Please help me interpret this - I have Aspergers and can't..
Discussion
Hi everyone,
Please help me interpret this - I have Aspergers and struggle to do so myself.
I know that I posted a similar thread on here before, but I just wanted to expand a little, as I tend to worry a lot about things.
I just please wanted to ask for some help in interpreting this particular response to one of my messages.
I have had good advice elsewhere, categorically telling em to get off of Facebook - especially when I feel a little bit stressed/under academic pressure. I am posting this thread to ask for some help interpreting one particular response, as now that I have finished my essays for the academic year and am feeling better, I would just like to try and assess the impact of how my posts/ messages (when I have been feeling stressed/under pressure) have been interpreted. Partially so that I can learn from this, by understanding how receiving such messages can make people feel, and therefore stop doing it. Partially because I am worried that i have already made a lot of people angry at me and lose all of the people I was one friends with/spoke to.
I am going to write about one response to a message I received (I admit that I was stressed when sending, and in hindsight, was having a bit of a pity party).
I think the tone of the message (below) sounds angry at me, and that this person hates me now. Naturally, I tend to worry that not just this person feels like that after receiving my messages, but everyone who I have messaged.
I try my best not to, but I find it hard to help it at times. I just get so stressed and feel so lonely.
Anyway,
I posted to someone who I once knew from school that I was lonely at uni and that I had no friends and that people were calling me names. I felt very down and under pressure at Uni when I did, and think that this person is angry at me now. Do you think this is good advice to what I posted, or do you think this person hates me? He responded:
'First of all you need to chill. You are not a retard. The dictionary definition does not apply to you because you are social and you know how to interact with people. Only you can change your loneliness. Throw caution to the wind. Join a club/society. Ignore those who insult you - you have dealt with worse at school. If you think you have no friends then you are wrong. Look up the definition of friend in a dictionary and apply it to people you know. It's not all about uni work. You need to put yourself out there and friends will come your way.'
Do you think that this is good advice, or do you think that the person who wrote it now hates me and is angry at me? Is this person my friend or have I made them angry at me?
Thank you all so much for any advice.
I go back to uni next month, and whilst I am free from academic commitments, I am doing everything I can to learn how to deal with pressure appropriately so that I don't lose all of my friends/make people angry at me/hate me!
Please help me interpret this - I have Aspergers and struggle to do so myself.
I know that I posted a similar thread on here before, but I just wanted to expand a little, as I tend to worry a lot about things.
I just please wanted to ask for some help in interpreting this particular response to one of my messages.
I have had good advice elsewhere, categorically telling em to get off of Facebook - especially when I feel a little bit stressed/under academic pressure. I am posting this thread to ask for some help interpreting one particular response, as now that I have finished my essays for the academic year and am feeling better, I would just like to try and assess the impact of how my posts/ messages (when I have been feeling stressed/under pressure) have been interpreted. Partially so that I can learn from this, by understanding how receiving such messages can make people feel, and therefore stop doing it. Partially because I am worried that i have already made a lot of people angry at me and lose all of the people I was one friends with/spoke to.
I am going to write about one response to a message I received (I admit that I was stressed when sending, and in hindsight, was having a bit of a pity party).
I think the tone of the message (below) sounds angry at me, and that this person hates me now. Naturally, I tend to worry that not just this person feels like that after receiving my messages, but everyone who I have messaged.
I try my best not to, but I find it hard to help it at times. I just get so stressed and feel so lonely.
Anyway,
I posted to someone who I once knew from school that I was lonely at uni and that I had no friends and that people were calling me names. I felt very down and under pressure at Uni when I did, and think that this person is angry at me now. Do you think this is good advice to what I posted, or do you think this person hates me? He responded:
'First of all you need to chill. You are not a retard. The dictionary definition does not apply to you because you are social and you know how to interact with people. Only you can change your loneliness. Throw caution to the wind. Join a club/society. Ignore those who insult you - you have dealt with worse at school. If you think you have no friends then you are wrong. Look up the definition of friend in a dictionary and apply it to people you know. It's not all about uni work. You need to put yourself out there and friends will come your way.'
Do you think that this is good advice, or do you think that the person who wrote it now hates me and is angry at me? Is this person my friend or have I made them angry at me?
Thank you all so much for any advice.
I go back to uni next month, and whilst I am free from academic commitments, I am doing everything I can to learn how to deal with pressure appropriately so that I don't lose all of my friends/make people angry at me/hate me!
clarkmagpie said:
I think it's good advice.
The tone suggests maybe you are not close friends with him?
He has it spot on though
Agreed.The tone suggests maybe you are not close friends with him?
