Discussion
A comment on another thread reminded me of the following bit of crap driving I witnessed a short while back:
On a family shopping expedition to Tesco, I was stopped indicating to turn right into a parent and child bay when a woman in a Ford Cougar drives towards me, ignores the fact that I'm obviously about to drive into this bay and swings her car (without child) into the bay. She executed this fine maneuver in such haste that she totally misjudged the stopping distance and got her car stopped by the bollard at the front of the bay which made an almighty bang! I went from mildly annoyed to laughing so hard I had to take my car out of gear and stop for a few seconds until I was fit to drive.
Anyone got similar?
On a family shopping expedition to Tesco, I was stopped indicating to turn right into a parent and child bay when a woman in a Ford Cougar drives towards me, ignores the fact that I'm obviously about to drive into this bay and swings her car (without child) into the bay. She executed this fine maneuver in such haste that she totally misjudged the stopping distance and got her car stopped by the bollard at the front of the bay which made an almighty bang! I went from mildly annoyed to laughing so hard I had to take my car out of gear and stop for a few seconds until I was fit to drive.
Anyone got similar?
Used to work for a Company that provided employees with there own parking spaces. Problem was it was an Industrial Estate & as such any Thomas, Richard or Harold felt they had the right to park in "your" nominated space, which as you can imagine caused the urine to boil on numerous occasions.
So as to appease my inner devil, I took to blocking said dog botherer in by parking 3 - 4mm from there rear bumper. Come the inevitable call from reception an hour later, I was always invariably busy, until the ignorant so and so took it upon themseles to call me direct so as to apologise.
Adding a further hour I would then walk very slowly to my parking space to allow them to leave for there very urgent meeting (or at least it was 2 hours previously) & if they apologised suffiecently, I usually would allow them to leave. One young girl though decided to give me the finger as she reversed from my parking space........which instantly resulted in her taking her eyes from her rear view mirror & colliding at speed with a 2 foot high bollard hidden from her immediate view.
I'll tell you one thing, the rear bumper of a Honda Civic doesnt dissapate energy very well & nor does the rear section of its exhaust take too kindly to being bent at right angles.
So as to appease my inner devil, I took to blocking said dog botherer in by parking 3 - 4mm from there rear bumper. Come the inevitable call from reception an hour later, I was always invariably busy, until the ignorant so and so took it upon themseles to call me direct so as to apologise.
Adding a further hour I would then walk very slowly to my parking space to allow them to leave for there very urgent meeting (or at least it was 2 hours previously) & if they apologised suffiecently, I usually would allow them to leave. One young girl though decided to give me the finger as she reversed from my parking space........which instantly resulted in her taking her eyes from her rear view mirror & colliding at speed with a 2 foot high bollard hidden from her immediate view.
I'll tell you one thing, the rear bumper of a Honda Civic doesnt dissapate energy very well & nor does the rear section of its exhaust take too kindly to being bent at right angles.
Yes.
December 31st 1987, Deansgate, Manchester. Pissing with rain. Me in my 957cc Fiesta. Bloke pulls up at the lights next to me in a Datsun 120Y. The very look of him made my fists itch - suit, dyed blond permed hair
He's revving his car and edging forwards. Somehow I beat him off the lights (!) and the same thing is happening at the next set. However I'm in the left lane and about 100yds down there's a Securicor van half on the pavement and just beyond that cars queuing for the next set of lights. So off we go again, me with my mighty 1 litres
However I realise that there is no way that I could get ahead, pull around the Securicor van and stop for the lights, so I set off normally. Datsun boy simply shoots off ahead. Next thing I hear this sort of "whizzzzzzzzz" noise and perm-boy seems to almost accelerate, all four wheels locked up. Without apparently losing any speed he goes apst the securicor van and stacks into the back of the queue for the lights - big crash. He stuffs his car into the back of a new looking cream coloured Montego and that in turn into the back of a Capri (to this day I can see the lady passenger in the Montego jolting as the car hits).
It was a proper mess, and I remember edging my car around and the guy in the Datsun, him sat in his car still gripping the wheel,looking daggars at me I saw no reason that said crash was anything to do with me so left him to it - there looked to be plenty of irate witnesses.
