Anger management
Discussion
Dear all, I wondered if anyone has had experience of this in the past and may be able to point me in the right direction.
Things are all OK in the life of HTF at the moment, work is a little dodgy at the moment but whose isn't and I have a great family and friends. However, I appear to have, in the past year or so, developed a bit of an anger problem. I've always been very placid and some of my friends have commented to the effect that they have never seen me lose my temper which they found unusual but recently I have found myself getting wound up by the slightest things and usually taking it out by being very moody and short with my family which I realise is not a very good way to conduct yourself.
I've of course never been violent towards a person but I find it strange that I am getting so wound up about trivial things. I try to put it in perspective but then I end up getting in a bad mood for the rest of the day and it ruins the whole day. I wonder if it is a symptom of some deep down problem but for the life of me I really don't have any problems to speak of. I have also started harbouring grudges and a sense of grievance at people who I consider my friends for reasons that are utterly absurd.
Today I woke up having recorded the Grand Prix and pressed the wrong button and ended up immediately seeing the winners on the podium thus ruining the whole recording. I flew into an absolute rage and lobbed the remote against the wall. The old me would have laughed his head off at this and thought the person was a complete psycho. But it was me.
I know this sounds stupid but it is worrying me and I'm not sure what, if anything I could do about it.
Any suggestions?
Things are all OK in the life of HTF at the moment, work is a little dodgy at the moment but whose isn't and I have a great family and friends. However, I appear to have, in the past year or so, developed a bit of an anger problem. I've always been very placid and some of my friends have commented to the effect that they have never seen me lose my temper which they found unusual but recently I have found myself getting wound up by the slightest things and usually taking it out by being very moody and short with my family which I realise is not a very good way to conduct yourself.
I've of course never been violent towards a person but I find it strange that I am getting so wound up about trivial things. I try to put it in perspective but then I end up getting in a bad mood for the rest of the day and it ruins the whole day. I wonder if it is a symptom of some deep down problem but for the life of me I really don't have any problems to speak of. I have also started harbouring grudges and a sense of grievance at people who I consider my friends for reasons that are utterly absurd.
Today I woke up having recorded the Grand Prix and pressed the wrong button and ended up immediately seeing the winners on the podium thus ruining the whole recording. I flew into an absolute rage and lobbed the remote against the wall. The old me would have laughed his head off at this and thought the person was a complete psycho. But it was me.
I know this sounds stupid but it is worrying me and I'm not sure what, if anything I could do about it.
Any suggestions?
Can you trace the cause back to work stress or family stress, or anything similar? If you really can't ascribe the cause to anything, and if it has "just come on for no real reason" perhaps you should consider seeing a doctor. Abrupt changes in personality can be symptonmatic of conditions that need attention. Not necessarily sinister.
No idea, but my tip would be if you feel like kicking a frozen chicken in a lake of spilled milk whilst roaring like Satan then reconsider, as it will result in a sore foot, sore elbows from slipping in the milk, a broken fridge door hinge, a chipped cupboard door (from where the chicken hit) and a good deal of cleaning to fully remove the aforementioned liquid. I could issue similar warnings against uppercutting an exercise bike and strutting through the house like a lunatic Hitler until you snap a tendon in your back and fall to the ground in agony, but you get the idea. It's odd, but I kind of miss those times. Nowadays I feel so sedated that a vague facial expression is all I can muster.
I've been stressed with work for about two years and along with a few other issues it has led to mild depression in my case. I also have been losing my temper very quickly, usually with the OH.
When I do blow a fuse I see red and have an uncontrollable urge to punch something.(inanimate objects, not people!!).
One episode I ended up with a bleeding hand and a dented Ikea bookcase (it was practically hollow, I punch like a girl!). I felt instantly ashamed and this was the point that I spoke to my GP, well a few weeks after anyway.
It put things into perspective for me and gave me options. None of which I have taken, but I did take his advice on doing more exercise which I find relieves stress and tension. Had my first session in a driving range which made me feel great afterwards, even though I was truly awful at it!
Its not easy when you are stressed in work as you can't escape, but when I get like it at home, I go for a walk by myself, I find getting away from people helps! Do not get in the car though!!
When I do blow a fuse I see red and have an uncontrollable urge to punch something.(inanimate objects, not people!!).
One episode I ended up with a bleeding hand and a dented Ikea bookcase (it was practically hollow, I punch like a girl!). I felt instantly ashamed and this was the point that I spoke to my GP, well a few weeks after anyway.
It put things into perspective for me and gave me options. None of which I have taken, but I did take his advice on doing more exercise which I find relieves stress and tension. Had my first session in a driving range which made me feel great afterwards, even though I was truly awful at it!
Its not easy when you are stressed in work as you can't escape, but when I get like it at home, I go for a walk by myself, I find getting away from people helps! Do not get in the car though!!
Rickyy said:
I've been stressed with work for about two years and along with a few other issues it has led to mild depression in my case. I also have been losing my temper very quickly, usually with the OH.
When I do blow a fuse I see red and have an uncontrollable urge to punch something.(inanimate objects, not people!!).
One episode I ended up with a bleeding hand and a dented Ikea bookcase (it was practically hollow, I punch like a girl!). I felt instantly ashamed and this was the point that I spoke to my GP, well a few weeks after anyway.
It put things into perspective for me and gave me options. None of which I have taken, but I did take his advice on doing more exercise which I find relieves stress and tension. Had my first session in a driving range which made me feel great afterwards, even though I was truly awful at it!
Its not easy when you are stressed in work as you can't escape, but when I get like it at home, I go for a walk by myself, I find getting away from people helps! Do not get in the car though!!
Thanks Rickyy, the more I think about it the more it could well be work coupled with a tax problem I have shoved to the back of my mind. The trouble is that there is nothing I can do about either situation so I can't see what progress I can make. When I do blow a fuse I see red and have an uncontrollable urge to punch something.(inanimate objects, not people!!).
One episode I ended up with a bleeding hand and a dented Ikea bookcase (it was practically hollow, I punch like a girl!). I felt instantly ashamed and this was the point that I spoke to my GP, well a few weeks after anyway.
It put things into perspective for me and gave me options. None of which I have taken, but I did take his advice on doing more exercise which I find relieves stress and tension. Had my first session in a driving range which made me feel great afterwards, even though I was truly awful at it!
Its not easy when you are stressed in work as you can't escape, but when I get like it at home, I go for a walk by myself, I find getting away from people helps! Do not get in the car though!!
OP. I am similar to you - I can have a terrible temper over the most stupid little things. I've recently bought "The Dummies guide to Anger Management" (there is a UK and US version BTW) and another called "Overcoming Anger and Irritability" - I'm not one for self-help books but these, so far look pretty good.
My anger has haunted me all my life and, to be honest I won't go into it too much on here as it upsets me. I've just come through some therapy for low self-esteem and am now awaiting more to dig into the deeper depths of my mind. If nothing else I'm determined to overcome my anger - just a few weeks back it got me arrested with a night in a cell and an £80 fine for being drunk and disorderly. Despite no criminal record I am utterly ashamed of this as I am the last person you'd think it would happen to (I was also a victim of circumstances but nevertheless my anger was a factor).
I'm luck that my OH is supportive and deals with it well. Something my ex-wife wasn't.
My anger has haunted me all my life and, to be honest I won't go into it too much on here as it upsets me. I've just come through some therapy for low self-esteem and am now awaiting more to dig into the deeper depths of my mind. If nothing else I'm determined to overcome my anger - just a few weeks back it got me arrested with a night in a cell and an £80 fine for being drunk and disorderly. Despite no criminal record I am utterly ashamed of this as I am the last person you'd think it would happen to (I was also a victim of circumstances but nevertheless my anger was a factor).
I'm luck that my OH is supportive and deals with it well. Something my ex-wife wasn't.