He has it spot on though
I think the person that you quoted in the OP was trying to offer advice rather than being angry or hating you.
Try not to worry what other people think of you. Focus on your studies.
Good luck
It's good advice and it sounds like he has your wellbeing at heart. The delivery was likely deliberately direct so that you listen to the message and the advice was not mistaken for pity.
Do you find verbal communication easier to interpret? Perhaps use whatsapp voice messaging instead.
Do you find verbal communication easier to interpret? Perhaps use whatsapp voice messaging instead.
It sounds like good advice and I’d say the person likes you and has your best interests at heart.
He/she Is apparently saying, don’t listen to anyone who is insulting you or calling you names and that you have a lot to offer and if you try to meet people you might find it a rewarding experience.
He/she Is apparently saying, don’t listen to anyone who is insulting you or calling you names and that you have a lot to offer and if you try to meet people you might find it a rewarding experience.
Hey Tomm98.
The guy sounds like he is giving you some good advice
I have some friends - that I have not seen for 20 years plus.
When I met one of them - the opening conversation was " Are you still driving that piece of s
t?"
Another was " Jeez, you have got fat and ugly in the last 20 years!!!"
Another was "I always hated you - you Scottish tw*t! )
etc etc
They are terms of endearment and are not literal.
( Actually - I have put on a bit of weight - but I am more handsome than ever
)
All I can suggest is when you receive a comment that you think is not positive.
Just process it..
1/ Is it in the nature of that person to want to really hurt me?
2/ From examples above - is it their way of "just being human" ( we are all flawed - and heck the banter was funny )
3/ Don't sweat it. The odds are - everyone is rooting for you. If it ever were to turn nasty - you will know.
I know that is a very over simplification - but - if you know the nature of the people - and if they say something you think is quite odd - it is likely banter/ term of endearment etc.
If someone continually rubs your nose in it - then a quiet word is in order.
All I can suggest - is - if in doubt - sleep on it - and if still not sure - like you have done - ask for a second opinion.
Odds are fella - You have far more people around you that care about you than you know.
Pax
T
Edit:
Have you ever seen some TV shows / movies where people are giving each other advice - but it sounds very confrontational.
Person A: It's you! I never liked you. I never liked your mother. She was a f**king greasebag of an elephant."
Person B. You talk about my mother like that again - and I'm going put a trombone up your arse so far - the bell end is going to shine out your mouth.
More insults follow.
Then Person A & B - have manly hug with " How are doing Fella! - I haven't seen you since......."
Ok - A bit extreme - My old friends - just beat me up about the old car etc etc.
But the friendship/ banter is there.
I hope this helps a bit.
The guy sounds like he is giving you some good advice
I have some friends - that I have not seen for 20 years plus.
When I met one of them - the opening conversation was " Are you still driving that piece of s
t?"Another was " Jeez, you have got fat and ugly in the last 20 years!!!"
Another was "I always hated you - you Scottish tw*t! )
etc etc
They are terms of endearment and are not literal.
( Actually - I have put on a bit of weight - but I am more handsome than ever
)All I can suggest is when you receive a comment that you think is not positive.
Just process it..
1/ Is it in the nature of that person to want to really hurt me?
2/ From examples above - is it their way of "just being human" ( we are all flawed - and heck the banter was funny )
3/ Don't sweat it. The odds are - everyone is rooting for you. If it ever were to turn nasty - you will know.
I know that is a very over simplification - but - if you know the nature of the people - and if they say something you think is quite odd - it is likely banter/ term of endearment etc.
If someone continually rubs your nose in it - then a quiet word is in order.
All I can suggest - is - if in doubt - sleep on it - and if still not sure - like you have done - ask for a second opinion.
Odds are fella - You have far more people around you that care about you than you know.
Pax
T
Edit:
Have you ever seen some TV shows / movies where people are giving each other advice - but it sounds very confrontational.
Person A: It's you! I never liked you. I never liked your mother. She was a f**king greasebag of an elephant."
Person B. You talk about my mother like that again - and I'm going put a trombone up your arse so far - the bell end is going to shine out your mouth.
More insults follow.
Then Person A & B - have manly hug with " How are doing Fella! - I haven't seen you since......."
Ok - A bit extreme - My old friends - just beat me up about the old car etc etc.
But the friendship/ banter is there.
I hope this helps a bit.
Edited by Troubleatmill on Wednesday 11th October 23:18
FreeLitres said:
You have been driving the same car for 20+ years?
No.To my shame I started with a Yugo 45.
Then a Lada
And an astonishing range of cars that were not much better
Then some nice cars.
Then some sporty cars
Then some classic cars
Then some very sport cars.
Then some supercars.
Then old age hit - and some fat arse lardy cars
Im beginning to like tartan slippers and Ovaltine.
Deep inside though - I think I might get a Caterham wide boy for the weekends.
From what you've posted the person you've contacted doesn't hate you. They seem to have a good understanding of you from your schooldays and have your best interests at heart. They have posted good advice.
I can't tell you whether they are your 'friend ' or just a sympathetic ear but they are certainly not your enemy. Treat them with respect and don't suffocate them with paranoia.
I can't tell you whether they are your 'friend ' or just a sympathetic ear but they are certainly not your enemy. Treat them with respect and don't suffocate them with paranoia.
100% friend. You can trust them and no, you haven't pissed them off. Emails are bloody hard work as they don't have any of the other clues you need to decipher the tone.
I echo their sentiment about getting out more. Things like playing badminton I would recommend as not only will your hand/eye coordination get better, the amount of focus you need to be any good at it will stop your brain from dwelling on stuff you don't want to be thinking of. Do the IAM advanced drivers course, that gives you some excellent skills. I've often gone on late night drives, as the focus on the driving clears my mind.
Lastly, are there any local asperger/autism groups in your area that can help you along, or support from the university student support. There's usually a few autism groups in every area. Make contact with them and decide if they're any good. Some are brilliant and have people running them who know what they're doing, others are run by idiots who are clueless and have no concept of aspergers whatsoever and only focus on the social awkwardness things and seem oblivious to the physical traits of the condition. One such group I was with had a new, supposedly well qualified social worker who apparently knew her stuff. Her idea of a good night out was to organise the group to go to a jazz night at a local pub followed by a curry at the local indian restaurant.
She didn't last long in that job.
I echo their sentiment about getting out more. Things like playing badminton I would recommend as not only will your hand/eye coordination get better, the amount of focus you need to be any good at it will stop your brain from dwelling on stuff you don't want to be thinking of. Do the IAM advanced drivers course, that gives you some excellent skills. I've often gone on late night drives, as the focus on the driving clears my mind.
Lastly, are there any local asperger/autism groups in your area that can help you along, or support from the university student support. There's usually a few autism groups in every area. Make contact with them and decide if they're any good. Some are brilliant and have people running them who know what they're doing, others are run by idiots who are clueless and have no concept of aspergers whatsoever and only focus on the social awkwardness things and seem oblivious to the physical traits of the condition. One such group I was with had a new, supposedly well qualified social worker who apparently knew her stuff. Her idea of a good night out was to organise the group to go to a jazz night at a local pub followed by a curry at the local indian restaurant.
She didn't last long in that job.
Eric Mc said:
You have options in life. Using Facebook is not compulsory. If it is causing you problems, step away from it for a while.
Agreed.As others have said, join some societies which you're interested in, and you'll make friends. Lots of people at university are somewhere on the spectrum, you're far from the only one, and sometimes it can actually give you advantages. You won't get on with or understand everyone, and vice versa. That's the same for us all.
Thank you all very much - I really appreciate all of your comments. I definitely think Facebook is not my strong point, so will use it less and try to get out more at Uni. My Aspergers causes me so many difficulties and many people say that I should be so proud to be at Uni (I am!). On occasions however I can have blips. Often these are caused by academic pressure (the Uni do help me) and self-social isolation (which I am getting better at not doing). I often express my difficulties on Facebook to friends (both current and friends from school), then become paranoid that I have made them hate me after I do it - it's not me being negative etc. because I am always like that, it's just because I am facing difficulties with my Aspergers. I hope that the people who I do contact on Facebook understand that and do not hate me/be angry at me!
Tomm98 said:
Thank you all very much - I really appreciate all of your comments. I definitely think Facebook is not my strong point, so will use it less and try to get out more at Uni. My Aspergers causes me so many difficulties and many people say that I should be so proud to be at Uni (I am!). On occasions however I can have blips. Often these are caused by academic pressure (the Uni do help me) and self-social isolation (which I am getting better at not doing). I often express my difficulties on Facebook to friends (both current and friends from school), then become paranoid that I have made them hate me after I do it - it's not me being negative etc. because I am always like that, it's just because I am facing difficulties with my Aspergers. I hope that the people who I do contact on Facebook understand that and do not hate me/be angry at me!
I don't know much about Aspergers, but I was listening to an interview with Chris Packham on Radio 2 yesterday about his experience of the condition and how difficult he found his teenage and university years, so it sounds like your experiences are fairly typical.He's written a book about it, which might help you to feel a little less isolated.
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