New baby. Highs and Lows.
Discussion
As part of my personality and character I like to tell stories and tales to other people for their amusement, or to share things to watch out for and what have you, with that in mind I am just going to post my experiences on here to get it all out there and share it.
My wife and I have been trying for a baby for the thick end of 8 years, we had a few horrible experiences along the way with miscarriages and other nasty stuff but our perseverance and the medical help for her complications (cysts, lumps, other women parts hassles) paid off on Friday when wife gave birth to our little Girl, it was a long pre labour that never really got started properly. The waters broke on Tuesday and we were under midwife guidance all the way through until she almost went to the Operating theatre to have a C section but a final check showed that actually finally something was moving.
Wife and I had had almost no sleep since the tuesday, and we were both utterly exhausted, her more so obviously.
When little Evelyn came out I just burst into tears, she was so small and tiny and looked like a little red shell-less turtle that someone had flipped on its back, she cried almost instantly, a good volume and the air woke her up and she started to move about on Wifeys tummy and search for a tit to clamp on-to, Bonus, she has a good amount of fight in her.
She clamped on and within minutes of being born she was getting a feed.
Meanwhile I was stood like an island in a sea of activity just watching all this, the registrar was sorting the wifeys downstairs out, the midwife was wiping the worst of the blood and stuff off Evie, and there were others present who manned machines that go "beep" and fill out forms and other jobs I could not even fathom.
I lost the feeling in my hands, they went numb, I felt utterly insignificant and yet in front of me was my little girl, I loved her at that first moment I saw her, I will destroy anyone who ever tries to harm her, I am also powerless to act against the fear that I feel, Will I measure up ? am I good enough? what happens if she just died now? will she feed properly? is she ok? I know all fingers and toes are there but there are a trillion things that can go wrong/be wrong/happen and I don't want any of them knocking on our door. I have never worried about anything more, nor will I ever see a problem in the same way again.
She seems to do the nappy filling with some vigour, both types of deposit are present and correct and now the bigger ones are almost changed from the early evil black poo of doom we were having.
Each day and night since have brought other problems, the night seems to be wide awake and cry inconsolably time, feed, cuddle, warm/cool enough all are tried in rotation, she is quiet as a church mouse during the day, a perfect little angel but she is not liking night time for some reason.
I slept on the floor next to her basket last night while mummy slept on the sofa on the other side, we both had about 20 mins sleep each for the whole night but we think we have cracked the reason she wails at night and sleeps all day, We are giving breast feeding a damn good go and I reasoned that she might not be getting enough, We tried expressing last night and sure enough the breast we were on for that feed produced very little, no wonder she was unhappy, we have a load of bottles and the pump out now and when we have a quiet 5 mins we are expressing and storing it so she is having breast milk but in quantities I can monitor carefully.
It took all the previous few days and all night to get to this conclusion but she seems happy again today, Now i just need to put wifey to bed for a couple of hours, then she can let me go and we are going to try and wake Evie up and stimulate her this afternoon to make her tired tonight.
We wished for this, but never realised the emotions we could go through in a few short hours, A baby crying uncontrollably at 4am is one of the worst things I have ever experienced and I have been in and out of hospitals and horrible situations my whole life.
We are lucky we have each other, single women doing this have got a lot more respect from me now.
My wife and I have been trying for a baby for the thick end of 8 years, we had a few horrible experiences along the way with miscarriages and other nasty stuff but our perseverance and the medical help for her complications (cysts, lumps, other women parts hassles) paid off on Friday when wife gave birth to our little Girl, it was a long pre labour that never really got started properly. The waters broke on Tuesday and we were under midwife guidance all the way through until she almost went to the Operating theatre to have a C section but a final check showed that actually finally something was moving.
Wife and I had had almost no sleep since the tuesday, and we were both utterly exhausted, her more so obviously.
When little Evelyn came out I just burst into tears, she was so small and tiny and looked like a little red shell-less turtle that someone had flipped on its back, she cried almost instantly, a good volume and the air woke her up and she started to move about on Wifeys tummy and search for a tit to clamp on-to, Bonus, she has a good amount of fight in her.
