Illness due to TVR ownership

[siwes]

• IT (instrument tapping) this can prove fatal why we think giving two or three sharp taps on a moving coil galvanometer will in any way alter the instrument to our perceived or desired readings is futile and excessive IT can lead to running at high speed into other objects sometimes immovable objects
• BLTKC (blood loss through knuckle cuts) the most common cause is trying to remove the exhaust manifold nuts from outside the car without going underneath. This can be avoided by paying some mechie a wad of money to skin his knuckles instead of your own. Beware this can lead to the next dangerous illness.
• HBPDTFGB (high blood pressure due to fantasy garage bills) we all too some extent suffer from this at some time unless you are a rich bastard and stupid, I think there is one on PH somewhere.
• D (divorce) this I’m afraid can be brought on by many causes, one of the easiest I have found is washing and polishing the love one instead of taking the other loved ones(wife and kids) to the safari park or shopping on a Sunday. It is best before marriage or even going out with a female to lay down a few written rules about TVR ownership, I will publish these rules upon request be warned there are a lot of them, and may cause friction, (the type you don’t want) if applied.
• EPS (excessive protection syndrome) this can be difficult to diagnose, but if you chamois the car down in the garage after it has got wet, excessive polishing, (which can lead to the D) hugging the car, inane grinning at the car, and many more, this isn’t terminal but can be for other people (boring them to death).
• RW (reflection watching) driving through town looking at the reflection in shop windows, this isn’t as bad as IT but can lead to much the same results but at slower speeds.
• EJT ( extended journey times) suffered by nearly all owners of TVRs just popping out to get a paper or milk and 57 miles later returning home, in very bad cases of EJT this can again bring on D for an example popping out to fill the tank up with petrol , four hours and 250 miles later returning back to the same garage to again fill up and arriving home to find the wife and kids have left without you to visit your in-laws as arranged this has happened to me, nearly a D
any more ?

[2 Smokin Barrels]

POB: Posting old bollicks. Mostly due to vibration of brain at speed.

[siwes]

I see you suffer from quite a rare one on here ST
I'm afraid in your case it is incurable and you will proberly die with it (hopefully soon)by the way in case no one has told you it stands for Stupid Tw*t and I'm sure there are many people that will give you a second opinion and confirm my diagnosis

[R555SSH]

I was unaware of such diligent documentation of such illnesses. I will share some of my own memoirs. (BTW am an actual doctor).

These are related diseases, which affect the observer rather than the actual owner.

Punani's Disease of Lady Festoonship-
A cluster of very chavvy Vicki-Pollard types who are somehow drawn to your vehicle and make slurry noises or flashy their bleached bits at you.

Pickafight's Syndrome-
Gentlemen members of the public are compelled to make provocative comments, hoping to draw your ire and engage in verbal or physical combat. More an affliction of Ferrari or Lambo owners, but there have been Blackpoolian case reports.

Marine Misnomerisation-
Seen quite frequently, but entirely exclusively, in Tuscan observers.Incomprehensibly, the observer mistakes the car for an aquatic organism, and yells out in pain 'SWORDFISH!', pointing at the car whilst his friends helplessly look on.

In all of the above cases, I have had good results with the following treatments:
1. High dose MST. Not Morphine Sulphate. Multiple Slap Therapy. Some of my colleagues have reported better rates of recovery with administering the MST with an actual rotten Swordfish tail.
2. EHI, or Exhaust Helmet Infusion. The subject is held in a vice whilst the exhaust fumes from the culprit vehicle are piped into his/her nose. The effect is a euphoria akin to the crack they have probably smoked earlier.

I would welcome further tips from appropriately qualified professionals in this respect. We can heal the world, one needy patient at a time.

Oz

[2 Smokin Barrels]

siwes said:

I see you suffer from quite a rare one on here ST I'm afraid in your case it is incurable and you will proberly die with it (hopefully soon)by the way in case no one has told you it stands for Stupid Tw*t and I'm sure there are many people that will give you a second opinion and confirm my diagnosis

..aleady confirmed

[siwes]

forgive I was stooping to your level

[2 Smokin Barrels]

...and that's low!

[Guillotine]

all of the above!

[Ballistic Banana]

siwes said:

• IT (instrument tapping) this can prove fatal why we think giving two or three sharp taps on a moving coil galvanometer will in any way alter the instrument to our perceived or desired readings is futile and excessive IT can lead to running at high speed into other objects sometimes immovable objects • BLTKC (blood loss through knuckle cuts) the most common cause is trying to remove the exhaust manifold nuts from outside the car without going underneath. This can be avoided by paying some mechie a wad of money to skin his knuckles instead of your own. Beware this can lead to the next dangerous illness. • HBPDTFGB (high blood pressure due to fantasy garage bills) we all too some extent suffer from this at some time unless you are a rich bastard and stupid, I think there is one on PH somewhere. • D (divorce) this I’m afraid can be brought on by many causes, one of the easiest I have found is washing and polishing the love one instead of taking the other loved ones(wife and kids) to the safari park or shopping on a Sunday. It is best before marriage or even going out with a female to lay down a few written rules about TVR ownership, I will publish these rules upon request be warned there are a lot of them, and may cause friction, (the type you don’t want) if applied. • EPS (excessive protection syndrome) this can be difficult to diagnose, but if you chamois the car down in the garage after it has got wet, excessive polishing, (which can lead to the D) hugging the car, inane grinning at the car, and many more, this isn’t terminal but can be for other people (boring them to death). • RW (reflection watching) driving through town looking at the reflection in shop windows, this isn’t as bad as IT but can lead to much the same results but at slower speeds. • EJT ( extended journey times) suffered by nearly all owners of TVRs just popping out to get a paper or milk and 57 miles later returning home, in very bad cases of EJT this can again bring on D for an example popping out to fill the tank up with petrol , four hours and 250 miles later returning back to the same garage to again fill up and arriving home to find the wife and kids have left without you to visit your in-laws as arranged this has happened to me, nearly a D any more ?

PMSL Nice One although I dont do the RW .... well dont need to as the I have a MWG






































Mirror walled Garage

[red griff 500]

What about... GRIFF - Growling 'Round In Flippin Fantasy.

Or....ECBWIG - Exhibiting Childlike Behaviour When In Griff

Or even...CVOAT - Continuous Verbal Outpouring About TVRs'.

[GriffOz]

Siwes

Thanks. I am SO pleased that someone has documented these illnesses. I thought I was alone and had self-diagnosed DSS. This is similar to EJT but usually occurs after the major reason for the journey has been accomplished, eg, purchase of milk, papers ec. It stands for Dysfunctional Steering Syndrome and evidences itself when on the return journey the car encounters slower traffic. Even though the way home will be quicker following the slower and un-overtakeable cars the Griffith will refuse to follow and as soon as another route with less traffic presents itself it will wilfully insist on turning down that road. I am unable to stop it. I appreciate the opportuniy of sharing this behaviour with the group.

GriffOz