How to stop an obsession in a child
Discussion
Hiya,
Was having a nice lie in this morning at the grace of the OH, when I got woken up by an almighty amount of shouting...
To cut a long story short, we gave our six and four y/os a Nintendo DS between them for Christmas, and the 4yo has become obsessed. It's the first thing he mentions in the morning, and whenever we tell him to play, it's the only thing he wants to do.
We limit his use to around 30 minutes a day, with 2-3 days a week without it.
The constant asking/thinking about the DS was bad enough, but what I didn't realise was that he is so obsessed when playing it that he's quite happy to piss himself rather than stop for enough time to go to the loo. This is what happened this morning, leading to my rude awakening.
He's really advanced for his age, no toilet issues at all prior to this. He's fairly emotionally advanced as well, and clearly understands how wrong his behaviour is.
How to break this obsession? I'm worried that if it's like this with something like a DS, how on earth is he going to avoid becoming a crack smoking alcoholic when older?
Any advice would be really appreciated. I've never seen anything like this in a child, and I'm starting to get concerned.
(He'll be going to the docs tomorrow, probably for a lobotomy.)
Sam
Was having a nice lie in this morning at the grace of the OH, when I got woken up by an almighty amount of shouting...
To cut a long story short, we gave our six and four y/os a Nintendo DS between them for Christmas, and the 4yo has become obsessed. It's the first thing he mentions in the morning, and whenever we tell him to play, it's the only thing he wants to do.
We limit his use to around 30 minutes a day, with 2-3 days a week without it.
The constant asking/thinking about the DS was bad enough, but what I didn't realise was that he is so obsessed when playing it that he's quite happy to piss himself rather than stop for enough time to go to the loo. This is what happened this morning, leading to my rude awakening.
He's really advanced for his age, no toilet issues at all prior to this. He's fairly emotionally advanced as well, and clearly understands how wrong his behaviour is.
How to break this obsession? I'm worried that if it's like this with something like a DS, how on earth is he going to avoid becoming a crack smoking alcoholic when older?
Any advice would be really appreciated. I've never seen anything like this in a child, and I'm starting to get concerned.
(He'll be going to the docs tomorrow, probably for a lobotomy.)
Sam
He is 4, of course he understands boundaries. Take it from him and let him play it as a reward. It is hard to deal with the screaming and crying but it will get better. Also as has been said, engage him in other activities (do not try to do this during the crying for the DS period)
I have had this with my kids and tried many things......
edit for spelling
I have had this with my kids and tried many things......
edit for spelling
Edited by Steve H on Sunday 12th February 10:35
My now 11 yr old when he was 3 to 5ish was obsessed with trains. Everything was train something and he had enough blue thomas track and engines to cover the whole floor area of the house! Then on day suddenly he grew out of them and never played with them again. These days it xbox and xbox live and on occasion I have had to limit his time and content but hes not obsessed with it just well into it! Thats kids op don't sweat it at that age though.
We've tried taking it away, the fixation is still there or directed towards our ps3/smartphone/anything he can play a computer 'game' on. (The only games he actually plays are Super Mario and Little Big Planet, everything else is educational)
Otherwise, as said he's a smart, bright energetic boy. In fact, that's why this has got me worried (I'm not normally a worrier). This behaviour is so far removed from his 'normal' self, it's a proper addiction. This also lets me believe that it's not just a case of 'learning the boundaries' - he's learnt every other boundary and even indicates that he understands in some way that this constant (and I do mean constant) thinking of the DS isn't right....
I've also got to balance any actions against the impact on his sister - she's not obsessed, but enjoys playing Mario/Pet Pony/etc. - it's not fair to punish her by taking a hammer to the DS!
As said above - I'm really not the sort of guy to plague these hallowed fora with bulls
t self help threads - this has got me worried, which isn't the easiest thing to do.
Otherwise, as said he's a smart, bright energetic boy. In fact, that's why this has got me worried (I'm not normally a worrier). This behaviour is so far removed from his 'normal' self, it's a proper addiction. This also lets me believe that it's not just a case of 'learning the boundaries' - he's learnt every other boundary and even indicates that he understands in some way that this constant (and I do mean constant) thinking of the DS isn't right....
I've also got to balance any actions against the impact on his sister - she's not obsessed, but enjoys playing Mario/Pet Pony/etc. - it's not fair to punish her by taking a hammer to the DS!
As said above - I'm really not the sort of guy to plague these hallowed fora with bulls
t self help threads - this has got me worried, which isn't the easiest thing to do.Sway said:
We limit his use to around 30 minutes a day, with 2-3 days a week without it.
Sam
You've made it a very special and rare treat.Sam
To be honest it sounds as if he's spending only 2 hours a week on the DS out of circa 100 waking hours a week. So 98 percent of the time he's doing something else.
If you tripled his allowance he'd still only be spending circa 6% of his total time on the DS and 94% doing something else.
Just give him the thing, the reason he is obsessed with it is because of you. You are effectively making a thing of desire by limiting his access to it. Just hand it to him and let him carry on, I can gaurentee that you will find it abandoned on the floor in a day or two and substituted for the next item of desire.