She clamped on and within minutes of being born she was getting a feed.
Meanwhile I was stood like an island in a sea of activity just watching all this, the registrar was sorting the wifeys downstairs out, the midwife was wiping the worst of the blood and stuff off Evie, and there were others present who manned machines that go "beep" and fill out forms and other jobs I could not even fathom.
I lost the feeling in my hands, they went numb, I felt utterly insignificant and yet in front of me was my little girl, I loved her at that first moment I saw her, I will destroy anyone who ever tries to harm her, I am also powerless to act against the fear that I feel, Will I measure up ? am I good enough? what happens if she just died now? will she feed properly? is she ok? I know all fingers and toes are there but there are a trillion things that can go wrong/be wrong/happen and I don't want any of them knocking on our door. I have never worried about anything more, nor will I ever see a problem in the same way again.
She seems to do the nappy filling with some vigour, both types of deposit are present and correct and now the bigger ones are almost changed from the early evil black poo of doom we were having.
Each day and night since have brought other problems, the night seems to be wide awake and cry inconsolably time, feed, cuddle, warm/cool enough all are tried in rotation, she is quiet as a church mouse during the day, a perfect little angel but she is not liking night time for some reason.
I slept on the floor next to her basket last night while mummy slept on the sofa on the other side, we both had about 20 mins sleep each for the whole night but we think we have cracked the reason she wails at night and sleeps all day, We are giving breast feeding a damn good go and I reasoned that she might not be getting enough, We tried expressing last night and sure enough the breast we were on for that feed produced very little, no wonder she was unhappy, we have a load of bottles and the pump out now and when we have a quiet 5 mins we are expressing and storing it so she is having breast milk but in quantities I can monitor carefully.
It took all the previous few days and all night to get to this conclusion but she seems happy again today, Now i just need to put wifey to bed for a couple of hours, then she can let me go and we are going to try and wake Evie up and stimulate her this afternoon to make her tired tonight.
We wished for this, but never realised the emotions we could go through in a few short hours, A baby crying uncontrollably at 4am is one of the worst things I have ever experienced and I have been in and out of hospitals and horrible situations my whole life.
We are lucky we have each other, single women doing this have got a lot more respect from me now.
Firstly, congratulations.
My best mate and his wife have been trying for 5 years, and they too have been through similar stuff to you (misscarriages etc) but finally, a couple of weeks ago, they told us that they were expecting, currently 15 weeks gone, so fingers crossed.
How you feel is completely normal, especially given you have a daughter, I too had the same emotions, within hours I was contemplating who she'd marry etc, and how i'd feel.
If I may (and you'll always get plenty) offer one piece of advice.
Routine.
Routine.
Routine.
Children, love a routine, it settles them into your lifestyle, and makes everything easier. As a childless couple, you can do things when you want, with children, you can still do what you want, just not when you want (without consequences) so being prepared is essential.
Mine are still sleeping 7pm to 6:30am six years on from four weeks old. Friends and family say we're lucky, but you make your own luck.
That's not to say there aren't exceptions, because there are, the odd family function they're up late obviously, but generally, they're still bath, books, bed.
Have fun, they grow up far too quickly.
My best mate and his wife have been trying for 5 years, and they too have been through similar stuff to you (misscarriages etc) but finally, a couple of weeks ago, they told us that they were expecting, currently 15 weeks gone, so fingers crossed.
How you feel is completely normal, especially given you have a daughter, I too had the same emotions, within hours I was contemplating who she'd marry etc, and how i'd feel.
If I may (and you'll always get plenty) offer one piece of advice.
Routine.
Routine.
Routine.
Children, love a routine, it settles them into your lifestyle, and makes everything easier. As a childless couple, you can do things when you want, with children, you can still do what you want, just not when you want (without consequences) so being prepared is essential.
Mine are still sleeping 7pm to 6:30am six years on from four weeks old. Friends and family say we're lucky, but you make your own luck.
That's not to say there aren't exceptions, because there are, the odd family function they're up late obviously, but generally, they're still bath, books, bed.
Have fun, they grow up far too quickly.
Congrats.
Take each day at a time.
