Is this good English?
Discussion
Our Company wants to put an announcement on our website and there is discussion over the detail wording.
It's an announcement that our product has passed some industrial testing. Out marketing guru has sent the following for approval and to me, it doesn't sound correct but English is a second language to me so some others here may be better qualified to correct it.
She is saying
"Acme Foods are pleased to announce we have been awarded Bremman C450 approval for 5 of our flavourings."
To me, this sounds wrong for a number of reasons.
It is being announced on the Acme Foods website so it doesn't need the Company name in it.
Shouldn't there be a "that" between announce and we?
It isn't the Company that has been awarded the Bremman C450 approval but the flavourings.
As an announcement, there is no need for a full stop at the end of the announcement.
Should it not be
"We are pleased to announce that 5 of our flavourings have been awarded Bremman C450 approval"
If the original announcement has poor English in it, could you explain why it is incorrect and which rules of English are being broken?
Your help is appreciated.
It's an announcement that our product has passed some industrial testing. Out marketing guru has sent the following for approval and to me, it doesn't sound correct but English is a second language to me so some others here may be better qualified to correct it.
She is saying
"Acme Foods are pleased to announce we have been awarded Bremman C450 approval for 5 of our flavourings."
To me, this sounds wrong for a number of reasons.
It is being announced on the Acme Foods website so it doesn't need the Company name in it.
Shouldn't there be a "that" between announce and we?
It isn't the Company that has been awarded the Bremman C450 approval but the flavourings.
As an announcement, there is no need for a full stop at the end of the announcement.
Should it not be
"We are pleased to announce that 5 of our flavourings have been awarded Bremman C450 approval"
If the original announcement has poor English in it, could you explain why it is incorrect and which rules of English are being broken?
Your help is appreciated.
The first version shouldn't be 'Acme Foods' and 'we'. Your second version is much better. The number 5 should be five, but this loses impact somewhat so don't change it.
ETA: I don't know whether the approval is widely recognized by the customers on the site, but it may be worthwhile bugging that up a bit - 'awarded the internationally recognized top Bremman c450 standards approval'.
ETA: I don't know whether the approval is widely recognized by the customers on the site, but it may be worthwhile bugging that up a bit - 'awarded the internationally recognized top Bremman c450 standards approval'.
Edited by V8LM on Wednesday 16th October 07:30
Pistom said:
Using Acme Foods and we together sounds wrong but which rule of Enlish is being broken?
It's inconsistent. It starts off referring to Acme Foods in the third person and then becomes "we."AJS is pleased I spotted this.
I agree with you that if it's on Acme Foods website it would be better to use "We are pleased to announce that our ABC has been awarded XYZ."
For a press release or something "Acme Foods are pleased to announce that their ABC has been awarded XYZ."
Will all the website visitors know exactly what Bremman C450 approval means?
and how many flavours do Acme do? Is the fact that 5 of them have this approval mean that the remaining 45,755 flavours are un-rated?
The whole announcement strikes me as awkward, surely there is a better way to make something of this (recently gained?) approval?
and how many flavours do Acme do? Is the fact that 5 of them have this approval mean that the remaining 45,755 flavours are un-rated?
The whole announcement strikes me as awkward, surely there is a better way to make something of this (recently gained?) approval?
AJS- said:
For a press release or something "Acme Foods are pleased to announce that their ABC has been awarded XYZ."
If the sentence starts with "Acme Foods" than the verb has to be SINGULAR as Acme Foods is a singular entity. ""Acme Foods IS pleased to announce that their ABC has been awarded XYZ."
Conversely, if the name of the company is omitted, then it would be OK to start the sentence "We are...." as you are not specifically mentioning an entity and therefore "We" will dictate the use of the verb "are".
Eric Mc said:
AJS- said:
For a press release or something "Acme Foods are pleased to announce that their ABC has been awarded XYZ."
If the sentence starts with "Acme Foods" than the verb has to be SINGULAR as Acme Foods is a singular entity. ""Acme Foods IS pleased to announce that their ABC has been awarded XYZ."
Conversely, if the name of the company is omitted, then it would be OK to start the sentence "We are...." as you are not specifically mentioning an entity and therefore "We" will dictate the use of the verb "are".
Frimley111R said:
Pistom said:
As an announcement, there is no need for a full stop at the end of the announcement.
singlecoil said:
Frimley111R said:
Pistom said:
As an announcement, there is no need for a full stop at the end of the announcement.
Hugo a Gogo said:
the old 'singular entity' problem
'The Beatles has/have recorded a new record'
'U2 is crap/U2 are crap'
'United is/are playing well'
usually, with companies, 'is' would be right, it's just the plural 'foods' that makes it seem wrong
Running this through in my head - I think it's to do with who we are referring to. In your examples, they are all referring to the members of the group and how they are doing. The employees/members of U2 / united etc.'The Beatles has/have recorded a new record'
'U2 is crap/U2 are crap'
'United is/are playing well'
usually, with companies, 'is' would be right, it's just the plural 'foods' that makes it seem wrong
Whereas it is the company, not the company's employees, that are announcing this approval.
Pistom said:
singlecoil said:
Frimley111R said:
Pistom said:
As an announcement, there is no need for a full stop at the end of the announcement.
EDIT: Blimey, 18 replies about one line of text
Eric Mc said:
The noun governs the verb.
The noun is "Acme Foods Ltd" - a singular entity. Therefore any associated verbs will be in the singular form.
I'd agree - but then referring to the company as "we" directly afterwards makes that sound a bit awkward.The noun is "Acme Foods Ltd" - a singular entity. Therefore any associated verbs will be in the singular form.
Personally, I'd stick with "are" - and I'd also put "five" instead of "5".
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