All Jokes in Here?
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The seven dwarfs go to the Vatican.
Because they are the seven dwarfs, they are ushered in to see the Pope.
Grumpy leads the pack. "Grumpy, my son," says the Pope, "What can I do for you?"
Grumpy asks, "Excuse me your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?"
The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment and answers, "No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome."
In the background, a few of the dwarfs start giggling. Grumpy turns around and glares, silencing them.
Grumpy turns back, "Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe?"
The Pope, puzzled now, again thinks for a moment and then answers, "No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Europe."
This time, all of the other dwarfs burst into laughter.
Once again, Grumpy turns around and silences them with an angry glare.
Grumpy turns back and says, "Mr. Pope! Are there ANY dwarf nuns anywhere in the world?"
The Pope, really confused by the questions says, "I'm sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world."
The other dwarfs collapse into a heap, rolling and laughing, pounding the floor, tears rolling down their cheeks, as they begin chanting......
"Grumpy shagged a penguin! Grumpy shagged a penguin!
Because they are the seven dwarfs, they are ushered in to see the Pope.
Grumpy leads the pack. "Grumpy, my son," says the Pope, "What can I do for you?"
Grumpy asks, "Excuse me your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?"
The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment and answers, "No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome."
In the background, a few of the dwarfs start giggling. Grumpy turns around and glares, silencing them.
Grumpy turns back, "Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe?"
The Pope, puzzled now, again thinks for a moment and then answers, "No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Europe."
This time, all of the other dwarfs burst into laughter.
Once again, Grumpy turns around and silences them with an angry glare.
Grumpy turns back and says, "Mr. Pope! Are there ANY dwarf nuns anywhere in the world?"
The Pope, really confused by the questions says, "I'm sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world."
The other dwarfs collapse into a heap, rolling and laughing, pounding the floor, tears rolling down their cheeks, as they begin chanting......
"Grumpy shagged a penguin! Grumpy shagged a penguin!
for reposts though...
Hi, I love the joke, whole family laughing. i had better introduce myself, my name is chris and i managed to get hold of a vxr8 last july,(love it) managed to get to the aussie day at the ace, I will take the car up there next year. Love reading all your comments, anyone seeing a red vxr8 in farnham area, it may me or the wife!!
Hi Chris,
Welcome to the site. You'll find loads of useful info on here and everyone is pretty friendly. The best thing about this site is that it puts all the owners together and if various Vauxhall McDealers try and pull the wool (which they try regularly!) you can spot it a mile off! Forewarned is forearmed!
I had a Monaro VXR until last year when I sold it
, but I'm busy working abroad to save up for a VXR8 (and pay the mortgage off at the same time). So technically I'm a lurker - glad you liked the joke 
Welcome to the site. You'll find loads of useful info on here and everyone is pretty friendly. The best thing about this site is that it puts all the owners together and if various Vauxhall McDealers try and pull the wool (which they try regularly!) you can spot it a mile off! Forewarned is forearmed!
I had a Monaro VXR until last year when I sold it
, but I'm busy working abroad to save up for a VXR8 (and pay the mortgage off at the same time). So technically I'm a lurker - glad you liked the joke Gazza, sectioned under the mental health act, is sent to an institution for retards with no chance of recovery.
"We're glad to have him back" says Keegan!!
Valentines Day...secretly guys feel left out. There's no special holiday for the ladies to show the man in their lives any appreciation.
March 20th is now officially 'Steak, bl*w job & shut-the-f
k-up' day.
No flowers, no fancy meal, no cards. Just a steak, a bl*w job & shut the fk up for the rest of the day.
That's it! Simple! Spread the word & help men feel appreciated.
"We're glad to have him back" says Keegan!!
Valentines Day...secretly guys feel left out. There's no special holiday for the ladies to show the man in their lives any appreciation.
