Difficult co-director

[SpartacusF]

I wonder if you can help with an issue between me and my business partner.  We have what is now a successful, niche business which was my idea, transformed by her commercial brain.  I run the operations and she runs the business development and customer relations; I own 66% and she owns 33%.  She is absolutely amazing with senior technical people at our clients and they love her, and us.  So far so good.  
Difficulties started to arise a couple of years ago when we were at the 5-6 staff size, when she would take offence at something and go off on one, abusing one or more in public.  These are 'my' technical staff, and they are like me, quiet and conscientious, which is what the job takes, and we take public, personal criticism really badly.  I jumped on it each time and told her precisely what behaviour standards I, and they, expect.  So she does not do it anymore, not in front of me.  However, if I am not in the office, say once in three months or so, she can't resist and some spiteful bhiness comes out, and I get to hear about it when someone resigns.  She denies it, always, and says that person was just too sensitive, or she didn't mean it that way, or just that it didn't happen.  I call this the 'Trump defence' - and she is a lot like a pocket-sized Donald Trump, narcissistic, sometimes brilliant, often deluded as to her own brilliance and weaknesses alike.  Despite a dozen specific instances, she denies there is a problem with her behaviour.
I cannot take any time off now because the only way to stop it from happening is for me to 'stand guard'.  However another humdinger occurred this week before I arrived at the office and I fear we are about to lose our most senior and respected technician.  I am at a loss.  The usual avenues of performance management are not available as we take no salary or bonus, just dividends, and presumably, I can't sack her.  I wouldn't want to anyway, she is priceless with the customers.  
So, what can I do.  What would you do?  

Edited by SpartacusF on Saturday 9th November 16:47

[anonymous-user]

You have a job to do to convince her that it is important to leave the techie side to you

Show her the £ at risk if techies go and how hard it is to replace them quickly

And to tell her to vent such outbursts to/at you and that you will decide how to get any necessary message to the staff

And also to help the staff understand that is how it is going to be and if she starts, to walk away and ignore

If all is explained and understood, it could work

But it’s easier said than done

[anonymous-user]

This is deadly serious.

You AND your business partner need to read this book;

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Surrounded-Idiots-Behavio...la-785929647500&psc=1&th=1&psc=1&tag=&ref=&adgrpid=79766931554&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvadid=375464596693&hvpos=1o1&hvnetw=g&hvrand=4029933643233320987&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9046314&hvtargid=aud-545671390501la-785929647500

For what it's worth, I am a Blue/Red and it helped me understand my co-workers (and others) much better than before.

[21TonyK]

^^^^ JUST ORDERED!

Sorry OP, no better advice than others but that book does look interesting and it's title is something I think every day at work!

[johnwilliams77]

Link to book please?

[vaud]

johnwilliams77 said:

Link to book please?

Surrounded by Idiots: The Four Types of Human Behaviour

Link fixed

[Flooble]

That was also on Blinkist recently if you have a short attention span.

[Gargamel]

Tough one really.

She obviously has high drive, high capacity for status, which is really to do with ambition.

However when it is overplayed it leads to impatience and intolerance for others when she perceives they are letting her down.

She could benefit from coaching, but I wonder if she would welcome it as a suggestion ?

[vaud]

Could you find someone with a very, very thick skin and place them between her and the technical team in your absence? Some form of super-PMO who can also add value to other parts of the business and get her agreement that all engagement with the tech team is via that lead?

Otherwise:

• Coaching / mentoring for her from someone she respects (you would have to pay)
• Dissolve the relationship on the grounds that trust / respect has broken down irrevocably and buy her out of her share?
• Everyone is replaceable (even in niche industries) and having someone slightly lower performing that doesn't cost you lots of resignations may be better for the business?

Sounds like you feel held hostage by her. Need to break the cycle. Feel free to PM me.

[SpartacusF]

Well, I am blown away, thank you all for grappling with this. She is adamantly resistant to any suggestion that she has a problem, and she would have to have some insight to engage with counselling or self-help books (thanks for the recommendation - have downloaded and will read tomorrow).

The threat of dissolution may the way to go. As the majority shareholder can I force that? She also likes the money - can I make dividends subject to good behaviour? (I don't need to take divs in the medium term and could manage as long as it takes). She has access to a lot of informal corporate legal advice, which I don't so I would need to be watertight before mentioning either of these nuclear options.

[Diplomatico]

Similar to the book recommended I would suggest you all do the DiSC behaviour assessment.

We have the chart up in our office so you can review each different member of staff and flex your style etc.

[Flooble]

Yes, that's the easy path. As it's such a small firm, make it a whole-company team building initiative to put everyone through a personality assessment and some coaching on how to work together. It's not a bad thing for all of you and could even identify what is triggering her.

[anonymous-user]

When you read the book, I think lots will click into place. You'll find yourself going 'oh yeah' in your head.

It won't solve anything on its own, but it might let you view things with a different pair of eyes.

If you get things on a friendly footing, please get a proper shareholder agreement/articles in place so either of you can exit without deadlock or dispute. It's worth it.

[Gargamel]

Well be honest, if someone came to any of us and said, I think you need to read this, and perhaps go on a coaching course, we would of course build a few walls and man the barricades

I think you need to give her very clear and direct feedback that these outbursts are costing the business good people and poisoning the atmosphere for the team. She needs them to be successful and clearly isn’t valuing them or adapting her style to work with them.

Let her know that if another person resigns as a result of one of her outburst then you will have to consider all options including her potentially leaving the business.

And yes as the 66% shareholder you can do that, though you would need specialist legal advice to ensure you don’t abuse the minority shareholders rights.

[elanfan]

Install CCTV ‘for security’ with sound. That way you can see and hear what she says that oversteps boundaries. After a few months you should be able to make a montage, hopefully it will embarrass her into modifying her behaviour.

Edited by elanfan on Sunday 10th November 09:27

[Flooble]

Just had another thought - flexible working arrangements could help.

Can your technical staff work different hours? Could you arrange new offices where the techies are in a separate room to the Directors? If the coaching doesn't work then possibly physical measures may be better.

[akirk]

So which is better / worse for your business:
- the co-director who is great for clients but loses you staff
- the staff you need to run the business but who presumably don't do as much for the clients...

if you removed the director - could you find someone else (paid so no equity) who could do the client bit without upsetting the staff
it sounds as though current co-director won't work with any other combination, so you have to look at the various scenarios without her and work out ways of taking the business forward

[SpartacusF]

Flooble said:

.....then possibly physical measures may be better.

Yes, that's what I did at our last place, i.e. took another office in the development just for her. We have discussed that this was necessary and worked. We moved to bigger premises recently, currently one open plan space, and I need to work up partitioning off a space for her, with her own door, which is physically possible. If I call it the C Suite she may run with it.

akirk said:

if you removed the director - could you find someone else (paid so no equity) who could do the client bit without upsetting the staff

Yes, probably, though as you can imagine that would be like a very messy, time and energy-consuming divorce, without the benefit of a younger hotter new Mrs S. The current one is red hot, just mad, a bit like Tiffany in the crazy/hot matrix.

Edited by SpartacusF on Sunday 10th November 19:30

Edited by SpartacusF on Sunday 10th November 19:41

[johnwilliams77]

Since you have got so many good responses - you have to tell us...would you?

[SpartacusF]

johnwilliams77 said:

Since you have got so many good responses - you have to tell us...would you?

Would I what?