The first 6 months are very tough, but you have to keep that in perspective - 6 months really isnt that long. We are approaching 10 months and it just gets better every week. For the guy I think the beginning is especially tough because there is no emotional reward for your efforts. Your bond will take longer to establish, but put the effort it. When you come back from work in a few months you will be rewarded with attention that the will make mummy jealous.
Routine is very important - it helps you and the baby cope. There are lots of books with timetables and these are very helpful at the beginning to establish the routine. But don't beat yourself up - try to maintain a level head, and if the routine isn't working today, then just go with it and pick it up tomorrow.
Take each day at a time.
The first 6 months are very tough, but you have to keep that in perspective - 6 months really isnt that long. We are approaching 10 months and it just gets better every week. For the guy I think the beginning is especially tough because there is no emotional reward for your efforts. Your bond will take longer to establish, but put the effort it. When you come back from work in a few months you will be rewarded with attention that the will make mummy jealous.
Routine is very important - it helps you and the baby cope. There are lots of books with timetables and these are very helpful at the beginning to establish the routine. But don't beat yourself up - try to maintain a level head, and if the routine isn't working today, then just go with it and pick it up tomorrow.
Congratulations!
It sounds like you've worked out the crying. It's normally hunger (my little sis went through this, but it took them longer to work it out). Bed-time routine is very also important if you want to get any sleep.
Don't forget that you'll not be much more than their stuffed toys to them for a while. Then you get to be a useful stuffed toy - you can pick them up. So they can reach the cupboards with the bleach in!
Mine just turned three, and nothing makes him laugh more that batting a balloon back into my face.
Fantastic times, but they do grow up very fast.
It sounds like you've worked out the crying. It's normally hunger (my little sis went through this, but it took them longer to work it out). Bed-time routine is very also important if you want to get any sleep.
Don't forget that you'll not be much more than their stuffed toys to them for a while. Then you get to be a useful stuffed toy - you can pick them up. So they can reach the cupboards with the bleach in!
Mine just turned three, and nothing makes him laugh more that batting a balloon back into my face.
Fantastic times, but they do grow up very fast.
Congratulations! Remember that it is very early days for you all and it takes time to get established into a routine so just go with the flow at first.
It's great that you are being so supportive with the breast feeding - try your best to get your wife to drink loads and eat as well as she can. Don't get too hung up on actual amounts of milk - if she feeds a little and often and on demand she'll get as much as she needs. It can be exhausting at first - the sleep deprivation does take some time to get used to and breastfeeding can be very time consuming. Our first son would feed for forty minutes, take ages to settle, sleep for what seemed like five minutes and then be ready for his next feed.
Stick with it! Enjoy your baby - before you know it they're turning into teenagers and you wonder where on earth the time has gone!
It's great that you are being so supportive with the breast feeding - try your best to get your wife to drink loads and eat as well as she can. Don't get too hung up on actual amounts of milk - if she feeds a little and often and on demand she'll get as much as she needs. It can be exhausting at first - the sleep deprivation does take some time to get used to and breastfeeding can be very time consuming. Our first son would feed for forty minutes, take ages to settle, sleep for what seemed like five minutes and then be ready for his next feed.
Stick with it! Enjoy your baby - before you know it they're turning into teenagers and you wonder where on earth the time has gone!
grumbledoak said:
whirligig said:
if she feeds a little and often and on demand she'll get as much as she needs.
Not always. As I mentioned, my little sis simply wasn't providing enough. They worked it out after a while. Don't kick yourself if you have to buy some.I am someone who is very questioning of everything so I am applied logic to this and I am hoping it works out, by god its emotional.
Getragdogleg said:
I think that is good advice from both of you, My wife started to get sore, plus the frequent feeding and the fact I like to know how much is going in made has expressing a good call so far, I can do a feed on my own from stock, mum can sleep, she is not getting sore and Evie is getting an amount I can tally with previous amounts.
I am someone who is very questioning of everything so I am applied logic to this and I am hoping it works out, by god its emotional.
if shes sore it might indicate shes not doing it right - we had lots of breast feeding consultants round ( yes they exist ) until the other half finally got it to work properly so might be worth checking. I am someone who is very questioning of everything so I am applied logic to this and I am hoping it works out, by god its emotional.