I had my reality check about my anger a month ago. The OH declared she was leaving. I had been an a
hole to her for the last four years - short fuse, tired, grumpy, would lose my temper at the slightest thing, ending up in a huge row over nothing, saying some horrible things to her, then trying to pretend it never happened. She delberately picked a fight with me in order to argue, then said she was leaving.
A month on, I have looked at myself in a way i never had before. I realised how i was being; that i focussed on my job, my career, my pay packet, rather than my relationship. I realised I had an anger problem. I had no patience, and buried my head in the sand, rowing often but never talking. I have seen a counsellor who helped me look at my past, and focus on why I became angry.
My wife and I are still together, and are working things through. I opened up to her like I never have before - telling her my deepest secrets I vowed never to tell anyone. Through honesty, and recognition of my faults and their causes, I have been able to work out a way of moving on, and have saved my marriage. The anger was the root cause of the problems in our relationship, and working through it has saved it. In six weeks I have not argued, lost my temper, thrown anything, shouted or been angry once. I know how she reacts to it, and how there is no point in it. And I am alot happier for it.
Do your work offer any form of healthcare service - my employer put me in touch with a counsellor - I had an appointment 4 days after phoning, and for free. She is fantastic, and without her help, I dont think I would have been able to work things out. The GP is another alternative, or even consider private counselling if you can afford it. For me it would have been worth it, whatever the cost.
hole to her for the last four years - short fuse, tired, grumpy, would lose my temper at the slightest thing, ending up in a huge row over nothing, saying some horrible things to her, then trying to pretend it never happened. She delberately picked a fight with me in order to argue, then said she was leaving.A month on, I have looked at myself in a way i never had before. I realised how i was being; that i focussed on my job, my career, my pay packet, rather than my relationship. I realised I had an anger problem. I had no patience, and buried my head in the sand, rowing often but never talking. I have seen a counsellor who helped me look at my past, and focus on why I became angry.
My wife and I are still together, and are working things through. I opened up to her like I never have before - telling her my deepest secrets I vowed never to tell anyone. Through honesty, and recognition of my faults and their causes, I have been able to work out a way of moving on, and have saved my marriage. The anger was the root cause of the problems in our relationship, and working through it has saved it. In six weeks I have not argued, lost my temper, thrown anything, shouted or been angry once. I know how she reacts to it, and how there is no point in it. And I am alot happier for it.
Do your work offer any form of healthcare service - my employer put me in touch with a counsellor - I had an appointment 4 days after phoning, and for free. She is fantastic, and without her help, I dont think I would have been able to work things out. The GP is another alternative, or even consider private counselling if you can afford it. For me it would have been worth it, whatever the cost.
Anger management did me the world of good, nearly got kicked out of school and arrested on a number of occasions.
2 years on I am a much calmer person and much happier because of it, my anger was caused mainly by puberty and a hormone imbalance, making my emotions very unpredictable, even crying unexpectedly over tiny things.
Before my hormones decided to behave by themselves anger management really helped.
2 years on I am a much calmer person and much happier because of it, my anger was caused mainly by puberty and a hormone imbalance, making my emotions very unpredictable, even crying unexpectedly over tiny things.
Before my hormones decided to behave by themselves anger management really helped.
hunt_the_fox said:
Thanks Rickyy, the more I think about it the more it could well be work coupled with a tax problem I have shoved to the back of my mind. The trouble is that there is nothing I can do about either situation so I can't see what progress I can make.
Can't really help you on that front. But I've found things a little easier since I've changed my attitude to work.I'm basically treated like dirt in work, given too many jobs and not enough time to do them. It gets me down, I'd think about getting a new job, realise there isn't much work available and I don't want to risk being the new guy in a company that could fail in a week or two.
Then started to think I'm going to be stuck in this job forever which in turn made me feel down. I'd repeat this thought process day in, day out. Go home feeling pissed off and depressed and the slightest thing made me flip out.
Be it my bootlace snapping one morning, I kicked a hole in a plasterboard wall or just small pet hates that I should ignore just made me go on a rampage.
After my last argument in work, my attitude has changed. Simply I couldn't give a f
k anymore, its come to the point where my state of mind isn't worth sacrificing for a job.Talk to your GP before it ruins any relationships. It put strain on mine with the OH because at times I was unapproachable and tbh a complete and utter prick!
Infact, I'm ashamed to admit I had an episode this evening over something silly.
I'd echo another posters sentiments, in that I find I am getting more tetchy the older I get.
While my job is not stressful (any more than most peoples), I detest every minure I spend there. Now the obvious solution would be find another job, but its not that easy these days, plus I have a wedding for next summer to pay for.
But like the OP, the silliest and smallest things put my in a rage.
The way I found a release was through excercise.
Running twice a week, a boxing-centred workout, including pounding the st out of a heavy bag for 5-6 rounds really does help.
Not only am fitter and healthier, I am calmer than I used to be. Sadly, my old man is about as impatient and bad-tempered a person as you could find, so it don't bode well for me....
While my job is not stressful (any more than most peoples), I detest every minure I spend there. Now the obvious solution would be find another job, but its not that easy these days, plus I have a wedding for next summer to pay for.
But like the OP, the silliest and smallest things put my in a rage.
The way I found a release was through excercise.
Running twice a week, a boxing-centred workout, including pounding the s
t out of a heavy bag for 5-6 rounds really does help.Not only am fitter and healthier, I am calmer than I used to be. Sadly, my old man is about as impatient and bad-tempered a person as you could find, so it don't bode well for me....
I have a big chainsaw and a lot of trees ( dead )
I get tooled up chainmail on and go out for a couple of hours
Sometime I put little faces and names on the tree , to me it is perfect 10 15 meter
tree dropped with feeler guage distances. And there is always the fun with the wedges will 1 tonne of wood stay up for another 30 seconds .
Return , worn out shower , beer , free heating , lock the door relax .
It does not matter to me how you work it out as long as it has no effect on other people / animals / cars etc etc .
But for me a bit of back to basics works wonders ,
I get tooled up chainmail on and go out for a couple of hours
Sometime I put little faces and names on the tree , to me it is perfect 10 15 meter
tree dropped with feeler guage distances. And there is always the fun with the wedges will 1 tonne of wood stay up for another 30 seconds .
Return , worn out shower , beer , free heating , lock the door relax .
It does not matter to me how you work it out as long as it has no effect on other people / animals / cars etc etc .
But for me a bit of back to basics works wonders ,
Mid life crisis perhaps
subconsciously worrying about things and release is anger
need to step outside the box and take a look at your life
are you living to work or working to live
things getting on top of you
feel as though you are not in control
no way to express yourself except exploding
need to put things in perspective
talk to people, ask opinions, listen, value their words
don't hurt those close to you
i went through similar but bottled it up, did not talk
as this is a sign of weakness, hence lost friends and family
almost lost job which turned out to be main contributing factor,
this went on for about 2 years, hit low, opened up to a stranger
felt better, have worked on it now close to old youthful stupid self,
lost friends still gone same goes for a couple of family members
i could be right, could be wrong, it's good to talk
wish i had learnt to talk many years ago instead of imploding
subconsciously worrying about things and release is anger
need to step outside the box and take a look at your life
are you living to work or working to live
things getting on top of you
feel as though you are not in control
no way to express yourself except exploding
need to put things in perspective
talk to people, ask opinions, listen, value their words
don't hurt those close to you
i went through similar but bottled it up, did not talk
as this is a sign of weakness, hence lost friends and family
almost lost job which turned out to be main contributing factor,
this went on for about 2 years, hit low, opened up to a stranger
felt better, have worked on it now close to old youthful stupid self,
lost friends still gone same goes for a couple of family members
i could be right, could be wrong, it's good to talk
wish i had learnt to talk many years ago instead of imploding
Gassing Station | Health Matters | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff