Counter to Negotiating techniquie
Discussion
Morning All
This is a bit random but I was faced with something yesterday that I have never had to deal with before in a meeting and which is a definite tactic. Although the meeting was attended by c 8 people, there are 2 main negotiators,one of whom is me. My counterpart adopts a definite strategy of looking anywhere but the person to whom he is talking to or responding to him. This appears to be a tactic and one which I find difficult to deal with. Given that there is likely to be series of meetings here can anyone suggest a strategy of dealing/countering this tactic.
Thanks
G
This is a bit random but I was faced with something yesterday that I have never had to deal with before in a meeting and which is a definite tactic. Although the meeting was attended by c 8 people, there are 2 main negotiators,one of whom is me. My counterpart adopts a definite strategy of looking anywhere but the person to whom he is talking to or responding to him. This appears to be a tactic and one which I find difficult to deal with. Given that there is likely to be series of meetings here can anyone suggest a strategy of dealing/countering this tactic.
Thanks
G
Googie said:
Morning All
This is a bit random but I was faced with something yesterday that I have never had to deal with before in a meeting and which is a definite tactic. Although the meeting was attended by c 8 people, there are 2 main negotiators,one of whom is me. My counterpart adopts a definite strategy of looking anywhere but the person to whom he is talking to or responding to him. This appears to be a tactic and one which I find difficult to deal with. Given that there is likely to be series of meetings here can anyone suggest a strategy of dealing/countering this tactic.
Thanks
G
Watching with interest....This is a bit random but I was faced with something yesterday that I have never had to deal with before in a meeting and which is a definite tactic. Although the meeting was attended by c 8 people, there are 2 main negotiators,one of whom is me. My counterpart adopts a definite strategy of looking anywhere but the person to whom he is talking to or responding to him. This appears to be a tactic and one which I find difficult to deal with. Given that there is likely to be series of meetings here can anyone suggest a strategy of dealing/countering this tactic.
Thanks
G
I think I'd probably confront the issue, make it personal. Ask him if his apparent lack of attention is a negotiating tactic.
(Are you in an enforced negotiation or are both parties looking to conclude?)
I've been involved in business meetings and negotiating prices. I also never looked people in the eye.
In my case not so much a strategy as Asperger's syndrome. The only thing worse than looking someone else in the eye is seeing them look back.
Simple thing is to ignore it - what information will it provide that spoken and written words wouldn't?
In my case not so much a strategy as Asperger's syndrome. The only thing worse than looking someone else in the eye is seeing them look back.
Simple thing is to ignore it - what information will it provide that spoken and written words wouldn't?
I would ask your counterpart directly if he is using that as a negotiating technique. Whatever the answer is, I think it is good to address it head on.
Otherwise, do you have a lady colleague with a large cleavage that you could sit next to... that might get him to focus on something!!
Otherwise, do you have a lady colleague with a large cleavage that you could sit next to... that might get him to focus on something!!
Googie said:
This appears to be a tactic and one which I find difficult to deal with.
Can I ask why?Many years ago I studies both non-verbal communication and game theory.
Do you think it is a purposeful action, or merely that he is rubbish?
I would actually advocate talking *to* the person when negotiating.
It's a tactic taught. Same as claiming not to be the decision maker so having to step out to confirm agreement. It's supposed to make it less personal and confrontational. There's a few others all NLP like.
In this situation you ask him if he's the decision maker or does he need to get concensus? If he says concensus ask if you can deal with the ultimate decision maker, if you are the same from your side. Should flush him out.
In this situation you ask him if he's the decision maker or does he need to get concensus? If he says concensus ask if you can deal with the ultimate decision maker, if you are the same from your side. Should flush him out.
Edited by mikees on Tuesday 4th August 19:28
Could just be nerves...
As others have said, establish his position, and if he's the key decision maker, and you are also, try to calm the situation and his nerves.
Arrange to meet him for a coffee prior to the meeting, have a bit of 'off the record' conversation non-work related. Establish a bit of rapport, then if he can't look you in the eye, you know its a tactic. But hopefully he will, and you'll be able to thrash out a decent deal.
Or maybe I've just watched Pretty Woman too many times.
As others have said, establish his position, and if he's the key decision maker, and you are also, try to calm the situation and his nerves.
Arrange to meet him for a coffee prior to the meeting, have a bit of 'off the record' conversation non-work related. Establish a bit of rapport, then if he can't look you in the eye, you know its a tactic. But hopefully he will, and you'll be able to thrash out a decent deal.
Or maybe I've just watched Pretty Woman too many times.
I don't understand what the 'tactic' is here?
What does he gain/achieve by not looking at you when he is speaking? Why does "I want more of X for less of Y" become more effective if the speaker is staring out the window when he says it? Conversely why does your refusal become less effective if he isn't looking at you?
Sounds utterly bizarre if it's a tactic.
I think I'd be inclined to try and embarrass him about it.
"Yes, quite. I can see what you're saying but unfortunately we wouldn't be...Sorry, is there something more interesting competing with me for your attention? Perhaps your eye is being drawn by our tremendous Farrow & Ball wallpaper? Or is it Alexis from accounts here that pulls your gaze from mine? Take as long as you need - I can sympathise. I shall be here when you're ready..."
>deafening silence and raised eyebrow<
That'll make him look a right tosser, and you like Basil Fawlty so win/win. It'll certainly make a nonsense of his bizarre tactic.
Or maybe you should out-tactic him? When ever he look away you could start finger drumming on the desktop until he looks back?
What does he gain/achieve by not looking at you when he is speaking? Why does "I want more of X for less of Y" become more effective if the speaker is staring out the window when he says it? Conversely why does your refusal become less effective if he isn't looking at you?
Sounds utterly bizarre if it's a tactic.
I think I'd be inclined to try and embarrass him about it.
"Yes, quite. I can see what you're saying but unfortunately we wouldn't be...Sorry, is there something more interesting competing with me for your attention? Perhaps your eye is being drawn by our tremendous Farrow & Ball wallpaper? Or is it Alexis from accounts here that pulls your gaze from mine? Take as long as you need - I can sympathise. I shall be here when you're ready..."
>deafening silence and raised eyebrow<
That'll make him look a right tosser, and you like Basil Fawlty so win/win. It'll certainly make a nonsense of his bizarre tactic.
Or maybe you should out-tactic him? When ever he look away you could start finger drumming on the desktop until he looks back?
Disastrous said:
I don't understand what the 'tactic' is here?
If he makes the OP feel very uncomfortable then the OP might be out negotiated due to wanting to get out of the situation. Have you ever talked to someone very weird and just wanted to get the hell out of there as fast as possible? It's definitely a tactic, or he just happens to be very shy.... seems strange even for shyness though, must be very awkward for the OP to talk to this guy....
I would probably just go quiet and say nothing until someone asks why I'm not speaking then address the issue. I'd feel very uncomfortable in that meeting though!
When it is your turn to respond, sit up straight, lean in a little in a focused way. Use his first name when addressing him in a short and slightly louder way, to gain direct attention. Look him in the eyes as you do so.
Don't continue the sentence until he meets your eye contract.
This will undoubtedly be seen as aggressive/hostile, so you may need to think about whether this is really the effect you want.
Is he blind? I imagine most negotiations with Stevie Wonder go along the same lines.....
Sounds to my like there may be a lack of respect. Does he think you do not have the authority to close the deal? He may be offended that your company sent the office boy instead of the director. Also, negotiation is about making a deal that is mutually agreeable. If it is too hostile then that is not going to happen. I have been in situations where the client thinks that I have no choice but to close a deal. I walk for 2 reasons. First the deal will not meet my criteria and second, the abuse will continue in every aspect of the ongoing relationship. It all comes down to control. I bet when you say "no" for the first time you will get his laser focused stare.
Sounds to my like there may be a lack of respect. Does he think you do not have the authority to close the deal? He may be offended that your company sent the office boy instead of the director. Also, negotiation is about making a deal that is mutually agreeable. If it is too hostile then that is not going to happen. I have been in situations where the client thinks that I have no choice but to close a deal. I walk for 2 reasons. First the deal will not meet my criteria and second, the abuse will continue in every aspect of the ongoing relationship. It all comes down to control. I bet when you say "no" for the first time you will get his laser focused stare.
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