December 31st 1987, Deansgate, Manchester. Pissing with rain. Me in my 957cc Fiesta. Bloke pulls up at the lights next to me in a Datsun 120Y. The very look of him made my fists itch - suit, dyed blond permed hair
He's revving his car and edging forwards. Somehow I beat him off the lights (!) and the same thing is happening at the next set. However I'm in the left lane and about 100yds down there's a Securicor van half on the pavement and just beyond that cars queuing for the next set of lights. So off we go again, me with my mighty 1 litres
However I realise that there is no way that I could get ahead, pull around the Securicor van and stop for the lights, so I set off normally. Datsun boy simply shoots off ahead. Next thing I hear this sort of "whizzzzzzzzz" noise and perm-boy seems to almost accelerate, all four wheels locked up. Without apparently losing any speed he goes apst the securicor van and stacks into the back of the queue for the lights - big crash. He stuffs his car into the back of a new looking cream coloured Montego and that in turn into the back of a Capri (to this day I can see the lady passenger in the Montego jolting as the car hits). It was a proper mess, and I remember edging my car around and the guy in the Datsun, him sat in his car still gripping the wheel,looking daggars at me
I saw no reason that said crash was anything to do with me so left him to it - there looked to be plenty of irate witnesses.Making progress on a motorway in my OAP spec Focus Ghia saloon, I went past a Citroen C2 with a chav numberplate that spelt 'Gary' (sort of). A while later, my junction looms, and I slow down for it, Citroen looming larger in my rear view, clearly feeling inferior having been overtaken. As we approach the roundabout, the lights change to red, and Gazza guns his tiny car through a red. Cue, police car emerges from behind a sign
Oh how I laughed as I drove past moments later on a green light.
Oh how I laughed as I drove past moments later on a green light.
Not parking related, but the blocke in the Datsun sort of reminds of someone I encounter last year.
I still had the Caterham and went out for a leisurely evening drive. I was stuck behind a truck on a twisty bit of road and this Toyota hatchback with various bits of Halfords tat glued to it zooms up and adopts a position about half an inch off my bumper. Come the first long straight I go to overtake the truck, taking it fairly gently. I ease off once I start to approach a conspicuous speed and shortly later Yaris Man is right back on my tail again flashing his headlights and all sorts. We then came to a series of tight bends that I know very well indeed. So well, that I knew the 60mph or so I was doing was just about the limit for a well setup Seven in the dry. A quick dab of oppo later I was approaching the next bend in the sequence and my new friend was nowhere to be seen. He'd lost 100 yards and no doubt shat himself over the course of one corner.
I still had the Caterham and went out for a leisurely evening drive. I was stuck behind a truck on a twisty bit of road and this Toyota hatchback with various bits of Halfords tat glued to it zooms up and adopts a position about half an inch off my bumper. Come the first long straight I go to overtake the truck, taking it fairly gently. I ease off once I start to approach a conspicuous speed and shortly later Yaris Man is right back on my tail again flashing his headlights and all sorts. We then came to a series of tight bends that I know very well indeed. So well, that I knew the 60mph or so I was doing was just about the limit for a well setup Seven in the dry. A quick dab of oppo later I was approaching the next bend in the sequence and my new friend was nowhere to be seen. He'd lost 100 yards and no doubt shat himself over the course of one corner.
These are great stories, excellent Friday afternoon laugh after a flamin' hard week. Need to head off to the small room now before my trousers get wet! Back in the early 1990s on a trip to Scarborough I stop since I can’t fit the car through a gap between an illegally parked HGV and some bollards. A few moments pass and no movement from the HGV so I get out hoping to locate HGV driver and ask him to move. Van driver behind also gets out and informs me that he could “...fit a f***ing bus through that gap mate.” Unconvinced I move over behind the HGV to let the van driver through. He promptly goes through the gap taking the whole side of his van out on the bollards. HGV driver is located in nearby fish and chip shop and obligingly moves his vehicle. As I drive off I saw fit to remind the van driver who is busy disentangling his mangled van from the street furniture that he could “...fit a f***ing bus through that gap mate.” (I had to do the latter from the car as I drove away since I’m not powerfully built and don’t have any facial hair).
Pootling along the A92 Thornton Bypass I was monstered by a poverty spec Mondaneo, all over my arse, flashing lights, blaring horn, the works. So I finished my overtake in my own time, pulled left and the repmobile roared past, with a victory 'V' extended from the driver's window. A few minutes later, on the dual carriageway approach to Redhouse Roundabout, Kirkcaldy, the same Dagenham dustbin was stuffed a long way under the tail of an artic, with the driver sat on the armco looking very sorry for himself.
In hindsight my hitting the horn button and extending two fingers was unnecessary, but oh so satisfying.
In hindsight my hitting the horn button and extending two fingers was unnecessary, but oh so satisfying.
I used to own a Turbo TransAm. Proper Bandit style '79 model with words all over it. It screamed 'RACE ME' but it unfortunately had the most asthmatic 4.9 litre smog engine in it that produced less than 150 nags.
One Friday night I was driving along at somewhere around 30 when a glance in my mirror revealed a Renault 5 Turbo so hard up behind me that all I could see was his windscreen. He obviously wanted to tussle.
It transpired that we were both taking the same exit off the next roundabout onto a dual carriageway which is also a fairly steep climb.
I didn't think it was worth it as I reckonned the R5 would wipe the floor with me but as I came off the roundabout I thought, 'What the hell!' and floored it. For once in it's life it actually took off and even spun the back tyres up briefly. R5 bloke did the same and we were level pegging for a little bit.
Unfortuantely there was a bus in my lane ahead and I didn't have the minerals to get in front to change lanes so I backed off leaving R5 bloke to hair up the road. I moved in behind him conceding defeat and followed him for a couple of hundred yards more to the next roundabout.
Where he pulled up at the 'give way'.
When his turbo blew and ejected a plume of acrid smoke from under the front of his car as I sauntered past.
I chuckled!
One Friday night I was driving along at somewhere around 30 when a glance in my mirror revealed a Renault 5 Turbo so hard up behind me that all I could see was his windscreen. He obviously wanted to tussle.
It transpired that we were both taking the same exit off the next roundabout onto a dual carriageway which is also a fairly steep climb.
I didn't think it was worth it as I reckonned the R5 would wipe the floor with me but as I came off the roundabout I thought, 'What the hell!' and floored it. For once in it's life it actually took off and even spun the back tyres up briefly. R5 bloke did the same and we were level pegging for a little bit.
Unfortuantely there was a bus in my lane ahead and I didn't have the minerals to get in front to change lanes so I backed off leaving R5 bloke to hair up the road. I moved in behind him conceding defeat and followed him for a couple of hundred yards more to the next roundabout.
Where he pulled up at the 'give way'.
When his turbo blew and ejected a plume of acrid smoke from under the front of his car as I sauntered past.
I chuckled!
Couple of lads in a Merc E-class (an oooold one) cruise up to the back bumper of my Almera GTi on the North Circ. I gun the Almera as hard as I can and, possibly, exceed, or even double, the limit. Fortunately I know the road like the back of my hand, pull over into the inside lane and bury my foot on the anchors. They think they've finally got the legs on me and go past only to steam through a Gatso at about a ton. A double flash from the Gatso and 30 seconds later and I pass the now very sheepish Merc occupants as they proceed at a steady 50mph...
The Crack Fox said:
Some berk wanted to race my new Golf Gti in his Escort Gti on the A14, lots of waving, revving and erratic behavior. I ignored him. He screamed off. half an hour later, much further down the road, I saw the same car rammed under the back of an artic trailor, drive sat on the hard shoulder picking bit of glass out of his face.
Similar thing on the A14 once - bad snow and getting worse. Everyone slowed down and it was starting to lay in lane 2, so everyone started using lane 1. Anyway, some moron with an issue went steaming past in lane 2 with something to prove. Three miles down the road, he was stuffed into one of the bridge supports.
During the world cup last year me and my mate wereheading back up the M6, a black nissn/toyota like car was weaving in and out of the traffic at high speed with a ghana flag hanging from it, I can onoly presume that the occupants were of a Ghanan descent and in a hurry to get somewhere to watch the start of the game. About 20 miles further on the traffic had started to back up a bit and a car which looked very similar to the one which flew past us erratically earlier on was in the centre armco. low and behold it was the Ghanans. We had been listening to the match in the meantime and ghana were losing, I took no pleasue in scribbling the score in big numbers on some cardboard that was in the van and wave it at them as we crawled past!
