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A Welshman was washed up on a beach after a terrible shipwreck. Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him. Looking around, he realised that they were stranded on a deserted island.
After being there a while, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sun set. One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance.
As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely Welshman. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and... put his arm around it.
But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep,growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep. After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.
A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck.
The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman the man had ever seen. She was in a pretty bad way when he rescued her and he slowly nursed her back to health.
When the young maiden was well enough, he introduced her to their evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening... red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze - perfect for a night of romance.
Pretty soon, the Welshman started to get 'those feelings' again. He fought the urges as long as he could, but he finally gave in and, realising he now had the opportunity, leaned over to the young woman, cautiously, and whispered in her ear,
'Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?'
After being there a while, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sun set. One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance.
As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely Welshman. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and... put his arm around it.
But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep,growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep. After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.
A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck.
The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman the man had ever seen. She was in a pretty bad way when he rescued her and he slowly nursed her back to health.
When the young maiden was well enough, he introduced her to their evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening... red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze - perfect for a night of romance.
Pretty soon, the Welshman started to get 'those feelings' again. He fought the urges as long as he could, but he finally gave in and, realising he now had the opportunity, leaned over to the young woman, cautiously, and whispered in her ear,
'Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?'
Two nuns decide to tour Europe. They start at the Vatican City, making their way in their little car through Italy, Spain, France and Germany before entering Eastern Europe. Finally they arrive in Transylvannia late one evening as the last rays of the sun depart below the horizon.
At the first set of traffic lights they stop at, a baby vampire jumps onto the bonnet, bares his fangs and begins to hiss at the nuns.
"Wait until we're moving again," says Sister Mary in the passenger seat, "Then hit the windscreen wipers."
The traffic lights change to green, so Sister Bernadette in the driver's seat pulls away and duly starts the windscreen wipers. They drive along the main highway at 60 mph with the baby vampire gamely holding onto the windscreen wipers, refusing to let go and continuing to hiss at them.
They come to a halt at another set of traffic lights and Sister Bernadette switches off the windscreen wipers.
"Any more ideas?" she asks.
"When you pull away this time, squirt him with the windscreen washer and then hit the wipers," says Sister Mary. "I topped up the bottle with holy water before we left the Holy See. That'll fix him."
The lights change to green, Sister Bernadette pulls away, hits the windscreen washer and then starts the wipers. The holy water burns the baby vampire, but he refuses to budge and continues to hiss at them.
They come to a halt at a third set of lights and Sister Bernadette switches off the windscreen wipers. "What now?" she asks Sister Mary.
"I know!" says her companion. "Show him your cross!"
"OK!" says Sister Bernadette, who unbuckles her seat belt, gets out of the car and hollers at the little vampire:
"Oi! You piece of undead shit! Get the
off my car!"
At the first set of traffic lights they stop at, a baby vampire jumps onto the bonnet, bares his fangs and begins to hiss at the nuns.
"Wait until we're moving again," says Sister Mary in the passenger seat, "Then hit the windscreen wipers."
The traffic lights change to green, so Sister Bernadette in the driver's seat pulls away and duly starts the windscreen wipers. They drive along the main highway at 60 mph with the baby vampire gamely holding onto the windscreen wipers, refusing to let go and continuing to hiss at them.
They come to a halt at another set of traffic lights and Sister Bernadette switches off the windscreen wipers.
"Any more ideas?" she asks.
"When you pull away this time, squirt him with the windscreen washer and then hit the wipers," says Sister Mary. "I topped up the bottle with holy water before we left the Holy See. That'll fix him."
The lights change to green, Sister Bernadette pulls away, hits the windscreen washer and then starts the wipers. The holy water burns the baby vampire, but he refuses to budge and continues to hiss at them.
They come to a halt at a third set of lights and Sister Bernadette switches off the windscreen wipers. "What now?" she asks Sister Mary.
"I know!" says her companion. "Show him your cross!"
"OK!" says Sister Bernadette, who unbuckles her seat belt, gets out of the car and hollers at the little vampire:
"Oi! You piece of undead shit! Get the
off my car!" As President Bush was being briefed this morning, he was told that 3 Brazilian
soldiers were killed in Iraq.
To everyone's amazement, all the color drained from Bush's face. Then he
collapsed onto his desk, head in hands, visibly shaken, almost in tears.
Finally, he composed himself and asked;
"Just exactly how many is a brazilian?"
soldiers were killed in Iraq.
To everyone's amazement, all the color drained from Bush's face. Then he
collapsed onto his desk, head in hands, visibly shaken, almost in tears.
Finally, he composed himself and asked;
"Just exactly how many is a brazilian?"
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