March 20th is now officially 'Steak, bl*w job & shut-the-f
k-up' day.No flowers, no fancy meal, no cards. Just a steak, a bl*w job & shut the f
k up for the rest of the day.That's it! Simple! Spread the word & help men feel appreciated.
The SAS, the Parachute Regiment and the Police decide to go on a survival weekend together to see who comes out on top. After some basic exercises the trainer tells them that their next objective is to go down into the woods and catch a rabbit, returning with it ready to skin and cook. Night falls.
First up - the SAS. They don infrared goggles, drop to the ground and crawl into the woods in formation. Absolute silence for 5 minutes, followed by the unmistakable muffled "phut-phut" of their trademark silenced "double-tap". They emerge with a large rabbit shot cleanly between the eyes.
"Excellent!" remarks the trainer.
Next up - the Para 's. They finish their cans of lager, smear themselves with camouflage cream, fix bayonets and charge down into the woods, screaming at the top of their lungs. For the next hour the woods ring with the sound of rifle and machine-gun fire, hand grenades, mortar bombs and blood curdling war cries.
Eventually they emerge, carrying the charred remains of a rabbit.
"A bit messy, but you achieved the aim; well done", says the trainer.
Lastly, in go the Coppers, walking slowly, hands behind backs whistling Dixon of Dock Green. For the next few hours, the silence is only broken by the occasional crackle of a walkie-talkie "Sierra Lima Whisky Tango Fanta One, suspect headed straight for you..." etc. After what seems an eternity, they emerge
escorting a squirrel in handcuffs.
"What the hell do you think you are doing?" asks the incredulous trainer, "Take this squirrel back and get me a rabbit like I asked you five hours ago!".
So back they go. Minutes pass. Minutes turn to hours, night drags on and turns to day. The next morning, the trainer and the other teams are awakened by the police, holding the handcuffed squirrel, now covered in bruises, one eye nearly shut.
"Are you taking the p*ss!!??" asks the now seriously irate trainer.
The police team leader nudges the squirrel, who squeaks:
"Alright, alright, I'm a f**kin' rabbit!"
First up - the SAS. They don infrared goggles, drop to the ground and crawl into the woods in formation. Absolute silence for 5 minutes, followed by the unmistakable muffled "phut-phut" of their trademark silenced "double-tap". They emerge with a large rabbit shot cleanly between the eyes.
"Excellent!" remarks the trainer.
Next up - the Para 's. They finish their cans of lager, smear themselves with camouflage cream, fix bayonets and charge down into the woods, screaming at the top of their lungs. For the next hour the woods ring with the sound of rifle and machine-gun fire, hand grenades, mortar bombs and blood curdling war cries.
Eventually they emerge, carrying the charred remains of a rabbit.
"A bit messy, but you achieved the aim; well done", says the trainer.
Lastly, in go the Coppers, walking slowly, hands behind backs whistling Dixon of Dock Green. For the next few hours, the silence is only broken by the occasional crackle of a walkie-talkie "Sierra Lima Whisky Tango Fanta One, suspect headed straight for you..." etc. After what seems an eternity, they emerge
escorting a squirrel in handcuffs.
"What the hell do you think you are doing?" asks the incredulous trainer, "Take this squirrel back and get me a rabbit like I asked you five hours ago!".
So back they go. Minutes pass. Minutes turn to hours, night drags on and turns to day. The next morning, the trainer and the other teams are awakened by the police, holding the handcuffed squirrel, now covered in bruises, one eye nearly shut.
"Are you taking the p*ss!!??" asks the now seriously irate trainer.
The police team leader nudges the squirrel, who squeaks:
"Alright, alright, I'm a f**kin' rabbit!"
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved". Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.
Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.
It's not only the English and French that are on a heightened level of alert.
Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.
It's not only the English and French that are on a heightened level of alert.
Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
An Irishman goes to the Doctor with botty problems...
"Dactor, it's me ahrse. I'd loik ya ta teyhk a look, if ya woot".
So the doctor gets him to drop his pants and takes a look.
"Incredible' he says, 'there is a £20 note lodged up here."
Tentatively he eases the twenty out of the man's bottom, and then a £10 pound note appears.
"This is amazing!'exclaims the Doctor. ''What do you want me to do?"
"Well fur gadness sake teyhk it out, man!" shrieks the patient.
The doctor pulls out the tenner and another twenty appears, and another and another and another, etc.....
Finally the last note comes out and no more appear.
"Ah Dactor, tank ya koindly, dat's moch batter. Just out of interest, how moch was in dare den?"
The Doctor counts the pile of cash and says "£1,990 exactly".
"Ah, dat'd be roit" says the Irishman
(Wait for it...........scroll down.)
"I knew I wasn't feeling two grand.."
"Dactor, it's me ahrse. I'd loik ya ta teyhk a look, if ya woot".
So the doctor gets him to drop his pants and takes a look.
"Incredible' he says, 'there is a £20 note lodged up here."
Tentatively he eases the twenty out of the man's bottom, and then a £10 pound note appears.
"This is amazing!'exclaims the Doctor. ''What do you want me to do?"
"Well fur gadness sake teyhk it out, man!" shrieks the patient.
The doctor pulls out the tenner and another twenty appears, and another and another and another, etc.....
Finally the last note comes out and no more appear.
"Ah Dactor, tank ya koindly, dat's moch batter. Just out of interest, how moch was in dare den?"
The Doctor counts the pile of cash and says "£1,990 exactly".
"Ah, dat'd be roit" says the Irishman
(Wait for it...........scroll down.)
"I knew I wasn't feeling two grand.."
A class of five-year old schoolchildren return to the classroom after playing in the playground during their break time.
The teacher says to the first child "Hello Becky, what have you been doing this playtime?"
Becky replies "I have been playing in the sand box"
"Very good" says the teacher "If you can spell 'sand' on the blackboard, I will give you a biscuit"
Becky duly goes and writes ‘s a n d' on the blackboard.
"Very good" says the teacher and gives Becky a biscuit.
The teacher then says "Freddie, what have you been doing in your playtime?"
Freddie replies "Playing with Becky in the sand box" "Very good" says the teacher. "If you can spell 'box' on the blackboard, I will also give you a biscuit".
Freddie duly goes and writes 'b o x' on the blackboard.
"Very good" says the teacher and gives Freddie a biscuit.
Teacher then says "Hello Mohammed, have you been playing in the sand box with Becky and Freddie?"
"No" replies Mohammed, "I wanted to, but they would not let me. Every time I went near them they started throwing stones at me and calling me nasty names"
"Oh dear" says the teacher. "That sounds like blatant racial discrimination to me - I tell you what, if you can spell 'blatant racial discrimination' I will give you a biscuit"
The teacher says to the first child "Hello Becky, what have you been doing this playtime?"
Becky replies "I have been playing in the sand box"
"Very good" says the teacher "If you can spell 'sand' on the blackboard, I will give you a biscuit"
Becky duly goes and writes ‘s a n d' on the blackboard.
"Very good" says the teacher and gives Becky a biscuit.
The teacher then says "Freddie, what have you been doing in your playtime?"
Freddie replies "Playing with Becky in the sand box" "Very good" says the teacher. "If you can spell 'box' on the blackboard, I will also give you a biscuit".
Freddie duly goes and writes 'b o x' on the blackboard.
"Very good" says the teacher and gives Freddie a biscuit.
Teacher then says "Hello Mohammed, have you been playing in the sand box with Becky and Freddie?"
"No" replies Mohammed, "I wanted to, but they would not let me. Every time I went near them they started throwing stones at me and calling me nasty names"
"Oh dear" says the teacher. "That sounds like blatant racial discrimination to me - I tell you what, if you can spell 'blatant racial discrimination' I will give you a biscuit"
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