The Breast nurse has been around and all goes well when she is here, in the middle of the night when wife is stressed with baby crying then it's all a bit different. problem is once she latches incorrectly once it does the damage, after that Wife is then nursing with a sore boob, so it gets worse.
Pump is working today, review and anylsis after tonight !
Pump is working today, review and anylsis after tonight !
Getragdogleg said:
The Breast nurse has been around and all goes well when she is here, in the middle of the night when wife is stressed with baby crying then it's all a bit different. problem is once she latches incorrectly once it does the damage, after that Wife is then nursing with a sore boob, so it gets worse.
Pump is working today, review and anylsis after tonight !
sounds familiar!! keep trying with the nurse - i presume uve bought all the various creams and potions for sore nips they do help im told - apparently cabbage leaves soothe them!Pump is working today, review and anylsis after tonight !
The Midwife is coming round tomorrow to make sure we havn't sold her or something, I will tell her what we are up to and see what she says, I am hoping this expressing lark works and wifey does not have to be up for every feed.
I am pleased we are using Breast milk as it is free and natural but if it all goes "tits up" then we have given it our best and we will try formula.
As I say, we are learning all the time.
I am pleased we are using Breast milk as it is free and natural but if it all goes "tits up" then we have given it our best and we will try formula.
As I say, we are learning all the time.
Theres no shame in using formula. Our wee one was born 3 weeks early, jaundiced and a bit on the light side. She couldn't get the grasp of breast so went onto formula.
20 months later she is a strapping lass, can do her alphabet and count etc.
It is tough for the first 3 months or so, take it easy on the missus and let her put her feet up, but it gets bloody good fun after a few months.
20 months later she is a strapping lass, can do her alphabet and count etc.
It is tough for the first 3 months or so, take it easy on the missus and let her put her feet up, but it gets bloody good fun after a few months.
Getting breast feeding started was undoubtedly the hardest part of having my first born. Pregnancy, labour, everything else was easy compared to the feeling that you may not be doing it "right".
A newborn's stomach is the size of a walnut so you don't actually need much going in there at one time. Some say breast milk is easier for a baby to digest that formula so they get hungrier again faster. If your wife only gave birth on Friday her milk will just be coming in properly now.
You really have got to let baby feed as often as she wants as it allows her to get what she needs but also builds the supply. Definitely get the latch checked, it shouldn't be sore but I know mine was initially as we both worked it all out. Try feeding lying down, it is easier for both.
I know initially it feels like every little thing will be forever but, believe me, you'll be worrying about something else in a weeks time! Try to keep going with the boob milk - it is much more convenient in the long run. I fed my first daughter for 15 months and now on my second she is 9 months. Getting started was a breeze the second time round as at least one of us knew what we were doing!
There is a Breast and Bottle Feeding forum on Mumsnet where the advice is very good.
Good luck. Enjoy looking after your wife and new daughter.
A newborn's stomach is the size of a walnut so you don't actually need much going in there at one time. Some say breast milk is easier for a baby to digest that formula so they get hungrier again faster. If your wife only gave birth on Friday her milk will just be coming in properly now.
You really have got to let baby feed as often as she wants as it allows her to get what she needs but also builds the supply. Definitely get the latch checked, it shouldn't be sore but I know mine was initially as we both worked it all out. Try feeding lying down, it is easier for both.
I know initially it feels like every little thing will be forever but, believe me, you'll be worrying about something else in a weeks time! Try to keep going with the boob milk - it is much more convenient in the long run. I fed my first daughter for 15 months and now on my second she is 9 months. Getting started was a breeze the second time round as at least one of us knew what we were doing!
There is a Breast and Bottle Feeding forum on Mumsnet where the advice is very good.
Good luck. Enjoy looking after your wife and new daughter.
Getragdogleg said:
I am someone who is very questioning of everything so I am applied logic to this and I am hoping it works out, by god its emotional.