Another occasion was another wally driving too fast on bury./Bolton road after being welded to the rear bumper her screamed past only for there to be a copper pulled up who went straight after him. Again no delight was taken in driving past giving out a cheeky wave!!
Another occasion was another wally driving too fast on bury./Bolton road after being welded to the rear bumper her screamed past only for there to be a copper pulled up who went straight after him. Again no delight was taken in driving past giving out a cheeky wave!!
Another of mine (I've recounted it before on PH)...
A good few years ago (8 or 9 I reckon) the OH and I werein France in her 3 litre V6 406 coupe. I was "making progress" down the RNs near Compiegne when I overtook a Renault 25 turbo with some fat old bloke who looked like a tramp and his wife in it. He took major exception to this and and proceeded to try and "race" me (certainly not something I'd be trying in France nowadays!). Cue some very very illegal speeds and lairy overtakes. We were heading for the autoroute at Roye and coming toward it was a roundabout - I went straight on, and the tramp bloke turned left.
About a mile down the road (I've slowed to normal speeds by this time) we realise that we've got it wrong and should have gone the way of the Renault, so a quick U turn and back to the roundabout and turn right. Not 200 yards down the road and - you've guessed it - there's matey boy at the side of the road having a "bit of a talking to" off the police. That was a very lucky escape indeed.
A good few years ago (8 or 9 I reckon) the OH and I werein France in her 3 litre V6 406 coupe. I was "making progress" down the RNs near Compiegne when I overtook a Renault 25 turbo with some fat old bloke who looked like a tramp and his wife in it. He took major exception to this and and proceeded to try and "race" me (certainly not something I'd be trying in France nowadays!). Cue some very very illegal speeds and lairy overtakes. We were heading for the autoroute at Roye and coming toward it was a roundabout - I went straight on, and the tramp bloke turned left.
About a mile down the road (I've slowed to normal speeds by this time) we realise that we've got it wrong and should have gone the way of the Renault, so a quick U turn and back to the roundabout and turn right. Not 200 yards down the road and - you've guessed it - there's matey boy at the side of the road having a "bit of a talking to" off the police. That was a very lucky escape indeed.
Some moron made a point of humiliating some jersey-shore esque mug in a new beetle in-front of his girlfriend. That same moron was found about 300 yards up the road with half his gear linkage detached from some over-enthusiastic gear changing, leaving him with only 1st and 3rd gear.
Yes, that moron was me.
Very humiliating.
Yes, that moron was me.
Very humiliating. Long before i had a fast car of my own i watched a R5 turbo try to do a full bore start from the traffic lights at the top of the local highstreet in order to cut infront of a bus where the road narrowed. The change into 2nd gear went wrong and it lunched his engine.
The bus driver just tooted as he trundled past.
The bus driver just tooted as he trundled past.
A55 dual carriage way, I was sticking to the speed limit but overtaking a line of about four cars and the last for me to pass is a Ford Galaxy. About one milimeter from my back bumper is a woman on the phone in a Vauxhall Zafira. I continue the overtake and as i move past the Galaxy i glance over to see that the driver of said Galaxy is in uniform. I pull in after the Galaxy and lady in the Zafira zooms past (with child in the back) very shortly followed by the Galaxy with flashing lights! One of the only times i've shouted "YES!" at someone elses misfortune!
Another one from a lot of (30+) years ago. Late one evening I was out walking my dog next to the Readhead park in South Shields (for anyone who knows the area) and I heard something coming quickly along Sunderland Road, which runs alongside the park. I turned round to see a Talbot Horizon and an MG Midget (I did say it was a long time ago!) clearly having a race along that dual carriageway. I watched both cars hit the brakes hard as they came up to the Cauldwell roundabout, somehow the Talbot (which was in the outside lane) made it round. The Midget didn't and skidded left into the aptly named Cemetary approach where, unluckily for the driver, a police car was parked up. He was still with them several minutes later after walkies were finished.
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