The French joke thread
Discussion
PoleDriver said:
I thought it may be fun to pool a few French jokes to try out on our Gallic cousins next week! 
I'll start with:-
What do you call a pointless race which runs for about 2,200 Km around France?
The French!
Next...
I'll start with:-
What do you call a pointless race which runs for about 2,200 Km around France?
The French!
Next...
I think you'll find the intelligence of that humour maybe lost here
Q: when was the last good french barbecue?
A: 1431, and it involved Joan of Arc
Q: Why don't the French Barbeque?
A: The snails keep slipping between the grills.
"A Frenchmen's home is where another man's wife is." - Mark Twain -1878-79 Journal
"There is nothing lower than the human race...except for the French." - Mark Twain 1878-79
"French history: They turn on their friends and surrender to their enemies!"
I got a tip for you , if you install the french versions of your favorite programs, THEY RUN A LOT FASTER
How do you separate the men from the boys in France? With a crowbar.
Q. What is the difference between a frenchwoman and a basketball team?
A. The basketball team showers after 4 periods.
Q.What is the first thing the French teach their kids in school?
A.How to say "We Surrender" in German!
Q. How do you confuse a French Soldier?
A. Give him a rifle and ask him to shoot it.
Q. Why don't Master Card and Visa work well in France
A.They do not know how to say "CHARGE!"
Q. What do women who are snipers in the French military use as camouflage?
A. Their armpits
Q. Why do french people always wear yellow?
A. To match the color of their blood!
What do you call a Frenchman advancing on Baghdad? A salesman
What's the shortest book ever written? French War Heroes.
A man askes his companion, "What's the most common French expression"? His friend scratches his head, shrugs his shoulders and replies, "I give up!"
Q. Why do French men have moustashes?
A. To remind them of their mothers.
etc etc etc......
A: 1431, and it involved Joan of Arc
Q: Why don't the French Barbeque?
A: The snails keep slipping between the grills.
"A Frenchmen's home is where another man's wife is." - Mark Twain -1878-79 Journal
"There is nothing lower than the human race...except for the French." - Mark Twain 1878-79
"French history: They turn on their friends and surrender to their enemies!"
I got a tip for you , if you install the french versions of your favorite programs, THEY RUN A LOT FASTER
How do you separate the men from the boys in France? With a crowbar.
Q. What is the difference between a frenchwoman and a basketball team?
A. The basketball team showers after 4 periods.
Q.What is the first thing the French teach their kids in school?
A.How to say "We Surrender" in German!
Q. How do you confuse a French Soldier?
A. Give him a rifle and ask him to shoot it.
Q. Why don't Master Card and Visa work well in France
A.They do not know how to say "CHARGE!"
Q. What do women who are snipers in the French military use as camouflage?
A. Their armpits
Q. Why do french people always wear yellow?
A. To match the color of their blood!
What do you call a Frenchman advancing on Baghdad? A salesman
What's the shortest book ever written? French War Heroes.
A man askes his companion, "What's the most common French expression"? His friend scratches his head, shrugs his shoulders and replies, "I give up!"
Q. Why do French men have moustashes?
A. To remind them of their mothers.
etc etc etc......
Chris71 said:
Ohhhh.... contraversial! 
Reckon it might be their year. If not heads will roll in Paris I suspect.
I think they will win to, but they will always be bucket's of French SReckon it might be their year. If not heads will roll in Paris I suspect.
it... They could win the next 10 Le Mans and they would still be a joke, simply because they don't understand Le Mans and endurance racing.... Watching them win any race makes me want to
... (I'm a Pescarolo fan, it's not because Peugeot are French)
Man-At-Arms said:
Chris71 said:
stephenk24 said:
Team Peugeot Total.....
Ohhhh.... contraversial! Reckon it might be their year. If not heads will roll in Paris I suspect.
i reckon it's another Audi win
Sorry, anyway, French jokes.... George Patton famously commented: "I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me." Strangely enough, I know someone who's worked for Audi Sport in the past who came out with something very similar.
I had to resort to Google for this one, but here we go:
Paris in the Springtime
A boy was upstairs playing on his computer when his grandad came in the room and sat down on the bed.
"What are you doing?", Asked the grandad. "You're 18 years old and wasting your life! When I was 18 I went to Paris, I went to the Moulin Rouge, drank all night, had my way with the dancers, pissed on the barman and left without paying! Now that is how to have a good time!"
A week later, the grandfather comes to visit again. He finds the boy still in his room, but with a broken arm in plaster, 2 black eyes and missing all his front teeth.
"What happened?", he asked.
"Oh Grandfather!", replied the boy. "I did what you did! I went to Paris, went to the Moulin Rouge, drank all night, had my way with the dancers, pissed all over the barman, and he beat the crap out of me!"
"Oh dear!", replied the grandad. "Who did you go with?"
"Just some friends, why? Who did you go with?"
"Oh!" replied the grandad. "The Third Panzer Division."
(http://www.shof.msrcsites.co.uk/french.html)
Paris in the Springtime
A boy was upstairs playing on his computer when his grandad came in the room and sat down on the bed.
"What are you doing?", Asked the grandad. "You're 18 years old and wasting your life! When I was 18 I went to Paris, I went to the Moulin Rouge, drank all night, had my way with the dancers, pissed on the barman and left without paying! Now that is how to have a good time!"
A week later, the grandfather comes to visit again. He finds the boy still in his room, but with a broken arm in plaster, 2 black eyes and missing all his front teeth.
"What happened?", he asked.
"Oh Grandfather!", replied the boy. "I did what you did! I went to Paris, went to the Moulin Rouge, drank all night, had my way with the dancers, pissed all over the barman, and he beat the crap out of me!"
"Oh dear!", replied the grandad. "Who did you go with?"
"Just some friends, why? Who did you go with?"
"Oh!" replied the grandad. "The Third Panzer Division."
(http://www.shof.msrcsites.co.uk/french.html)
Chris71 said:
Paris in the Springtime
A boy was upstairs playing on his computer when his grandad came in the room and sat down on the bed.
"What are you doing?", Asked the grandad. "You're 18 years old and wasting your life! When I was 18 I went to Paris, I went to the Moulin Rouge, drank all night, had my way with the dancers, pissed on the barman and left without paying! Now that is how to have a good time!"
A week later, the grandfather comes to visit again. He finds the boy still in his room, but with a broken arm in plaster, 2 black eyes and missing all his front teeth.
"What happened?", he asked.
"Oh Grandfather!", replied the boy. "I did what you did! I went to Paris, went to the Moulin Rouge, drank all night, had my way with the dancers, pissed all over the barman, and he beat the crap out of me!"
"Oh dear!", replied the grandad. "Who did you go with?"
"Just some friends, why? Who did you go with?"
"Oh!" replied the grandad. "The Third Panzer Division."
A boy was upstairs playing on his computer when his grandad came in the room and sat down on the bed.
"What are you doing?", Asked the grandad. "You're 18 years old and wasting your life! When I was 18 I went to Paris, I went to the Moulin Rouge, drank all night, had my way with the dancers, pissed on the barman and left without paying! Now that is how to have a good time!"
A week later, the grandfather comes to visit again. He finds the boy still in his room, but with a broken arm in plaster, 2 black eyes and missing all his front teeth.
"What happened?", he asked.
"Oh Grandfather!", replied the boy. "I did what you did! I went to Paris, went to the Moulin Rouge, drank all night, had my way with the dancers, pissed all over the barman, and he beat the crap out of me!"
"Oh dear!", replied the grandad. "Who did you go with?"
"Just some friends, why? Who did you go with?"
"Oh!" replied the grandad. "The Third Panzer Division."
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