Oh, it is. I'd walk under a bus for my little one. I'm sure every parent would.If your's continues to cry go to the shops, make sure the temp is fine (inner arm), and see how much she drinks.
this helps ours sleep- in fact im finding it hard to sleep without its music now!
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Easidream-Ewan-the-Dream-S...
took several consultants before the other half finally got the breast feeding to work properly but was worth it in the end - no shame in formula though unless ure importing it from china
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Easidream-Ewan-the-Dream-S...
took several consultants before the other half finally got the breast feeding to work properly but was worth it in the end - no shame in formula though unless ure importing it from china
Getragdogleg said:
We wished for this, but never realised the emotions we could go through in a few short hours, A baby crying uncontrollably at 4am is one of the worst things I have ever experienced and I have been in and out of hospitals and horrible situations my whole life.
We are lucky we have each other, single women doing this have got a lot more respect from me now.
Hang in there!!!!We are lucky we have each other, single women doing this have got a lot more respect from me now.
Two of you, using only love and partnership, created this human being, who now looks to you for everything.
You are her sun to orbit, her source of life, she knows only to face you and recieve.
Nothing stays the same, today's trouble is going to be tomorrow's memories and she will give back to you for the rest of your lives.
My first is 7 weeks old today, and I would lie down in front of a train for her
As tough as this might seem now, you're going to look back in a few months, weeks or years and wonder where the time went.
HalfPints mk2 turns 2 next week, and it feels like only yesterday that I was holding her big sister (who turns 4 in April) in my arms in the hospital weeping uncontrollably.
HalfPints mk2 turns 2 next week, and it feels like only yesterday that I was holding her big sister (who turns 4 in April) in my arms in the hospital weeping uncontrollably.
I think as a big hairy bloke who hangs about in a Garage and drives trucks and generally does all man things A little baby is so foreign to me it is almost unbelievable, let alone a baby girl.
The emotions I am feeling are like a roller coaster but not once have I thought "I don't want this", not once have I thought "I wanted a son" I need my little girl more than I would ever have known, she makes me something I could never have been without her.
My Wife is brilliant, I mean, I knew this anyway and I always thought she would be good at this sort of thing but she and I still love each other and are closer now because of our team effort to make this happen. In about 8 days I go back to work, I don't want to, I will probably change my mind but right now if none of us ever left each others sides again I would not be unhappy.
We went out shopping with nipper today, only a quick jaunt to buy some baby bits we found we needed and go to M&S and get food for us. We were out about 2 1/2 hours and towards the end I was getting panicked, I wanted to go home and get us all back in the house as soon as possible. What the f
k that was all about I do not know, I am the sort of bloke who would drive across Russia in a clapped out Zil or something, I don't get panic attacks in M&S 9 miles from home.
I know I am being deprived of sleep, I know I am worried tonight will be more wailing, I know all this stuff that I am worried about does not matter so long as she is ok, And that is the point, I need her to be ok more than anything else I have ever worried about and It has changed me already.
No-one tells blokes all this stuff, It's like it's kept a secret to stop us being put off.
The emotions I am feeling are like a roller coaster but not once have I thought "I don't want this", not once have I thought "I wanted a son" I need my little girl more than I would ever have known, she makes me something I could never have been without her.
My Wife is brilliant, I mean, I knew this anyway and I always thought she would be good at this sort of thing but she and I still love each other and are closer now because of our team effort to make this happen. In about 8 days I go back to work, I don't want to, I will probably change my mind but right now if none of us ever left each others sides again I would not be unhappy.
We went out shopping with nipper today, only a quick jaunt to buy some baby bits we found we needed and go to M&S and get food for us. We were out about 2 1/2 hours and towards the end I was getting panicked, I wanted to go home and get us all back in the house as soon as possible. What the f
k that was all about I do not know, I am the sort of bloke who would drive across Russia in a clapped out Zil or something, I don't get panic attacks in M&S 9 miles from home. I know I am being deprived of sleep, I know I am worried tonight will be more wailing, I know all this stuff that I am worried about does not matter so long as she is ok, And that is the point, I need her to be ok more than anything else I have ever worried about and It has changed me already.
No-one tells blokes all this stuff, It's like it's kept a secret to stop us being put off.
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