
Application forms can be obtained from the Exors of the Late O****n or Sgt Ploddy
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