Phrases you love

[Harry Flashman]

To counteract the negaticity on the other thread.

When crudely talking about a pretty girl, and one's desire for her:


"I'd hit it like a ginger stepchild"

"I'd be on it like a dog eating hot mince"


When describing uselessness:

"As useful as t1ts on a fish"

[Cotty]

"As useful as an ash tray on a motorbike"

[vixen1700]

"Sweating like a nonce in Hamleys"

[Lord Pikey]

'til it bleeds

[Rude-boy]

"You might say that, I could not possibly comment."

"Any woman who wants to tie herself to my railings and sufferer a jet movement gets my vote!"

[jet_noise]

Dear HF,

I'm rather fond of "sipper from the furry cup" and "polisher of the rusty trumpet" to describe the differently oriented members of our society.

Also "here's that £1M we owe you"...
...haven't heard that one yet though,

regards,
Jet

[Rawwr]

"I don't disagree."

You're disagreeing but you're not agreeing either. Useful.

[anonymous-user]

I quit like i'd be on her like an ethiopean on a free meal


as for uselessness

As much use as a cock flavoured lollipop

[Mr Roper]

snowy slopes said:

As much use as a cock flavoured lollipop

Patches O'Hollihan

Yep....gets my vote

[M@verick]

In one of the "legendary threads" there was a phrase by another PH'er, which did make me spit coffee all over my monitor.

Whilst discussing a lady of dubious repute:

"No, I would'nt - I bet she's got a fanny like a stamped on bat".

pure offensive genius.

R.

[Rawwr]

"She's so old it'd be like fking a box of Alpen."

[anonymous-user]

Rawwr said:

"She's so old it'd be like fking a box of Alpen."

And for the stamped bat too

[JonnyFive]

As tight as a nun..

[Pixel Pusher]

Credited to a recent thread, (I think) debating the look of some girl who'd had "work" done.

The poster in question said he'd "leave her looking like a plasterer's radio".

[M@verick]

One I actually thought of myself years back and used to great amusement:

"Well it made me get a Chardonnay".

When people then say "eh ?, whats a Chardonnay", you reply "its a bit like a Semi-On, but fuller bodied".

R.

[anonymous-user]

On another forum i frequent, just saw this when describing someone

"She's as appealing as dawn french in a g-string and heels"

[Sunglasses Ron]

If I wanted to listen to an ahole, I would have farted.

[M@verick]

doogz said:

A colleague described the clearance between adjacent units during a lifting procedure the other day as being "tighter than a nuns chuff" in a meeting. Don't think he meant it. I laughed though. No-one else did.

And describing a negligibly small number as "the square root of fk all" got a giggle.

I was once in a meeting where I was rather put upon, and ended up being asked to fix a lot of problems someone else created. I clearly didnt look happy - and wasnt concentrating when someone asked me "Are you happy with that ?" - I then heard the following phrase tumble out of my mouth..

"Yes, I'm so happy I could st a kitten".

Did not go down well. I dont even know where I got that, I must have read it somewhere.

R.

[blindswelledrat]

jet_noise said:

Dear HF,

I'm rather fond of "sipper from the furry cup" and "polisher of the rusty trumpet" to describe the differently oriented members of our society.

I assume that's because you are still 12?

[PD9]

From a friend at the weekend:

"After I was done, her f*nny looked like a ripped out fireplace!"

Fantastic!