You are making a rod for your own back with this one, just can not understand this mentality, kids have the attention span of a goldfish, keep teasing them though and they will keep wanting, just what harm is here exactly I mletting him play with till he is bored (which won't be long)
You are making a rod for your own back with this one, just can not understand this mentality, kids have the attention span of a goldfish, keep teasing them though and they will keep wanting, just what harm is here exactly I mletting him play with till he is bored (which won't be long)
Hmm, with other toys I'd agree with you, but ipads/iphones/DS, etc - the number of 3-8 year olds that won't leave them alone, controlled us or not, might imply that they won't tire of them.
I guess you could give him access to the DS, but buy the dullest, most educational game you can find for it (
e.g. Junior Brain Trainer) - he might bore of it then?
Let him play as much as he likes of a educational title, the games become a treat for the weekend?
Maybe part of the challenge is that he only sees the DS as a games/play device?
I guess you could give him access to the DS, but buy the dullest, most educational game you can find for it (
e.g. Junior Brain Trainer) - he might bore of it then?
Let him play as much as he likes of a educational title, the games become a treat for the weekend?
Maybe part of the challenge is that he only sees the DS as a games/play device?
Had this sort of thing when my lad was that age, i used to run a game store back then and had allsorts of consoles etc..
The only 2 things that broke the obsession was card games and 2 in particular, snap (fast and quick without real concentration) and top trumps (slow longer games but really good for taxing the brain).
We used to play a round of top trumps then he got a go on console then finished with snap.
After a few weeks it was changed to only 2 games on an evening only (any combo of above three).
Then i introduced him to chess, if you have never played chess with a 5-6 yr old then you seriously have missed out on some fun.
A single game would last 2-3 days sometimes with an hour or so played each day.
I think the best thing to do is to try and find other obsessions for him to do rather than centre all his attention around just one.
The only 2 things that broke the obsession was card games and 2 in particular, snap (fast and quick without real concentration) and top trumps (slow longer games but really good for taxing the brain).
We used to play a round of top trumps then he got a go on console then finished with snap.
After a few weeks it was changed to only 2 games on an evening only (any combo of above three).
Then i introduced him to chess, if you have never played chess with a 5-6 yr old then you seriously have missed out on some fun.
A single game would last 2-3 days sometimes with an hour or so played each day.
I think the best thing to do is to try and find other obsessions for him to do rather than centre all his attention around just one.
I had a similar thing with my lad when he was that age, except it was a PC. I wrote a program that only allowed access to the PC after he answered a set of questions of multiplication tables that got harder and faster. He learned his tables perfectly inside two days (with some howling and wailing). The interest in the games waned after a few days of relatively unfetterd access.
Sway said:
We limit his use to around 30 minutes a day, with 2-3 days a week without it.
I grew up spending hours and hours on my Amstrad 6128, Super Nintendo, Gameboy, etc. I dont think it held me back at all.Why dont you get the X-Box Kinect (or even PS2 with Eyetoy) and make it a family thing.
Let the kid play on his game IMHO. He will get bored of it before long.
I spend a disproportionate amount of time trying to convince my 10yo there's more to life than TV/Video Games. I'm not worried though, He is just a kid. I was the same at that age?!
The other night He was watching me do silly things(memes/cut 'n' Paste stuff) on paintshop and was genuinely interested. Maybe get your kid into 'creating' stuff on his DS?
The other night He was watching me do silly things(memes/cut 'n' Paste stuff) on paintshop and was genuinely interested. Maybe get your kid into 'creating' stuff on his DS?
He had open access to it until we realised how obsessed he was becoming.
He pissed himself as he was so engrossed. He hasn't had an accident like that since he was potty trained two years ago. He started screaming fits (which we've never had from either of them) because he had to pause for food. He started hiding his usage (having other toys on the floor, but actually playing DS until we came in the room, when he would sit on the DS to hide it and pretend to be playing with his trainset/marble run/etc.).
So we limited his access. There's plenty of other things we limit his access to, and he doesn't go on about them all the time....
It really does seem like an absolute obsession regarding computer games. Whilst there are positives to gaming (hell, I loved my gameboy/NES/MegaDrive/PS1-2-3), the effects on Rhys are symptomatic of an addiction.
He pissed himself as he was so engrossed. He hasn't had an accident like that since he was potty trained two years ago. He started screaming fits (which we've never had from either of them) because he had to pause for food. He started hiding his usage (having other toys on the floor, but actually playing DS until we came in the room, when he would sit on the DS to hide it and pretend to be playing with his trainset/marble run/etc.).
So we limited his access. There's plenty of other things we limit his access to, and he doesn't go on about them all the time....
It really does seem like an absolute obsession regarding computer games. Whilst there are positives to gaming (hell, I loved my gameboy/NES/MegaDrive/PS1-2-3), the effects on Rhys are symptomatic of an addiction.
Gassing Station | Health Matters | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff